The Alternative Host
by BethDee
Summary: This is an idea I had of The Host. It's Jared and Wanda with a little of Melanie and Jared. It has the same plot, but it's a different way of things happening.
1. Chapter 1

_Hi, this sis my first story. So let me know what you think. _

_Disclaimer: I do not own the host. _

_I felt comfortable. I felt safe. For the first time in a long time, I felt at peace. I didn't feel the compulsive need to look over my shoulder or stand guard at the door, waiting to grab Jamie and run. I just felt….happy._

_And it's all because of him. Jared…my Jared. My Jared would never let anything hurt me. I feel safe and happy with Jared. I haven't felt like that since my Dad was with us. Where I could trust not only my life, but Jamie's life too, his humanity._

_I entrust Jamie's life with Jared because I know nothing will ever happen. Jared would rather die than let anything happen to Jamie. _

_Jamie. I could hear his soft snores from other room. We were staying at an abandoned house for the night, and then leaving early in the morning. Poor Jamie was tired out from a long travel; he was pretty much asleep before his head hit the pillow. He was sleeping like the dead now._

_Jared and I were on the couch. I'm cuddled into his side. His was arm is around me, his hand was tracing up and down my arm, leaving a trail sparks in its midst. And I've never felt more…perfect…..in my life. Even though I know there's a possibility that this moment could end in minute, it surprisingly doesn't change how I feel. _

_I wonder if he feels it too. The wonderfulness of this moment. Of being together. I hope he does. Because I'm going to need all the help I can get._

_It's shocking how much Jared insist we wait on being together. We are pretty much at the end of the world. And all we have is today. Not even today. All we have is right now._

_I turn my head to look at him. I take in his brown sun bleached hair, making it almost look golden. His tanned skin. His long, thin nose. The sharp curve of his jaw. The fullness of his lips. I save my favorite for last. His eyes. His honey, sienna eyes. With golden flecks. He is beautiful._

_I find him staring back at me. Taking in my face. His fingers softly trace my cheek. I shudder. I cup his neck, pulling his lips to mine. I sigh. _

_While I love him holding me, nothing beats feeling his lips against my own. His full lips capturing my own. Tracing them, before finally taking them. Never letting them go until they're swollen. Our ragged breathing. His warm breath washing over my face. My fingers tangled in his soft hair. His softly tracing my overheated cheeks and neck. Oh, yes, I love this. _

_I slowly untangled my fingers from his hair. Letting them trace down his neck, his shoulders, down to his back. I can feel his muscles moving under my hands. I can feel the warmth through his shirt. I move my hands slowly under his shirt, wanting to feel his skin. I let my hands roam his back, feeling his muscles twitch under my hands as I go higher. It wonderful, but it's not enough. I slightly tug his shirt up more, hoping to pull it off. But, as I figured, he captured my hands in his own, pulling away from my lips._

"_Melanie." Jared sighed, still slightly out breath. _

_The way he said my name, it was disapproving, yet I could hear that wasn't only for me. It was also for him. He wanted this too. He wanted me._

"_Don't." I whispered. "Don't."_

_I pulled his lips back to mine. He allowed it, but was still tense. After a moment he pulled away._

"_Mel, we can't." He whispered against my lips._

"_Please, Jared. We can."_

"_No. We can't, not now."_

"_Jared. All we have is now. We can't guarantee tomorrow. We can't guarantee we'll have another moment together like this. All we have is right now." I whispered softly. My hands were still in his shirt; I lightly caressed his back._

"_Mel." He groaned softly. I could feel his resistance wavering as his grip lightened on my hands._

"_Jared, please."_

_I could see the raging war going on in his head through his eyes. His want battling his mind telling him no. I could also see that the want was winning. He knew I was right. That we could never know when or if one of us could get taken. That one minute could show up and we could never see each other again. Never to be able to hold each other in our arms. To never to be able to caress each other's faces. Or simply just be with each other. I could see that the want had won. _

_So with one last surrendering groan, he let me pull the rest of his shirt off, and softly laid us down on the couch._

I shook my head, trying to get that memory out. While also being a little grateful Melanie didn't go any further into the memory.

_You know, to try to get me to fall out of love with Jared you might want to stop showing me memories of him._

_I know. _Melanie sighed. _But this time I'm not trying to get you to fall out of love with him. I have another reason for showing you that._

_Oh? And what is that?_

_It's-_

The sound of a baby crying cut her off. Making another cry cut into the air. Well, they are awake.

I got up from my spot on the kitchen counter and padded quietly across the hallway. Opening the last door at the end. There they were, the light of my life. I walked over to the left, to my son's crib. He was still crying, I picked him up in my arms and rocked him as I walked over to his crying sister's crib. I picked her up and bounced back and forth on my feet, shushing them until they no longer sobbed.

Their wails finally quieted down after a moment. "There. Now what was the big problem again? Hmm?" I cooed to them.

I looked down at my son. Aiden Anthony Howe. Of course that's not his birth certificate says, that says, 'Aiden Anthony Stryder', I couldn't risk the Seekers finding Jared. Or knowing anything about him.

Aiden's is the oldest. Beating his sister by six minutes. He looks pretty much like me. Same muddy hazel eyes, same dark hair. But he has Jared's facial structure. His jaw, his nose. His sister, Maecella Jane, looks like Jared. Same sienna eyes, same brown hair, just not sun bleached, same full lips. Everything. The only thing she has of me is her little nose.

Also like their father, my favorite part about them is their eyes. Their human eyes.

At the hospital, I was offered a choice. To either put a soul in my babies or I could keep them human. The Healers recommended I put a soul in my babies, saying that they would put a baby soul in them, but that they would be more, well behaved. But I chose to keep them human, I wanted them the way they were.

The Healers, of course, went with my wishes. Saying that when they were a little older that would be fine. I just nodded. But when I looked into their eyes, I knew I could never put a soul in my babies. Seeing their innocent eyes, I could never replace that with a soul, I could never have them erased.

Looking down at them now, my decision still hasn't changed. I still want them to have their own lives. And when the time came, I would have to find a way how to save them.

_This, _Melanie said, looking through my eyes at the babies. _This is why I showed you that memory. They need a father, a protector._

_I know. But how am I supposed to give them that? Do you want me to go out and find one? Because I can't do that. To them or to Jared._

_No. We're going to find Jared._

_How? I thought you won't let me see the map to wear they are at._

_I didn't show you because I needed to be sure that you wouldn't turn around on us._

_And how do know that I won't now?_

_Because you love them too much. _She said surely.

And with that, I was shown another memory. The memory of the map where Jared and Jamie is.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's note: Hey, don't worry you get a long note from me. Just an update. I know I said this story has the same plot as the Host, and it does, but I meant that it's the same in a sense of the world being taken over by Souls and Melanie and Wanda finding the cave and the same characters. But the things that happen will not be the same; there might be a few things from the book, but not many. This is just my thoughts of a different kind of Host happening. If you have any questions, let me know. And tell me what you think; I would love to hear your thoughts and ideas. I can't guarantee I'll use them, but I'll keep them in mind and I'll love to hear them all the same. – Beth Dee**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Host. Just Aiden and Maecella.**

* * *

Walking up and down the aisles, with Aiden and Macey staring at me in the cart, I searched through the rows of food, medicine and other things we might need for our trip. There were so many things, that I didn't know what to take. Plus Melanie and I were in an argument about what we should take.

_We don't need to take all this stuff now. They're only two months old. _Melanie argued.

_Yes, but they are going to need it at some point. And how are we going to get it then?_

_We'll go out on a raid._

_And if we get caught again? They'll ship me off somewhere, they put a Seeker in you and then they most likely put a Soul in my babies._

_That's if we get caught. And we won't. Jared never gets caught. _She was very confident about this.

_Are you willing to take that chance? Remember last time? _ I showed her the memory of her jumping out of the elevator shaft.

_Well, what do you suppose we do Wanderer? We can't carry the amounts of baby food we'll need, plus diapers and medicines and clothes and Aiden and Macey themselves. And how do we keep the food good? I'm pretty sure Jared's not going to have a refrigerator, wherever he is. And you're going to need food and water for yourself. We don't know how long we're going to be searching for them. So how do you think you're going to carry that all yourself Wanderer? _Melanie finished, she was pretty much yelling towards the end of her rant. That in turn was bringing on a headache for me.

_Okay, okay. You don't need to yell. You made your point. But don't you think I already thought of that? We can get a twin stroller that has storage room, and get a big enough wagon to store everything else. As long as we don't open the cans of food they won't need to be in the refrigerator, and since there is two of them, they can share a jar. We can get diapers in bulk and hope we don't run out, if we do, we do it like they did in the old days and use cloths then clean them. We can get enough clothes until they're five, then we do a raid or figure something else out. We buy big cases of water and a few boxes of crackers for myself. And we're fine. _

Since Aiden and Macey were still being breastfed, they won't need the canned food until a month at least.

_And don't you think you'll get tired?_

_No, we'll go as far as we can by truck and then walk the rest of the way. _

She was thinking it over, trying to find ways that could go wrong. But she could see that I was right. We could make it, this could work. It might not go perfect, but we would deal with it when we got there.

_Alright, _she sighed. _Let's get everything we need and go._

Yes! I grabbed Macey's hand and gave her a high five. "See I told you I would win." Her innocent sienna eyes stared up at me with innocence. "Didn't I tell her Aiden?" He babbled a bunch of gibberish. With his fist in his mouth, making a mess of saliva all over his chin. "My word, you're messy. But you're right, we need to finish shopping."

Where to start first though? Might as well get the things I need done. I headed to the produce section of the store. I grabbed two boxes of bottled water and crackers. I stopped at the cereal aisle. When Aiden and Macey get older they're probably going to need things to snack on. I grabbed to boxes of Cheerio's.

Next, I headed to the baby aisle. I grabbed three crates of the three month food, four of the six month and eight of the nine month. They can live on the nine month food until they're one and a little bit after that.

_Can you think of anything else I need in this aisle Mel? _

_Nope. _

Over to the next aisle were the diapers. There are a hundred in the bulk package. I got twelve of them. You never know with twins.

"Do you need help with anything miss?" And elderly employee walked up to me.

"No, but thank you ma'am." I smiled.

"Just call me White Flowers, sweetheart. What's all this stuff for? Not these two munchkins, surely." She brushed Aiden's hair back. White Flowers a soft wrinkled face with dark grey hair. She was shorter than me, but looks tall for her age. Her kind grey eyes look back to me, I realized I hadn't answered.

"Yes, it is for them. I don't like to go out for things; it's hard to carry both of them and groceries, so I like to get everything at once." It surprised me at how easily it was for me to lie. For a moment I thought Melanie took over.

_No, that was all you Wanderer._

"What about your partner? Doesn't he help you?"

"No, this Host was pregnant before me, and her husband died in a car crash, so it's just me."

Her sympathetic eyes met mine and she nodded. "I'm so sorry, sweetheart. I still have my partner. But if you ever need help, don't hesitate to ask. I don't have any grandchildren yet, so it would be good practice for me."

"I'll keep that in mind."

"Have a wonderful day- oh, dear, I never asked for your name. I'm sorry." Her eyes crinkled up with worry.

"It's okay, just call me Clouds."

"Have a wonderful day Clouds." Her wrinkled hand patted my own.

"You too, White Flowers." I smiled

* * *

I finally finished all my shopping and was heading out to my truck. Opening the trunk I started to put the water packs in the back.

_No, put those last, that way when you pack the stuff in the wagon you don't have to sort to put the heavy things on the bottom._

_Alright. _

I put the cases of water on the ground and put the bags that consisted of clothes for the twins, blankets, teething rings, medicine creams, binkies and a hair brush. Then I put in the boxes of three in one soap, baby wipes, diapers and water bottles. And then the wagon and stroller. By the end, my truck was almost full all the way to the top. My body was so used to lifting that I wasn't huffing and puffing like I thought it would. My muscles only had a slight burn.

"Are you guys ready to go?" I asked them. I pulled them out of the cart and walked to put them in their car seat. "You guys gonna be good for Mama? Hmm?" Aiden waved his fist in the air in response. "What about you, Maecella? Are you going to be good for me?" Her response was staying silent. She had Jared's quiet personality. "Good."

I got myself buckled in the car and backed out. "Mama just needs to stop at the gas station."

_Why do you talk to them like that? _Melanie asked.

_Like what?_

_Like they're adults. Most people coo at babies. Do all Souls treat babies like that?_

_No, it just me._

_Weird. _

I pulled into the gas station. It was almost empty other than a blue car and a black motorcycle. "I'll be back in a minute." I said to my babies. I got out and stuck the nozzle in my tank. I stared at the numbers on the screen; it was almost finished when my phone rang. Ugh. The Seeker. Great.

"Hello?"

"Hello, Wanderer. I'm calling to inform you that our flight will be leaving in five hours." She said flatly.

"I'm sorry, but I'm not going to fly, I'm going to drive."

"What? Why?" Her voice was sharp now.

"Because this Host had motion sickness and was claustrophobic."

_No I'm not._

_It's an excuse Melanie._

_I know, but did you have to make me seem so weak? _She feigned offence, or at least I hope she did.

Melanie sighed. _You're so serious Wanderer._

"Wanderer, are you listening?" The Seekers voice interrupted.

"Sorry, I was distracted. You were saying?"

"You can't give into your Host weaknesses. You'll get over it."

_See, I told you she'd see me weak._

_Shh._

"It's not just my Host. I have twin two month olds. I'm not lugging them on a plane, not know how they'll be. It's just easier for me to drive."

"Fine, then I'll come with you."

"No!"

"No?"

"Sorry, I didn't mean to sound rude, but I would like to be alone and have peace and quiet. Enjoy the scenery."

"Peace and quiet with twins? You should of just had a Soul put into them. You would never have to worry about them misbehaving."

"I love them the way they are now. They are good. I'll talk to you later; I want to get on the road early." I said a little sharply.

_A little? _Melanie said.

_Fine, maybe a lot more than a little. What do you expect? She went after my babies. _I defended myself.

"Fine. Wanderer. I'll see you when you arrive." Her voice was cold.

"Goodbye."

I snapped my phone shut. I pulled the nozzle out of my tank, screwed it into place and climbed back into the car, softly slamming it in place. Don't want to scare the kids.

I sighed and wiped a hand over my face. I do not like that woman.

_Ha! Neither do I! I never did! Goodbye and good riddance! _Melanie cheered.

_That doesn't count. You don't like any Souls._

_I like you._

I smiled. That touched me. Here all long I thought she still hated me. That she wanted to murder me painfully, like all those memories she used to show me of her slicing me up, or her setting me on fire and watching me wriggle around in agony, or stomping on me and squishing me every which way. I winced. Those were the most graphic, detailed images of my death I've ever seen. Giving birth was not as scary as that.

_Yea, sorry about that._

_It's okay, I understand. I was someone who came in and took away your life without even thinking it. Now I realized I was wrong. _

_But you didn't. You weren't apart of the decision making process. And now I trust you. And the fact that you're even willing to think that proves how much of a good Soul you are._

_Thank you, Mel. You don't know how much that means to me._

_Actually, I do. _She joked.

_You ready for this? You ready to go find Jared and Jamie? _I asked.

_I think the question is are you ready? There's no going back after this. No more fresh meals or staying completely clean. You won't live in luxury. Every day is going to be a fight to survive. It's going to be hard. So, are you ready?_

I thought over it again, worry creeping front up in my mind. I could turn around right now and go back to my apartment and pretend like none of this happened. Aiden and Maecella would have an easy life. I won't have to worry about someone killing me. I would never see Jared or Jamie. And my babies would have Souls put in them at some point. An easy, luxury life.

I had my answer.

I turned on my car and turned onto the road.

_I'm ready._

Jared, Jamie, here we come.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I do not own The Host. Just Maecella and Aiden.**

* * *

_C__an we please go a little faster Wanderer! _Melanie groaned.

_I'm going as fast as I can go. The speed limit is forty. I'm going forty-one; I'm over the speed limit. _

_Ooh. What a rebel you are, Wanderer. _She said dryly.

She can say what she wants; I'm not going any faster than this. I'm already getting worried about getting pulled over, and if I go any faster I'm definitely going to get stopped. Plus Aiden and Maecella are in the back. I could crush the car and they could die! The thought of that made my blood run cold, and it felt like my heart was being ripped in half. The thought of not ever holding my babies in my arms or giving them a kiss, the thought of them dead. I shuddered. Nope. Definitely not going any faster.

But the fear of crashing isn't making me slow down that one number. There was something inside me, keeping me from slowing down. I wanted to go faster, like Melanie. I wanted to drive so fast, my truck would make a cloud of sand behind me. I wanted to hurry and get there. But my fear of crashing and killing my babies is what was keeping me from pushing my foot down. So going forty-one was a middle point I chose for my and Melanie's want to go faster. It was enough to settle my eagerness to find Jared and Jamie as quickly as I can.

_Well, it's not for me. Step on it, Wanderer! _She said, exasperated.

_I refuse to go any faster Melanie. I won't risk Aiden and Macey._

_We are not risking them! Going five miles over the limit is not risking to them._

_It is if we get pulled over. We follow your human laws more than your humans on this earth did._

_We're no-_

My phone ringing interrupted her. I grabbed it from the center counsel. The Seeker. Again. How many more times is she going to call me? This is the sixth time. Is she getting suspicious? Did she catch on to our plan? Maybe I shouldn't answer it.

_Answer it. _Melanie ordered.

_But, if I don't answer it, maybe she'll stop calling. Maybe she'll think I just stopped off to rest somewhere or that I'm busy._

_No, if you don't answer it she will get suspicious. And if she expects anything now, not answering will just confirm her thoughts. Answer it._

The phone stopped ringing. It was going to voicemail. I quickly answered it.

"Hello?" I answered attentively.

"Wanderer. What took you so long to answer?" The Seeker's sharp voice rang out.

_Told you. _Melanie said. _Tell her you were outside and your phone was in the car._

"I stepped out of the car for a moment and left my phone inside."

"Why did you step out? Did something happen with your Host? Did you get new information?" Her voice had a slight eagerness tone to it. Hopeful almost.

"No. Nothing like that. I was just stretching my legs."

"You should have taken the plane. You would be here by now." She said like she was annoyed. "It's not too late, I can book you a flight from where you are and you can leave your car at the airport."

"No. I'm fine. I have to go."

"Fine. Goodbye." She hung up before I could answer.

_Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed. _Melanie snickered.

_She did seem very unhappy. Though I don't see how waking up on a different side of a bed would have to do with it. _I was confused. Why would that matter? I woke up on the different side of the bed, rather than the side I fell asleep on. That didn't ruin my mood.

_Oh, Wanderer! It's a just a saying. A joke! _Melanie sighed.

_I don't understand. Where is the humor in it? How did you know which side of the bed she woke up on?_

_No, Wanderer. It jus-oh never mind. _She grumbled.

Now she's upset. What did I do wrong? I just asked a question. Was it personal? Was I wrong to ask?

_No, Wanderer. I'm not upset with you. You're too serious._ She sighed.

_I'm sorry._

She didn't answer. Even though she wasn't angry now, she might be later if I keeping asking questions. So, I kept quiet and continued to drive in silence.

* * *

We made it quite far before I started to get tired. It was dark outside. No one was on the road. And the road I'm on seemed to drag on and on and on. I wondered when we would come to a city so I could get a motel to rest in. Aiden and Macey were sleeping like the dead in the back. I would worry, if not for their soft snores. Well, Macey's soft snores. Aiden, not so much.

_Sorry, Wanderer. But you're not getting a motel tonight. _Melanie said, excited.

_Why not? _I was so tired. My eyes felt like they had twenty pound weights on them. I just wanted to sleep.

_You're going to have to wait a little longer. Turn right here. _She ordered.

_Why? _I questioned, but turned anyways. _There's nothing but rocks and sand here._

_I know. _Is all she said.

* * *

We have been driving for forty minutes and everything seems like a big circle. All there is, is sand, twigs and rocks. And darkness. It seems like I'm driving in a circle, I keep on going and it seems like I seem something I just saw. I just a passed a huge rock that I swore I saw a few miles back.

_Whoa, back it up Wanderer. _Melanie said.

I stopped the car. _What?_

_I go on the side of the rock. That's our sleeping space._

_What? _I asked again.

_Wake up, Wanderer._

_I'm awake. But why are we sleeping here?_

_To conceal our truck. So no one will see us if the Seekers are looking for us._

_Oh. Ok._

_Go to sleep Wanderer. You're about to drop. _

_No. I'm sitting down. How can I drop?_

_It's a figure of speech._

_What?_

_Nothing. Just sleep! _ She said.

_Ok. Goodnight. _I mumbled.

Then I shut my eyes. And everything went black.

* * *

A high pitched cry woke me from my sleep. I opened my eyes then slammed them back shut as the sun shined through the windows. I cracked them open slowly, letting them get used to the sunlight. I reached for my phone and turn on the screen.

"Hmph!" I groaned. It's only six thirty. Another cry rang out. I looked to the back seat. Aiden was staring at me. With his fist in his mouth.

"What?" I asked.

He stared at me.

I turned around in my seat and got in his face. "I said what."

His response. His hand to my face. His slobbery one at that.

"Ow." I grabbed my face. It didn't hurt, of course. But he didn't know that. He seemed to enjoy my response. "That was completely unnecessary." I said as I wiped my face off with the sleeve of my shirt. Aiden went back to sucking on his fist. He was hungry. It was his morning routine to wake me up to feed him. I looked next to him, Maecella was still fast asleep next to him, her long eyelashes softly brushing her cheek. Usually while I fed Aiden, she would stay asleep until almost the end. It was like she knew it was her turn.

"Alright. Come here little boy." I unbuckled him from his car seat and lifted him, hugging him to me while I turn in my seat. Once I was righted, I pulled my shirt up and positioned him at my breast. He immediately latched on.

I watched him, brushing his hair back slowly. His eyes stared at my chest, his mouth softly moving around me. His eyes briefly met mine before he looked back down. I heard rustling in the back, I turned and saw Macey yawning. She turned and looked at me.

"Good morning. Did you sleep well?" I asked. She sucked on her thumb in response. "He's almost done. You'll get your turn in a moment." As if Aiden heard me, he pulled his face back from me and turned to look at me. "You all done?" I positioned him on my shoulder and started to pat his back. A moment later a loud burp rang through the car. "Excuse you." I pulled him back and layed him my arms as I turned to put him back in his car seat. He layed there with a satisfied look. I grabbed Maecella and repeated the process. Except she didn't burp as loud. Hers was softer. I changed their diapers. Before buckling them in and turning on the car.

_Where to Melanie?_

_Just keep driving straight. _She replied.

* * *

We are still driving. And everything still looks the same. There is nothing out here. I haven't even seen a bug. It's kind of scary at how quiet it is. Not even Aiden and Macey are making noise. They're asleep in the back.

_You know, we've been traveling for a long time. I wonder how much longer we'll make it on gas. _Melanie wondered.

And as if the car heard her. It started to sputter and slow until it became still.

_I should have kept my mouth shut._ Melanie apologized.

_Time to go on foot. _I sighed. I got out of the car and opened the back door. I pulled Aiden and Macey's stroller out and left it off to the side. I pulled the wagon out and started lay the diapers down.

_No, put the water first. It's stable and won't make a difference if it gets squished. _Melanie instructed.

I did what she said. I finished packing everything into the wagon and as much as I could into the bottom of the stroller with Melanie teaching me what to do.

_Not bad Wanderer. You'll be a professional in no time. _Melanie complimented. She actually sound impressed.

_Thank you. _I said as I unbuckled Maecella from her seat, she squirmed a little in my arms. Careful not to wake her. I locked her in place, before going back for Aiden. He didn't even move. I didn't have to be as careful buckling him in. Once he was out, he was out. When I was done, Aiden and Macey were facing each other, Macey had her back to me and I could see Aiden's face.

I put them that way because I always had to keep an eye on Aiden. Maecella, I didn't. She was calm and quiet. He was eager and loud. She slept in one position. He moved all over the place. They are so different, but yet so alike in so many ways.

I grabbed the wagon with one hand and pushed the stroller with the other. I walked forward a little bit. It wasn't too bad. Maybe a little heavy. I would definitely need to stop for breaks. But it shouldn't create a problem.

_It probably won't. My body is used to carrying heavy things by hand. For long distances also. And it also got used to having to carry twins. So we should be fine. _Melanie assured me.

_Alright. Which way now, Mel? _I asked as I picked up the wagon handle and started walking again.

_You see that huge rock about eighty yards away?_

_Yes._

_Walk to there and then we're going to left. _

_Okay._

I started walking towards the rock that looked to be eight hundred yards away rather than eighty. And when I got there and turned. I wanted to turn back. I saw sand, sand and more sand.

_No backing out now, Wanderer. _Melanie said amused.

I turned to look back towards the car. Then looked back to the direction we're heading. I sighed. I gave the wagon a firm yank to get it moving and started pushing the stroller.

We've got a long way to go.

* * *

**Author's note: Hi. I am so sorry I posted this a day late. I was on vacation with my family and I didn't have time to write. So I was rushing to finish this on Friday and Saturday.  
Incase you haven't figured it out yet, I'm going to try to post every Saturday, God willing. I hope you enjoy this chapter. – Beth Dee**

**Review, please. I want to know how I'm doing. It'll mean a lot. Thanks!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Host. Just Aiden and Maecella.**

* * *

We had been traveling for hours before nightfall came. By that time my hands were cramping, my thigh, calf and arm muscles were screaming at me, my eyes felt like they were being pushed down and Aiden and Macey were fussy for being cooped up in their stroller all day. I'm ready to close my eyes and start again in the morning after a long nights rest. But we haven't found a spot to rest yet.

_Look over there Wanderer! _Melanie commanded.

I scanned the area. Looking for anything distinctive. But for nothing. _What? What are you seeing? _I asked.

_Look! _She almost sang in excitement. Showed me what I had not seen. About thirty yards away was a rock. A weirdly shaped rock that looked like it was pointing to the dark sky. Almost like a finger, from what I could at this night time.

_Is that where we're sleeping? _I asked hopefully.

_That's a landmark! _She showed me the map in my head. Focusing in a certain point on the eastern side. She pulled the image away within a moment. She was very excited. I could imagine her jumping up and down. The thought of me jumping up and down right now made my body feel like it was going to give out.

_That's great. _I tried to sound enthusiastic, but it fell flat. _But is that where we are sleeping?_

_Yes, Wanderer. _She said. I sighed with relief and started walking towards the pointed rock. To be honest, if that wasn't where we were sleeping, I was going to lay down a blanket where I stood, lay Aiden and Macey next to me and fall asleep no matter what.

_Don't be so dramatic Wanderer. _Melanie said. I pictured her rolling her eyes.

_I'm tired. _I was almost at the rock. I wanted to run there, but the twins were sleeping. And even if they weren't I'm pretty sure my feet wouldn't cooperate. They felt like they were going to fall off. I just want to lay down.

_We're almost there. _Melanie said to me, talking like I was a child asking his mother when they were going to leave. _Just hold on for a few minutes. _

And I did. It took all my patience, but I did. And we finally reached the rock. I pulled the wagon to a stop and let the handle bar go; it fell to the sand with a muted thud. I flexed my fingers; they were sore for holding on for so long. I grabbed a blanket from the wagon. I brushed a few pointy rocks from the ground before laying the blanket down. I gently grabbed Aiden and Maecella from the stroller and laid them on them on the blanket, with them being toward the rock side. I pulled the wagon so it was at the bottom the blanket, and then pulled the stroller so it was at the top. I finally laid myself down, my muscles screaming at me, and laid down aside them, so they were caged in. I didn't know if there were any animals out here, and I wanted to protect them.

I looked over them one more time, to make sure they were okay, before closing my eyes and letting sleep wash over me.

* * *

When I woke, the sun was high up in the sky shining in my face. It was a shocking difference from when I fell asleep in the pitch black to waking up in bright light, my eyes had not yet adjusted. I squinted them open slowly, until it hurt no more to have them physically open. Though, the light was bright. It was not what woke me up. It was the blistering heat. From where I was laying, it was directly aimed on me, scorching my back. I looked down at Aiden and Maecella. My body covered them from the suns hot waves hitting them. I was thankful for that.

I slowly sat up, stretching my back and arms. My muscles didn't hurt as they did yesterday, though they are sore. I pulled my arms over my head, bending them across my shoulders, stretching them out so I don't get cramps later.

_Good morning Wanderer! _Melanie said cheerfully.

_Morning Mel. _I replied.

_Are you ready to get going? _Her voice was hyper. I could imagine her jumping up and down in place while clapping her hands.

_No, the twins aren't even up yet. And they have to be fed and be changed. Then we can go. _

_We might find them today! _She said excitedly.

_We don't even know if Jared and Jamie are with Uncle Jeb. They might not have found it._

_Jared would have. _She said matter-of-factly.

I shook my head. I didn't want to give my hopes up only to have them crushed.

I grabbed a bottle of water, hydrating myself so I could feed Aiden and Macey. As soon as the water touched my throat, I guzzled it down. Not even tasting it. I grabbed another one doing the same thing.

_Whoa, slow down there Wanderer. No one's going to steal it. _Melanie joked.

_Sorry, I didn't realize how thirsty I was. _I said as I wiped my mouth on my arm and opened another bottle. Sipping slowly.

_Yea, the desert will do that to you. _She teased.

I finished the bottle half way, and then put it next to me. I'll carry it in the stroller when we start traveling again. Even though we had enough, I didn't want to get used to having so many bottles at once. I got up on my knees and crawled to the wagon. I needed to get diapers for the twins. While I was digging through all the stuff, my stomach growled. Loudly. Geez, when was the last time that I ate?

_Yesterday, the sun was just starting to set so I'd say seven, maybe eight. _Melanie reminded me.

_Really? _I asked

_Yup, eat some crackers; you need to keep your strength. _She commanded.

_Alright. _I finally got to the diapers. I grabbed several of them so I wouldn't have to get more until tomorrow. I crawled, well, hobbled since I was using only one arm, to the stroller to put the diapers away. I got a package of crackers out, grabbed a handful and then put them back.

I walked on my knees back to the blanket and sat next to the twins. I sat there watching them. It may seem creepy, but I could watch them all day. Watch Aiden as he is sprawled out on his back, one tiny hand in a fist by his head, the other by his side. Right now, his mouth was forming an 'o' shape, moving again and again. The hand by his side was twitching every couple seconds. He gave a deep snore. I laughed quietly. I wanted to laugh out loud, but I didn't want to wake them. Maecella was curled up on her side, one tiny arm under her head. Her rosy full lips were pursed, looking like she was pouting. Her long eyelashes were moving slightly.

Her eyes started to flutter and she gave a long yawn. Her eyes finally open and she looked around until she found me. She stared at me. I moved and laid stretched out on my side next to her. So, I could meet her sienna eyes. "Good morning, baby girl." I gave her my index finger and she wrapped it in her own. I brought my other hand to her hair, brushing it back lightly. Her hair was so soft, I love feeling it. She brought my finger up to her mouth and lightly started sucking on it. "Are you hungry?" I asked as I picked her up. I brought my shirt down and guided her to me, she latched on immediately. I brought my hand to her hair again and continued to brush it back. Her eyes met mine and she stared up at me, blinking innocently. She continued to feed for several minutes before she pulled back from me.

"Are you done?" I asked. I grabbed a towel from the stroller and put it on my shoulder before lift Maecella to me. I patted her back softly and she let out a quiet burp. "Good girl." I murmured. I cradled her in my arms as I laid down on the ground and brought her to me so her head was cuddled on my chest. She stared up at me as rubbed her back.

Aiden, lying next to us, finally started to wake up. He smacked his lips several times and he let out a loud yawn and continued to smack his lips several times after that. He looked around a bit, looking for me, but not turning his head towards me. When he couldn't find me, he started to let out soft whimpers, his eyebrows furrowing. "Hey, little boy. You finally decided to wake up?" He heard the sound of my voice, but couldn't find it. His head looked back and forth, looking for me. But he still did his head the right way. His cries increased when he couldn't find me. His little face turning red. "Hey, I'm right here." I brought my finger up to stroke his cheek. His head followed the direction of my hand and saw my face. His cries stopped. "Good morning, little boy. You're up late. Your sister has already been fed." His face was slowly losing its redness and his eyebrows relaxed. He reached for my hand that was still next to his face, and grabbed my finger to bring it to his mouth. "Hold on, let me lay your sister down." I gently pulled my finger away and he started whimpering. "Oh, stop it. You can hold on a minute." I scolded him.

I laid Maecella down and grabbed Aiden and guided him to my other breast. He was rather quick with this feeding. He usually takes a long. After I finished burping him, I laid him down next to Maecella and put her in front of me. I unbuttoned her yellow onesie and laid down one that looked like a dress, it was white with a pink ruffled trim on the arms. I reached over her to grab a diaper from the stroller and got to work.

Once I was done I did the same to Aiden. I grabbed a light blue onesie that said 'babe magnet' on the front, with a pair of white shorts. It was my favorite outfits for them. When I finished, I buried the diapers deep in the sand, when I first changed them out here, I didn't know what to do with them and Melanie recommended this.

_Of course, I'm a genius. _She joked.

_Mmm-hmm. _Is all I said.

I grabbed the twins and put them back in the stroller. I put white hats on their head; even though I have the shades over them, I don't want to risk anything. Once I finished with them, I made sure everything was packed up and grabbed the handle bar on the wagon.

_Alright, Melanie. _I said. _Where to now?_

* * *

The sun beated down on my head, it was so hot. It seemed like it was going up a five degrees with every step I took. It felt like we had been walking for days. Even though it has only been hours. I kept hydrating myself with water but it wasn't working since Aiden and Maecella are taking the nutrience right from me. And I didn't want to drink too much since I didn't know how long we were going to be out here.

Looking forward, I see the same thing I've seen for the past several hours. Sand. Sand that kept blowing in my face with the wind. The wind wasn't even cool! It was hot and with every breath I took, it baked my throat. My stomach growled loudly, I wanted to eat the crackers, but I was down the last box and I didn't want to waste it until the twins needed feeding.

Looking ahead, there was a small but pointed figure. Oh, it must be another rock. I've only passed so many.

_No. Wanderer, it's a house! _Melanie piped up. She had been quiet; she was just as tired as me.

_A house? In the middle of the desert? _I asked. Was she delusional? Why would some put a house in the desert?

_I'm not crazy! It's a house! Go to it! _She commanded.

I did as she said. Where was the harm in it?

After walking several yards, I realized she was right. It is a house. Though it looked abandoned. It took several more yards for us to reach it.

_Go inside! _

_But what about Aiden and Macey?_

_Just leave the door open; you'll be able to see them. _

I was reluctant, but did what she said. Stepping through the door, the kitchen was right there. Good, so I would be able to see them. But I still didn't want to be long. I rummaged through the cabinets, looking for anything. All of them where empty except for one that had a Clorox bottle and….a Twinkie! I grabbed for the package and ripped it open. I barely even chewed it, just swallowed; I was so hungry. I licked the wrapper clean.

_Check the bottle. _Melanie ordered.

I did and it was heavy with liquid; I pulled it on the counter.

_Smell it._

I did, and though it smelled faintly of the over powering cleaner, it didn't smell as potent as it should.

_Taste it._

_What!_

_Just do it._

I did hesitantly. Water! I guzzled it down, strips dripping down my cheeks to my throat. Ahh. It was so refreshing.

_Alright, let's get moving Wanderer. _Melanie said.

* * *

How long has it been? Minutes? Hours? Days? It felt like the latter. Though the water was refreshing from before. It didn't last long in this heat. The heat still hadn't lessoned up. It felt like it got hotter. And hotter. I just wanted to rest.

Up ahead there was a slim figure. It was too small to be a rock so what was it? It seemed familiar. It took a moment for my mind to recognize it. A tree! In the middle of the desert. Great. Maybe now I'm hallucinating.

_You're not hallucinating Wanderer. There's a tree. _Melanie assured me.

Oh! I've never seen such a wonderful sight. I wanted to race towards it. But I settled for speed walking.

When we finally reached it, there was a little spot of shade. It wasn't enough for the stroller and me, but it would fit just the stroller. I positioned it so Aiden and Macey were both covered. I sat next to it and leaned against the tree.

_We'll rest just for a moment. _I told Melanie before everything went black.

* * *

Something was touching my face. It opened my mouth and poured something into it. Water! I gulped at it, keeping my mouth open hoping more would come in. The water suddenly cut off. I whined in protest, my mouth still open looking for more. I heard someone sigh, it was deep. Male? More water poured into my mouth. I didn't care for the moment as long as water was still being given to me. The water cut off again. I groaned. It poured over my eyes. Washing the grit from them.

I started to blink them and blue eyes stood before me. They looked so familiar.

The man sighed again. "Oh, Mel girl." A deep gruff voice came from him. It jolted my memory.

Looking up into those light blue eyes, I realized who this person was. "Uncle Jeb!" I gasped. "You found us!"

* * *

**Well, that's it for this chapter. I hoped you enjoyed it.**

**You know, I'm really disappointed by the lack of reviews. I want to see them for this chapter, alright. It doesn't have to be a long note. Just tell me if you liked it or not. I'm not fragile; I can take judgments if there are some in this chapter. So REVIEW! Please and thank you. I'll see you next week. – Beth Dee**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Host. Stephenie Meyer does. I just own Aiden and Maecella.**

* * *

I stared up at this man from Melanie's memories. He looks so different from what I've been shown. His white beard is different from Melanie's memories, it's wilder. It could definitely use a trim; it's quite long and full. But his eyes still look the same color of faded blue jeans. He stared down at me, just staring into my eyes. Saying nothing. It was very uncomfortable. Finally he sighed.

"Well, now," Uncle Jeb said, and the sound of his gruff voice was such a pleasant sound to after so long. "Well, now, here's a pickle."

_Uncle Jeb! _Melanie cried.

"Uncle Jeb." I sighed as I slowly sat up. It such a relief seeing him finally after looking for him for so long. I wanted to hug him. I thought for sure he was insane and there was nothing out here after not finding him after four days. I thought we were going to die without ever seeing him or Jared or Jamie. Oh! Jared and Jamie! How could I forget? When they were my focus was on finding them too.

"Are they here? Are they with you? Did they make it?" I asked, my voice still scratchy from lack of water.

"Who?" His bushy white eyebrows furrowed.

"Jared. Jamie. Our brother!" I said quickly. I wanted to know, I needed to know. "They were supposed to look for you. Did they make it? Are they with you? Did you find them?"

"No." He didn't pause with his answer. It was quick, forceful. Nothing there. No sympathy. Nothing to even suggest he was sorry. Just…nothing.

"No." I whispered. I wasn't repeating him. I was protesting against my failure.

_No. _Melanie moaned.

_They're not here. It was for nothing. All that travel. _I trailed off.

_For nothing. _She echoed.

The despair was crushing me. They weren't here. Uncle Jeb didn't find them. They're still out there somewhere. Fighting to live. What if they had been caught? What if Seekers found Jared and Jamie? The pain of everything was coming down on me. I could feel ripping through me, through my heart.

A whimper rang through the air. Oh! My babies. I want them in my arms. I want the weight and comfort of them in my arms. I got to my knees and pulled the stroller towards me. Aiden was there, looking around aimlessly, not having a care in the world. Not knowing the situation we are in. Not knowing the pain and heartbreak of losing someone you love. All he sees and knows is innocence. His eyes widened when he saw me and he reached for me. I immediately pulled to him in my arms. I would have grabbed Maecella too, but she was still sleeping soundlessly. I didn't want to wake her. She's in peace, peace I am not having.

I curled my arms around Aiden. Molding him to me. I buried my face in his hair, smelling his sweet baby scent. It brought a calm over me, not much, but enough for this moment.

Uncle Jeb grunted. "Well, now." He grunted again. He turned around, as if someone called his name. "I'll, uh, be back soon. You, uh, relax for a bit."

I didn't reply. I didn't feel like it. It was too much effort to reply. And he turned and stalked off. I didn't watch. I didn't care. What was the point?

Aiden nuzzled my chest, I silently pulled my shirt down and guided him to me. I just sat there against the tree with Aiden in my arms, just rocking him slowly back and forth as he drank from me; it was bringing comfort to him and me. The water I was given was making me lucid. Though it was appealing at the time, I wanted nothing more than to lean against the tree and go to sleep. To shut my brain off. For this all to be a bad dream and when I wake up Jared and Jamie are going to be there. But my brain won't shut off. It doesn't have thoughts or things running through it, it's silent, but it won't sleep. I just kept my face buried in Aiden's hair as he wrapped his fingers in mine.

_What now? _I asked Melanie. _Where do we go from here?_

_I don't know, _She whispered. She was hurting too. And her pain was doubling mine. Making it gruesome.

I desperately want to close my brain off and hibernate until all this pain goes away, but I can't.

_We could try to find them, Jared and Jamie, we could continue looking. _She offered. She wanted that. And to be honest, so did I.

_We can't. Maybe if we were alone, but not with Aiden and Macey. We barely made it this short trip. We won't make one like that. We don't even know where to start._

_Well then, what do we do?_

She's asking me? I don't have the faintest clue. I've never done this before. I've never had to. I never found someone I was willing to actually go looking for. I've never had to hide. Or search for someone. So, how would I know? _We can't search for them. We'd be constantly in hiding and we might get caught. We would run out of supplies before we even reached a quarter of our trip. Particularly in this heat. And we can't go back. The Seeker would be waiting for us. We definitely would be caught. And I would be taken out of you and a Seeker would be put in. And then they would put a Soul in Aiden and Maecella. _

We both trembled at that. Our babies not being babies anymore. Our babies having Souls in them. Our babies being erased. No. We can't go back.

_So, then what do we do? _Melanie asked after a beat of silence.

I thought about it for a moment. Really what could we do? Every option is dangerous. We are in a lose-lose situation. Any path we chose is going to be a difficult one. But then again, ever since I was put in Melanie, my life has been more difficult than my past lives all combined.

_I think the only thing we can do is hope they'll let us stay and not kill us. They are never going to let us go. They'll think we'll lead Seekers to them. And we can't tell them you're in here with me. They'll think I'm a Seeker and that I lying. Then they'll definitely kill us._

Melanie didn't respond.

I looked down into my arms. Aiden had fallen asleep. His mouth was still puckered around me and his fist was still in my hair. I softly unraveled his fist from my hair and pulled him away from me. I pulled up my shirt and laid him against my shoulder and patted his back softly. He burped a moment later. Even his sleep. I shook my head. I crawled on my knees to the stroller and gently laid him back in his seat. A soft yawn came from in front of him. I turned, and Maecella was up. She was gazing up at me, blinking slowly and she yawned again, her rosy lips forming a big 'o'. I'm smiled. I lifted her out of her seat and hugged her to me. My baby girl. My little Jared. I still have them even though I don't have Jared and Jamie. I'll always have them. I leaned down and place a kiss on her downy wavy hair. I lifted a lock of it. Hmm. Her hair has gotten lighter. It's still not like Jared's sun bleached brown hair, but it is close. Was it natural? I tried to keep them from the sun as much as I could. Suddenly interested I stood up on my knees and looked at Aiden's hair. No, his is still the same dark color as mine. Maybe she just gets it from Jared.

I smiled at that. My true little mini Jared. How I wish she could meet him. How Aiden and her could meet him. Jared and Jamie. Meet the wonderful man they came from. I wish they could have a father. A father to love them. A father that can do and teach them things that I can't. A father to kiss their boo-boos and kiss away their tears when they cry. A father to assure them that he would protect them no matter what. A father to teach Aiden how to play soccer. A father that won't decline to letting Maecella dress him up just because it puts a smile on her face. Oh, how I wish they could have that. Someone to love them unconditionally in a way only a father could. And they would love him back. Because there is nothing else they could do but love him.

And I wish they could have their Uncle. An Uncle that would spoil them rotten and give the junk food to keep them awake all night. An Uncle that would disregard my rules and let them do whatever they want. And then would cower to me when they got hurt. But would let them do it again just because he thinks its fun. Their Uncle Jamie.

But I'm going to have to do that now. To the best of my ability, I will have to be their father and their Uncle that they'll never know. I'll tell them everything I can from Melanie's memories. And tell them that Jared and Jamie would love them so much if they knew them.

Maecella gazed up at me, her fist was in her mouth. I pulled my shirt down and put her to my chest again. She latched on softly. She continued to stare up at me. Her right hand was clutching my shirt and her other laid against my chest. I brought my finger to the one against my chest. She grabbed a hold of it tightly. I used my thumb to brush her cheeks softly.

_Are you ready to give up your civilization? _Melanie asked.

Looking down at my little girl, I already knew the answer.

_Yes, _I replied confidently. _Yes, I would do anything for them. _

_Including leading yourself into your own possible and painful death._

_Of course. Where is the fun without it?_ I joked, but I meant it. I would let myself die for them, even though I haven't been in this life long. I would die for these two human babies. My human babies.

_I know, and thank you for that. _She said, her tone made me picture her smiling at me.

_Of course. I love them._

_I know._ She said again.

Maecella unlatched herself from me. I pulled my shirt up and put her against my shoulder and patted her back. She burped silently a moment later. I chuckled. She was her father, but was still lady like.

I moved to sit against the tree and sat on something. I sat up. Oh, Jeb left me a canteen. I better drink some more since I just fed the twins. I lifted it and the water shook inside, it wasn't all the way full, but it was enough to fill me. Ah. The feel of the water stretching the empty walls of my stomach felt so good. I finished it all. My stomach felt full and slushy, but it was satisfying.

I leaned back against the tree, Maecella still awake in my arms. I ran my fingers through her wavy hair, letting it wrap around me. I trialed my index finger up her cheek, around her forehead, down her nose, tracing the shape of her full lips. She opened her mouth, but I continued to trace her face. She reached up to grab my hand and I allowed her to drag it to her mouth. She sucked on my finger gently. I pulled on my finger gently and she held my hand tighter, keeping it in place. I laughed. "Bossy." I enjoyed sitting there staring at her. I could do it all day and all night.

"Why did you give it water, Jeb!" A deep voice snapped from behind me. Snapping me out of my reverie. I whirled around and what I saw made my heart drop. Eight humans were coming towards us. Six males and two females. All with faces contorted with an expression you would never see on a Soul. Their mouths were twisted with anger. Their eyebrows were furrowed tightly on their forehead.

Most of them were very big. They were bigger than me. My blood drained cold, realizing that in each of them had weapons gripped tightly in their hands. Some of them had kitchen blade, and one huge and frightening.

_A machete. _Melanie identified.

The rest held long metal bars and some were wooden. Clubs.

I searched for Uncle Jeb and found him in the midst of them. Holding another object I've never seen in person, but I've seen it in the memories Melanie has shown me. A rifle.

I was greatly frightened by this but Melanie was shocked. Not in fear, but in wonder. She never thought there would be this many people still human. She thought it was just Jeb. To see so many people still have their humanity filled her with great joy.

_They are so many! _She said, she was still in shock. She didn't see their murderous expressions.

_Yes, and they all want to kill us. _I reminded her.

She finally snapped out of it and agreed with me.

I threw up a mental wall between me and Melanie and thought about the secret I would have to die for. I haven't thought about since implantation. I only thought about it for a moment before quickly putting it away and bringing the walls down.

_What was that Wanderer? _Melanie asked, a little annoyed.

_Nothing._ I muttered.

I focused on Uncle Jeb's face. Unlike the others, his eyes didn't burn with hatred. He was completely neutral. I could see the men shift their focus from me to Uncle Jeb, they were still waiting for an answer. But Uncle Jeb ignored them, keeping his eyes on me.

_Uncle Jeb will protect us._

_Uncle Jeb doesn't know you're in here._

_Then tell him. _

_I can't. I told you. They'll think I'm a Seeker. They've probably have enough knowledge of my kind to know that a Seeker would lie to get infiltration. _

She thought of her own hatred for the Seeker and realized I was right. They would have the same reaction.

The man with the machete stepped forward suddenly, spitting on the ground, and slowly raised his blade.

I guess it was better this way. Better to be fast than slow. That they didn't torture me for information that they would never get.

"Hold it, Kyle." Jeb said unhurriedly. He didn't say it threateningly but the man stopped. He frowned and turned to face Jeb.

"Why? You said it was one of them." The voice was the same man that asked about the water.

"Yup. But there's something else too."

"What?" A different man asked. He was next to the big dark haired man named Kyle. They had to be brothers. They looked too much alike not to be.

"This here is my niece too."

Kyle scoffed. "Not anymore." And he raised his blade again. I could see that words would not stop him. I closed my eyes.

Two sharp clicks rang through the air and someone gasped. My eyes flew open again.

Jeb had the rifle gripped tightly in his hands, the barrels were face Kyle's back. Kyle was frozen where he stood, just steps from me, the blade still in the air. "I said hold it, Kyle." Jeb said casually.

"What are you doing?" The brother said, horrified.

"Step away from the girl." Jeb ignored him.

"It's not a girl, Jeb!" Kyle spun away from us and I breathed a silent sigh of relief.

Jeb shrugged. The gun still pointed at Kyle. "It's to be discussed."

"Doc might be able to learn something from it." A female voice offered.

I looked at the woman. She looked as old as Jeb. Maybe older. Her face had a mass of wrinkles, all turned down with anger. But there was something familiar about her.

Melanie made the connection. Showing me a smoother one.

"Aunt Maggie?" Melanie asked shocked. I had no idea how she did.

The lunged forward with a speed I didn't expect from her age. And smacked me. My head snapped to the side then forward again. She slapped me again. It wasn't with the one that held the black crow bar, thankfully.

"You don't fool me parasite. I know how your kind works. How you can mimic us."

_Ugh. Why did you do that? _I groaned. I was starting to taste blood on the inside of my cheek.

_Sorry. _Melanie muttered. She was still shocked.

"Now, Maggie." Jeb soothed.

"Don't you 'Now, Maggie' me, you old fool! Are you trying to get us killed?" She backed away from me. And stopped by Jeb. Her eyes burned.

"Hey!" He yelled out suddenly. I jumped and Macey squeezed my finger tighter. "Over here!" He waved his hand in the air. Then paused for a moment. "I don't hear no one."

"Oh, shut up." Maggie hissed. Shoving him. Though she I knew she was strong, Jeb didn't wobble.

"She's alone Mag. Pretty much dead when I found her. Centipedes don't sacrifice their own like that. She's alone."

I imagined the creature and didn't make the connection.

_He means you. _Melanie explained. She placed the bug next to a bright Soul. I still didn't see it. _I wonder how he knows what you look like. _She wondered.

Jeb walked towards me, the others huddling behind him. Kyle hand hovered over Jeb's left should, prepared to…I don't know what.

Jeb extended a hand towards me. I eyed the gun in his other hand warily.

"C'mon. You got some more walkin' to do." He said gently.

"No!" Kyle growled.

"She's going back." Jeb said in a harder tone for the first time.

"Jeb!" Maggie protested.

"My place. I'll do what I want."

"You old fool!" She snapped again.

He reached towards my hand again. And I pulled my finger from Macey's grip. She whined in protest. Suddenly, all eyes are on her. I tightened my grip on her, clutching her to my chest. Hoping to hide her there for none to see. Jeb grabbed my hand and yanked me to my feet. He wasn't cruel about it, it was just as if he was in a hurry.

My head spun. Everything had green and black dots for a moment. It was too much after sitting for so long.

"Alright, let's you out of here before it heats up." Jeb said kindly. There was a hiss of disapproval.

I clutched Maecella to me and moved to put her in the stroller. I laid her in there and she latched on to my finger again. I gently loosened it from her hold and brushed her hair back. There was a grunt of disgust from behind me. I checked on Aiden, he was still fast asleep. I grabbed the stroller in one hand the wagon in the other.

"We can't show it where we live!"

"It won't get a chance to tell anything anyways." Maggie said harshly.

Jeb sighed. "This is ridiculous." The pulled a bandana from around his neck. He folded the dirty fabric into a blindfold.

I held still as he tied it around my eyes. I was now blind. It was frightening.

"Why don't you let me take those two."Jeb asked gently.

I visibly tightened my hold on the stroller. I was not trusting anyone with them. Even though I couldn't see Aiden and Macey, I could still feel the cart and hear them.

"Then let me take the wagon." He amended.

I willingly let it go. It fell to his hand with a thud. He put a hand on my back, leading me. I knew it was him, no one else would touch me willingly.

We started forward. No one spoke at first. We walked silently. I could hear the breathing of those around me.

"So, those two yours?" Jeb asked curiously.

I nodded.

"Who's the father?"

"Jared." I said softly.

Jeb grunted in acknowledgement. And there were grumbles around us. That was the end of the conversation.

The sun was rising as we walked. Every step was making me sway. I was hungry and thirsty again. It felt like blood was pounding in my head.

"Are you going to tell him." Maggie asked.

"Yep." Jeb responded.

"This is a cruel thing you're doing."

"Life's cruel." That's the last thing either of them said.

When we walked in silence for a few hours. My mouth felt like sand paper, I had a stitch in my side and every breath I took was trying. Luckily the twins had fallen asleep so we didn't have to stop. Not that I think they would anyways. I needed water, but I wasn't willing to ask. I didn't want to give them more reason to hate me.

"You okay, hon?" Jeb asked.

I nodded. That would have been my time to ask, but I was too fearful of the responses the others would have. I doubt they would be pleasant.

It made wonder how quick events could turn. Just yesterday we were almost dying of dehydration and here we are, on our way to a place of humans that want to kill me. Or worse. Torture me.

_Uncle Jeb will protect us. _Melanie assured me.

I didn't believe her. I took away his niece. Or that what he thinks. I'm not going to be on is good graces. I just hope they'll keep Macey and Aiden out of it.

We walked for another hour. The sun was beating down on me. I could hear the pants of others around me. I heard and cap open and water slush inside. My throat ached. Oh, how I longed for just one little drop. Just to feel it wet my tongue. Just one drop would do.

The sounds suddenly changed. Less and less could I hear the sounds of steps in the sand, it was more like an echo. Yet, I could hear Jeb's and my own. And the tires of the stroller.

"Careful. Watch your head." Jeb warned.

I didn't know what I was looking for. Jeb removed his hand from my back and pressed down on my head. My stiff back bent forward slowly.

He guided me forward again. And our footsteps were making the same echoing sound as they others. The ground felt solid now. And I could no longer feel the rays of the sun on me.

I took another step forward and a breeze touched my face. Oh! It felt so nice. It was so refreshing to feel after feeling the dry heat of the sun for so long. It was so cool. There was a tint of moisture in it.

"Okay, you're fine now." Jeb said.

I raised up slowly. My back was popping as I did so.

There was no light around the edges of my blindfold, so wherever we are, it's dark.

"This way," Jeb said. And he started guiding me again.

We went a few steps forward again. And then we rounded a curve. The ground started to slant downward and I held firmly to stroller. My hands are weak enough, I don't need it rolling down to where I can't see to catch it. It continued getting steeper with every step I took. Jeb put an arm around my elbow to keep me from falling. I was grateful. I certainly felt like I was going to fall.

We took another turn and then the ground started to climb upward. Pushing the stroller felt like I was two full grown up a huge hill rather than to little babies. Jeb had to pretty much had to help me push it up or we never would have made it. The air got moister, but the darkness never changed.

The floor got flat again and we rounded twist and turns.

And finally, we reach light. I wanted to rip the blindfold off but was too afraid to.

And suddenly was noise to go with the light. A babbling noise. It got louder and louder when we got closer. It was filled with high and low pitches. Melanie understood what it was.

_They're arguing. _She informed me.

Hands suddenly touched the back of my neck. I leaned away from them

"Easy." Jeb soothed. He pulled the blindfold off.

I had to blink against the sudden brightness. It hurt to have them fully open. I blinked slowly and blurry shapes started to make sense. There were sharp, uneven walls; a pocket ceiling; a dusty floor. We were underground. I don't think too far.

The walls and ceiling were a dark purple-brown. They looked like Swiss cheese with all holes in them. Light came from a round hole from ahead of us. This was an entrance. Melanie was fascinated by the concept of seeing more humans. I was not. I held back and tightened my hands on the stroller.

"Sorry." Jeb sighed.

I was glad I holding on so tightly to the stroller. If I were to let go, they would start shaking. Jeb lead me threw the big hole.

It opened up into a big chamber. It was so vast, I couldn't believe what I was seeing.

The ceiling was bright and high. Like an artificial sky. I looked to see what brightened it, but it hurt my eyes.

The babble suddenly died.

The floor was dim compared to the ceiling, it to me a minute to notice the crowd standing in front of me. I stopped abruptly.

Melanie was shocked too. She counted…ten…twenty…twenty-five, twenty-six…

It didn't matter to me. All I saw was a huge room of humans that wanted me dead. I was waiting for her to see it too, but she was still counting.

A man stepped forward and I immediately looked to his hands for any sort of weapon. They were clenched into fist but free of any weapon. My eyes adjusted, made out the sun glinted tint of his skin, then recognized it.

Oh! My breath got stolen away as I looked up to this man that stared at me. I immediately looked to my favorite part of him. His eyes. His beautiful sienna eyes.

_Jared! _Melanie and I cried.

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**Well, here is this chapter. I am so sorry for posting so late. Our internet was out. I actually finished on Thursday and was going to post on Friday. I know you've been asking for me to update more than once a week. I can try, but I still a student and I have homework to do. Sorry, but that comes first over this.**

**Well! You guys are awesome with reviews! I love hearing them and I hope you keep it up. As I said I'm not fragile. I can take judgments. Your reviews make me happy no matter what! But no cursing! That's a no-no and I won't allow it! Any man worth his salt can make his point across without using foul words.**

**Alright, see you soon! -BethDee**


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns The Host. I own Aiden and Maecella.**

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Jared! He's here! How? Uncle Jeb said that he wasn't. I had already accepted that I would never see him again. That I had lost him forever. I couldn't move, not right now. I wanted to look at Uncle Jeb. I wanted to ask why he lied to me. I was so devastated when Jeb said Jared wasn't with him. It killed me knowing I would never see him again. That Aiden and Macey wouldn't have a father. How could he lie?

_Does it matter? Jared's here? _Melanie said, awed.

Yes, he's here. Jared. The bigger version of my mini Jared. The real one.

"Jared." I cried softly. It was more like a croak in my dry voice.

Something in me, it was not Melanie nor myself, lead me towards him. I wasn't able to get a hold on my body. It was like it was my body was moving itself. Like something was pulling it towards him. No one tried to stop me. Not even Uncle Jeb. They stood there watching me make my way towards Jared. Their eyes flickering between me and him. I could see what they saw. I could see Jared's hands clenching into a fist and then unclenching. I could see the hard glint in his eye as he stared at me. I could sense his hatred towards me, it was written all over his face. But yet I couldn't find it in me to stop. I knew there was will somewhere in me to stop myself, but yet I couldn't bring myself to want to find it.

My arms were raised up to him. He was right there. I could almost touch him. If I could go a little closer, I could touch him.

But he had a longer reach than me.

Before I could even get a little touch of him, his arm shot out and the back of his hand slammed into the side of my face. My feet left the floor before my head hit the hard rock ground. My body bounced in short thumps before it settled. For a moment I didn't feel anything. And I wondered if he really hit me as hard as I thought he did. Then, a sharp pain ran through my head, like someone drove a knife in there. Oh! Yes, he really did hit me as hard as I thought he did. Even worse than that.

Oh, why did I do that? Why did my body do that? I should have stopped it. I was so stupid! A wave of dizziness washed through me, threatening to empty my already empty stomach, while at the same time it was threatening to make me unconscious. I clenched me eyes shut. I didn't want to do either, although the latter seemed more appeasing.

Finally the dizziness started to pass. I slowly unscrewed my eyes, not wanting it to come back. My eyes tried to focus on the ceiling, but it was far too bright, it was blinding me. I tried to move my head away from it, but stopped when pain ripped through the side of my face. I bit my lip to hold back a groan that worked its way up my throat. It felt like my face was tearing in two. The light was making me dizzy again, so I settled for closing my eyes, since I didn't even want to try to move me head again.

I was in a cave full of angry humans that wanted to kill me. Torture me. How am I supposed to even try to survive when this one blow threatened to take me under? I'm sure this was a love tap compared to what they could really do. What they really wanted to do. I don't stand a chance.

I heard footsteps walking towards me and I could no longer see the light from under my lids. I opened my eyes tentatively; making sure the dizziness wouldn't wash over me again. Uncle Jeb stood over us, thankfully blocking the blinding light from our eyes. His hand was almost stretched out towards me, but he hesitated, his eyes away from me. I raised my head slowly, wincing when tiny little knives stabbed at every wall in my head, and looked to see what he was looking at.

Jared was stalking towards us. He wore the same hatred expression as the others, but instead of being terrifying, he was still beautiful. He wants to kill me, but I still think he is the most beautiful person in the world, besides my kids of course. I wanted to laugh at myself, he wants to hurt me, brutally, and I still love him. I must be insane.

He stopped by Jeb. Both of them locking eyes. Jared's expression was murderous, his jaw clenching and unclenching. Eyes that were burning, the phrase 'if looks could kill' came through my mind. If they could, Jeb and I would be dead, like he wanted me to be.

Jeb on the other hand was calm, expressionless. Though I thought I saw his lips quirk under his scraggly beard, but it was gone within a second.

Jared finally let out a deep, angry breath and stepped away.

I definitely saw Jeb's mouth slightly turn up quickly before it disappeared. He leaned down and grabbed my hand, helping me to my feet. He wrapped his arm around my back when I started tipping backwards. My head was spinning so much worse than when I moved it just a little earlier. I'm glad my stomach was empty otherwise I most definitely would be emptying my stomach. I swallowed the groan that was making its way up my throat. It felt like my skull was being expanded, like someone pushing it against my head. Uncle Jeb let go of me then grabbed my elbow again when started to lurch forward.

I dared a look at Jared through my lashes. His face held a grimace.

_I can't believe he hit me! _Melanie said, shocked. Though, I didn't know what was the hit that shocked her or the fact that he's here. I think the latter.

_He didn't. _I mumbled. I was over the shock of seeing him here and of him hitting me. Though I still certainly felt it. The side of my face felt hot and was pounding.

Though what I didn't understand was, why did Uncle Jeb lie? To protect Jared? To protect Jamie? Jamie! My eyes searched amongst the humans, searching for a small, you boy. But all of them were adults. My heart ached with disappointment. I wanted to see him. I wanted to know he was okay. I had to both Melanie and myself to voice the question. I wanted to know, but I didn't want to get hit again. Or worse.

Once I was steady enough, I gently pulled at Jeb's arm. He let go without even looking at me. I turned and started to walk. I felt everyone stiffen at my movement. What did they expect me to do? Don't they see how weak I am? Besides, they are the ones with the weapons. What do I have? Nothing? Except maybe a pacifier. They could do me more harm.

I made my way back to the stroller, I was pretty much hobbling. I still didn't have my equilibrium. Once I reached it, I grabbed onto the handle as sturdy as I could. I was feeling a little better, but I still felt like toppling over. I heard a soft sigh come from inside. I pulled the hood down and Aiden's hazel eyes stared up at me.

And the cave was silent no more. As if on cue, whispers started from all around me. I looked around and hatred filled gazes stared at me, then looked down at the stroller, then back at me. Their lips curled in disgust. I looked at Jared. His eyes were wide with shock. Gone was the hatred, for a moment, and in its place was pure surprise.

A man pushed his way through the harsh whispering crowd. His body structure was thin and tall. His bones were more prominent under his skin than most. His hair was washed out, like a pale brown or a nondescript blonde. His features were thin. Though his face held no anger, like the others.

Everyone parted for this man. Made it easy for him to go through, like he was someone higher than them. Only Jared stood his ground, still staring at me. His eyes had gone back to anger, but not a harsh, like he was still in surprise.

The man didn't seem to mind Jared's blocking figure. He just stepped around him.

"Alright." He rubbed his hands together. His voice was not cruel. Quite the opposite. He sounded joyful, excited. "What have we got?"

Aunt Maggie appeared at his elbow. "It used to be our niece. Jeb found it in the desert, traveling with those two. Was following the directions Jeb gave our niece." She narrowed her eyes at Jeb.

"I see." The tall man murmured. His eyes ran over me. Assessing me. Then looked down at the twins in the cart. It seemed he liked what he saw. I wouldn't know why.

A flash of vivid red hair pulled my attention from him. A young woman peered around his arm, her hand on his arm.

_Sharon! _Melanie cried.

Sharon glared at me when she realized I recognized her.

The man still had his eyes on the twins, slightly nodding his head as his gaze ran over them. His hand reached out to touch Aiden, who had fallen back to sleep, and I jerked the stroller away from him. He seemed surprised.

"It's okay." He smiled gently. His eyes on mine, they held no anger. "I won't hurt them."

He reached for Aiden again. I pulled the stroller behind me and stood in front of it. Effectively blocking him from touching them again. He seemed to more surprised than last time by my actions. Did he expect me to move over and let him touch my children? Hold them, when I don't know what he'll do? I don't care if he said he wouldn't hurt them. He could just be lying to get me to trust him.

Jeb came to stand by my side and placed a hand on my elbow. "It's okay, hon. He won't hurt them." He gently tugged me away from him.

I stood firm. Well, as firm as I could seeing as how weak I am. But enough to make a point. I was not moving. I am not letting this man touch my children. No matter what.

Jeb sighed and shook his head at the man.

The man nodded and reached for my face. I leaned away from him, but Jeb nudged me forward. His hand gently touched my cheek and turned my head to the side. His hand was on the back of my neck, finger searching along my hairline. He fingered my insertion scar.

I watched Jared from the corner of my eye. He clearly was bothered by this. He must hate seeing this mark on the woman he loves body. But then, some of the anger drained from his face and he frowned. His eyebrows scrunched together.

The man finally backed away from me. His head was slightly tilted to one side as his gaze ran over me once again.

"She's has some dehydration, though I think the amount of water you put in her will be fine, some malnourishment, and she's exhausted. But she seems healthy enough that I don't think any of those should interfere. As for the children, I'll have to see." He clapped his hands together and made a weird motion, rubbing his hands together and around. Like he was washing them. "Well, let's get started."

_Started for what? _I asked Mel.

Though she didn't have time to answer before it clicked together. His words and his examination clicked together. This man was the doctor.

Uncle Jeb sighed beside me and closed his eyes.

The doctor silently held out his hand to me, encouraging me with his eyes to put my hand in his. I had my hands wrapped tight on a part of the stroller behind me. He appraised my eyes again, seeing the terror and absolute determination of not going with him. His lips pursed thoughtfully.

"Kyle, Ian?" He looked over his shoulder, and the two black-haired brothers stepped forward. "I think I need you to carry her. And Brandt, maybe you could get children."

My hands tightened on the stroller as another man stepped from the crowd. He was not as big as the brothers, but very muscular.

"No."

Everyone turned towards the voice. I didn't need to. I could recognize the voice in my sleep. I turned towards him anyways.

Jared's eyebrows were pulled down, his mouth in a sort of grimace. A wave of emotions ran over his face. Anger, confusion, hate, fear…pain.

The doctor blinked in surprise. "Is there a problem?"

"Yes."

The room had gone silent, waiting for his answer. Jeb's lips started slightly twitching again. As if he was holding back a smile. The old man had quite the sense of humor.

"And it is?" The doctor asked.

"The problem is, Doc, that what difference would it make between you having it or Jeb putting a bullet in its skull." Jared answer through clenched teeth.

I shivered slightly. And Jeb patted my arm.

"Well." The doctor blinked again.

"If Jeb kills it. It'll die cleanly." Jared answered.

"We find out so much each time!" The doctor said softly. Kindly. The same tone he used on me. I could it's not working on Jared either. "This time it could be it. And with the children, it could be easier."

I stiffened. He want to kill my babies. My innocent babies!

"Hah!" Jared scoffed. "Where's the progress? Because I don't see it."

_Jared will protect us. _Melanie said.

_Not us, the body. And perhaps the twins. _It was starting to get harder to form words. I was using all my strength on concentrating on the conversation in front of me.

_Good enough. _Melanie's voice sound like a soft whisper from the back of my head. It was starting to throb.

Sharon stepped strangely protectively around the doctor.

"Why waste a good chance? It's a good opportunity to learn more. Jared, we understand it hard, but you can't control this. We have to do what's best."

Jared's eyes narrowed at her. "No." It came out a snarl.

I saw Sharon say something back to Jared. Her finger jabbing at him. Her lips were getting wider, so it must have been a shout. But everything was sounding like soft hissing. Like it you are under water and people are talking around you, but all hear is murmurs. They were starting to fade away from me, but yet no one was moving.

The dark haired brother took a step towards Jared. Their eyebrows pulled down, their eyes angry. I tried to raise a hand to stop them, but my hand only twitched weakly by my side. When had it fallen from my hold on the stroller? I tried to look down at Aiden and Macey; I wanted to see if they were okay. That some didn't take them from me when I wasn't aware. But my head wouldn't turn.

Jared's lips parted and his face started to turn red. The tendons on his neck were bulging out. He must have been shouting, but heard nothing. Jeb let go of my elbow and I was the barrel of his gun swing up. I cringed away from it and my head swam from the motion. There was so much pressure pushing against my head. Things were starting to sway in front of me.

"Jamie." I sighed. The light was starting to dim.

And then Jared's face was very close. Leaning over me. His expression was angry again.

"Jamie?" I asked this time. "Jamie?"

Jeb's scruffy voice answered from somewhere. I couldn't tell.

"Kid's fine. Jared brought him here."

I looked Jared's eyes that were fast fading from me. He looked so…tormented.

"Thank you." I whispered.

The darkness was going to crash over. I could feel it tipping over me, right on the brink of spilling. But I faintly remember one last thing I needed to tell Jeb. "Uncle Jeb? Protect the twins."

And then the darkness washed over me and I was gone.

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**Author's note: Well, here it is. I hope you enjoy it!**

**Who else saw The Host? If you didn't, it was amazing and I very much recommend that you do! I wish Stephenie would just finish the sequel already!**

**I liked Saoirse and Max together. Don't worry, I still like Jared and Wanda, but for the movie, I prefer Max and Saoirse. Not Jared and the character that portrays Wanda's new Host (I'm not going to say who it is in case you haven't seen it). Well, see you soon!**

**Oh! And please REVIEW! Please and thank you.**

**-BethDee**


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I don't own The Host. Only Stephenie Meyer does. Only do I own is Maecella and Aiden.**

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When I woke, I surprisingly clear headed. I knew where I was, well sort of. I kept my eyes closed and my breathing even. I want to figure out as much as I can before whoever is out there realizes I'm awake.

My stomach growled loudly. I like it was trying to rat me out. I didn't worry, it was probably growling in my sleep judging by how loud it was. Although it was uncomfortable. I was so hungry. It was to the point of pain in my stomach every time it growled. It sounded like a chainsaw roaring to life.

My head was still throbbing. That barely changed. Whether it was from the blow I took earlier or from my lack of eating, I don't know. Either way it was still thumping rhythmically. I think I could feel the pulse of my heart beat in my head.

My back and hips were so sore. I was lying on some hard surface. It was very rough, but it was flat. My hips were twisted to the side and my back was lying flat. The way my body was angled must be why it was aching so much. That and the tiny pebbles of rock digging into my skin. The pain in my body is probably what woke me. I felt like I could sleep another twenty hours. However long I was unconscious did nothing to help. I was far from feeling rested.

I was light out. Not bright like in the big room I was in before, but enough that under my eyelids it was just faintly red. I saw it in one eye more than the other.

The air had gotten a little more humid. It wasn't as hot as the desert. But it was musty, not dry like the desert. It was slightly uncomfortable to breathe in, there was a peculiar taste clinging to the back of my throat. All the water Uncle Jeb had given me was sweating its way out of me.

I could feel my breathing being pushed back in my face. I must be facing a wall.

Remembering Uncle Jeb's cavern system, I figured I was in one of the holes in the rock. The dark purplish-brown one that looked like it was riddled like Swiss cheese. I doubt they would leave me out in the open.

It was fairly quiet; the only sounds were my breath and my stomach growling angrily. I was afraid to open my eyes to look and make sure. I strained to hear any other sounds, but all I could hear was silence. I could hear no sign of anyone there. But that made no sense what so ever. Why would they leave me here with no one guarding me? Not even someone who wanted to kill me. This was not like humans. They did not trust me; they feared me and hated me. They wouldn't leave me alone.

My throat seized up. Oh, no. They wouldn't leave me alone unless they thought I was dead. Or that they were making sure I would be. That there were places in these caves that no one came back from.

A dozen scenarios raided my head. Me, in some cave, celled up to a point to where I would never be able to escape. Or at a bottomless hole, never being able to climb out, no one to hear my screams. Or locked at some room that kept on heating and heating and heating, it would never stop; it would keep boiling me from the inside out. My heart raced against my chest and my breathing got much harder. I search for a sign that my air was running out. My lungs were filled with air that was building up into a scream. I bit my tongue to keep it from making its way out.

Something sharp grated across the ground above my head.

I shrieked and my eyes flew open. I whirled around. My arms drawing up to protect my face and the back of the head thumping hard against a wall.

The room was slightly dimmed; there was a small lamp resting in the corner of the room by the door. I was wrong about being in one of those Swiss cheese like holes. I was lying on a flat surface; it was raised up from the ground. It looked like a flat bench, but was much wider and not nearly as comfy as the wood would have been compared to this hard rock.

Jared was leaning over above me, his eyes were full of anger, his lips were clenched tight and I could see a vein pulsing in his forehead. He had one arm reached out above me.

He stayed leaned over me, not moving, just staring angrily at me as my fearful expression waned and heart stopped trying beat its way out of my chest. He continued to glare at me and I stared at him also. I remember how quiet he could be when he wanted. Like a lion spying on his prey before lunging and taking it down. It was no wonder I heard nothing.

Well, up until a minute ago I heard nothing. But I had heard something. Jared extended his arm again and the loud grating noise repeated. I turned my head up and above me head was a broken sheet of plastic. And on it was…

Water! I sat up and lunged for the opened bottle. I didn't care for the moment that Jared's mouth twisted in disgust. I'm sure it would bother me later, but right now, the water had my full attention. Oh, nothing had ever tasted so good in my life. Well, maybe not in my life, but from the moment on, I would never take water for granted. Ever.

Jared walked away from me. Disappearing almost fully from my sight. But I could see just a little piece of his shirt from my peripheral vision. He was by the lamp; his body shaded the light from the room a little.

I had finished half of the water by the time a new scent hit my nose. I looked down at the tray.

Food? They were feeding me?

There was bread, a roll, it was dark and uneven, but it looked glorious. It smelled glorious too; it was what caught my nose. There was a bowl of clear watery soup; it had the smell of onions in it. I leaned closer and saw dark chunks at the bottom. Beside the bowl there were three stubby white tubes. I guessed they were vegetables, but I didn't know what kind. I've never seen them before.

It only took me a few seconds to make these discoveries, and my stomach growled angrily at me for taking even that amount of time.

I ripped into the bread first. It was closest and smelled the best. It had whole grains that got stuck in my teeth and was gritty, but it had a wonderfully rich flavor. The smushed Twinkies had nothing on this. It tasted so good. My jaw was working over time, but I ended up just swallowing half chewed pieces. They settled uneasily in my stomach. My stomach was too empty for such a heavy food.

It was uncomfortable, but I ignored it. My hunger was too great. I moved onto the soup. It went down much easier. The taste was mild despite the strong onion smell. The green chunks were soft and spongy. I tipped it back and drank straight from the bowl. When I finished it, I wished there was more. I tipped it back farther, making sure even drop was finished.

The three white tubes had a woody taste and were very crunchy. Probably some type of root. It was not a satisfying as the soup or the bread, but I was grateful for their bulkiness. It filled my stomach just a little more. But I still wasn't satisfied. I wanted more and if I could have, I probably would have started eating the tray. I settled with finishing the last of the water.

I didn't realize that they weren't supposed to be feeding me until I finished everything. Were they trying to stuff me for the doctor? Had Jared lost that argument? Though, if he did, why would he be guarding me?

I slid the tray away from me, slightly sad that more food didn't magically appear. The sound of it screeching across the floor made me cringe. When I pushed it far enough, I leaned back against the wall and wrapped my arms around my knees. Jared reached from where he was sitting to retrieve it.

"Thank you." I whispered. He did not respond. He didn't even look at me.

I placed my forehead on my arms so I couldn't stare at him. I couldn't even see the little bit of his sleeve as I did before. It was so quiet. I couldn't even hear his breathing. Only my own. I could remember the sound of his breathing being calming to Melanie. Just like the sound of Aiden and Maecella breathing was calming to me.

My head shot up. Aiden and Maecella! Oh! How could I forget them? How could I not realize that they were not with me? But where are they? My eyes ran over the room. Making sure I didn't fail to see a stroller or a piece of it. Not even anything. But they were not here. Where were they? Surely Jared wouldn't leave them with those barbarians would he? If not him, then Uncle Jeb would protect them.

"Where are my babies?" I asked before I could stop myself. And what surprised me was that my voice held no weakness to it. It wasn't strong because it was rusty from not using it for a while, but the question was firm. What was I doing? Did I want to get hit again? But then I realized, I didn't care if Jared hit me again. I would take ten hits if it meant I knew my children were safe.

"They're fine." Jared said curtly.

Was he telling the truth? Or was he just lying to keep me quiet?

_I'm sure they're fine. _Melanie assured.

_There you are. I was beginning to wonder where you ran off to. I thought you were going to leave me with this mess._

She ignored sarcastic tone. _I still can't believe he hit me. _She was still in surprise. While I was surprised for a moment, I got over it quickly.

_He didn't hit you. He hit me. He doesn't know you're in here, remember? _

_But still. He hit my body. I don't think I would have been able to do that. No. Never._

_Yes, you would have. It's in your human nature. _Which is why I wasn't surprised he hit me. Of course he would have hit me. I took away his love. Or so he thinks, at least.

_No. I don't think I could. Not Jared and Jamie. Even if they were….changed. I don't think I could. _She pictured it, then immediately stopped. It pained us both to imagine hitting Jamie.

_It's different with him. You practically raised him. You were almost his mother. Mothers here are too emotional. _

_Mothers are emotional no matter what. Even to you Souls. _Melanie grumbled.

She was right about that. I remember laughing or crying whenever one of them did something new. Though the crying was for them growing too fast. It still seems like I had them a week ago. I am very emotional with my kids. Which is why I am concerned since I don't know where they are or who has them.

_I'm sure they're fine Wanderer. Jared won't let anything happen to them. _She was convinced of this.

_If you're sure. _Even though I wasn't. I was going to worry until I saw them again.

My mind started to run through scenarios. How things are going to happen. How I was going to keep Aiden and Macey and myself alive. Truly, I didn't know my own fate. They want me dead, so what is going to stop them from killing me? But, then again. They don't just want me dead. They want information from me. Information I would have to die for. They would try to torture it out of me. But, could I succeed in keeping it locked in my mind? I have never felt pain like these humans have, like they know how to inflict. How much pain could I handle before I give it up or before they finally decide to kill me? And it's probably not a good idea that they are giving me food. They were trying to get me strong.

_You know, I felt…something… when he hit you. _Melanie interrupted. She said every word slowly. Like she was having a hard time saying them.

_Me too. He's got quite the backhand doesn't he? _It surprised me how easily sarcasm was coming to me. I was picking up too much of Melanie's traits.

_No. Not like that. _She lost her words for a long moment. Then they tumbled out. _I thought I was in control of our feelings for him. I thought it was all me._

_You thought that you were controlling my feelings for him. That you were the reason for me bringing us here. _

_Yes. _She said, but paused again. I waited until she spoke again. It was rushed again. _You're in love with him. Separately from me. In your own way. I didn't fully realize that until we came here and you saw him._

_Well, it's your fault._

_But you're an alien. Not even the same species. _

_My body is human. I have human feelings. And with the memories of him. As I said, it's your fault. I warned you to stop showing me your memories._

_I know. _She grumbled. But there was something else behind it. Something I couldn't place. _Do you love Jamie, too?_

_Yes. Of course I do. I may not have met them in person, but I met them through your memories and I can't help but love them. I just do. My love is different from yours. But I love them none the less._

_Huh. _Is all she said. She wanted to see Jamie. Though she knew I wouldn't ask. I didn't want to get hit again. It was one thing to risk getting hit for my kids because I didn't know for sure if Jared would protect them. But with Jamie, I know Jared has taken care of him.

But I yearn to see him too. To know that he really is safe. I know Jared would have kept him safe, but my love for him wanted to see for myself. I wanted to hold him in my arms. To make sure he was healthy and that they were feeding and caring for him the way Melanie never would be able to again. The way I wanted to, the way the mother in me wanted to. Did some sing to him at night? Hold him? Wipe away his tears when he has a nightmare? Would Jared do that? The old one would. But would this angry new Jared?

_Do you think they will tell him we're here? With kids? _Melanie asked.

_Would that help him? Or hurt him? _

_I don't know. _She whispered. _I just wish I could tell him I didn't break my promise. That I kept it._

_Boy did you ever. _I replied.

My body was tired again. But I was still filled with worry that I knew I would never be able to sleep. I still had no idea where Aiden and Macey were and it kept my mind wide awake. I shut my eyes. I know Jared said they were fine, but I still couldn't make sure of that myself and it was driving me crazy.

My thoughts were interrupted by my worst fear.

Suddenly sharp cry rang through the air. My head jerked up. It was familiar, but yet not one I heard often. It rang out again. Loud. In distress.

No!

"Maecella!" I cried.

* * *

**Author's Note: Well, here it is. Surprise, surprise. It's early. It shocked me too. Since I have this out early, I'm still going to try to have the next one on Saturday, but if not I'll try to have it on Sunday.**

**Some of you have been asking, so just to remind you, this is a Jared and Wanda story.**

**Let me know what you think as always. Reviews are lovely.**

**If you want. You can follow me on Twitter at BethDee90. I check every day, but I don't write that much. I might let you know something on there, might not. But you can always contact me on there too. As well as FanFiction. I check both every day. If you are a guest to FanFiction, you can write me your questions on Twitter and I will answer them, so you don't have to wait until I write the next chapter. It's your choice, just putting the option out there.**

**In response to LuckyDuckyPomluv: Thank you. I'm glad you like the story. Yes, Ian will be in here. But Ian and Wanda will not be together. As for how it will affect Wanda, well, you're going to have to wait and read like everybody else. :) **

**-BethDee **


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: I don't own The Host. Just Aiden and Maecella.**

* * *

"No!" I cried and launched myself off the bench I was sitting on.

I was out of the room within a second. I barely noticed Jared's hands reaching for my ankles as I ran past him. My feet prickled from being numb for so long, but I ignored it. They barely hindered my run. I doubt a broken leg would have stalled me; I would have ignored the pain then dealt with it later.

"Hey! Stop! Get back here!" Jared yelled at me.

I ignored him too. He wasn't going to stop me. He wasn't going to catch me. I won't let him. I was a cheetah again, like Melanie's father used to call her. Jared wasn't going to catch me this time like he caught Melanie before. My legs were pumping harder than before. Though they are weaker than when Melanie had them, they are faster. But still not fast enough. I heard Jared's heavy breathing getting louder behind me. My legs were already aching, but I pushed them harder, my need and fear to reach Aiden and Macey fueling me. The sound of Jared's breathing got farther and farther.

I had no idea where I was going, but Maecella's scream was still etched in my mind so I followed the direction I heard it. The brownish purple walls were blurring as I sped by them. I passed several halls and rooms that looked exactly like the one I was held in. I was worried that I was just going in a circle.

It felt like it took hours until I found them, but when really I knew it was only a few minutes. I was running down a hall when I heard whimpers. I turned a corner there was a room with light streaming from it. I heard more whimpers and low hushed voices coming from it.

"Shut it up, Doc!" A voice growled. I recognized it as Kyle. One of the brothers. The one with the machete.

I paled. Does he have it with him? I pumped my legs harder. Why does it seem like the hall ways never ending?

"I'm trying." A softer voiced answered. It was the same tall man who wanted to examine them from before. The doctor.

Another loud shriek came from inside. It was slightly lower from the first scream I heard. Aiden.

It seemed like my legs suddenly had extra energy it didn't have before. I reached the room within seconds time.

I didn't hesitate.

I ran inside.

Aiden and Macey were on lying on a table on their backs. Both of their faces were flushed red from crying. Their eyes were clenched shut, tears continuously running down their small faces. Their chests heaved harshly as their mouths were open wide with hard cries emerging from them. It was such a painful sight to see.

Three men were standing over them. The doctor in the middle. The brothers on either sides of him. The doctor had his hands on the twins' stomach.

"What are you doing?" I yelled as I ran towards them.

They all jumped and spun around to face me. Their faces were shocked, whether it was from me being here or from me yelling at them, I don't know. Maybe both. None the less, they were frozen, staring at me. Kyle, who thankfully didn't have the machete with him, recovered first.

When he realized I almost reached him. His automatic response was to shove me away. His large hand gripped my shoulder and shoved me to the floor. I braced my body for the fall, but it never came. A hand clamped over my wrist and pulled me up. I looked up and Jared was standing above me. His eyes locked on me. I guess he realized what he did and he dropped my wrist quickly, like it burned him. Maybe it had. It certainly burned me, I can still feel it.

"Get away!" He roared. He put his hand over my shoulder just as Kyle had, but his hand didn't shove me away. He pulled me back behind him. I almost lost my footing again by the force of his pull.

His action was useless. I just walked forward again. I kept my back to him.

"I'm the one you want." I said directly to Kyle and the doctor. "Leave the twins alone."

Their mouths hung open again. It was silent. Nobody said anything for a long moment.

"Tricky little bugger." The other brother, Ian, finally said. His were wide with horror.

"I said get back." Jared hissed from behind me.

I turned my head, but my eyes never left Kyle or the doctor. "Don't protect me. It's not your job to protect me at your own expense. Protect them."

Jared grimaced and raised his hand to grab my shoulder and push me behind him again.

I leaped out of the way, which in turn put me in front of the ones who wanted to kill me. It probably wasn't the brightest idea.

Ian grabbed my arms and bent them behind me. I struggled to get free from his grip. I did it unconsciously, it was an instinct. He made his grip on my arms stronger and pulled them tighter together, he bent the too far. I felt my joints being pulled. I gasped.

"Get your hands of her!" Jared roared. He charged for us.

Kyle leapt forward and caught him, wrestling to get a firm hold on him. He grabbed him around the neck and forced his head forward. Another man popped out and tried to get a hold on Jared's arms. Where did he come from? Was he here the whole time? I did not see him. But then again, I wasn't looking for anyone else. The man finally got a hold on one of Jared's thrashing arms.

"Stop!" I shrieked. "Don't hurt him!" I strained to get free from Ian hold on me.

Jared's free elbow rammed hard into Kyle's stomach. Kyle lost his breath and lost his grip on him. Jared twisted free from the hold Kyle and the man had on him. He leaped back and his arm snapped forward and his fist slammed into Kyle noses. Deep red blood splattered on the floor and Kyle's nose. Kyle stumbled backwards and bumped into the table the babies were on. It started to tilt backwards. My breath got lodged in my throat. The doctor scrabbled for it and righted it back in place. I breathed a sigh of relief.

"Ian! Finish it!" Kyle shouted. He bent forward and charged forward. Slamming into Jared's stomach and slamming him into the other man.

"No!" Jared and I cried.

Ian dropped my arms and I scrambled forward. Did he mean to go for my babies first? I tried to make my legs for forward, but he gripped me and again and wrapped his arms around my throat. All the air left my throat. So he wasn't going to go for them. Good. I'll willing die for them.

But it wasn't what I expected. I thought it would be quick. Maybe he would snap my neck. But no. This was agony. My useless, stubby finger names clawed at his arms. He tightened his grip on me. My feet left the ground. The sudden panic in my lungs, the strangling hands, the pressure rising to my head, it hurt. There was so much pain. I writhed; I was trying to escape the pain rather than the murderous hands.

Click. Click.

I seemed like I heard it so many times, when really I knew it was only…..what…..two, three times? But I recognized the sound immediately.

It seemed everyone else did too. They all froze. Ian's hands still locked around my neck.

"Kyle, Ian, Brandt! Back off!" Jeb barked.

No one moved. They were all frozen. The only movement was my feet, still squirming in the air in agony. My hands were still clawing at Ian's hands. It didn't seem to faze him.

Jared suddenly ducted under Kyle's still arm and raced towards me. His fist was in the air, making its way towards me. I closed my eyes.

I heard a loud thwack right behind me and Ian howled. I was suddenly dropping to the floor. My eyes snapped open and I landed harshly on the ground. I was crumpled there by Ian's feet, gasping in air. Sweet air. Forget the water; I would never take air for granted again. Ever again.

Jared looked back at me for a second; giving me a hard, angry glance, then move to stand beside Jeb's elbow.

"You're guest here, boys. Don't forget it." Jeb growled. "I told you not to go looking for the girl or the kids. They're my guest, for the moment, and I don't take kindly to any of my guest trying to kill the other. Especially innocent children."

"Jeb." Ian moaned from above me. His voice was muffled from holding his hand over his nose and mouth. "This is insane."

"What's you plan, Jeb?" Kyle demanded. His face was smeared with blood. A terrifying sight. Yet, he showed no signs of pain. Controlled anger, simmering, waiting to spill over, but no pain. "We have to know. We have right to know. We have to decide whether to stay here, if it's going to be safe or if it's time to move on. How long are you going to keep these parasites as pets? What are you going to do with them when you decide to stop playing God? Everyone deserves to know the answers to these questions."

Kyle's words simmered in the back of my mind. We were pets? I thought we were Jeb's guest, as he said moments ago. Or was he just being kind again. Phrasing it so it wouldn't sound like I was a prisoner. Was that what I was? Is it possible that there are two people who didn't want to kill me or torture me? If so, well, that's nothing short of a miracle.

"I don't have those answers." Jeb said. "It's not up to me."

By the looks on their faces, I doubt any other response could confuse them more. All five of them, Kyle, Ian, the other man I finally remembered as Brandt, the doctor and even Jared stared at Jeb in shock. I was still crouched at Ian's feet. I wish there was some way I crawl my way over to the twins without them noticing. Those two where surprisingly silent.

"Well, if it's not up to you, then who is it up to?" Kyle asked, his voice still hold disbelief. "If you're thinking of putting it up for a vote, we already did. Ian, Brandt and I were appointed to take care of it. That's why we went to get the mini parasites."

I shivered. So they did want to kill the twins.

Jeb shook his head, never taking his eyes of Kyle. "No vote. This is still my house."

"Then, who!" Kyle shouted.

Jeb's eye flickered to another face then back to Kyle's. "It's Jared's."

Everyone, including me, shifted their eyes to stare at Jared.

He gaped at Jeb, just as surprised as the rest of us, the snapped his mouth shut with an audible sound. He threw another look of hate in my direction.

"Jared!" He turned to Jeb again. His anger finally spilt over, now it turned into rage. "That makes no sense! He's more biased than anyone else! He can't a rational decision about this!"

"Jeb, I can't…" Jared muttered.

"They're your responsibility, Jared." Jeb said firmly. "Now, I'll help you of course. But when it comes to making decision, that's all yours." He raised his hand when Kyle started to protest. "Look at it this way, Kyle. If someone found Jodi and brought her back here, wouldn't you want to decide what to do with her, rather than me or Doc?"

"Jodi's dead." Kyle hissed. Blood sprayed from his lips. He looked back and glared at me the same way Jared did. Except his seemed more menacing.

"Well, if her body wound up here, it would be up to you. Wouldn't you want it that way?"

"Majority-"

"My house. My rules." Jeb cut him off. "No more discussing this. No more votes. No more trying to killing each other. The three of you spread it out; this is how it will be. New rule."

"Another one." Ian grumbled.

Jeb ignored him. "If this happen again, no matter how unlikely it might be, whoever the body belongs to make the call." Jeb poked his gun towards Kyle's chest, the pointed it out to the hall. "Get out of here. I don't want to see you anywhere near where her or those children are staying. You let everyone know that corridor is off limits. Nobody needs to be back there except for Jared and myself. You tell everyone that. If I see anyone back there, I'm asking question later. Got it? Now, move." He jabbed his gun in Kyle's just again.

I truly hoped his threat was fake. But I know he wasn't joking. He would shoot.

"What about the little parasites? They could give us a lot of problems." Kyle growled.

Jeb rolled his eyes.

"They're not parasites." I mumbled softly.

All of them turned to stare down at me; I was still at Ian's feet.

"What was that, hon?" Jeb said softly. How he could go from be strict one minute, then being kind the next, I don't know.

"They're not parasites." I said louder, but it was still quite soft.

"I'm sorry, does the term offend you, parasite?" Kyle sneered at me. Jeb and Jared shot him a hard look. He didn't notice it. His attention was still on me.

"No. It doesn't bother me." I said quietly. "But what I meant is that they're not Souls."

They all stared at me silently again. Did they not hear me? Was I being too quiet? No. By the looks on their face, I don't think they misheard me. Even Uncle Jeb was shocked, though he concealed his better.

Kyle was the first to snap out of it again. "Lies. It must be a Seeker." He hissed.

I shook my head. "I'm not lying. They're human." I could see that they didn't be me. Well, Uncle Jeb looked like he believed me. "Did you look at their necks?"

"Of course." Kyle scowled. "But who knows what you parasites can hide."

"Their eyes?"

"They wouldn't shut up or open its eyes to look." I could tell he didn't like having to talk to me or even address me.

I sighed and slowly got to my feet. I didn't want to make any sudden moves and end up getting choked again. Ian backed away from me and frowned.

I stood and made my way to the table. The doctor and Ian stepped away from me when I got close. I held back from rolling my eyes. They do realize there is nothing I could do to hurt them. They have weapons, I don't. I don't even have the heart to hurt them; I couldn't hurt these people who wanted to kill me. Who desired to see my blood on their hands.

Aiden and Macey still had their eyes closed, but they were not asleep. They were still sniffling; their cheeks were still red and wet with tears. I pained me to see them in such distress. I brought my fingers to their cheeks and softly brushed their tears of with my thumbs. As soon as they felt my touch, they grabbed my fingers tightly in their tiny hands. They whimpered softly. I brushed my fingers over their eyebrows, softly coaxing them to open their eyes.

Maecella was the first one to open her eyes. Her sienna eyes met mine and she sniffled again. Her grip on my fingers tightened. Aiden opened his eyes a moment later and he looked around then finally found me. Those muddy hazel eyes stared up at me. Human eyes. This is what they needed to see. They wouldn't believe me otherwise. I coaxed Maecella to let go of my finger so I could grab Aiden.

I loved the weight of feeling him in my arms. It seemed like it was months since I last held him. His face nestled into my chest for a moment then his eyes were fixed on my face once again. He still had my finger locked in a tight grip. I turned and faced the men. They were all staring at me with shock on their face. Well, except Jeb, he had a slight smile on his face. Both he and Jared weren't staring at me. Their eyes were fixed on Aiden.

"Do you have a light?" I asked to no one in particular.

Jeb pulled one out of his pocket then handed it to Jared.

Jared stared at it.

Jeb sighed. "Well. Whatcha waitin' for?" He drawled.

When Jared still didn't take it he shoved it in his hand. Jared snapped out of it. He gripped tight in his hand and slowly made his way toward us. His eyes locked on me. When he finally made it to us, he silently clicked on the light and aimed it in Aiden's right eye. Then switched it to his left. Aiden surprisingly didn't close his eyes at the light. He was looking at it curiously. His expression almost made me laugh. If I were alone, I would have.

Jared cleared his throat. "He's human." He said softly and switched off the lights.

Kyle grunted. "Check the other one."

I sighed. Such an untrusting species. I turned and lied Aiden down softly and picked up Maecella and faced Jared again. He clicked on the light again.

She immediately nestled her face in my chest. I brushed her forehead with my fingers. "Come on, show him your eyes." I mumbled to her quietly. Show Daddy your eyes, I added in my head. I trailed fingers down the side of her cheek and her head followed my hand. She had her eyes closed again. She always was stubborn. I brushed my index finger down her nose. She slowly blinked eyes open. She looked at me for a moment then turned her gaze on Jared.

Jared inhaled a sharp breath.

I smiled and lifted my head to look at him. His eyes were wide. He finally saw. Not just her human eyes. But his eyes. His sienna staring back at him. Now he could see there is no doubt these are his children and that they are human. His eyes stared at her for a moment then flickered up to mine.

An emotion I didn't recognize passed through his eyes. But yet it seemed familiar. His eyes quickly left mine and he quickly shone the light in her eyes.

"She's human." He mumbled and moved to stand next to Jeb again. Jeb's lips were twitching again.

"Well, now you have your answers Kyle. So, get. All of you."

I was surprised at how quickly they obeyed him. Only Doc remained. Kyle, Ian, and Brandt quickly shuffled out of the room. Not one turning back to scowl or glare at me.

I guess they really believed Jeb's threat.

It was surprising to see this side of Jeb. From the moment I met him, he's shown me nothing but kindness. He's not once raised a hand towards me and always handled me gently. It shocked me to see this hard, strict side to him.

Jared and Jeb were now facing each other. Jeb was definitely grinning again under his beard. It's so strange what this man found funny.

"Please don't place this on me, Jeb." Jared said. "Kyle's right about one thing. I can't make a rational decision about this."

"No one said you had to make it now. They ain't going nowhere." Jeb looked at me and winked. "Not after all the trouble she took trying to find you. You got time to think."

"There's nothing to think about. Melanie is dead. And with the-I-I can't-I can't, I just can't…." Jared couldn't seem to finish.

_Tell him. _Melanie said.

_I'm not ready to die at the moment._

"Well, then don't think. You got time. You'll figure something out." Jeb said.

"What are we going to do? We can't watch them round the clock."

"Yes, we can. And that's what we're going to do. At least for now. Things will calm down soon once all the excitements over with. Not even Kyle can hold a rage for more than a few weeks."

"A few weeks? We don't have time to watch them for a few weeks. Things need to be-"

"I know." Jeb sighed. "I'll figure something out."

"Where do we keep them? It's not like exactly have a cell block." Jared said as he looked at me, the vein in his head was pulsing.

Jeb smiled. "Y'all won't give us any trouble will ya?"

I stared at him silently.

"Jeb." Jared grumbled.

"Don't worry. First, we'll keep an eye on them. Second, she wouldn't be able to find her way out of here. She'd wander around until someone found her and the kids. And thirdly, she's not that stupid. She's not going to go wandering knowing Kyle is out there, risking her kids' life." He raised a thick eyebrow at me. "You won't, right, hon? I don't think they'd be very happy to see ya."

"I wish you wouldn't talk to it like that." Jared muttered. "How did Kyle find the kids in the first place? I stuck them in my room and told you to watch over them."

"I was raised in a politer time. And I left for a minute to make sure the kid wouldn't go to your room and find your kids. I didn't think you would want Jamie asking questions like that. Not when you don't have a lot of answers." Jeb sighed and placed a hand on Jared's shoulder. "Why don't you go rest. You had a long night. I can take next watch. Go get some sleep."

Jared seemed ready to object, then looked at me and his expression hardened.

"Whatever, Jeb. I not-I won't accept responsibility for this. Kill it, if you think that's best."

I flinched and Jared scowled at my expression. He turned and stalked towards where the other had left before.

"Remember what I told you earlier." Jeb called.

Jared stopped for a moment and slightly turned his head then turned back and continued to stalk down the hallway.

Jeb sighed and looked at me. "Sorry, hon, but the only safe room right now is the one you were in before."

I nodded slightly and picked up Aiden from where he laid.

"Do you need this?" Jeb asked, pointing to the stroller and wagon that leaned off against the side of the room.

I nodded again.

Jeb grabbed the handles and walked beside me the whole way back to the room. We walked in silence. I didn't pay attention again to where we were going. I was too busy making sure I was going to trip on a spare rock lying on the ground.

Once we finally made it back to the room I woke up in, I quickly made my way toward the bench and laid Aiden and Macey in the middle. Jeb wheeled the stroller and wagon in behind him slowly. Once he let them go, I grabbed a blanket folded it in half, then folded it again and laid it down next to the wall. I placed Aiden and Macey on there and they immediately fell asleep. Looks like we all had the same plans.

I laid as close as I could next to them, shielding them from the door and any danger that might come to them.

I heard Jeb slowly slide down the wall, his bones cracking loudly. He finally settled and sighed. "Might as well get some sleep. Tomorrow's gonna be a long one."

* * *

**Author's note: Well, here's another one. Sorry, I took so long. I know I said I was going to post on Saturday or Sunday. But I was late on Sunday by fourteen minutes. I was busy this weekend. Forgive me? **

**Review, please. I always appreciate them and it lets me know how I'm doing.**

**In response to LuckyDuckyPomluv: I'm pretty sure there was a little bit of doubt in his mind that they might not be his, but now he definitely know they're his. **

**Well, see you soon!**

**-BethDee**


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: I don't own The Host. Just Aiden and Macey.**

* * *

When I woke, there was the smell of food again. Though I didn't really comprehend it. Unlike yesterday, I was bleary and my head was not very clear of where I was at. An instinctive panic washed over me and had my body shaking until I was fully awake and I realized where I was.

There was a tray on the ground below me. It was the exact same tray from yesterday and it had the same offerings. I looked up, my muscles stiffening and threatening to pop, but sadly no relief came. Jeb was sitting against the wall next to my little bench, staring down the hallway, whistling softly what sounded like an old show tune you'd hear in black in white, soundless movies.

I carefully extract my body from being wrapped around the twins, who were sound asleep; their little faces looked so much calmer than from the night before. Or day before. Night? Day? How long had we slept? Was it a new day? Or was it still night? I'm going to say it was daytime already. It seemed like too much time has passed for it still to be nighttime.

I looked down at the water again, my throat suddenly felt dry, like I hadn't had a drop of water in years. But I wasn't as thirsty as I was yesterday. Or what I think was yesterday.

Driven by my thirst, I sat up on my elbows and leaned down to grab the open bottle.

"Mornin." Jeb turned and nodded at me.

I hesitated, still leaning over with the bottle in my hand. I paused for a moment before nodding slightly at him. But he had already turned and started whistling again.

Since I wasn't as thirsty as yesterday, only now did I realize that the water had a certain unpleasant, odd aftertaste to it. It had the same taste that I tasted in the air waking up yesterday. But it was much stronger. I couldn't get the tang out of my mouth.

I ate the food quickly again, but I saved the food for last. It still left me wanting more. The food settled in my stomach more easily this time. It only gurgled very little.

Now that my hunger was stated and the smell of the food was out of my senses, I realized what smell it was that woke me up. It was very foul and complete different from the food I just ate. I leaned down and sniffed the area above Aiden and Macey.

I reared back, barely holding in a gag. Oh! That was revolting. How did Uncle Jeb stay here this whole time smelling that? I know it didn't just show up recently by the smell of it. It had to be there awhile. It was no wonder. The last time I changed them was right before Jeb found us and I passed out after that. Then Jeb found us and took us to the caves where I passed out again. And then, when I woke, I didn't see them, and when I did finally see them and got them back, we fell right to sleep. A lot of hours, with no Mommy to change their diaper. I sure Kyle, Ian and the doctor had smelled it. But they were probably too afraid to change it.

_Men. _Melanie scoffed. _Wouldn't want to hurt their ego by gagging at changing a little diaper._

_You wouldn't change one yourself either. _ I pointed out to her.

_Yea, I know. _Melanie said, and I pictured her nodding. _But it wouldn't be about hurting my ego. I just wouldn't want to smell it or change it._

She remembered being at a friend's house when she was younger and having to change her little sister's diaper.

_Gah! _She shivered. _That was scary._

_Oh, it's not that bad._

_Yes. It is. _She deadpanned.

Imentally shook my head at her and turned to face Aiden and Macey again. The motion made my hip press into my bladder. I squeezed my legs. Now that my hunger was sated, my body had other needs. Though I didn't see a lot of options. There was obviously no privacy in here. Not that I'd do it anyways. And I don't have the guts to ask. Not even to Jeb, who has been nothing but nice to me since he found me.

I kept my legs locked together, bouncing them slightly, as I thought. My hip was starting to ache from being on its side all night, then laying on it again.

"Um." Jeb cleared his throat.

I turned to lie on my back. He was looking at me again. His face was showing little signs of discomfort. His face a deeper color than usual.

"You've been stuck here for a bit now." He said. "Ya need to …..get out?"

I nodded.

He let out a breath. "I wouldn't mind a walk myself." He said, cheerful. He sprung to his feet gracefully for a man his age. It was surprising.

I sat up slowly. Staring at him, then looking to the twins, then back at him.

"I'll show you to our little wash room. You can do what you need to with the kids in there too." He held his hand out to me. "Now. You should know, the way we're going to have to go through is…..kinda like the main plaza, so to speak. Now, don't you worry. I'm sure everyone will have gotten the message by now." He absently patted the butt of his gun.

I shivered. My bladder was full and I did have to go. But to lead through a big area with people waiting to kill me? Couldn't just bring me a bucket or something?

"Now. Don't be getting all chicken on me." He said as he measured the panic in my eyes. The way my body seemed to have glued it's self to the seat I was sitting on. He pursed his lips. Then he turned and started to walk down the hallway. Throwing a, "Let's go." over his shoulder, without looking to see if I was going to follow.

I guess he knew I would. I didn't want to be left here alone. With angry Kyle out there waiting to get his turn to wrap his hands around my throat, squeezing until all life was cut from me. The picture of that had me scrambling up, grabbing the all ready set diaper bag from the cart and then grabbing the twins in my arms before running to catch up to him.

I finally did when we reached the end of the hall. I stood as close as I could behind him. The hall was so dark; I doubt that if Jeb were to move a foot ahead of me that I would be able to see him. I looked back to the room I was in, the little lamp stood there, it was the only light in the dark hall way. Was I supposed to bring it with me?

"Leave it. I know my way." Jeb answered my unspoken question. He put the hand that wasn't holding the gun on my elbow. "I'll guide you."

He gently led me through the darkness with sure, quick steps. Like he had done this a million times. Beyond the hall were a series of bewildering twists and turns in contrasting directions. I did not remember any of this when I was running to get to Aiden and Macey. But then again, I wasn't really paying attention. By the time we reached a sharp V in the path, I had no idea where we were or how we are going to get back. I know he did this on purpose. Jeb wouldn't want me know too much on how to get out of here.

As we walked, I wondered how Jeb came across this place. How it came to be. If anyone else had come across it. The latter seemed doubtful. Only Jeb could come across a place like this. I fascinated to know how he had found this place. But I kept my lips pressed together. Keeping my shut seemed to be my best survival plan right now. I was hoping to live for a while more. Though I didn't know if it was a false hope. All I knew was that I wanted to live. I wanted to see my kids grow up. To become a handsome man and a beautiful woman. So keeping quiet was my best survival instinct if I wanted to be sure of any of that.

We turned another corned and finally a light reached us. It was bright. Nothing like the artificial lamp in my room. This was too light, too pure.

We couldn't squeeze through the narrow opening side by side. So, Jeb let go of my arm and went first. Towing me silently along with him.

I heard light babbled coming from a bright room ahead as we walked through a short tunnel. They were lower than before. Not as urgent. No one thought to see me today. I could only imagine their response when they see me and the twins with Jeb.

My heart started to race, making my breathing a little faster. My palms felt cold, but wet. I tightened my grip on the twins so they wouldn't slip. I stepped as close as I could to Jeb without touching him.

"Easy," He murmured. "They're more afraid of you than you are of them."

I really doubted that. And even if it were true, for humans, fear often turns into violence. And what do they have? Knives, crow bars, guns. Weapons. What do I have? A pacifier, teething rings and maybe a dirty diaper. Who would win that match?

_Well, you never know how someone would react when they have a poopie diaper flying towards them. They'll probably fear for their life. That's some scary stuff. _Melanie teased.

I ignored her. I was trying to concentrate.

"I won't let anyone hurt you." He mumbled as we reached the doorway. "You might as well get used to this."

I had no idea what that meant. Though it did not sound good. I wanted to ask, but he had already stepped through the arch. I followed behind him silently. Keeping as much of me hidden behind him and keeping as much of the twins hidden in my arms.

The room fell silent when we walk in.

Several people stared at us, frozen in the holes that led into different hallways. Most of the people we out in the open, frozen from what they were doing. One woman was bent over, leaning to tie her shoelaces. A man had his arm raised in the air to demonstrate whatever he was telling his companions. Another man wobbled in his spot from abruptly stopping, before regaining his footing again.

I felt bad to feel relieved of the weapon that Jeb had in his hands, but it didn't stop the fact that I did. Without it, we would have probably have been attacked by now. They would stop themselves from hurting Jeb to get to me.

Jeb stopped for a moment. His gun was at his waist, pointing outward. His eyes seeming to lock onto every gaze in the room. It didn't take long, there were only about twenty or so people in the room today. When he seemed satisfied with his study, he started to walk off toward the left wall of the cavern. My heart beating strongly against my chest, I followed quickly on his train.

He didn't walk directly across the center of the floor, instead sticking to the side wall. As we walked along the wall slowly people started to make small movements. I could feel their eyes still on me as they moved, and the feeling didn't leave me until we were finally out of the room and into another hallway. Geez. That felt like the longest walk I ever took, including the one from the desert. Maybe because at least in the desert, I didn't have angry people with brutal weapons in their hands staring at me.

Jeb hand found its way to my elbow again, and I didn't shrink from it. I noticed the babble of voices didn't pick up again.

"Well that went better than I expected." Jeb mumbled as he led me through the hall.

It went better than he expected? What did he expect? To use his gun? For someone to attack me or the twins? Whatever it was, I was sort of glad I didn't know what he would have expected. My mind is nothing compared to what he could have come up with.

The ground started to slope downward under my feet. There was a dim light ahead that kept me from seeing nothing.

"I'll bet you've never seen anything like my place."His voice was back to its chatty form again. "It's something, ain't it."

He paused for a moment, as if he was waiting for me to say something. But then went on.

"Found this place back in the seventies. Well, really it found me. I fell through the roof in the big room. I shouda died from the fall, but I'm too tough for my own good. It took me a while to find my way out. By the time I did, I was hungry enough to eat a rock, if I was there another die I probably would have. I was the only one left on the ranch by then, so I never had the chance to show it to anyone. I explored every nook and cranny of this place, and I could see the possibilities. I decided that this could be a good card to keep up my sleeve, just in case. That's how we Stryders are, we like to be prepared."

We passed the dim light. It came from a fist sized hole in the ceiling, making a round circle on the floor below. I saw another one up ahead.

"You're probably wondering how this place came to be." He paused again, this one was shorter than the other. "At least I know I was. I did some research. These used to be lava tubes. Can you beat that? This used to be a volcano. Well, it still is, I expect. Not quite dead, you'll see in a bit. All these caves and holes are bubbles of air that got caught in the cooling lava. I've put quite a bit of work into it over the past few decades. Some was easy, connecting the tubes just took a little bit of elbow grease. Some was tricky. Took some imagination. You see that ceiling in the big room? Took me years just to get it right."

I was interested in how. I wanted to ask him, but I didn't have the will to bring myself to speak. Being silent was the safest right now.

The floor began to slant downward at a deeper angle. The ground was broken into rough steps, but it seemed sturdy enough. Jeb led me through it confidently. As we went lower and lower to the ground, the humidity and heat increased.

I stiffened when I heard a babble of voices coming from up ahead again. Jeb patted my arm.

"You'll like this part, everyone does." He promised.

An open wide arch shimmered with light moving. It was like the big room, pure and white. But the light was flickering at a strange dancing pace. Just like everything else I couldn't understand in this cavern, this light frightened me.

"Here we are." Jeb pulled me through the arch way, excited. "What do you think?"

Heat hit me like a wall of steam. My mouth opened automatically, and I breathed into the moist air. It had the same metallic tang that clung to the back of my throat, the one that flavored the water.

The murmuring of bass and soprano babbled issued from every corner. I squinted through the cloud of moist air, trying to locate were the voices came from. It was bright here, the ceiling sparkling. The light danced off the mist. It created a shimmering curtain that almost blinded me.

The babbled continued on. Whoever was in here must have not have heard us yet.

"It's a bit close in here." Jeb said apologetically as he fanned at the cloud in front of his face. His voice was calm and still in its conversational tone, but it made me jump. The babble continued on, as if it had not heard his voice.

"Not that I'm complaining. I'd be dead several times without this place." He continued. "Like now, we'd all be dead without this hiding spot. It's quite convenient on how it's laid out, isn't it?"

Two rivers flowed through the moist, high doomed space. This was the chatter I heard when I came in.

It was really a river a stream. The soprano I heard was the stream. The low bass, we the river, the sound of it like boiling water.

"You've got to be careful in here." Jeb warned. "The current in the hot stream is quite powerful. Once your under, you're gone." Jeb's faced turned sorrow. "Happened once before."

I shuddered at the thought of that. Jeb patted my shoulder. "Now, now. If you're careful. You'll be fine." He pointed and told me of all the rooms. The one at the end of the cavern, with a small stream leading into it was the bathing room. They had scheduled times, but that privacy wasn't an issue since it was pitch black in there. Past that cave was another room, the stream ends there and drops underground. They use that as the latrine. He said it was convenient and sanitary.

He handed me a flashlight. "We don't like to waste batteries, since most people know this floor by heart. But since this is new to you, you can use this."

I quickly, but carefully followed Jeb's directions. I shone the light all through the room, looking for anyone waiting to ambush me. I hurried through everything, I think I changed Aiden and Macey's diapers in record time. I didn't know what to do with them, so I just dug a hole with my hands and put them in there. Just as I had in the desert. When I was done, I all but ran back to Jeb's side.

"Not too shabby, eh?" Jeb smiled when he saw me.

I nodded and returned the flashlight.

"Now, I hope this doesn't sound weird. But where did you put the diapers?"

I tapped the tip of my show to the ground.

"Underground?"

I nodded.

He tilted his head. "That okay too, but whenever you have to change them, if you have a bag or something in that wagon that you don't use, put them in there then I'll get rid of them. Put them down the stream in the back room."

I nodded again.

Jeb lightly grabbed my elbow again, helping me with the rough, uneven ground and led me back to the room I was staying in. Halfway back through the trip, Aiden had woken up and started to nuzzle my shirt. I was going to have to feed him when we got back. How with Jeb in the room? I don't know. That's going to be fun.

When we were in the narrow hallway again, it was a sight of relief. Though when we turned the corner, there was a figure slumped against the wall, obviously not Jared. I froze.

I looked closer to the waiting figure. It was smaller than me, that was how I knew it wasn't Jared. It was slim, small, but also too tall and too wiry. In this light even I could see his skin was dyed a deep brown by the sun, and his silky black hair now fell unkempt past his chin.

My knees started to buckle and I almost lost my hold on the twins. Jeb latched on to my elbow to keep me up right.

_Jamie! _Melanie and I cried.

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**Author's Note: Well here's this chapter. Sorry it's posted late in the day.**

**Well, I have good news and, well, it's not bad news, but something you probably won't be happy about, but please, try to understand. **

**Well, good news…..my family bought a house! Other news, it's a fixer upper. So, during the week, we're going to be working on it, and for however long we might be there that day, I might get tired and not write some days, so I might not get a lot of time to write. I'm not going to be able to post mid-week stuff. I'll still try, but I doubt it. Now, I wanted to let you know, I will still try to post on Saturdays, but if I don't it might be a day or two late. I'm, hopefully, not going to miss a week, and if I do, I want to say I'm sorry in advance. I hope you understand, and I will try my hardest to post on Saturdays, but if I don't, it'll most likely be there on Sunday or Monday. **

**Please review. It means a lot and it lets me know how I'm doing.**

**In response to the following:**

**Abbybug3456: The twins were conceived through Jared and Melanie, but when Melanie tried to kill herself and Wanda was put in her, Wanda carried and raises the twins. So Jared's the father and Wanda is the mother, but they were conceived through Jared and Melanie's doings.**

**Have a good week! And I'll hopefully see you Saturday!**

**-BethDee**


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Host. Just Aiden and Maecella.**

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"Well, for Pete's sake!" Jeb exclaimed. "Can't nobody keep a secret in this place? Gol' durn! This just burns me up! Bunch of gossipmongers..." He mumbled off, obviously irritated.

Jeb's words made no sense, though I wasn't really trying to understand them.

I could feel Melanie in every cell of my body; my nerves were tingling, waiting for her direction. My mouth twitched open, wanting to say something. My body was leaning towards the boy since my arms were full with the twins and could not reach out to him.

Melanie had learned a lot of things those few time I lost my command this body, those first few months of my life in this body. It was taking almost all of my strength to fight her instinct to go to this boy, to wrap him in my arms. A fresh bead of sweat was forming on my brow. But this time, I wasn't overwhelmed with my hormones during my pregnancy or weak and dehydrated from morning sickness. Nor was I in shock of having someone in my head, like I was then. I knew this moment might have happened. My body was string again. And the strength of my body gave strength to my control.

I drove Melanie from my limbs, from every hold she had been able to find and chased and then chained her to the back of my mind.

She immediately surrendered. _Ahh._ She sighed, in a way it almost sounded like a moan of pain.

I felt a little guilty as soon as she surrendered. But it needed to be done.

We both knew that she was more to me than some annoying resistant host. We had become friends, even family during the past almost year. Ever since those months that I was pregnant with the twins and she realized my love for them was real, even more so when they were born and I was holding them in my arms, that I told the Healer that I didn't a soul put in them. Aiden and Macey had united us. When I had slipped up and pretty much implied to the Seeker that Melanie was still in here with me and the Seeker said we had to switch bodies immediately, that was why I ran, I couldn't let them kill Melanie. She's more than just a body to me. That's why I feel guilty for causing her pain.

But it had to be done. It was absolutely necessary. But she didn't seem to grasp that. That if we said that she was in here, anyone one word said wrong, it would mean our death. But her reactions to things were too wild. She would get us in trouble or killed.

_Jamie. _She sighed. And she leaned forward to him.

_I'm sorry, but you need to trust me now. I'm trying to keep us and the twins alive. I know you don't believe your humans could hurt us or them, but they will._

_But it's Jamie. _She crooned, leaning farther.

I sighed inwardly. I'm not to get through to her right now. She's too stunned.

She still struggled against the chains in my mind. Her yearning to reach for the boy was making me weak again.

I tried to see him as a stranger. This sullen faced teen, slumped against the wall, his arm folded tight across his chest, I tried to see him as someone I didn't know. So than my lack of response would go accordingly. I absolutely tired, but I failed. He was Jamie, beautiful Jamie. I, not Melanie, I yearned to hold him in my arms and hold him like I would Aiden and Macey. If I didn't have the babies in my arms right now I probably would have. My eyes filled with tears and I tried and failed to hold them back, they trickled down my cheeks. I could only hope that they weren't visible in the little light the small lamp provides.

"Jeb." Jamie said gruffly. His eyes swiftly passed over me, then Aiden and Macey and then away.

His voice was so deep! Could he really be so old? With another pang of guilt I realized

I had just missed his fourteenth birthday. It was that day Melanie had slipped up in her dream and showed me him. She tried so hard though first few month into my pregnancy, those months we were fighting with each other over control, to keep her memories to herself, to protect him, but really it came out in a dream. And then I had e-mailed the Seeker.

I shuddered. How could I have done that? What was wrong with me?

"Whatcha doing here, kid?" Jeb demanded.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Jamie demanded back.

Jeb went silent. A first for him.

"Was it Jared's idea?" Jamie prodded.

Jeb sighed. "Yea, okay, so you know now. What good does it do to you, huh? We only wanted-"

"To protect me?" Jamie interrupted, asking curtly.

When did he get so bitter? Was it my fault? What a stupid question. Of course it was. The all pain that Jared and Jamie are in is my fault.

Melanie began to sob in my head, loudly. It made it hard to concentrate on what Jeb and Jamie were saying.

"Fine, Jamie, you don't need protecting. Now what? What do you want?"

This seemed to through Jamie off. His eyes flickered from my face to Jeb's several times while he struggled to come up with a request.

"I-I want to talk to her…it." He finally said. He voice was higher when he was unsure.

Jeb shrugged. "You can try, kid." Jeb told him. "But she doesn't say much."

He unwrapped his fingers from my elbow, and went to the nearest wall, turned his back to it and leaned into it as he eased himself onto the floor. He settled there. Fidgeting for a moment until he found a comfortable spot. He leaned his head back into the wall, closed his eyes and within a moment it looked like he was sleeping. His gun balancing perfectly across his folded legs.

I stood where he had left me. Trying to keep my eyes off of Jamie and failing.

Jamie was surprised again, this time by Jeb's easy compliance. He watched Jeb recline on the floor with wide eyes that make him look younger. He looks the way I'm used to seeing him from Melanie's memories. After a few minutes of silence and perfect stillness from Jeb, Jamie looked back up at me, and his eyes tightened once again.

The way he was staring at me, angry, trying hard to be brave and be grown up, but also showing the pain and fear of a little boy so clear in his dark eyes had Melanie sobbing louder and had my knees shaking. Rather than taking a chance of collapsing with the twins in my arms, I moved slowly to the other side of the room and sat down, leaning my back against the bench I was sleeping on. I drew my knees up and laid the twins against them. They were awake and there little eyes were wandering around the room.

Jamie was watching me with cautious eyes, and then he took four slow steps toward me until he was standing over me. He eyes flittered over to Jeb who's eyes were still closed and hadn't have seem to move. Jamie knelt down beside me. He expression was suddenly intense; it made him look more adult than any other one had. My heart throbbed for this sad man in the little boy's face.

"You're not Melanie." He said slowly, in a low voice.

It was hard not to speak to him, because I wanted to. So instead, after hesitating for a moment, I shook my head.

"But your inside her body."

I hesitated again then nodded.

"What happened to your-to her face?"

I shrugged. I didn't exactly know what it looked like, although I could imagine.

"Who did this?" He prodded. With a hesitant finger, he almost touched the side of my neck, coming centimeters away from it. I held still, I had no urge to cringe away from him.

"Your Aunt Maggie, Jared and Ian." Jeb listed off in a tired, bored tone. Both of us jumped at his voice. Jeb still hadn't moved, and his eyes were still closed. He looked peaceful, as he had answered Jamie's question in his sleep.

Jamie waited for another moment, then turned back to me with the same intense expression from before.

"You're not Melanie, but you know all of her memories and stuff. Right?"

I nodded.

"Do you know who I am, then?"

I tried to swallow the words, but I couldn't help it. The slipped through my mouth, coming out like a caress. "You're Jamie."

He blinked once. Like he was startled that I suddenly broke my silence. Then he nodded. "Right." He whispered.

We both looked at Jeb, who still had his eyes closed and remained perfectly still, then looked back at each other.

"You remember what happened to her then?"

I winced and then slowly nodded.

"Tell me."

I shook my head.

"Tell me." He demanded. His lips started to tremble. "I'm not a kid. I want to know. Tell me."

I sighed quietly. "It's not… pleasant." I breathed. Wasn't able to stop myself. It's hard to deny this boy what he wanted.

His straight black eyebrows pulled together and up in the middle over his wide eyes. "Please." He whispered.

I glanced back at Jeb. I thought I saw his eyes peeking from between his lashes, but I wasn't sure, it's hard to tell.

"Someone saw go into a place that was off limits. They knew something wasn't right and they called the Seekers." My voice was as quiet and as soft as breathing. I didn't really want him to hear this. But I knew he did when he flinched at the Seeker's name. "The Seekers tried to get her to surrender, but she ran from them. When had cornered her, she jumped into an open elevator shaft."

I recoiled from the memory of the pain, and Jamie's face went white until his deep tan.

"She didn't die?" He whispered.

"No. We have very skilled Healers. They were able to get to her and the babies in time. They mended her quickly. Then they put me in her. They were hoping I would be able to tell them how she survived so long." I snapped my mouth shut. Oh, geez. I was berating Melanie for trying to say something that would get us in trouble, yet here I am doing the exact same thing. I had not meant to sat that much. Jamie didn't seem to notice my slip, but Jeb's eyes slowly opened and they were fixed on my face. No other part of him moved, and Jamie didn't seem to notice Jeb's change.

"They're Jared's?" He asked. "Why didn't they let her die?" He had to swallow; a sob was threatening to come out in his voice. It was so painful for me to hear, because this wasn't the sound of a child that is frightened, but the sound of a man in agony. It was so hard for me not to reach out and grab him and hold him to my chest. To tell him there was no reason to be sad, that everything was fine. I curled my hands into fist around my thighs and tried to focus on his question. Jeb's eyes flickered to my hands and back to my face.

"Yes, they're his." I murmured. "And I wasn't in on the decision. I was still in a hibernation tank, deep in space when that happened."

Jamie blinked again. In surprise. Obviously my answer wasn't what he had expected. I don't know if both of them surprised in or just one, but I going with both. I could see him struggling to control some new emotion. I looked at Jeb; his eyes were bright with unhidden curiosity.

Jamie was still struggling with the new emotion. "How did they survive?"

"The Healers. As I said, they're very skilled."

Finally, the same curiosity that Jeb had, thought more wary, won out in Jamie. "Where were you coming from?"

Despite knowing better, I smiled at his unwilling interest. "Far away. From another planet."

His head cocked to the side. "What was-" He started to ask, but he was interrupted with another question.

"What the heck?" Jared shouted at us, he was frozen with fury in the act of rounding the corner into the room. "Dang it, Jeb! We agreed to-"

Jamie wretched himself to his feet. "Jeb didn't bring me here. But you should have."

Jeb sighed. He slowly got to his feet. The gun slid off his lap and onto the floor. Right in front of me. I scooted more into the wall, uncomfortable.

Jared had a much different reaction. He lunged toward me, closing the length between us in a few huge steps. I wrapped the twins with my arms and covered them with my body, ducking my head in my elbow. I peeked up slowly and watched him jerk the gun up from the floor.

"You trying to get us killed?" He pretty much almost yelled at the old man, shoving the gun in Jeb's chest.

Jeb rolled his eyes. "Calm down, Jared." He said in a slow, tired voice. He took the gun in one hand. "She wouldn't touch this thing if I left it here alone all night, especially with her kids here. Can't you see that?" He jabbed the barrel of the gun towards me. I cringed away. "She's no Seeker. Not this one."

"Shut up, Jeb! Just, shut up!"

"Leave him alone!" Jamie shouted. And Aiden and Macey whimpered. "He didn't do anything wrong!"

"You!" Jared shouted back, turning on the slim, angry boy. "You get out of here now, or so help me!"

Jamie stood his ground. Balling his hands in to fists.

Jared's fists came up, too.

I stood paralyzed in shock. How could they scream at each other like this? They were family; their bonds were stronger than any blood tie could be. Jared wouldn't hit Jamie! He couldn't! I wanted to say something, do something, but I couldn't. Anything I could say or do would only make them angrier.

Surprisingly, Melanie was calmer than I was. _He won't hurt Jamie. He can't. It's not possible. _She said confidently. I glad one of us was.

I looked at them. They were facing off like they were enemies, and it was making me panic.

_Look at them. We should have never come. See how unhappy we have made them? _I moaned. Aiden and Macey were full blown whimpering now.

"You shouldn't have tried to keep this a secret from me." Jamie said from between his teeth. "And you shouldn't have hurt her." One of his fisted hands unclenched and flew out to point at my scarred face.

Jared spit on the floor. "That's not Melanie, Jamie. She's never coming back."

"That's her face." Jamie insisted. "And her neck. Don't those bruises bother you? Those are your children. Doesn't it bother you to hear their cries?"

Jared dropped his hands. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "You will either leave now, Jamie, and give me some space or I will make you leave. I mean it. I'm not kidding. I can't deal with anymore right now, okay? I'm at my limit. So can we have this conversation later?" His eyes opened. They were full with pain.

Jamie looked at him, and all anger drained from his face. "I'm sorry." He mumbled. "I'll go….but I'm not promising that I won't come back."

Jared faintly shook his head "I can't think about that right now. Go. Please?"

Jamie shrugged. He threw one more searching look at me, and then left in quick, long strides. Everyone he took made me ache for the time I missed.

Jared looked to Jeb. "You, too." He said flatly.

Jeb rolled his eyes. "I don't think that was a long enough break, to be honest. I'll keep an eye on-"

"Go."

Jeb frowned thoughtfully for a moment. "Okay. Sure." He started down the hall.

"Jeb?" Jared called after him.

"Yea?"

"If I asked you to shoot it right now, would you do it?"

Jeb kept walking, slowly down the hall, not looking back at us. "I'd have to. I follow my own rules. So don't ask me if you don't mean it." His words rang clear, but they sound lazy as if they were in a drawl. "Ya, think about what I said?"

"Yes. You were right." Jared said. There was a bit of unwillingness in his tone, as if he didn't want to say it.

"Always am." Jeb chuckled. Then disappeared into the darkness.

Jared watched were he disappeared, then slowly shook his head and mumbled something I didn't hear. I thought it sound like 'crazy old man', but I wasn't sure.

He looked at me and then down to the twins, who were staring at him. He shook his head and sat on the floor leaning back against the other end of the bench. His right knee was drawn up, leaning against the wall, with his arm resting on it.

He didn't look at me. He stared down the dark hallway.

And I tried and failed not to look at him. I'm sure he could tell, be he didn't say anything.

We both sat there in silence.

* * *

**Author's Note: Here it is. Hope you enjoy it.**

**I was a little disappointed with the lack of reviews for the last chapter. So please review. **

**See you soon!**

**-BethDee**


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Host. Just the Howe twins. **

* * *

It was so quiet. Even more so than when Jeb took me through the main plaza this morning. When everyone there had literally stopped in the middle of their actions to stare at me, even the some few, glare. If looks could kill, I would have been disintegrated on the spot. But, Jared wasn't glaring at me. Not like he should be. Or like I thought he should be. He just sat on the ground, leaning back against the bench, staring down the hallway. Well, he was glaring down the hallway. His eyebrows were furrowing every so often. Was he thinking about me? Most likely he was. But he was silent.

Surprisingly, the silence we sat in, it was not uncomfortable. I mean, it was a little weird, but not that uncomfortable. Almost like there was nothing wrong.

But there was something wrong, he thought I killed the love of his life, that I erased her. Little does he know I probably couldn't get rid of her if I tried. Which I did those first few months and failed. It's impossible to get rid of her.

_Are you trying to tell me something? _Melanie said teasingly. Although there a little part of some emotion that I didn't understand in there. What was it? Fear? Sadness?

I didn't get a chance to respond. Aiden was nuzzling my chest again, a slow whine coming from his mouth. He nuzzled me again.

My automatic response was to pull down my shirt. It was so natural; I've been doing this every single day, several times a day for the past few months. So, I thought nothing of it when I started to pull down my shirt. But then I saw Jared stiffen from the corner of my eye. I immediately stopped and quickly pulled my shirt up.

How could I have forgotten he was here? He's been sitting in the same room, albeit silently, the whole time! I was spending most of the time trying and, most of the time, failing to keep my eyes off of him. What he must think now. I started to practically take off my shirt in front of him without a second thought, or so he thought. I simply forgot he was here.

How was I going to do this now? It's not like I can exactly ask him to leave. I don't think he would appreciate that very much. And I can't nurse in front of him. I've never nursed the twins in front of anyone before. Not even the Healers when I first had the twins. I was far too shy to do that. They understood and simply told me what to do then left the room. And from Jared's reaction, I don't think he'd appreciate me nursing in front of him. I think he'd shoot me if I tried. Not that I would. Even if he has seen all of this body. My body.

I could put a blanket over my torso. It'd give me enough privacy to nurse and still keep my body from being shown. Though, I could hold both of the twins then. And how could I get to the wagon? Both the wagon and the stroller were across the room and it'd be very difficult to have to put the twins down to get it. The floor was too hard and jagged and if they moved while I was getting it, they could get hurt. And I can't get up with both of them, though my body was stronger, it wasn't strong enough to lift all three of us from the floor and then walk all the way over there to get the blanket and back. And if my hands were full with them, I wouldn't be able to grab the blanket. Though, I could put one of them in the stroller. But then there's still the getting up issue.

"Do you need help?"

I jumped. Hearing Jared speak scared me. Not that his voice was scary, I just wasn't expecting him to speak to me.

He wanted to help me? Me? No, not me. Them. He wanted to help them. I fought hard to keep the smile from coming to my face. He wanted to help them.

I nodded.

"What do you need?"

"A blanket from the wagon. And the diaper bag. It's under the stroller." I said softly.

He didn't say anything else or look back at me. He got up swiftly and gracefully and went to get what I needed. He walked to the wagon, dug around until he could find the blanket and grabbed the diaper bag from under stroller and walked back with long strides. He sank back to the floor as much gracefulness as he got up. I wonder if he was actually graceful or if it was just my love for him that made him seem graceful. He sat closer to me than before. That did not escape me. It wasn't too close, but it was close enough.

He sat the things on the floor beside me and held his arms out. "Swap?" He asked quietly.

He wanted to hold them! He wanted to hold them! I could hardly contain my glee, I wanted to let out a very girlish squeal, but I knew I couldn't or I would scare him off.

Plus I'm pretty sure Melanie would find some way to kill me if I event thought of squealing.

_Yes. I would._ Melanie said dryly.

I twisted by body towards him and stuck out my left elbow so he would know I was going to give him Maecella.

His arms formed a cradle and went under my own, careful not to touch me.

But it didn't work. As I finished sliding Maecella into his arms, his fingers, ever so slightly, brushed against my ribs.

If it bother him or had any effect on him, he didn't show it. But is certainly had an effect on me. I could feel a burning where his fingers had brushed against me. My heart was pounding against my chest and a gasp was working its way up my throat. I had to swallow it down. I couldn't show the effect he had on me.

Jared settled back against the bench. His attention solely on Maecella.

I settled the blanket across my right shoulder and let it settle across my lap. It pretty much covered all of my torso. I pulled my shirt down and unclipped my nursing bra, I guided Aiden to me and he latched on quickly. He pulled the milk from me lustfully.

I sighed internally. _Oh, Aiden. I'm sorry I kept you so long from eating. _

I tried to keep my gaze in where he would be under the blanket, but I couldn't help myself from looking from my peripheral vision at Jared and Macey.

Oh! The look of awe on his face. And the adoration you could in his eyes as he looked down at her. Could it be possible that Jared looked even more beautiful with Maecella in his arms? That they both did? His fingers traced the light pinkness of her cheek. He ran his thumb over the soft plumpness of her bottom lip. I saw him lean down to smell her hair. His eyes closed as he kept his nose buried in her soft waves.

When he lifted his head, Maecella's hands reached up to grab his own and she wrapped her tiny hands around his. She brought them to her cheek and rubbed her face in them slightly. Her sienna eyes stared up into his own as his stared down at her. The wonder he had in his eyes he stared down at her was breath taking. I knew he was a goner. Maecella had gotten to him and she was never going to let go. And I could see know that he wasn't going to either. He fell for her just as I had when they put her in my arms just after I delivered her. The instantaneous love I felt in that moment is the same love I can see in his eyes right now. As I said, he was a goner.

"What's her name?" He breathed.

It was so quiet, I didn't know whether he actually meant for me to hear it. I didn't know whether or not to answer. But then he broke his gaze with Macey to look up at me.

"Maecella." I said quieter than I meant to. "Maecella Jane."

"Maecella." He mouthed. "And the boy." He nodded to Aiden hidden under the blanket.

"Aiden Anthony."

He nodded again then turned his attention back on Maecella. Who had never taken her eyes off him during the whole conversation.

When Aiden was finally done, I laid him across my folded legs and fixed myself before pulling the blanket off me. I looked back at Jared and he was fingering Macey's white and pink onesie.

I was suddenly glad that I dressed them in my favorite clothes on them. I knew it wouldn't have mattered what they would have been in, that Jared would have loved them wither way, but I wanted them to look nice for their Daddy.

I looked for the towel I used when I burped them in the diaper bag. Where is that stupid thing? I sifted through diapers, baby wipes, pacifiers and bibs. And there it was, buried at the bottom. I was going to have to organized that thing when I had a chance. Which now seemed like I wouldn't be very busy.

I laid the towel across my shoulder and raised Aiden up to it.

"Can I do that?"

I turned and he was looking at me. He nodded towards Aiden and the towel.

He wanted to burp him. Well, okay.

I nodded.

I grabbed the towel from my shoulder and laid it across his. Again careful not to touch him. I don't think I could hold my reaction in this time.

I grabbed Aiden and laid him against his shoulder. Jared's arm automatically went across Aiden's back. I grabbed Maecella from his arms. I was surprised I did all this without touching him.

I watched for a moment to make sure Jared knew what he was doing. I knew he wouldn't intentionally hurt Aiden, but you only had to put so much force into your hand when you patted their back.

But my worries were for nothing. Jared was a natural. Not that it was surprise, Jared was good at everything.

Jared continued to pat Aiden back until Aiden let out a loud burp. Jared let out a surprised chuckled then mumbled something. I couldn't quite make out what he said.

He shifted Aiden into his arms as he had Macey. And he studied Aiden also as he had Macey. Though Aiden studied him too, it wasn't quite as thorough as Macey had. He relaxed in Jared's arms and blinked lazily up at him, smacking him mouth slightly. He had a full tummy and was content. Just like any man was when they were full. His position reminded me of Jamie at a holiday dinner when he over stuffed himself and would pat his belly. I'm sure Aiden would do that also in due time.

I settled Macey against my other breast and waited for her to finish.

Jared expression was the exact same as he held Macey. The love shone in his eyes. Making them look even more golden than normal. He finger Aiden's fist and Aiden opened unclenched his hand willingly then clenched it again once Jared's finger was nestled in his palm. Jared's thumb rubbed against Aiden's little knuckles soothingly. Aiden's eyes slowly drifted close.

Maecella finished, and Jared handed me the towel. I think he was content with holding a sleeping Aiden as he made no move to give him back.

When Maecella finally burped and I wrapped her in my arms, she nestled in comfortably and drifted to sleep.

And it was silent once again, aside from Aiden's soft snores.

Jared stared down at him thoughtfully. His eyebrows creased over his forehead. It looked like he was having a battle in his mind.

I sat silently. I knew he was going to talk soon; I just had to be patient and wait until he was ready. Until he finished that war going inside his head. Which side was going to be the winner? I don't know.

_Don't worry. He'll stand by his children. _Melanie said confidently. _And you too. _She added.

I was sure of the first, but not of the latter. _There's no way he would stand by me. He hates me. _

_No he doesn't._

Jared finally finished his thinking. I just looked like he had to get his mouth to work.

He opened his mouth, and then closed it. Then opened it again, but no sound came out. He closed it for a moment then spoke, "Look, I thought a lot about what Jeb said, and he was right."

I didn't answer. What had Jeb told him?

"He told me that I needed to man up and be a father." Did I say that out loud? No. I don't think I did. "That it wasn't the babies fault; they didn't ask to be here. I shouldn't hate them for it." He mumbled something else under his breath. He sighed. "And he was right. I hate admitting that the old loom was right again. But he was. They don't deserve my anger. And they're not going to receive it."

He seemed to struggle with the next part. His eyes struggled to meet mine but they did. And for once his eyes had softened towards me. It nearly took my breath away.

"I-I want to be their…. I want to be Aiden and Maecella's father." He swallowed. "I mean I know I am, but I want to be their real father. Who will take care of them. If you'll let me."

Was my mouth hanging open? It must be. He was asking me to be they're father? I think I just fell a little more in love with this man.

I nodded slowly. Unable to talk.

"I promise to protect them. And that I won't hate them." He chuckled wryly and ran a hand through his hair. "I don't even think I would be able to hate them. It's funny how quickly I fell in love with them. How quickly they became my life."

Relief surged through me. Oh! Thank goodness! That was my biggest fear. That he would turn them away.

_I told you he wouldn't. See I'm always right. _Melanie gloated.

At my look of relief, his expression hardened.

"It doesn't change my opinion of you, just them."

I blanched, and then nodded quickly.

He nodded hard once, then turned his attention back to the hallway.

He had misunderstood. My relief was for them. Not me. There goes sweet Jared. It was nice while it lasted.

_See, you are not always right. He didn't accept me._

Melanie said nothing. But there was some emotion that I wasn't able to tell. She slammed the emotion down quickly. She was hiding something from me.

_It's nothing. _She assured.

Her words seemed so truthful; I didn't see any reason not to believe her.

I leaned my head back against the bench. I was oddly at ease. I was probably relaxed because now I knew Jared loved Aiden and Macey. And he would protect them. No matter what. And that put my mind at ease severely.

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**Author's Note: Here's this chapter. Hope you enjoy it!**

**Thank you for the reviews. And please continue to review!**

**Until next time!**

**-BethDee**


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Host. Just the mini-Howe's.**

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The rest of that day, except for one time, was spent in utter total silence.

Well, except for the occasional yawn or babble from Aiden and Macey. Otherwise than that; total silence.

The only time that I actually talked was when Jeb came in and brought food for me and Jeb several hours after Jared and I talked. He sat the tray next to me on the floor where I was still leaning back against the bench, then smiled at me apologetically.

"Thank you." I whispered and gave him a small smile.

"You're welcome, hon." He told me and patted my shoulder.

Jared grunted at our small exchange, irritated.

Jeb glanced at him as he walked out. He looked down at Aiden, who was still in Jared's arms, then back at Jared and raised an eyebrow. A smile hinting under his heavy beard.

Jared looked down at Aiden, mumbling something unintelligible.

Jeb laughed as he walked out.

That was the only sound that was the only sound Jared made all day. He sat there all day. Alternating between staring at Aiden and glaring down the hallway. He made random glances at Macey, and then went back to looking down the hallway.

There were a few times when I would see Jared glancing at me out of the corner of his eye. He would stare, but then suddenly he would shake his head. Like he was catching himself staring, then he was shaking himself out of it.

But other than that, there was no sound coming from him. I'm sure that if I were to close my eyes and listened, I wouldn't be able to hear him. You couldn't even hear an audible breath coming from him.

It was a very, very, very long. Very dreary. Very cramped. I was afraid to move from my spot on the floor. I felt like any move from me was going end up with me triggering something in Jared and end up with me getting shot.

I tried to make very small movements to get comfortable. A little shift of my leg, leaning on my other hip, moving my shoulders, but nothing seemed to work. There was no position where I was fully comfortable. And my back was starting to throb steadily. I haven't felt like this since I was in the later months of my pregnancy, I was almost willing to risk getting shot to just move back on to the bench. Almost.

When I wasn't busy shifting or staring at Jared. Melanie and I thought about Jamie. I was worried about how our back here would affect him. And she was trying to assure me that he would be fine. But I wasn't so sure. This would obviously injure him emotionally. Thinking he has his sister back physically, but not mentally. That I erased his sister. It can't be good for him. What was a kept promise compared to him hurting?

Time passed on. I had no idea what time it was. It could have been sunset; it could have been the dead of night or early morning. I had no way of knowing. Not here, buried deep in the earth.

When Melanie and I ran out of things to talk about, we shifted through memories, like going through TV channels without stopping on any particular one. I napped shortly once, but I was not able to sleep well because of my throbbing back. And the fact that I had Macey in my arms, who in fact was sleeping soundly. Well, I was happy at least one us was.

Aiden also looked very comfortable in Jared's arms. He had his thumb in his mouth, his other hand had Jared's shirt clenched in his hand. There was a faint smell coming from him, but wasn't very telling. I was only able to tell because I'm his mother and I'm used to it.

Finally Jeb came back. Walking into the room with a wide grin stretching his cheeks.

"Time for another walk?" He asked.

I nodded eagerly. I could have kissed his leathery face.

"I'll do it. Give me the gun." Jared growled.

I paused. I was halfway way up. I stayed like that until Jeb nodded at me.

"Go on, hon."

I got up slowly. My bones popping, it was such a relief to be able to stand up straight again. I leaned up on my toes, feeling my muscles stretching in my calves. It felt so nice.

I walked over to the wagon and pulled out a change of clothes for the twins and stuffed them in the diaper bag. I swung it over my shoulder and walked over to Jared. Holding my arm out for Aiden.

"I've got him." He resisted.

I said nothing. But I looked at him, then at the gun, then back at him. I shook my head. There was no way he was holding him while that gun was in his hand. It might go off, no matter how unlikely, I just might happen. Plus, he'd be a weaker target if we run into someone and Aiden is in his hands. I wouldn't doubt these humans would hurt a baby just to get to me.

I continued to hold my arm out.

He sighed and transferred him over to me. A little reluctantly I might add. That made me happy. It made me very happy that he didn't want to let him go. It also made me happy that he saw my point and wasn't willing to risk Aiden.

Jared knuckles were white over the barrel. He had the gun held tightly. It bothered me more than it did with Jeb to see it in his hands. I didn't like it. It didn't seem right. Especially since I've just seen him with a baby in his arms and now I see a gun.

Jared didn't make any allowances like Jeb did. He stalked off into the black tunnel without waiting to see if I was coming or waiting for me to catch up.

I was hard trying to follow him. He didn't make any noise and he didn't guide me. I walked with an elbow on the way and my body twisted a little bit so if I ran into something, I ran into it and not the twins. I almost fell twice on the uneven floor. He didn't help me, but he did walk a little slower. I guess that he finally figured out that if I went down, so did the twins. Once I realized it was too risky trying to walk and not having any hands free if I fell. I sifted both twins into one arm, laying them against my shoulder and held the other one out in front of me slightly.

Once, when I was hurrying through a straighter section of the tube, I had gotten too close and my hand touched his back, and traced across the shape of his shoulders, before I realized it wasn't another wall I was touching. He jumped away from me. Jerking his out from under my fingers with an angry hiss.

"Sorry." I whispered. And I meant it, my cheeks warmed in the darkness. Though it was my fingers that were burning.

He never responded, but he sped up, putting more distance between us. It was much harder trying to follow now.

It was so much more darker than when Jeb took me. Had Jared taken a different route? We had finally come upon a little bit of light. It must be a different route. It was not the same brilliant light of the cavern. This was more muted. Pale and silver. But the narrow crevice we just passed through seemed the same.

It wasn't until we were inside the giant space that I realized the difference.

It was nighttime. The light that shone from up above mimicked the moon rather than the sun. Now that the light wasn't as blinding, I tried to make out what cause the brilliant light from this morning. How had it gotten in here?

So very high up above me, a hundred of tiny moons shone their thinned light toward the distant floor. The tiny moons were scattered in patternless bunches, some father away from others. I shook my head. Even now that I could look directly up into the light, I still couldn't understand it.

"Let's go." Jared ordered angrily. He was several paces ahead of me.

I flinched at his tone and hurried to catch up. I was sorry that I had let my attention wander. I could see that it irritated him to have to talk to me.

When we reached the river room, I didn't expect the help of a light to get across and I didn't receive it. The light was dimmed now, like the big cave. Jared clenched his jaw and stared at the floor as I crossed slowly into the room with the pool. Though I saw him glance up at me once when I passed him. If I was alone, I was pretty sure that if I fell into the underground hot spring, Jared would see it as some intervention of fate.

_No. I think he would be sad. _Melanie disagreed. I was making my way to the pitch black bathing room. Hugging the wall. _If we fell._

_I doubt it if it were me alone. But since I have the twins with me, he would be sad if they fell. But if it were just me, he would probably be reminded of the pain of losing you the first time, but he would be glad to be rid of me._

_That's only because he doesn't know you. _Melanie whispered. _But he would be. _She finished, and then faded away. As if she were suddenly exhausted.

I froze. Thought Melanie and I gotten very close over the time being. I never realized just how close. It was surprising. I think that was the nicest compliment she's ever given me.

"Move it." Jared barked from the other room.

I jumped and hurried through everything as fast I could. As fast as the darkness and my fear would allow me to. It was too hard try to change the twins so I would have to save that until we got back.

When we returned, Jeb was waiting by the lamp. Two rolls and uneven rectangles laid at his feet.

"You sleeping here or am I?" Jeb asked Jared casually.

"I am." He answered curtly and looked down at the shapes at Jeb's feet. "I only need one bedroll."

Jeb raised an eyebrow.

"She-It's not one of us, Jeb. You left the decision making on me. So butt out."

"She not an animal either, kid. You wouldn't treat a dog this way. Why the mother of your children?"

Jared didn't answer. His teeth ground together and he glared at Jeb.

"I never figured you to be a cruel man." Jeb said softly. But he picked up one of the rolls and a rectangular pillow and stuffed it under his arm.

"Sorry, hon." He patted my shoulder as he passed by.

"Cut that out!" Jared growled.

Jed shrugged unapologetically and ambled away. Mumbling something about a stubborn mule. I didn't understand.

Before he was full out of sight. I hurried to make my way back to the bench. I laid Aiden and Macey down and hurried to change their clothes. I just put Macey in a yellow t-shirt onesie and Aiden in a green one. Nothing fancy.

I made sure the blanket was fixed under them and hurried to lay down.

Instead of lying silently in the corner like before. Jared spread his roll directly beside me. He plumped his pillow a few times, probably trying to rub it in that he had one. I held in my smile that wanted to break free. I really didn't care not having a pillow, as long as the people I love were comfortable, I was fine. Though I probably wouldn't be saying that in a few hours when back would continue throbbing again.

He lay down on the mat and crossed his arms over his chest. His skin was the same dark gold tan that haunted my dreams for the past almost year. It was strange to have that part of my dream a reality not three feet in front of me.

"You won't be able to sneak past me." He warned. His voice was soft with sleepiness. "And if you try," He broke off with a yawn. "I will kill you."

I didn't respond. Really, I was insulted. Where would I go? Why would I even try to sneak pass him? I had nowhere to go. Except into the eager hands of the barbarians that wanted to kill me. Or even if I would be able to sneak past all of them, did he really think I would go back into the desert that almost baked me alive, especially with my children? I wonder what he thought me to be capable of. Did he think I have a plan to over throw their world? Did I really seem that powerful? Was it not obvious how uselessly defenseless I was?

I could tell he was deep asleep. He started to twitch the way he did in Melanie's memories occasionally. He only slept like this when he was upset. I watched his fingers clench and unclench as I started to fall asleep and as a drifting thought before I went under, I wondered if he was dreaming that they were wrapped around my neck.

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**Author's Note: Hi, sorry it's a day late. I went to work on the house early and got back late, then I crashed. So, to make it up to you. I decided to write two chapters.**

**Have fun reading them!**

**And please, please, please…..review! And thank you to those who did in the last chapter!**

**-BethDee**


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Host. Just the Howe twins.**

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Days passed, it could have been a whole week of them. I wouldn't know. They were still quiet, but not as much as before.

Jared still made no effort to talk to me in a full blown conversation. But he would talk a little when he wanted to hold Aiden or Macey, it didn't hold the sharp edge it used to. If I was feeding them, he wanted to burp them. When it was time to change their diapers, he wanted to do it. Which I had no problem giving that part up. Though he wasn't really talking to me, I brought me joy to watch them interact.

He was a completely different man when he had those babies in his arms. Melanie hadn't even seen him like that. There was a soft side to him that was only reserved to them. He was starting act more with them in front of me.

During the first couple of days, I could tell he wanted to do more with them, I would catch him leaning down to kiss them or bring them up to hug them, but then would stop. He didn't want to show those emotions in front of me.

So, I decided to act the way I usually I would if I were alone with, I would coo to them and tickle them, and low and behold. He started to do more with them. Once, I heard him singing to them when he thought I was asleep.

But that was the only time there was any sort of exchange with us. Him asking for something. And I silently letting him do it.

When he started to play more with them, I didn't have to talk as much. There was no sound, other than my own breathing and movements. Everything was the same. I did the same thing. The same sights, same light, the same familiar tray that brought the same rations, the stolen glances at Jared. The same taste of bitter water, hard bread, bland soup and woody roots. The same thing over and over and over again.

It was a strange combination of emotions. Constant terror, physical discomfort, random bouts of joy and consistent boredom. Of the four, the boredom was the hardest to handle.

Melanie and I both thought we were going to go mad.

_We both hear a voice in our head. _She pointed out. _That's never a good sign._

_We are going to forget how to speak. How long has it been since we've spoken?_

_Four days ago or long sleeps ago. When you thanked Jared for changing Aiden's diaper and he grunted in response. _She sighed._ And stop biting your nails! It took me forever to break that habit._

But I hated the long scratchy nails. And so did Aiden and Macey, they hated it when they would run across their skin. Besides, I don't really think we need to worry about breaking habits in the long run.

Jared didn't let Jeb bring food again. Someone just brought it to the end of the hall and Jared went to retrieve it. It was the same bread, soup, and vegetables, twice a day. Sometimes there were extra things for Jared. Red vines, Snickers, Pop-Tarts. I wondered how the humans had gotten these.

I didn't expect Jared to share. Why would I? He didn't glare at me anymore, but I knew he still hated me. Melanie scoffed at that every time I thought of it. I never understood why.

But I wondered when Jared had these things, if he had thought I was hoping he would share. It was one of my favorite entertainments when Jared would eat these things. Because he did it so ostentatiously, as if he was rubbing it in the same way he had with the pillow the first night.

One time, Jared slowly ripped open a bag of Cheetos, being showy about it as usual, and the rich smell of the fake cheese rolled through the room. I never really cared for them, but it smelled so delicious and irresistible. He ate one slowly, letting me hear each distinct crunch.

I couldn't help it, I laughed. I hadn't laughed in so long. I tried to remember when the last time was, I could to think of those few times in the desert when Aiden or Macey did something funny. It felt good to laugh again. It was just so funny that he was trying to make me jealous of him having Cheetos. Then my stomach growled and I laughed again. My stomach was actually yearning for that one small Cheeto.

I don't know if my reaction offended him, but he finished the rest of the bag quickly and never again didn't he flaunt the treats. He ate them quietly in his corner by the bench. Only at night did he stretch out in front of me. I enjoyed that time, because I could look at him without fear of being caught.

Twice a day, or rather twice a night, Jared never took me when the others were around; I got to go to the room with rivers. I was a treat to me, despite the terror of having to walk there, because I got to see something other than my small room.

Three times that week, always during the sleeping hours, someone came to check up on us.

The first time it was Kyle and it almost gave me a heart attack because Jared had Aiden in his arms.

Jared's sudden lunge made me wake up from my sleep when I had just fallen asleep. Jared shoved Aiden to my chest. "Get out of here." He warned Kyle. Holding the gun ready.

"Just checking." Kyle said. He was far down the hall, but his voice was loud and rough to know it wasn't his brother. "Someday you might not be here. Some day you might sleep too soundly."

Jared cocked the gun.

I heard Kyle laugh grow weaker as he moved back down the hall.

The other two times I didn't know who stood down at the end of the hall. It could have been Kyle or Ian or maybe someone whose name I haven't learned yet. But each time Jared had woken me by leaping to his feet and pointing the gun at whoever was there. There were no words exchanged. Whoever was checking wasn't looking to make conversation. When they finally left, Jared went back to sleep quickly. But it took me quite longer to quiet my heart.

The fourth time was something different.

I was just starting to fall asleep when Jared jumped to his feet again. He was up with the gun in his hands.

"Easy, now." A voice murmured down the hall. "I come in peace."

"Whatever you selling, I'm not buying." Jared growled.

"I just want to talk." The voice was closer. You could see a silhouette in the darkness. "You're down here, missing important discussions. We miss you input on things."

"I'm sure." Jared said sarcastically.

"Oh, put the gun down, will you. If I was planning on fighting you, I would have brought four guys this time. Maybe more."

A short silence passed and the figure finally stepped in. It was Kyle's brother, Ian.

"How's your brother these days?" Jared's voice had a hint of dark humor. He seemed to enjoy the question. It relaxed him to tease Ian. He sat back down again, though this time closer to me. He was at ease, but the gun was still ready in his hands.

My body automatically sat up and shielded the twins from this man. I had not forgotten the last time I saw him. My throat started to ache, as if to remind me.

"Oh, he's still fuming about his nose." Ian said. "Oh, well. It not the first time it's been broken and probably won't be the last. I'll tell him you said you were sorry."

"I'm not."

"I know. No one is ever sorry for hitting Kyle."

They laugh quietly together. It seemed odd to hear the camaraderie in their amusement when Jared held the gun loosely in Ian's direction. But then again, the bonds that were formed here must be very strong. Thicker than blood.

Ian sat in the spot Jared was in before and my knees drew up closer to my body and closer to the twins. I could see his profile in the blue light. Unlike his brother, his nose was perfectly straight. Not even a sign of being broken once. Does that mean the others here found him more likable than his brother? Or was he just better at ducking?

"What do you want, Ian? Not an apology for your brother, I'm sure."

"Did Jeb tell you?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"They've given up the search. The Seekers, too."

Jared didn't answer, but I could feel tension suddenly come up around him.

"We've been keeping a watch for some change, but they never seemed overly anxious. The search never strayed from the area where we abandoned the car, and for the past few days it was clear they were looking for bodies rather than a survivor. Then two nights ago we caught a lucky break, the search party left some trash in the open, and a pack of coyotes raided their base camp. One of them came back late and surprised the animals. The coyotes attacked and dragged the Seeker a good hundred yards into the desert before the rest of them heard its screams and came to save it. The other Seekers were armed of course. The scared the coyotes off and the victim wasn't hurt that bad, but the event seemed to have answered any questions they might have had about what happened to our guest here."

I wondered how they were able to spy on the Seekers who were looking for me.

"So they packed up and left. The Seekers gave up the search. All the volunteers went home. No one is looking for it." He turned to look at me and I shrunk back and looked down at my knees. I hope he looked away. "I imagine it's been officially declared dead. Jeb's been saying 'I told you so' to anyone who's around to hear it."

Jared grumbled some incoherent; I could only hear something about Jeb's name. Then he inhaled a sharp breath and blew it out. He said, "All right. Then, I guess that's the end of it."

"That's what it looks like." Ian hesitated for a moment, and then added, "Well….it's probably nothing."

Jared tensed again. He didn't like having his intelligence edited. "Go on."

"No one thinks anything of it other than Kyle. You know how he is."

Jared grunted.

"You got the best instincts with this kind of thing and I wanted your opinion. You see, there's this one Seeker. Kyle was the first to notice how it stood out. It didn't seem important to the rest. When they called off the search, this one wasn't happy about it. It seemed to argue with the rest. You know how the parasites don't fight. When the rest left. This one kept on searching."

"Huh." Jared huffed, he was interested now.

"It was a stupid little thing. Wearing black from head to toe. It had to be burning alive."

A spasm rocked through me and my nails dug into my palms. I found myself curled around the twins. A hiss echoed through the room. It wasn't until it faded that I realized it was mine.

I couldn't seem to control the tremors racking through my body. I wanted to be invisible.

But I couldn't control my fear. My fear for her. For the Seeker.

She was looking for us.

* * *

**Author's Note: Here's the second one. Hope you enjoy it!**

**Review!**

**-BethDee**


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Host. Just the mini-Howe's. **

* * *

I couldn't stop shaking. Why can't I stop shaking? I'm trying to control it, but I can't. I don't want to show my fear. Not when I have Jared watching me. Or Ian. But I can't seem to stop. No matter how much I lock my muscles in place or how much I bite my tongue, my body won't stop shaking. It was pathetic.

When had my distaste for the Seeker turn to fear? I had never feared her before. Melanie had never feared her before. So when did this happen? My stomach was turning. Why couldn't she leave us alone? Why couldn't she believe I was dead like the rest of the Seekers? My heart was picking up speed. My breathing got a little harder. I needed to calm down.

I closed my eyes and I focused my attention on the twins. On their even breaths that I can hear from below me. I blocked out the fact that Jared and Ian were in the same room as me and focused on Aiden and Macey. I pictured it was only us here. No one else was watching, no one else was listening. It was just us.

Finally, my breathing started to even out and my body wasn't shaking anymore. And I mustered my guts enough to open my eyes and assess the situation.

I hesitantly peeked out through my fingers to see Jared and Ian leaning over me. Well, Jared was leaning over me the most while Ian was more behind his shoulder. For some reason, I think that was deliberate.

Both of their faces were hard as stone. Jared's was harder. Ian's looked like it still had some lingering shock.

"Look at its eyes." Ian muttered. There was definitely still some shock left it there. "It's frightened."

Still? Dang, I thought I had gotten all my fear wiped off my face. I wanted to hide back in my hands, but I don't think that would help very much. They would think I was even more afraid. Which I was, but there was no need to advertise it more. I tried to wipe any lingering fear off my face.

Once I thought I had gotten any fear left over off my face, I studied Jared's expression. I could see both he and Ian's expressions clearly, but I only focused on Jared's. And his gaze was only focusing on me. It was calculating. He was probably shifting through what Ian said; looking for what had set me off.

"Who is the Seeker in black?" He barked at me.

My lips trembled. I wanted to answer him. But I knew that being silent was the safest.

"I know you can talk." Jared growled. "You talk to Jeb and Jamie. You were talking to me. And now we're going to talk again."

He moved closer. He leaned more over me that now I couldn't even see Ian anymore. I could feel his warm breath on my face.

"Tell me what you know."

I didn't answer.

"Who is the Seeker in black? Why is she looking for you?" He shouted.

I cringed. He was so loud. The shout echoed throughout the room. I heard the twins whimper below me.

"Ah, Jared? Maybe I should-" Ian murmured.

"Stay out of it!"

I heard Ian move closer, but I still couldn't see him.

"Can't you see you scared it? And the kids? Let it have a-"

Jared suddenly leapt up from above me. He moved and then I heard a thud. Then a muted curse.

I raised my head, but I still couldn't see Ian. All I could see was Jared's back.

I heard Ian spit and then groan. "That's twice, now." He growled. And I realized the thud meant Jared had hit him.

"I'm ready to go for three." Jared muttered under his breath. And turned back to face me. He spoke to me again. His eyes scrutinizing my face. Every word was a sentence. "Who. Is. The. Seeker."

I dropped my hands from my face and stared into his pitiless eyes. It bothered me that someone else had suffered from my silence. Even if they had tried to kill me.

The twins whimpered again beneath me. They were no doubt sensing the tenseness in the room. I used my hand underneath me to rub their heads, trying to sooth them. Trying to ease the air.

Jared looked down at where the twins were at, where my hand was patting them, even though he couldn't see them. His expression changed when looked back at me. "I won't hurt you," He said quietly. "But I do have to know the answer to my question."

This wasn't the right question. At least it wasn't one that I was supposed to protect.

"Tell me." He insisted. His eyes tight with frustration and deep unhappiness.

Was there really any reason for me to keep this to myself? It wasn't anything big. But then again, he might think I was lying and kill me. But he said he wouldn't hurt me. Was he lying? He might be, so if I answered or didn't answer he might hurt me anyways. At least that was the excuse I was giving myself to answer. When the real reason was much, much more pathetic.

I wanted to please him. I wanted to please this human who hated me so much.

"The Seeker." I said. My voice was so rough. It croaked at the end, it's been a while since I've used it.

"We already know it's a Seeker." He interrupted me. He was impatient.

"Not just any Seeker. My Seeker." I whispered.

"What do you mean, your Seeker?"

"Assigned to follow me. She's the reason-" I stopped. I almost spoke the word that would have truly meant my death. I almost said we. The truth that he would see a lie. He would never think that his wish would come true. He would only think me a liar. Even if I had said we, he could have taken it as me including the twins, though. Seeing as I do that a lot. So, really, it could go either way.

"The reason?" He prompted.

"The reason I ran away." I breathed. "The reason I came here."

I wasn't really lying. She was one of the reasons I came here. But she wasn't the main reason. So, not entirely the truth and not entirely a lie, either.

Jared stared at me, his mouth half open. He was trying to process what I told him. I saw a movement from the corner of my eye. Ian was on the side of Jared; his blue eyes were wide with shock. There was blood on his lips.

"You ran away from a Seeker? But you're one of them!" Jared was struggling to compose himself. "Why did it following you? What did it want?"

I swallowed. "She wanted you. You and Jamie."

His expression hardened again. "And you lead it here?"

_My word! You stubborn man! _Melanie growled, frustrated.

I ignored her.

I shook my head. "I didn't….I..." Now I wanted to growl in frustration. How do I explain this without him automatically think it was a lie.

"What?"

"I didn't want to tell her. I don't like her."

He was confused again. "Don't you have to like everyone?"

"We're supposed to." I admitted. There was small part of me that still held a little bit of shame that I didn't.

"Who did you tell about this place?" It was Ian that asked, he asked over Jared's shoulder. Jared scowled, but kept his eyes on my face.

"I couldn't tell. I didn't know. I just saw lines. The lines that were on the album. I drew them for the Seeker, but we never knew what they were. She still thinks they're a road map." I need my mouth to stop talking. But I couldn't seem to stop. I tried to make my words slower. Just in case I almost slip.

"What do you mean you didn't know what they were? You're here." I could tell Jared was still confused. His hands were flexing at his sides.

"I was having trouble with my- with the - with her memory. I didn't understand. I couldn't access everything. There were walls. That's what the Seeker was assigned to me for. She was waiting for me to unlock the rest." I bit my tongue. Too much. Too much information.

Jared and Ian exchanged a look. They had never heard anything like this. They didn't trust me, but they want to believe it was possible. That my words were possible. They wanted it too much and that made them fear.

Jared's voice was suddenly hard. "Were you able to access my cabin?"

"No. Not for a long time."

"And then you to the Seeker."

"No."

"No? Why not?"

"Because. By the time I could remember it, I didn't want to tell her."

Ian's eyes were frozen wide.

Jared's voice change. It became low, almost tender. And it was so much more dangerous than when he was shouting. "Why didn't you tell her?"

My jaw locked. It was not _the_ secret, but it was still a secret he would have to beat out of me. Though my reason for my determination to hold my tongue had less to do with self-preservation than it had to do with pride. I was not going to tell this man, who hated me, that I loved him.

He watched the expression that passed in my eyes and he seemed to understand what it would take to get that answer out of me. He decided to skip it, or come back to it later.

"Why weren't you able to access everything? Is that normal?"

This question was dangerous. For the first time, I told an outright lie.

"She fell a long way. The body was too damaged."

Lying didn't come easily to me, this one fell flat. Jared and Ian both noticed it. Jared's head cocked to the side and one of Ian's black eyebrows rose.

"Why isn't this Seeker giving up like the others?"

I was exhausted suddenly. I knew that they could keep this up all night, and they would keep this up all night if I kept on answering, then I would definitely slip up. I slumped against the wall and closed my eyes.

"I don't know." I whispered. "She's not like other souls. She's… annoying."

Ian laughed once, startled.

"And you. Are you like other… souls?" Jared asked.

I opened my eyes. Really? I stared him wearily for a long moment. What a stupid question. I shut my eyes tight, buried my head against my knees, and wrapped my arms around my head.

Either Jared understood that I was finished speaking or his back was starting to hurt from standing over me for so long. He grunted as he stood and groaned quietly while he stretched.

"That was unexpected." Ian whispered. "Do you think its lying?"

"I don't know." Jared whispered back. I could just barely make out their words. They were speaking low. "Only… I can't figure out what it wants us to believe. Where it's trying to lead us."

"I don't think it's lying. Well, except for that one time. Did you notice it?"

"Part of the act."

"Jared, when have you ever met a parasite who could lie about anything? Except a Seeker."

"Which it must be." Jared answered back; I could hear in his response that he wasn't as solid on the theory as he sounded.

But Ian didn't hear it. "Are you serious?"

"It's the best explanation."

"She-it is the furthest thing from a Seeker I've ever seen. If a Seeker had any idea how to find us, it would have brought an army."

"And they wouldn't have found anything. But she- it got in, didn't she-it?"

"It's almost been killed half a dozen-"

"Yet it's still breathing, isn't she-it?"

They were quiet for a long time. So long that I started to think about uncurl from the cramped ball I was curled in, but I didn't want to make any noise by lying down. I wished leave now so I could sleep. The adrenaline that ran from my body was now gone and it left me drained.

"I think I'm going to talk to Jeb." Ian whispered eventually.

"Oh, that's a great idea." Jared said, his voice thick with sarcasm.

"Do you remember that first night? When it jumped between Kyle and you to get to the kids? That was bizarre."

"It was just trying to find a way to survive, to escape."

"By giving Kyle the go ahead to kill it? Awesome plan."

"It worked."

"Jeb's gun worked. Did she know he was on his way?"

"You're overthinking it, Ian. That's what it wants."

"I don't think you're right. I don't know why, but I don't think she wants us to think about her at all. Or the kids." I heard Ian shuffle around. "You know what's really twisted?"

"What?"

"I felt guilty. Guilty as crap, watching her flinch away from us. Seeing those marks on her neck."

"You can't let her-it get to you like that." Jared was suddenly disturbed, but there was another emotion behind it, it sounded a little bit…. I don't know what it sounded like. "She-it's not human. Don't forget that."

"Just because she isn't human, do you think that means she doesn't feel pain?" Ian's voice faded as he walked off. "That she doesn't feel just like a girl who's been beaten-beaten by us?"

"Get a hold of yourself." Jared hissed after him.

"And why do you keep call it she?"

Jared never answered.

"See you around, Jared."

* * *

Jared didn't relax for a long time after Ian left. He paced the floor, right in front of my bench. Back and forth, back and forth right in front of me. Than he finally sat on the mat, muttering to himself. I gave up on waiting for him to fall asleep. And stretched out on my bench, the twins were already long asleep. He jumped at the noise my movement made, and then went back to muttering to himself.

"Guilty." He grumbled. "Letting her-it get to him." He mumbled something unintelligible. "Just like Jeb, like Jamie…." Something else I couldn't understand. "Can't let this go on. Shouldn't let her-it live. It, it, it. Hate Ian."

Goose bumps rose on my arms, but I tried to ignore them. I'll never have a moments peace if I keep on panicking every time he thinks about killing me. I turned on my stomach, crossing my arms under my head. He jerked again and he met my eyes for a second, an emotion passed through them before he turned and lapsed into silence. I'm sure he was still brooding when I finally drifted to sleep.

* * *

When I woke, Jared was sitting on the mat, his legs crossed with Aiden and Macey awake in his lap. His hands in theirs.

I enjoyed the sight. Something in my heart always fluttered when I saw him holding them.

I sat up and mimic Jared's pose, leaning against the wall. I rubbed my eyes with the heel of my palm. It didn't feel like I slept more than an hour or two, but I was too alter to try to go back to sleep right away. I fretted about Ian's visit, worrying Jared would work even harder to keep me more secluded after Ian's strange reactions. After his strange theories. Why couldn't Ian just have kept his mouth shut? We were doing fine. Why did he have to admit he was guilty? If he was capable of guilt, why did he go around strangling people?

Melanie was irritated with Ian, too. And oddly nervous about him in general. Not fearful, but nervous.

Our worries were interrupted after a few minutes.

"Just me." Jeb called from the dark hallway. "Don't get all worked up."

Jared cocked the gun. And I blanched. What did he think he was doing, doing that with the twins in his lap?

"Go ahead and shoot me, kid. While you have you own in your lap. Go ahead." Jeb's voice got closer. His voice was amused.

Jared looked down at the twins, who looking up at him innocently, sighed and put the gun down. "Please leave."

"Need to talk to you." Jeb grunted, huffing as he sat down on the wall across from Jared. "Hi." He said to the twins. "Hey there, hon." He nodded to me.

"You know how much I hate that." Jared muttered.

"Yep."

"Ian already told me about the Seekers-"

"I know, I just finished talking to him about it."

"Great. Then what do you want?"

"Not so much of what I want. But of what everybody needs. We're running low on just about everything. We need a real complete supply run."

"Oh." Jared muttered. This was not the conversation he was tensed for. After a short pause. "Send Kyle."

"Okay." Jeb said easily. He braced himself on the wall to get up.

Jared sighed. His suggestion had been a bluff. He folded the moment Jeb took him up on it. "No, no. Not Kyle. He's too..."

Jeb chuckled. "He almost got us in some deep water last time, didn't he? Not one to think things through. Ian, then?"

"He thinks things through too much."

"Brandt?"

"He's no good for long trips. Starts getting panicked a few weeks in. Starts making mistakes."

"Okay. You tell me who, then."

Seconds passed and I heard Jared suck in a breath every now and then, each time ready to give Jeb an answer, but then exhaled and said nothing.

"Ian and Kyle together?" Jeb asked. "Maybe they could balance each other out."

Jared groaned. "Like last time. Okay, okay. I know it has to be me."

"You're the best." Jeb agreed. "You changed our lives when you showed up."

Melanie and I nodded to ourselves. This didn't surprise us.

Jared was magic. Jamie and I were perfectly safe with Jared while his instincts guided us. We never once came close to getting caught. If it were Jared and not me in Chicago, I'm he would have been fine.

Jared jerked his head towards me. "What about…"

"I'll keep an eye on her, on them, when I can. I'll expect you to take Kyle with you. That should help."

"It won't be enough. Kyle gone and you keeping an eye on her. She… it won't last long."

Jeb shrugged. "I'll do my best. It's all I can do."

Jared started shaking his head slowly back and forth, looking down at Aiden and Macey. He fingered their hands. Watching as they closed around his.

"How long can you stay down here?" Jeb asked.

"I don't know." Jared whispered.

There was a long silence. After a few minutes, Jeb started to whistle tunelessly.

Finally, Jared let out a huge breath I didn't know he had been holding.

"I'll leave tonight." His words were slow. Full of resignation, and a slight twinge of pain I thought I heard, but also relief. His voice change, got slightly less defensive. It was as though he was going back to who he was before I showed up. Letting one responsibility slide off his shoulders and picking up another. This one more welcome.

He was giving up on keeping me alive. Letting nature, or a mob, take its course. And when I was dead when he came back, he wouldn't hold anyone one responsible. He would not mourn. I could hear all this in those three words.

I knew the human exaggeration for sorrow. A broken heart. But I never thought it real. So I was expecting the sudden pain in my chest. The nausea, yes, the swelling of the throat, yes, and even the burning of tears. But not the ripping sensation under my ribs.

_That's not what he meant! You didn't hear anything in those three words! Yeesh! _Melanie said. Though she was in pain too. But not from the words.

I ignored her. I know what he said.

_No, you don't. _

The pain wasn't just ripping. But twisting and pulling in different directions. Because Melanie's heart was breaking too. It was a separate sensation, as if we grew another organ to compensate for our twin awareness. A double heart for a double mind. Twice the pain.

_He's leaving. _She sobbed. Her emotions changed very quickly.

I wanted to weep with her. But someone had to keep level headed. I bit my lip to keep the moan back.

"That's probably best." Jeb said.

"I'll need to get some things organized…" Already Jared's mind was far, far away from the claustrophobic room.

"I'll take over from here, then. Have a safe trip."

"Thanks. I guess I'll see you when I see you, Jeb."

"Guess so."

Jared handed the gun to Jeb, grabbed the twins tight in his arms and stood up. He raised them to his mouth, giving them both a kiss on then head and parting them with a quiet 'be good', and then handing them to me.

I took them choking back a sob. I was glad Jared expected them to live.

He stared to make his way out of the room.

"Jared." I choked out.

He didn't turn, but he stopped where he was at, turning his head a bit in acknowledgement.

"Be careful."

He turned his head fully and met my eyes. That expression was there again. The one I saw last night, before I went to bed.

He stared at me, with that expression, for a moment, then nodded and walk down the dark hallway.

I listened to the fading sound of his footsteps until they were truly gone. Then, forgetting Jeb's existence, I placed Aiden and Macey down beside me, pressed my face into my hands and sobbed.

* * *

**Author's Note: Here you go! Sorry it's late. My little cousins came over unexpectedly today.**

**So, thank you for the reviews to those who gave them. And please review again. I like to know how I'm doing.**

**In response to Emily: Thanks! And yea, I know it seems a little wierd to have baby twins in a desert. But it can happen. :)**

**See ya soon!**

**-BethDee**


	15. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns the Host. I own Aiden and Maecella.**

* * *

Jeb let me cry myself out without interrupting me. He never commented through the following sniffles. He even took care of Aiden when he started crying. It was only when I had gone silent for a good half an hour that he spoke.

"You still awake?"

I didn't answer. It was a habit now to stay silent.

"You want to get up and stretch?" He offered. "My back is hurting just thinking about that stupid rock."

Oddly, considering my week of being pretty much silent, I wasn't really in the mood for company. But his offer was too good to refuse. I was sitting up before I could even think about it.

Jeb was sitting on the floor, leaning against the wall with Aiden asleep in his arms. It was a very odd sight I never thought I would see. And Aiden seemed fine in his arms; he usually doesn't like strangers, neither of the twins do. So, to see Aiden fast asleep comfortable in Jeb's arms, with one hand clenching Jeb's beard, it was weird. And Jeb seemed fine with it. He sat there calmly, head leaning back against the wall, as if this was an everyday thing. It almost made me want to laugh, almost.

I watched him as I stretched, rolled and shook out my limbs. Looking for any reaction, but he had his eyes closed. Just like the time of Jamie's visit, he looked asleep.

How long had it been since I've seen Jamie? How was he now? I wish I could see him. My already sore heart gave another painful lurch.

"Feel better?" Jeb asked, opening his eyes.

I shrugged. Picking up Maecella from the bench. I brought her close to my chest. Whoa! She needed her diaper changed. I smelled the air. Pronto.

How Jeb must feel. I could only imagine what Aiden smells like. Especially since I had just finished feeding them before Jared left.

"It's going to be okay, you know." He grinned widely. A face stretching grin. "All that stuff I said to Jared. Well, I wouldn't say I was lying, exactly, because it's all true if you look at it from a certain angle. But from another angle, it wasn't so much the truth, but what Jared needed to hear."

I stared blankly. I had no idea of what he was saying.

"Anyway, Jared needs a break from this. Not for you or the kids." He quickly added. "But from this situation. He'll gain some perspective while he's away."

I wondered how he knew which phrases and words would cut at me. And more of why would he care if his words hurt me, or if my back was aching? Him being kind to me was more frightening in its own way because I didn't understand it. Jared's actions towards me at least made sense. Kyle and Ian's murder attempts, the doctors fascination to hurt me, I could understand their logic on their desire to hurt or kill me. But not Jeb's kindness. What did he want from me?

"Now, don't look so glum." Jeb urged. "There's a bright side to this. Jared was being pigheaded about you, and now that he's temporarily out of the picture, it's bound to make things more comfortable for you and the tykes."

My eyebrows furrowed. What does that mean?

"For example," He went on. "This space you're living in here is what we usually use for storage. Now, when Jared and the guys get back, we're going to need a place to put all the stuff they bring back. So we might as well find a new place for you now. Something a little bigger? Maybe with a bed?" He smiled again. He was dangling the carrot in front of me and I oh so bad wanted to grab it.

I was waiting for him to snatch it away. To tell me he was joking.

Instead, his eyes, the color of faded blue jeans, became very, very gentle. Something about the expression in them brought the lump back to my throat and I felt my eyes start to sting.

"You don't have to go back to the bench, honey. The worst part is over."

I found that I cold doubt the earnest look on his face. And for the second time in an hour, I bowed my head and cried. I wanted to bury my face in my hands, but Macey was still in my arms.

He got to his feet, struggling a little seeing as he still has Aiden in his arms, and patted me awkwardly on the shoulder. He didn't seem comfortable with tears. "There, there." He mumbled.

I quickly got control of myself. When I wiped the tears from my eyes and smile tentatively at him, he nodded in approval.

"That's a girl," He said patting me again. "Now, we'll hang out here until we're sure Jared is really gone and can't catch us." He winked and grinned conspiratorially. "Then we'll have some fun!"

I remembered that his idea of fun was usually some form of an armed standoff.

He chuckled at my expression. "Don't worry about it, hon. While we're waiting, you might as well get some rest. I bet that skinny, little mattress would feel pretty good to you right now."

I looked from his face to the mat on the floor and back.

"Go on," He urged. "You look like you could you use a good sleep. I'll keep watch you and them." He paused. "But first, maybe you oughta change the tykes? The air's getting a little ripe."

I swallowed a chuckle.

New moisture rose into my eyes. I was touched. I sank down into the mat, leaning over to grab the diaper bag. I quickly changed Macey, then held out my arms for Aiden and did the same. I laid them down next to me and stuck the soiled diapers in an empty pocket in the diaper bag.

I finally laid down onto the mat and sunk my head into the pillow. It was heavenly. Despite Jeb's calling it thin. I stretched out to my full length, pointing my toes and reaching out with my fingers. I heard my bones popping. I let myself wilt into the mattress. It felt like it was hugging me, erasing all my aches and pains. I sighed.

I looked next to me. Even Aiden and Macey stretched out. Their feet pointing straight and their arms folded out. I guess they need the room too.

"Does me good to see that." Jeb muttered. "It's like an itch you can't scratch. Knowing someone is suffering under your own roof."

He eased himself onto the floor a few feet away from me and started humming quietly. I was out before the first bar.

* * *

When I woke, I knew that I'd been solidly asleep for a long time. Longer than I had slept since coming here. No pains and no frightening interruptions. I would have felt pretty good, except that waking up on the pillow reminded me that Jared was gone. It still smelled like him.

_Back to just dreams. _Melanie sighed forlornly.

I vaguely remember my dream, but I knew it featured Jared. As it always does when I am actually able to sleep deeply enough to dream.

"Morning kid." Jeb said, sounding chipper.

I peeled back my lids to look at him. He was still up against the wall. Had he sat there all night? He didn't look tired, but I suddenly felt guilty for taking advantage of the better accommodations.

Jeb opened his mouth to say something, but was cut off when Aiden's loud cry pierced the air.

I grabbed him from beside me rocking him a bit. I knew what he wanted, but I didn't know how to ask.

Turns out I didn't have to. Aiden pointed out what he wanted for me. He turned his head and nuzzled my chest, sucking through my shirt. He started to whine when he didn't get anything.

My cheeks flamed.

Jeb cleared his throat uncomfortably. "I'll, um, just… ah… I'll just… wait out in the, ah, hall." He shuffled up and went to wait outside the door.

Once I was sure he was out in the hall, I pulled the blanket off the bench and wrapped it across my shoulder, letting it flit down to the other side of my waist. I pulled my shirt and bra down, and lead Aiden to me. He latched on and pulled hungrily from me. Someone was hungry.

Once he finished, I changed his diapers and put him in a new onesie.

By the time I was done with Aiden, Macey had woken up and was waiting her turn.

When she finished, I changed her and put her in a new onesie just as Aiden. While I was dressing her, I realized that today was they were three months old.

I leaned down to kiss her head. "Happy three months." I whispered and did the same to Aiden.

I was a little sad that Jared missed it. He had already missed the two first months and I didn't want him to miss this one. I wanted to see his face light up when he realize he could actually experience the joy of seeing your little one grow another year. It seems like such a small achievement, but to parents it is huge. And I wanted to see him when it came to that, and I never will.

_They'll have more months. And you'll see more months. _Melanie assured me. I just wish I could be as sure as she was.

"You, ah, done in there?" Jeb interrupted my thoughts. He was peeking around the corner tentatively.

I nodded

Jeb came in again. "So the guys are long gone." He said enthusiastically, his excitement returning. "How 'bout a tour?" He stroked the gun through a strap at his waist. It was an unconscious gesture.

My eyes widened. I stared at him in disbelief. He wants to take me on a tour?

"Now, don't turn all sissy on me. No one's going to bother you or the tykes. And you'll need to find your way around eventually."

He held a hand out to help me up.

I took it automatically, and then turned to pick up the twins. My head was spinning as I tied to process what he said. Why would I need to find my way around? And what did he mean "eventually"? How long did he expect me to last here?

Once I had twins secure in my hands, Jeb took my elbow and led me forward.

I had forgotten what it was like to move through the dark tunnels with a guiding hand. It was so easy; walking barely took any concentration at all.

"Let's see." Jeb murmured. "Maybe the right wing first. Set up a decent place for you. Then the kitchens…" He went on planning his tour, continuing as we stepped through the narrow crevice into the bright tunnel that led to the even brighter big room. When the sound of voices reached us, my mouth went dry. Jeb kept right on chatting, either missing or ignoring my terror.

"I bet the carrots are sprouted today." He said as he led me into the main plaza. The light blinded me, and I couldn't see who was in there, but I could feel their eyes on me. The sudden silence was as menacing as ever.

"Yep." Jeb answered himself. "Now, I always think that looks real pretty. A nice spring green like that is a treat to see."

He stopped and held his hand out, inviting me to look. I squinted in the direction he gestured, but my eyes kept darting back around the room as I waited for them to adjust. It took a moment, but then I saw what he was talking about. I also saw that there were maybe fifteen people in here today, all of them regarding me with hostile eyes. But they were busy with something else, too.

The wide, dark square that took up the center of the big cavern was no longer dark. Half of it was fuzzy with spring green, just as Jeb had said. It was pretty. And amazing.

It was no wonder no one stood on this space. It was a garden.

Aiden and Macey leaned forward in my arms, fascinated by the bright green.

"Carrots?" I whispered.

He answered at a normal volume. "This half that's greening up. The other half is spinach. That should be up in a few days."

The people in the room had gone back to work, still peeking at me now and again, but mostly concentration on what they were doing. It was easy enough to understand their actions, and the big barrel on wheel, and the hoses, now that I recognized the garden.

"Irrigating?" I whispered again.

"That's right. Dries out pretty quickly in this heat."

I nodded in agreement. It was still early, I guessed, but I was already sweating. The heat from the intense radiance overhead was stifling in the caves. I tried to examine the ceiling again, but it was too bright to stare at.

I nudged Jeb slightly and stared up at the dazzling light. "How?"

Jeb smiled, seeming thrilled at my curiosity. "Same way the magicians do it. Mirrors, hon. Hundreds of 'em. Took me long enough to get them all up there. It's nice to have extra hands around here when they need cleaning. See, there's only four small vents in the ceiling here, and that wasn't enough light for what I had in mind. What do you think of it?"

He shoulders pulled back, proud again.

"Brilliant," I whispered. "Astonishing." Even the twins seemed to enjoy it for a second, but then went back to the pretty green.

Jeb grinned and nodded, enjoying my reaction.

"Let's move on." He suggested. "Got a lot to do today."

He led me to a new tunnel, a wide, naturally shaped tube that ran off from the big cave. This was new territory to me. All my muscles locked up and I moved forward with stiff legs and unbending knees.

Jeb patted my shoulder but otherwise ignored my nerves. "This is mostly sleeping quarters and some storage. The tubes are closer to the surface here so it was easier to get some light."

He pointed up at a bright, slender crack in the tunnel ceiling overhead. It threw a hand sized spot of white onto the floor.

We reached a broad fork, not really fork, because there was too many tines. It was an octopus like branching of passageways.

"Third from the left." He said. And looked at me expectantly.

"Third from the left?" I repeated.

"That's right. Don't forget. It's easy to get lost around here, and that wouldn't be safe for you. Folks would just as soon as stab you as send you in the right direction."

I shuddered. "Thanks." I muttered with slight sarcasm.

He laughed. As if my answer had delighted him. "No point in beating around the bush when it comes to the truth. Doesn't make it worse to have it said out loud."

It didn't make it better either. But I didn't say that. I was beginning to enjoy myself a little. It was nice to have someone to talk to me again. Jeb was, if nothing else, interesting company.

"One, two, three," He counted off, then led me down the third hallway from the left. We started passing round entrances covered by a variety of makeshift doors. Some were curtained off with patterned sheets of fabric; others had big pieces of cardboard duct taped together.

"Seven," Jeb counted, and stopped in front of a smallish circle, the tallest point just a few inches higher than my head. This one protected its privacy with a pretty jade green screen, the kind that night divide the space in an elegant living room. There was a pattern of cherry blossoms embroidered across the silk.

"This is the only space I think of for now. The only one that's fitted up decent for a human habitation. It will be empty for a few weeks, and we'll figure out something better out for you by the time it's needed again."

He folded the screen aside, and a light that was brighter than that in the hallway greeted us.

The room he revealed gave me a strange feeling of vertigo, probably because it was so much taller than it was wide. Standing inside it was like standing in a tower or a silo, not that I had ever been in such places, but those were the comparisons Melanie made. The ceiling, twice as high as the room wide, was a maze of cracks. Like vines of light, the cracks circled around and almost met. This seemed dangerous to me. Unstable. But Jeb showed no fear of cave ins as he led me further in.

There was a double sized mattress on the floor, with about a yard of space on three sides of it. The two pillows and two blankets twisted into two separate configurations on either half of the mattress made it look as if this room housed a couple. A thick wooden pole, something like a rake handle, was braced horizontally against the far wall at the shoulder height with the ends lodged in two of the Swiss cheese holes on the rock. Over it were draped a handful of T-shirts and two pairs of jeans. A wooden stool was flush with the wall beside the makeshift clothes rack, and on the floor beneath it was a stack of worn paperback books.

"Who?" I asked Jeb, whispering again. This space obviously belonged to someone that I no longer felt like we were alone.

"Just one of the guys on the raid. Won't be back for a while. We'll find you guys something by then."

I didn't like it, not the room, but the idea of staying in it. Despite the simple belongings, whoever owned this room obviously lived in it very much. No matter who he was, who he would not be happy to have me here. He would hate it.

Jeb seemed to read my mind, or maybe the expression on my face was clear enough.

"Now, now," he said. "Don't worry about that. This is my house, and this is just one of my many guest rooms. I say who is and isn't my guest. Right now, you and those kids are my guest, and I am offering you this room."

I still didn't like it, but I didn't want to upset Jeb. I vowed that I wouldn't disturb anything, even if it meant sleeping on the floor.

"Well, let keep moving. Don't forget. Third from the left, seventh in."

"Green screen." I added.

"Exactly."

* * *

Jeb took me back through the big garden room, and around the perimeter to the opposite side, and through the biggest tunnel exit. When we passed the irrigators, the stiffened and turned, afraid to have their backs turned to me.

This tunnel was well lit, the bright crevices coming at intervals too regular to be natural.

"We go even closer to the surface now. It gets dryer, but hotter."

I noticed that immediately. Instead of being steamed, we were now being baked. The air was less stuffy and stale. I could taste the desert dust.

There were more voice ahead. I tried to hold back the inevitable reaction. If Jeb insisted on treating me like this, like a guest, I would have to get used to this. No reason to let myself get nauseous every time. My stomach began rolling anyways.

"This way's the kitchen." Jeb told me.

At first I thought we were in another tunnel, one crowded with people. I pressed myself against the wall, trying to keep my distance.

The kitchen was a long corridor with a high ceiling, higher that it was wide, like my knew quarters. The light was bright and hot. Instead of thin crevices through deep rock, this place had huge open holes.

"Can't cook in the day time, of course. You know, smoke. So we mainly use this as the mess hall until night."

All conversation went silent, so Jeb's words were clear for everyone to hear. I tried to hide behind him, but he kept walking further in.

We had interrupted breakfast. Or was it lunch?

The humans, it looked like almost twenty for a quick estimate, were very close in here. It wasn't like the big cavern. I wanted to keep my eyes on the floor, but I couldn't stop them from flashing around the room quickly. Just in case. I could feel my body tensing, ready to make a run for it. Though as to where I would run, I don't know.

Against both sides of the hallway, there were long piles of rock. Mostly rough, purple volcanic stone, with some lighter, colored substance cement running between them, creating seams, holding them together. On top of these piles were different stones, browner in color, and flat. They were glue together as well. The final product was a relatively even surface, like a counter or table. It was clear that they were used for both.

The humans sat on some, leaned on other. I recognized the bread rolls they held suspended between the table and their moths, frozen with disbelief as they took in Jeb and his three person tour.

Some of them were familiar. Sharon, Maggie, and the doctor were the closest group to me. Melanie's cousin and aunt glared at Jeb, but the doctor eyed me with a frank and almost friendly curiosity that made me feel cold deep inside my bones.

At the back end of the hall shaped room, I recognized the tall man with ink black hair and my heart stuttered. I thought Jared was supposed to take both of the hostile brothers with him to make Jeb's job of keeping my alive more easier. At least it was the younger one, Ian, developed a conscience too late, not quite as bad as leaving Kyle behind. Though it did nothing to slow my pulse.

"Everybody full so quickly?" Jeb asked loudly and sarcastically.

"Lost our appetites." Maggie muttered.

"How about you?" He said, turning to me. "You hungry?"

A quiet groan went through the audience.

I shook my head, a small but frantic motion. I didn't even know if I was hungry, but I knew I couldn't eat in front of this crowd that would gladly have eaten me.

"Well, I am." Jeb grumbled. He walked down the aisle between counters, but I did not follow. I couldn't stand the thought of being within easy reach of the rest. I stay pressed against the wall. Only Sharon and Maggie watched him go to a plastic bin on a counter and grab a roll. Everybody else watched me. I was sure that if I moved an inch, they would have pounced on me. I tried not to breathe.

And of course that was the time Aiden decided to move in my arms, making me tighten my hold on him. I waited for the claws to start attacking.

"Well, keep movin'." Jeb suggested around a mouthful of bread as he walked back towards me. "Nobody seems able to concentrate on their lunch. Easily distracted, this set."

I watched the humans for any sudden movements, not really seeing their faces after that first moment when I recognized them few I could put names to. So it wasn't until Jamie stood up that I noticed him there.

He was a head shorter that the adults beside him, but taller than the two child who sat on the counter on his other side. He hopped lightly off his seat and followed behind Jeb. His expression was tight, compressed, like he was trying to solve a problem. He examined me through narrowed eyes as he approached on Jeb's heels. Now I wasn't the only one in the room holding my breath. The others' gazes shifted back and forth between Jamie and me.

_Oh, Jamie. _Melanie thought. She hated the sad, adult expression on his face, and I probably hated it even more. She didn't have the guilt of putting there.

_If only we could take it away._ She sighed.

_It's too late. What could we do to make it better now?_

I meant the question to rhetorical, but I still found myself looking for an answer. Melanie looked, too. We found nothing, there was nothing to be found, I'm sure. But we both knew we would go looking again when we were done with this tour.

"Whatcha need, kid?" Jeb asked without turning around.

"Just wondering what you're doing." Jamie answered. His voice trying to be nonchalance, but only just failing.

Jeb finally reached me and stopped, turning to look at Jamie. "Take her for a tour of the place. Just like I do for a new guest."

There was another low grumble.

"Can I come?"

I saw Sharon shake her head feverishly. But Jeb ignored her.

"Won't bother me… as long as you mind your manners."

Jamie shrugged. "No problem.

I was glad I had the twins occupying my arms. I wanted so badly to push Jamie's untidy hair out of his eyes and then leave my arm around his neck. That would not go well, I'm sure.

"Let's go." Jeb said to both of us. He took us back out the way we came in. Jeb walked on one side of me, Jamie on the other. Jamie seemed to be trying hard to stare at the floor, but he kept glancing up at my face and then the twins, like I couldn't help glancing at hid. We both looked away quickly whenever our eyes had met.

We were about halfway down the big hallway when I heard quiet footsteps behind us. I reacted instantaneously. I skittered to one side of the tunnel, sweeping Jamie along with my body, so that I was between him and whoever it was coming for me.

"Hey!" He protested, but did not move.

Jeb was just as quick. The gun coming up with blinding speed.

Ian and the doctor both raised their hands above their heads.

"We can mind our manners, too." The doctor said. I was hard to believe that this soft spoken man with a kind face was the resident torturer.

Jeb squinted at Ian, the barrel of the gun following his gaze.

"I don't mean any trouble, Jeb. I'll be just as mannerly as Doc."

"Fine." Jeb said curtly, putting his gun away. "Just don't test me. I haven't shot anyone in a long time and my hand's getting itchy. I sort of miss the thrill of it."

I gasped. Everyone heard that and turned to see my horrified expression. The doctor was the first to laugh, but even Jamie joined in briefly.

"It was a joke." Jamie whispered to me. His hand strayed from his side, almost as if was reaching for mine, but he quickly shoved it in the pocket of his shorts. I moved away from my protective position, too.

"Well, the day's wasting." Jeb said, still a little surly. "You'll all have to keep up 'cause I'm not waitin' on you." He stalked forward before he was even done speaking.

* * *

**Author's Note: Here you go, hope you enjoy it!**

**REVIEW!**

**See you soon!**

**-BethDee**


	16. Chapter 16

**Disclaimer: I don't own The Host. Just Aiden and Macey. **

* * *

I kept close to Jeb's side, being only a little bit in front of him. I wanted to be as far away from the two men following us as possible. Jamie was walking somewhere in the middle. He wasn't that sure of where he wanted to be.

I wasn't able to concentrate on much of the rest of Jeb's tour, only the twins could capture my full attention when needed. My attention was not on the second set of gardens that Jeb led me through, the one with corn grown waist high. Or the wide, but low ceilinged cavern he called the "rec room", that one was pitch black and deep underground, he told my they brought out lights when they wanted to play. Which I couldn't ever imagine these bitter, angry survivors to be able to play, it didn't fit with this group. There was more water in here, and Jeb told me they sometimes use this as the second latrine because the water wasn't any good to drink from.

My attention was divided between the men walking behind us, the small boy at me side and my tiny human beings in my arms.

Ian and the doctor did mind there manners, surprisingly, very well. No one tried to attack me from behind, though I thought my eyes might get stuck in the back of my head from trying to make sure they weren't about to. They simply followed quietly, only sometimes talking to one another in low voices. Their comments revolved around names I didn't know and nicknames for places and things that might or might not have been in these caves. I didn't understand any of it.

Jamie said nothing, but he looked at the twins and I a lot. When I wasn't keeping an eye on Aiden and Macey or the men, I was often peeking at him, too. Between all this, it left my very little time to admire the things Jeb was showing me. But he didn't seem to notice my preoccupations.

Some of the tunnels were very long; the distances beneath the ground were mind boggling. They were often pitch black, but Jeb and the other never some much as paused. They were clearly familiar with the whereabouts and long since accustomed to traveling in the dark. It was harder for me than it was when Jeb and I were alone. Every noise sounded like an attack, in the dark. Even the doctor's and Ian's light conversations seemed like a cover for a nefarious move.

_You're being paranoid. _Melanie commented.

_If that what it takes to keep us or at least Aiden and Macey alive, then so be it._

_I wish you pay more attention to Uncle Jeb. This is fascinating._

_You can do what you want with your time._

_I can only hear and see what you hear and see, Wanderer. _ She said. Then she changed the subject. _Jamie looks okay, don't you think. He doesn't seem too unhappy._

_He looks… wary._

We were just coming into some light after the longest trek so far in the humid darkness.

"This here is the southernmost spur of the tube system." Jeb explained as we walked. "Not super convenient, but it gets good light all day long. That's why we made it the hospital wing. This is where Doc here, does his thing."

The minute Jeb said where we were, my whole body froze, my joints lock and I skidded to a stop, my feet planted firmly against the rock floor. My eyes, wide with horror, flickered between Jeb's face and the face of the doctor. My arms tightened around the twins.

This was all a ruse, then? Wait for stubborn Jared to be out of the picture and then lure me back here once again? I couldn't believe I walked here willingly. How stupid I was!

Melanie was just the opposite of me. She wasn't aghast at all. _Don't worry. Uncle Jeb won't let anything happen to us._

She couldn't be sure of that!

They both stared back at me. Jeb expressionless, the doctor looking as equally surprised as I am. Though he didn't look horrified.

I would have flinched and ripped myself away from the touch of a hand at the back of my elbow had it not been so familiar.

"No," Jamie said, hesitantly resting his hand at the back of my elbow. "No, it's okay. Really. Right, Uncle Jeb?" Jamie looked to the old man trustingly. "It's okay, right?"

"Sure is." Jeb's faded blue eyes were calm and clear. "Just showing you my place, is all. That's it, hon."

"What are you talking about?" Ian grumbled from behind us. Sounding annoyed that he didn't understand.

"Did you think that we brought you guys here on purpose? For Doc?" Jamie said to me instead of answering Ian. "Because we wouldn't do that. We promised Jared."

I stared at his earnest face, trying to believe.

"Oh!" Ian suddenly said once he understood. Then he laughed. "That wasn't a bad plan. I wonder why I didn't think of that."

"'Cause Jared said he'd have you head if you did." Jamie grumbled under his breath as he scowled at the big man and patted my elbow before removing his hand. "Don't be scared." He told me.

Jeb took up were he'd left off. "So this big room here is fitted up with s few cots in case anyone gets sick or hurt. We've been pretty lucky on that count. Doc doesn't have much to work with in an emergency." Jeb grinned at me. "Your folks threw out all our medicines when they took over things. Hard to get out hands on what we need."

I nodded slightly. I was only vaguely aware of the movement. I was still trying to get my bearings. This room looked innocent enough, as if it were only used for healing, but it still made my stomach twist and contract when I looked at the table Aiden and Macey were last laying on.

"What do you know about alien medicine?" The doctor asked suddenly, his head cocked to the side. He watched me with eager curiosity.

I stared at him silently.

"You can talk to Doc, hon." Jeb encouraged me. "He's a pretty decent guy. All things considered."

I shook my head once, meaning to answer the doctor's question, to tell him that I didn't know anything. But they misunderstood.

"She's not giving away any trade secrets." Ian said sourly. "Are you, sweetheart?"

"Manners, Ian." Jeb barked.

"Is it a secret?" Jamie asked, guarded but curious.

I shook my head again, confusing them. Doc shook his head, too, slowly, baffled.

I took a deep breath, then whispered, "I'm not a Healer. I don't know how the medicines work. Only that they do work. They heal, rather than just treating symptoms. There's not trial and error. Of course the human medicines were discarded."

They stared at me, all four of them, with blank expressions. First they were surprised when I didn't answer, and now they were surprised that I did. Human were impossible to please.

"Your kind didn't change too much of what we left behind." Jeb said thoughtfully after a moment. "Just they medical stuff. And the spaceships instead of planes. Other than that, everything seemed just the same as ever… on the surface."

"We come not to change. Only to experience." I whispered. "Health takes priority over that philosophy, though."

I snapped my mouth shut. I had to be more careful. The humans hardly wanted a lecture on soul philosophy. Who knew what would anger them? Or what would snap their fragile patience?

Jeb nodded, still thoughtful, and then ushered us forward. He wasn't as enthusiastic as he continued my tour through the few connecting caves here in the medical wing, not as involved in the presentation. When we turned around and headed back into the black corridor, he lapsed into silence. The walk was long and quiet. I thought through what I said, looking for something that might have been offending. Jeb was too strange for me to guess if that was the cause. The other hostile and suspicious human at least made sense. How could I hope to make sense of Jeb when he made none?

The tour ended abruptly when we reentered the huge garden cavern where the carrots sprouts made a bright green carpet across the floor.

"Show's over." Jeb said gruffly, looking at Ian and the doctor. "Go do something useful."

Ian rolled his eyes at the doctor, but the both turned good naturedly enough and made their way toward the biggest exit, the one that led to kitchen, I remembered. Jamie hesitated, looking after them but not following.

"You're coming with me," Jeb said, slightly less gruff. "I've got a job for you."

"Okay." Jamie said. I could tell he was pleased to be chosen.

Jamie walked beside me again as we headed back towards the sleeping quarters. I was surprised as we chose the third hallway from the left, that Jamie seem to know where we were going. Jeb was slightly behind us, but Jamie stopped once we reached the green screen that covered the seventh room. He moved the screen aside, but stayed in the hall.

"You okay to stay put for a while?" Jeb asked me.

I nodded, grateful that I could be able to hide again. I ducked through the opening and then stood a dew feet in, not sure where to put myself. Melanie remembered the books, but I reminded her that we wouldn't touch anything. Next to the books, the stroller, wagon and diaper bag were in here. When had those gotten there?

"I have things to do, kid." Jeb said to Jamie. "Food ain't gonna fix itself. You up for guard duty?"

"Sure." Jamie said with a bright smile. His thin chest swelled with a deep breath.

My eyes widened in disbelief as I watched Jeb hand over the rifle to Jamie's eager hands.

"Are you crazy?" I shouted. My voice, so loud, that I didn't recognize it at first. It felt like I had been whispering forever. Aiden and Macey jumped in my arms, still asleep.

Jeb and Jamie looked up at me, shocked. I was out in the hallway within a second.

I turned on Jeb.

"What are you thinking? Giving the weapon to a child? He could kill himself!"

"Jamie's been through enough to be called a man, I think. He knows how to handle a gun."

Jamie's shoulders straightened at Jeb's praised, and he gripped the gun tighter to his chest.

I gaped at Jeb's stupidity. Here I thought he was a genius. "And what if they come for me with him here? Did you think of that? Of what could happen? This isn't a joke! They'll hurt him to get to me!"

Jeb remained calm. "Don't think there'll be any trouble today. I'd bet on it."

"Well, I don't!" I was yelling again. The twins were sinking further into my arm at the sound of my voice echoing off the tunnel walls. I was sure someone was bound to hear, but I didn't care. Better they come while Jeb was still here. "If you're so sure, then leave me here alone. Take the twins with you and keep them safe and let what happens happen. But don't put Jamie and the twins in danger!"

"Is it the kid you're worried about, or that he'll turn the gun on you guys?" Jeb asked, his voice almost bored.

I blinked, my anger derailed. I hadn't even thought of that, why would I? I glanced at Jamie, and saw that the idea was shocking him, too.

It took me a minute to recover my side of the argument, and by the time I did, Jeb's expression changed. His eyes were intent, his mouth pursed, as if he were about to fit the last piece into a frustrating puzzle.

"Give the gun to and or someone else. I don't care." I said, my voice even and slow. "Just leave Jamie and the twins out of this."

Jeb's sudden wide grin strangely reminded me of a pouncing cat.

"It's my house, hon. I'll do what I want. I always do."

Jeb turned his back and went ambled back down the hall, whistling along. I watched, my mouth hanging open. When he disappeared, I turned back to Jamie. Who was watching me with a sullen expression.

"I'm not a child." He muttered, his tone deeper than usual, his chin jutting out belligerently. "Now, you should… you should go in your room." The order was less than severe, and would have made me smile had I not been so worried. But there was nothing I could do. I lost this argument hugely.

I sat down with my back against the rock that formed one side of the cave opening. Where I could hide and still watch Jamie at the same time. I laid Aiden and Macey down beside me; they would be waking up soon. I wrapped my arms around my legs and began doing what I would be doing as long as this insane situation continued. I worried.

I strained my eyes and ears for some sound of approach, to be ready. No matter what Jeb said, I would prevent anyone challenging Jamie's guard. I would give myself up before they asked.

_Yes. _Melanie agreed. She still thought that everything was going to be fine, but she agreed in case it wasn't.

Jamie stood in the hallway for a few minutes, the gun tight in his grip, unsure how to do his job. He jumped when Aiden let out a cry, indicating that he was hungry. I wrapped the blanket around me. He blushed and looked away once he realized what I was doing. He started pacing after that, back and forth in front of the screen, but he seemed to feel silly after a few passes. The he sat down of the ground beside the open end of the screen. The gun eventually settling on his folded legs, and his chin into his cupped hands. Long after, he sighed. Guard duty wasn't as fun as he thought.

Just like Aiden and Macey, I never got bored watching him.

I laid a blanket on the floor and stuck Aiden and Macey on their stomachs in front of each other. They lifted their hands up and tried to grab each other, kicking their legs excitedly when they did.

After an hour or two, he started looking at me again. Flicker glances. He opened his mouth a few time, and then thought better of whatever he was planning on saying.

I laid my chin on my knees and waited as he struggled. My patience was rewarded.

"What's their names?" He nodded towards the twins.

"Aiden Anthony and Maecella Jane."

"And they're Jared's?" He shook his head. "That's a stupid question. She looks just like him." He fell silent again. For a long time.

"That planet you were coming from before you were in Melanie." He finally said. "What was it like there? Was it like here?"

His change of thoughts caught me off guard. "No." I said. Speaking normally instead on whispering only felt right with Jamie. "No, it was very different."

"Will you tell me? What it was like?" he asked, his head cocking to one side the way he used to when he was really interested in one of Melanie's nighttime stories.

So I told him.

I told him all about the See Weeds' waterlogged planet. I told him about the two suns, the elliptical orbit, the gray waters, the unmoving permanence of the roots, the stunning vistas of a thousand eyes, the endless conversations of a million soundless voices that all could hear.

He listened with wide eyes and a fascinated smile.

"Is that the only other place?" He asked when I fell silent, trying to think of anything I missed. "Are the See Weeds" he laughed at the pun "the only other aliens?"

I laughed, too. "Hardly. No more that I'm the only alien on this world."

"Tell me."

So I told him about the Bats on the Singing World, how it was to live in musical blindness, how it was to fly. I told him about the Mist Planet, how it felt to have thick white fur and four hearts to keep warm, how it give clam beast a wide berth.

I started to tell him about the Planet of the Flowers, about the color and the light, but he interrupted me with a new question.

"What about the little green guys with the triangle heads and the big black eyes? The one who crashed in Roswell and all that. Was that you guys?"

"Nope. Not us."

"Was it all fake?"

"I don't know, maybe, maybe not. It's a big universe, and there's a lot of company out there."

"How did you come here, then, if you weren't the little green guys, who were you? You had to have bodies to move and stuff, right?"

"Right," I agreed, picking up the twins who wanted to be held. I was surprised at his grasp of the facts at hand. I shouldn't have been surprised, I know how bright he was, his mind was like a thirsty sponge. "We used our Spider selves in the very beginning, to get things started."

"Spiders?"

I told him about the Spider, a fascinating species. Brilliant, the most incredible minds we'd ever come across, and each Spider had three of them. Three brains, one in each section of their segmented bodies. We'd yet to find a problem they couldn't solve for us. And yet they were so coldly analytical that they rarely came up with a problem they were curious enough to solve for themselves. Of all our hosts, the Spiders welcomed out occupation the most. The barely noticed the difference, and when they did, they seemed to appreciate the direction we provided. The few souls who had walked on the surface of the Spiders' planets before implantation told us that it was cold and gray; no wonder the Spiders only saw in black and white and had a limited sense of temperature. The Spiders lived short lives, but the young were born knowing everything their parent had, so no knowledge was lost.

I'd live out one of the short life terms of the species and then left with no desire to return. The amazing clarity of my thoughts, the easy answers that came to any question with effort, the march and dance of numbers were no substitute for emotion and color, which I could only vaguely understand when inside that body. I wondered how any soul could be content there, but the planet had been self sufficient for thousands of Earth years. It was still open for settling because the Spiders reproduced so quickly, great sacs of eggs.

I started to tell Jamie how the offensive had been launched here. The Spiders were our best engineers, the ships they made for us danced nimbly and undetectably through the stars. The Spiders' bodies were almost as useful as their minds: four long legs to each segment, from which they'd earned their nickname on this planet, and twelve fingered hands on each leg. These six jointed fingers were as slender and strong as steel threads, capable of the most delicate procedures. About the mass of a cow, but short and lean, the Spiders had no trouble with the first insertions. They were stringer that humans, smarter than humans, and prepared, which the humans were not…

I stopped short, midsentence, when I saw the crystalline sparkle on Jamie's cheek.

He was staring straight ahead at nothing, his lips pressed firmly together. A large drop of salt water rolled slowly down his cheek, the one closest to me.

_Great, didn't you think of what your story would mean to him? _Melanie chastised me.

_Didn't you think you warn me earlier?_

She didn't answer. She was as caught up in the story telling as me.

"Jamie," I murmured. My voice thick. The sight of his lone tear had my throat tighten. "Jamie, I'm so sorry. I didn't think."

Jamie shook his head. "It's okay. I asked. I wanted to know how it happened." His voice was gruff, trying to hide his pain.

The instinct, the desire, to lean forward and wipe the tear away, just as I do with Aiden and Macey, was so strong. I tried to ignore it. I wasn't Melanie. But the tear hung there, motionless, as if it would never fall Jamie's eyes stayed fixed on the wall in front of him, and his lips trembled.

He wasn't far from me, I laid Maecella against my knees, and stretched my arm out to brush my fingers against his cheek; the tear spread thin across his skin and disappeared. Again, on instinct, I left my hand on his warm cheek. Cradling his face.

For a small second, he pretended to ignore me.

Then he rolled toward me, his eyes closed, his hands reaching. He curled into my side, his cheek against the hollow of my shoulder, where it had once fit better, that now fit my babies, and sobbed.

These were not the tears of a child, and that is what made them so much more profound, so painful that he would cry them in front of me. These were the tears of a man in grief for the funeral of his entire family.

My arm wound around him, not fitting as easily as it used to, and cried, too.

"I'm sorry." I said again and again and again. I apologized in those two words. That we'd chosen to come here. That I was the one who took his sister and his niece and nephew. That I'd brought them back here and hurt him again. That I made him cry today with my careless stories.

I didn't drop my arms when his cries stopped. I was in no hurry let him go. It seemed as though my body had been starving for this from the beginning, but before now, I never knew how to feed the hunger. There was no bond greater than the one that required your life for another's.

"I know I've taught you better than that, kid."

We jumped apart. Jamie lurched to his feet, but curled closer to the ground, cringing into the wall, taking Macey back into my arms.

Jeb leaned down and picked up the discarded gun from where it lay on the ground. "You've got to mind a gun better than this, Jamie." His tone was very gentle, it softened the criticism. He reached out to tousle Jamie's shaggy hair.

Jamie ducked under Jeb's hand. His face scarlet with mortification.

"Sorry." He muttered and turned as if to leave. He stopped after a step and swiveled back to look at me. "I don't know your name."

"They called me Wanderer." I whispered.

"Wanderer?"

I nodded.

He nodded, too, the hurried away. The back of his neck still beet red.

When he was gone, Jeb leaned against the rock and slid down till he was sitting where Jamie had been. Like Jamie, he kept the gun cradled in his lap.

"That's a real interesting name you've got there." He told me He seemed to be in a chatty mood again. "Maybe sometime you'll tell how you got it. Bet that's a good story. But kind of a mouthful, don't you think? Wanderer?"

I stared at him.

"Mind if I called you Wanda? For short. It flows easier."

He waited this time for a response. I shrugged. It didn't matter to me if he called me "hon" or some strange human nickname. I knew it wasn't meant kindly.

"Okay, then, Wanda." He smile, pleased at his invention. "It's nice to have a handle on you. Makes me feel like we're old friends."

He grinned. It was that huge, cheek stretching grin, and I couldn't help grinning back, though my smile was more rueful than delightful. He was supposed to be my enemy. He was probably insane. And he was my friend. Not the he wouldn't kill me if things turned out that way, but he wouldn't like it. And with humans, what more could you ask of a friend?

* * *

**Author's Note: Enjoy! And see you soon!**

**REVIEW!**

**-BethDee**


	17. Chapter 17

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns the Host. I own Aiden and Maecella**

* * *

Jeb put his hands behind his head and looked up at the dark ceiling, thoughtful. His chatty mood had not passed yet.

"You know, I've thought a lot about what's like being captured. Saw it happen once, come close a few times myself. What would it be like. I wondered. Would it hurt? I've seen it done, you know."

My eyes widened in surprise. But he wasn't looking at me.

"Seems like all of you use some kind anesthetic, but that's just guessing. Nobody was screaming in agony or anything. So it couldn't be that torturous."

I scrunched my nose. No, we were not here to torture. We don't torture. That's the human's specialty.

"The stories you were telling the kid were real interesting."

I stiffened. He laughed lightly. "Yeah, I was listening. Eavesdropping, more like it. I'll admit it. I'm not sorry, it was great stuff. And you won't talk to me the way you talk to Jamie. I got a kick out of the plants and bats and spiders. Gives an old man a lot to think about. I always like to read crazy, out of this world stuff. Science fiction and whatnot. Ate that stuff up. And the kid is like me. He's read every book I have. Two or three times apiece. Must be a treat for him to get some new stories. Sure is for me. Those tykes aren't ever going to get bored. You a good storyteller."

My eyes stayed on the ground, but I could feel myself softening. Losing the guard I have up a bit. Just anybody inside these emotional bodies would. I'm a sucker for flattery.

"Everybody here thinks you hunted us down to hands us over the Seekers."

The name sent a shock through me. My jaw stiffened and my teeth cut into my tongue. I tasted blood.

"What other reason could there be?" He continued, missing my reaction or ignoring it. "They're just fixed on fixed notions, I think. I'm the only one who has questions. I mean, what kind of plan was it to wander off into the desert without any way to get back. With your two young babies." He chuckled. "Wandering, guess that is your specialty isn't it, eh, Wanda?"

He leaned toward me, nudging me with his elbow. My eyes, wide with uncertainty, flickered from the floor, to his face, and back to the floor. He laughed again.

"That trek was just a few steps shy of suicide, in my opinion. And risking your children's lives, too. Definitely not the MO if a Seeker, if you know what I mean. I've tried to reason it out. Use logic, right? So if you don't have any back up, which I haven't seen any, and you have no way to get back, there you must have a different goal. You haven't been real talkative since you got here. 'Cept for just now, with the kid. But I've listened to what you have said. Kind of seems to me like the reason you almost died out there was 'cause you were hell bent on finding the kid and Jared."

My eyes closed.

"Only why would you care?" Jeb asked, not expecting an answer, just musing. "So, this is how I see it. Either you're a really good actress, like a super Seeker, some new breed, sneakier than the first, not caring to risk innocent little children's lives, with some plan I can't figure out. Or, you're not acting. The first seems like pretty complicated explanation for your behavior, then and now, and I don't buy it. But if you're not acting…"

He paused.

"Spent a lot of time watching your kind. Kept waiting for them to change, you know, when they didn't have to act human anymore, because there was no one to act for. I kept watching and waiting, but they kept on actin' like humans. Staying with the families of their bodies. Going out for picnics in good weather, plantin' flowers and paintin' pictures and all the rest with it. I've been wondering if you all aren't turning sort of human. If we don't have some real influence, in the end."

He waited, giving me a chance to respond. I didn't.

"Saw something a few years ago that stuck with me. Old man and woman, well, the bodies were old. Been together for so long that the skin on their fingers grew in ridges around their wedding rings. They were holding hands, and he kissed her cheek, and she blushed under all those wrinkles. It occurred to me that you have all the same feelings we have, because you're really us, not just hands in a puppet."

"Yes." I whispered. "We have all the same feelings. Human feelings. Hope, pain, love."

"So, if you're not acting… well, then I'd swear to it that you loved them all of them. You do. Wanda, not just Melanie's body."

I looked down. Keeping my eyes on the twins. The gesture was about the same to admission, but I didn't really care. I couldn't hold it up anymore.

"So that's you. But I wonder about my niece, too. What it was like for her, what it would be like for me. When they put somebody in your head, are you just… gone? Erased? Like being dead? Or is it like sleeping. Are you aware of the outside control? Is it aware to you? Are you trapped in there, screaming inside?"

I sat perfectly still. Trying to keep my face even.

"Plainly, your memories and behaviors, all that is left behind. But your consciousness… Seems like some people wouldn't go down without a fight. I know I wouldn't. I would try to stay, I've never been one to take no for an answer, anyone will tell you that. I'm a fighter. All of those who are left are fighters. And, you know, I woulda pegged Mel to be a fighter, too."

His eyes didn't move from the ceiling, but I looked at the floor, stared at it. Memorizing the patterns in the purple grey dust.

"Yeah, I've wondered a lot."

Though my head my still down, I could feel his eyes on me. I didn't move, except to breathe in and out slowly, and slightly running my fingers up and down the twins arms. It took a great deal to keep my rhythms even. I had to swallow the blood that was still flowing in my mouth.

_And you thought he was crazy. _Mel said smugly. _He sees everything. He's not crazy. He's a genius._

_He's both._

_Well, maybe now we don't have to keep quiet anymore. He knows. _She was hopeful. She's been very quiet lately. It wasn't easy for her to concentrate when she was relatively happy. She won against the struggle of getting us here. Her secrets were no longer in jeopardy since we were away from the Seeker. Jared and Jamie are safe.

With the fight taken out of her, it was harder for her to find the will to speak. Even to me. I could see how the idea of letting the other humans know of her survival rejuvenated her.

I was actually glad it did. I was starting to get worried.

_Yes, Jeb knows. But does that really change anything?_

She thought of the ways the other humans looked at Jeb. _Right. _She sighed. _But I think Jamie… well, he doesn't know or guess, but I think he feels the truth._

_Your might be right. I guess we'll see if it does any good to any of us in the end._

Jeb could only manage to keep silent for a few seconds before he went off prattling again, interrupting us. "It's pretty interesting stuff. Not as much of the 'bang! bang!' movie stuff I used to like. But still. Pretty interesting. You putting those tykes to bed anytime soon? I'd like to hear more about those spider thingies. I'm curious… real curious, for sure."

I took a deep breath. I raised my head. "What do you want to know?"

He smiled warmly at me. His eyes crinkling up into half moons. "Three brains, right?"

I nodded.

"How many eyes?"

"Twelve at each juncture of the leg. We didn't have lids, just a lot of fibers, like steel wool eyelashes, to protect them."

He nodded, his eyes bright. "Were they furry, like tarantulas?"

"No… almost armored scaled. Like a reptile or fish."

I slouched against the wall, readjusting the twins more comfortably in my arms. Settling myself for a long conversation.

Jeb didn't disappoint. I lost track of how many questions his asked. He wanted details, the Spiders' looks, their behaviors, and how they handled Earth. He didn't flinch away from the invasion details; on the contrary, he almost seemed to enjoy that part over the rest. His questions came fast on the heels of my answers. And his grins showed frequently. When he was satisfied with the Spiders, hour later, having to pause his questions so I could feed and change the twins, he wanted to know more about the Flowers.

"You didn't half explain that one." He reminded me.

So I told him about that most beautiful and placid of planets. Almost every time I stopped to breath, his interrupted me with a new question. He liked to guess the answers before I could speak and didn't seem to mind getting the wrong in the least.

"So did ya eat flies? You know, like a Venus trap? I'll bet you did. Or something bigger, like a bird! Like a pterodactyl!"

"No, we used sunlight for food. Like most of the plants here."

"Well, my idea sounded better."

Sometimes I found myself laughing with him.

We were just moving on to the Dragon when Jamie showed up with dinner for three.

"Hi, Wanderer." He said, a little embarrassed.

"Hi, Jamie." I answered, a little shy, not sure if he would regret the closeness we shared. I was the bad guy, after all.

But he sat down right next to me, between me and Jeb, crossing his legs and setting the food tray in the middle of our little conclave. I was starving, and parched from all the talking and feeding the twins, I took a bowl of soup and downed it in a couple gulps.

"Shoulda known that you were just being polite earlier. You gotta speak up when you're hungry, Wanda, 'specially since it's not just you that you that your feeding, I'm no mind reader."

I didn't agree with that last part, but my mouth was too full with bread to answer. But he was right about the second part. I'm going to have to get over my fear of the humans to get things done when it comes to Aiden and Macey.

"Wanda?" Jamie asked.

I nodded, letting him know I didn't mind.

"Kinda suits her, doncha think?" Jeb was proud of himself. I was surprised he wasn't patting himself on the back, just for effect.

"Kinda, I guess." Jamie said. Then looked down at the twins. "Hi, Aiden. Hi, Maecella. Sorry I didn't bring you anything today."

"They would have been able to eat anything anyways. They're still too young." I told him.

"Oh." He nodded, looking down. He hesitated, his eyes flickering between me and the twins. His mouth opened a few times, like he wanted to say something, but then thought better of it. Finally he said, "Can… can I hold them?"

I smiled. "Of course."

I shifted them over, and he held his arms out awkwardly. I settled them in a somewhat comfortable manner, considering Jamie inexperience, and he slowly leaned back against the wall.

He looked down at them in his arms, bouncing them slightly, his face still showing a little bit of fear. But he was growing more comfortable by the minute, especially when they smiled up at him.

"How is it, Uncle Jamie?" Jeb asked him.

He looked up in surprise. As if the name just made him realize he's actually an Uncle. Then he smiled.

"Eh, they're not so bad."

Just then Aiden squirmed and cried out.

"What did I do? What did I do?" Jamie asked fearfully, trying to shift Aiden back into my arms.

I tried to hold back my laughter, while Uncle Jeb didn't even bother hold back his. I grabbed Aiden from Jamie's arms.

"It's okay. You didn't do anything." I said soothingly as I reached for the diaper bag. "He just needs his diaper changed."

"Oh." He nodded, eyeing Macey warily. As if he expected her to cry next.

I could hold back the chuckle that made its way up. He looked so scared of her.

I quickly changed Aiden and held my arms out of Jamie to hold him.

"Ah, I think I'll stick with one for now."

I nodded. Settling Aiden back in my arms.

He looked back up at us. "Were you guys talking about dragons?"

"Yeah," Jeb told him enthusiastically, "but not the lizardy kind. They're all made up of jelly. They can fly, though… sort of. The air air's thicker, sort of jelly, too. So it's almost like swimming. And they can breathe acid, that's about as good as fire, wouldn't you say?"

I let Jeb fill Jamie in while I more than my share of food and drained a water bottle. When my mouth was free, Jeb started in with the questions again.

"Now, this acid…"

Jamie didn't ask questions the way Jeb did, and I was more careful about what I said with him here. However, this time Jeb never asked anything that might lead to a touchy subject. Whether by coincidence or design, so my caution wasn't necessary.

The light slowly faded until the hallway was black. Then it was silver, a tiny, dim reflection from the moon that was just enough, as my eyes adjusted, to see the sleeping boy in my arms and the man, the boy and the sleeping girl beside me.

Jamie edged closer to me as the night wore on. I didn't realize that I was combing my fingers of my free hand through his hair as I talked until I noticed Jeb string at my hand.

I tucked my arm under Aiden's body.

Finally, Jeb yawned a huge yawn that had me and Jamie doing the same. A moment later the twins yawned in they're sleep.

"You tell a good story, Wanda." Jeb said when we were all done stretching.

"It's what I did… before. I was a teacher, at the university in San Diego. I taught history."

"A teacher!" Jeb repeated, excited. "Well, ain't that amazin'? There's something we could use around here. Mag's girl, Sharon, does the teaching for the three kids, but there's a lot she can't help with. She's most comfortable with math and the like. History, now-"

"I only taught our history." I interrupted. I knew trying to wait for him to take a breath wasn't going to work. "I wouldn't be much help as a teacher here. I don't have any training."

"Your history is better than nothing. Things we human folks ought to know, seeing as we like in a more populated universe than we were aware of."

"But I wasn't a real teacher," I told him, desperate. Did he honestly think anyone wanted to hear my voice, let alone listen my stories? "I was sort of an honorary professor, almost a guest lecturer. They only wanted me because… well, because the story that goes along with my name."

"That's the next one I was going to ask for," Jeb said complacently. "We can talk about your teaching experience later. Now, why did they call you Wanderer?" I've heard a bunch of odd ones, Dry Water, Fingers in the Sky, Falling Upward, all mixed in, of course, with Pams and the Jims. I tell you, it's the kind of thing can drive a man with curiosity."

I waited till I was sure he was done to begin. "Well, the way it usually works is that a soul will try out a planet or two, two's the average, and then they'll settle in their favorite place. They just move to new host in the same species on the same planet when their body gets close to death. It's very disorienting moving from one kind of body to the next. Most souls really hate that. Some never move from the planet they are born on. Occasionally, someone has a hard time finding a good fit. They may try three planets. I met a soul once who'd been to five before he settled with the Bats. I liked it there; I suppose that's the closest I've ever come to choosing a planet. If it hadn't been for the blindness…"

"How planets have you lived on?" Jamie asked in a hushed voice. Somehow, while I'd been talking his hand had found its way into mine.

"This is my ninth." I told him, squeezing his finger gently.

"Wow! Nine!" He breathed.

"That's why they wanted me to teach. Anybody can tell them our statistics, but I have personal experience from the most of the planets we've… taken." I hesitated at that word. But it didn't seem to bother Jamie. "There are only three I've never been to, well, four now. They just opened up a new world."

I expected Jeb to jump in with more questions about the new world. Or the ones I had skipped, but he just played absently with the ends of his beard.

"Why did you never stay anywhere?" Jamie asked.

"I never found a place I like enough to actually stay."

"What about Earth? Do you think you'll stay here?"

I wanted to smile at his child's confidence, as if I were going to get the chance to ever move on to another host. As is I were going to get the chance to live out even another month in the one I had.

"Earth is… very interesting," I murmured. "It's harder than any place I've been before."

"Harder than the place with the frozen air and the claw beast?" He asked.

"In its own way, yes." How could I explain that the Mists Planet only came at you from the outside, it was much more difficult to be attacked from within.

_Attacked. _Melanie scoffed.

I yawned. _I actually wasn't thinking about you .I was thinking about these haywire emotions, always betraying me. I couldn't even turn two humans into my own kind because of my love for them. But you did attack me. Forcing all your memories on me in that way._

_I learned my lesson. _She dryly assured me. That emotion was there again, along with another one slowly building inside her that, once again, I didn't recognize. The second one was something on the edge of anger, with a hint of desire and a portion of despair.

_Jealousy. _She enlightened me.

Jeb yawned again. "I'm being downright rude. You must be bushed, walking all over today and then me keeping' you up half the night talking. Ought to be a better host. C'mon, Jamie, let's go and let Wanda and the tykes get some sleep."

I was exhausted. It felt as if it had been a very long day, and, from Jeb's words, perhaps that wasn't just part of my imagination.

"Okay, Uncle Jeb." Jamie handed me sleeping Maecella and jumped lightly to his feet. And then offered a hand to the old man.

"Thanks, kid." Jeb groaned as he got up. "And thank to you, too, hon." He added. "Most interesting conversation I've had in… well, ever. Rest your voice up, Wanda, because my curiosity is a powerful thing. Not easily tamed. Ah, there he is! 'Bout time."

Only then did I hear the sound of approaching footsteps. Automatically, I hugged the twins to me and shrunk against the wall, scooting back into the cave room, and then felt more exposed because the moonlight was brighter inside.

I was surprise that this was the first person to turn in for the night; the corridor appeared to house many.

"Sorry, Jeb. I got talking with Sharon, and then I sort of dozed off."

It was impossible not to recognize the easy, gentle voice. My stomach rolled, unstable and I wished it was empty again.

"We didn't even notice, Doc." Jeb said. "We were having the time of our lives here. Someday you'll have to get her to tell you some of her stories. Great stuff. Not tonight though. She's pretty worn out, I'd bet. We'll see you in the morning."

The doctor was spreading a mat out in front of the cave. Just as Jared did.

"Keep an eye on this." Jeb said, laying the gun beside the mat.

"Are you okay, Wanda?" Jamie asked. "You're shaking."

I didn't realize my whole body was quivering. I didn't answer him; my throat was suddenly tight, swollen shut.

"Now, now." Jeb soothed. "I asked Doc if he minded to take a shift. You don't need to worry about anything. Doc's an honorable man."

The doctor smiled sleepily. "I'm not going to hurt you… Wanda, is it? Nor the kids. I promise. I'll just keep watch while you sleep.

Like I would be getting any sleep. I bit my lips, and the quivering didn't stop.

Jeb seemed to think everything was settled, though. "Night, kids. Night, Wanda. Night, Doc." He said as he walked down the hall.

Jamie hesitated, looking at me with a worried expression. "Doc's okay." He promised in a whisper.

"C'mon, kid, it's late!"

Jamie hurried off after Jeb.

_He seems nice enough. _Melanie said.

'_Seems', meaning you don't know for sure. _I answered.

I watched the doctor after they left, waiting for some change. Doc's relaxed expression never wavered, though, and he didn't touch the gun. He stretched his long frame out on the mat, his calves and feet hanging off the end. Lying down, he looked much smaller, he was so thin.

"Good night." He muttered drowsily.

Of course I never answered. I watched him in the dull moonlight, timing the rise and fall of his chest by the sound of the twins' breaths. His breathing got slower and deeper, until it matched the twins, and he began to snore.

It could have been an act, but even if it was, there wasn't much I could do about it. I silently crept deeper into the room, till I felt the edge of the mattress at my back. I'd promised myself that I wouldn't disturb the room, but it probably would hurt anything if I just curled up on the foot of the bed with the twins. The floor was so rough and hard.

I grabbed one of the pillows and laid it against the twins' body. Just to make sure they wouldn't fall off. I don't know if I imagined it, but they seemed to relax more when the pillow got by them. Weird.

Watching the doctor's sleeping body, I suddenly missed Jared more than I already did. Even though he hated me and mostly tried not to talk to me unless absolutely had to. I missed him being around me, feeling him in the room even if I had my eyes closed, seeing him bond with the twins, seeing him smile at them with a smile he had only reserved for them. My heart ached the loss of him more.

The sound of the doctor's snoring mixed in with the twins breathing was comforting. Even if it was put on to calm me, at least I knew exactly where he was in the darkness.

Live or die, I figured I might as we go ahead and sleep. I don't think he would hurt the twins now that he knows they're human. I was dog tired, as Melanie would say. I let my eyes close. The mattress was softer that anything I had ever touched since coming here. I relaxed sinking in…

There was a low shuffling sound; it was inside the room with me. My eyes popped open, and I shift my body closer to the twins. I could see a shadow between the moonlit ceiling and me. Outside, the doctor's snores continued uninterrupted.

* * *

**Author's Note: Enjoy! **

**Thank you for the reviews. They were awesome!**

**And please REVIEW again!**

**See you soon.**

**-BethDee**


	18. Chapter 18

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns the Host. I own Aiden and Maecella.**

* * *

The shadow was huge. Misshapen. It loomed over me. Coming closer and closer to my face.

I think I meant to scream, but the sound just got stuck in my throat and it came out more as a breathless squeak.

"Shh, Wanda, it's just me!" Jamie whispered.

Something bulky and round rolled off from his shoulders and plopped quietly to the floor. When it was gone, I could see his true, lithe shadow in the moonlight.

I caught a few breaths of air, my hold on the twins easing up. My hold on them was so tight that I worried that I listened for a moment to make sure they were still breathing.

"Sorry," He whispered, sitting down on the edge of the mattress. "I guess that was pretty stupid. I was trying not to wake Doc. I didn't even think as to how I would scare you. You okay?" He patted my ankle, the part of me that was closest to him.

"Yeah, fine." I huffed unconvincingly. I was still trying to catch my breath.

"Sorry." He muttered again.

"What are you doing here, Jamie? You're supposed to be asleep."

"That's why I'm here. You wouldn't believe how loud Uncle Jeb was snoring. He sounded like a drunken sailor with emphysema. I couldn't take it anymore."

That didn't make any sense. "Don't you usually sleep with Jeb?"

He yawned and bent to untie the bedroll he'd dropped on the floor. "No, I usually sleep with Jared. He doesn't snore. But you know that." He paused what he was doing and unconsciously looked at the twins before going back to what he was doing.

Even though I know he hadn't meant to do the look purposely, my cheeks heated. Though I didn't know what I was embossed about. I wasn't even the one with Jared!

_No, you weren't, but you certain know what happened. _Melanie commented.

_That's your fault. _

_Hey, your mind couldn't stay innocent forever. _She said, amused.

_Yes, it could. _I grumbled.

I love and hate to think about them being together, in any form. I like to think back on how his arms and warmth felt when he hugged Melanie sometime when I'm unhappy. But then I hate it afterwards because, even though I know it's wrong, it makes me feel jealous. I want to feel his arms around me. I want to be the one he wants to hug.

It was making me unhappy even now. I have to learn to steer clear of those thoughts. I hate the feeling they bring after.

"Why don't you go sleep in Jared's room, then? Are you afraid to stay alone?" I wouldn't have blamed him. It seemed like I was constantly terrified around here.

"Afraid." He scoffed, offended. "No. This _is _Jared's room. And mine."

"What?" I gasped. "Jeb put us in Jared's room?"

Jared would kill me. No. He would kill Jeb first. Then, he would kill me. He might be nicer to me, but he certain doesn't like me.

_Yes, he does. _Melanie said.

I didn't answer. She was going crazy.

"It's my room, too. I told Jeb you guys could have it."

"Jared will be furious." I whispered.

"I can do what I want with my room." Jamie said rebelliously, but then he bit his lip. "We won't tell him. He doesn't have to know."

I nodded. "Good idea."

"You don't mind if I sleep in here do you. Uncle Jeb is really loud."

"I don't mind, Jamie. But I don't think you should."

He frowned. Trying to be tough instead of showing his hurt. "Why not?"

"It's not safe. People come looking for me and the twins in the night."

His eyes went wide again. "They do?"

"Jared always had the gun, so they went away."

"Who?"

"I don't know. Sometimes Kyle. But there must be others who are still here."

He nodded. "All the more reason I should stay. Doc might need help."

"Jamie-"

"I'm not a kid, Wanda. I can take care of myself."

Arguing was only going to make him more stubborn. "At least take the bed." I surrendered. "I'll sleep on the floor. It's your room."

"No. That's not right. You're the guest. And the babies need the bed."

I snorted. "Ha. No. The bed is yours, you sleep in it. The twins will be fine, you don't move in your sleep."

"No way." He lay down on the mat. Crossing his arms across his chest.

Again, arguing was the wrong approached with Jamie. Well, I could rectify the situation as soon as he was asleep. He slept so deeply it was almost a coma. Melanie could carry him anywhere once he was out.

"You can use my pillow. You don't need to be scrunched up at the bottom there I'll use Jared's." He leapt up, then paused. He looked to where Aiden and Macey were sleeping. "Which looks like it's being used also. Oh, well. I don't need one."

"No, no. Take yours. I don't need it. There's a reason I'm staying down here." I looked over at the twins.

He nodded. "But still. You need a pillow."

"No. I don't." And before he could answer, I sat up, grabbing the pillow, I tossed it over to him. "If I'm sleeping here, you get the pillow."

He looked like he wanted to argue, but thankfully he didn't. He just said, "Thank you."

We laid there in silence. Listening to the low whistle of the doctor's breathing.

"He has a nice snore." Jamie whispered.

"It won't keep you up." I agreed.

"You tired?"

"Yeah."

"Oh."

I waited for him to say more, but he stayed quiet.

"Was there something you wanted?" I asked.

He didn't answer right away. But I could feel him struggling, so I waited.

"If I asked you something. Would you tell me the truth?"

I paused. "I don't know everything." I hedged.

"You would know this. When we were talking… Jeb and I… he was telling me some things. Thinks he thought. But I don't know if he was right."

Melanie was suddenly front and center in my head.

Jamie's whisper was hard to hear. Quieter than my own breathing. "Uncle Jeb thinks that Melanie is still alive. Inside there with you, I mean."

_Oh, Jamie. My Jamie. _Melanie sighed.

I said nothing to either of them.

"I didn't know that could happen. Does it happen?" His voice broke. I could hear that he was fighting tears. Jamie was not a boy to cry, and here I had grieved him this deeply twice in one day. A pain pierced through my chest.

"Does it, Wanda?"

_Please tell him that I love him. Please._

"Why won't you answer me?" Jamie really was crying now, but was trying to muffle it.

I made sure the twins wouldn't roll off the bed, and then crawled off the bed, squeezing into the hard space between the mattress and the mat. I threw my arm over his shaking chest. I leaned my head against his hair and felt his tears, warm on my neck.

"Is Melanie still alive, Wanda? Please?"

He was probably just a tool. The old man probably sent him just for this; Jeb was smart enough to see how easily Jamie broke through all my defenses.

It was possible that Jeb was seeking an answer for his theory, and he wasn't against using the boy to get it. What would Jeb do once he got the dangerous truth? How would he use the information? I didn't think he meant me any harm, but could I trust my own judgment? Humans were very deceitful, treacherous creatures. I couldn't quite anticipate their darker agendas when such things were unthinkable to my species.

Jamie's body shook beside me.

_He's suffering. _Melanie cried.

I knew I couldn't blame Melanie if it turned out to be a huge mistake. I know who was speaking now.

"She promised she would come back, didn't she?" I murmured. "Would Melanie break a promise to you?"

Jamie slid his arms around my waist and clung to me for a long time. After a few minutes, he whispered, "Love you, Mel."

"She loves you, too. So much. She's so happy you're here and safe."

He was silent long enough for the tears on my skin to dry up. Leaving fine, dusty salt behind.

"Is everybody like that?" Jamie whispered. So long after that I thought he had fallen asleep. "Does everybody stay?"

"No." I said sadly. "No. Melanie is special."

"She's strong and brave."

"Very."

"Do you think…" He sniffed. "Do you think that maybe Dad is still there, too?"

I swallowed. Trying to move the lump in my throat farther down. It didn't work. "No, Jamie. No, I don't think so. Not like Melanie is."

"Why?"

"Because he brought the Seekers looking for you. Well, the soul inside him did. Your father wouldn't have let that happen if he were still there. Melanie never let me see where the cabin was, she didn't even let me know that you existed for a long while. She didn't show me the way here until she was sure I wouldn't hurt you."

It was too much information. It wasn't until after I finished speaking that I noticed the doctor wasn't snoring anymore.

I couldn't hear any noise from his breathing. Idiot. I cursed myself internally.

"Wow." Jamie said.

I whispered in his ear, so close that there was no way the doctor could possibly hear.

"Yes, she's very strong."

Jamie strained to hear me, frowning. And then glanced back out at the opening to the dark hall. He must have realized the same thing I had, because he turned his face to my ear and whispered back softer than before. "Why would you do that? Not hurt us? Isn't that what you want?"

"No. I don't want to hurt you."

"Why?"

"Your sister and I have… spent a lot of time together. And… I started to… to love you, too."

"And Jared, too?"

I gritted my teeth for a second. Bothered that he made the connection so easily. "Of course I don't want anything to hurt Jared, either."

"He hates you." Jamie told me, plainly grieved by the fact.

_No, he doesn't. _Melanie said again.

"Yes. Everyone does." I said to him and Melanie. I sighed. "I can't blame them."

"Jeb doesn't. And I don't. I'm sure Aiden and Maecella doesn't."

"You might, after you think about it more. And Aiden and Maecella don't count. I'm their mother."

"But you weren't even here when they took over. You didn't pick my dad or my mom or even Melanie. You were in outer space, right?"

"Yes, but I am what I am, Jamie. I did what souls do. I've taken many hosts before Melanie, and nothing's stopped me from… taking lives. Again and again. It's how I live."

"Does Melanie hate you?"

I didn't even have to think about it. "No."

_Nope. I don't hate you at all._

"She says she doesn't hate me at all." I murmured.

"How… how is she?"

"She's happy to be here. She's so happy to see you. She doesn't even care that they are going to kill us."

_They're not going to kill us!_

"They can't! Not if Mel's still alive!"

_Now you've upset him. _Melanie complained. _You didn't have to say that when you don't know if it'll happen._

_You don't know if it won't happen. It won't be any easier for him if he's unprepared._

"They won't believe that, Jamie." I whispered "They'll think I'm lying to trick you. They'll just want to kill me more if you tell them that. Only Seekers lie."

The word made him shudder.

"But you're not lying. I know it." He said after a moment.

I shrugged.

"I won't let them kill her."

His voice, though quiet as a breath, was fierce with determination. I was frozen at the thought of him becoming more involved with this situation. With me. I thought of the barbarians he lived with. Would his age protect him from them if he tried to protect me? I doubt it. They wouldn't even consider the twins age, I bet. My thoughts scrambled, searching for some way to dissuade him without triggering his stubbornness.

Jamie spoke before I could say anything. He was suddenly calm, as if the answer was plain in front of him. "Jared will think of something. He always does."

"Jared won't believe you. He will be the angriest out of all of them."

"Even if he doesn't believe it, he'll protect her. Just in case. Besides, you're the mother of his children. He won't let anything happen."

"We'll see."

Jamie went quiet, thinking. Eventually, his breathing got slower, and his mouth hung open. I waited until I was sure he was under, and then crawled over him and carefully shifted him from the floor to the bed. He was heavier than before, but I managed. Carrying the twins around everywhere put some meat on my bones, as Melanie would say. He didn't wake.

I put Jamie's pillow back where it belonged, and then stretched out on the mat.

I was too tired to care about what this would mean tomorrow.

Within seconds, I was knocked out.

* * *

When I woke, the crevices in the ceiling were bright with echoed sunlight. Someone was whistling.

The whistling stopped.

"Finally." Jeb muttered when my eyes started to flutter.

I rolled onto my side so I could look at him. As I moved, Jamie's hand slid from my arm.

Sometime during the night he must have reach out to me. Well, not me, to his sister.

Jeb was leaning against the rock door frame, his arms folded across his chest.

"Morning." He greeted me. "Get enough sleep."

I stretched. I felt acceptably rest. I nodded.

"Oh, don't give me the silent treatment again." He scowled.

"Sorry." I murmured. "I slept well, thank you." I was surprised the twins didn't wake me up earlier. I knew they were fine because I could hear Aiden's soft snoring.

Jamie stirred at the sound of my voice.

"Wanda?" He asked.

I was ridiculously touched that it was my silly nickname that he spoke on the edge of sleep.

"Yes?"

Jamie blinked, pulling his tangled hair out of his eyes. "Oh, hey, Uncle Jeb."

"My room not good enough for you, kid?"

"You snore really loud." Jamie said, and then yawned.

"Haven't I taught you anything?" Jeb asked him. "Since when do you let a guest, let alone a lady, sleep on the floor?"

Jamie sat up suddenly, waking the twins along with him, staring around disoriented. He frowned.

"Don't upset him." I told Jeb. "He insisted on taking the mat. I moved him when he was asleep."

Jamie snorted, rubbing Aiden's stomach when he started to squirm. "Mel always used to do that, too."

I widened my eyes slightly at him. Trying to convey a warning.

Jeb chuckled. I looked up at him, and he had that same expression he had from yesterday. The solved puzzle expression. He walked over and kicked the edge of the mattress. Mumbling a quick apology once he realized the twins were on there.

"You've missed your morning class. Sharon's bound to be testy about it, so get a move on."

"Sharon is always testy." Jamie complained, but quickly got to his feet.

"Be on your way, boy."

Jamie looked at me again, then turned and disappeared down the hall.

"Now," Jeb said as soon as we were alone. "I think all this baby sitting nonsense has gone on long enough. I'm a busy man. Everyone is busy here, too busy to be sitting around playin' guard. So today you're going to have to come along with me while I get my chores done."

I was getting up to grab the twins. I paused and felt my mouth pop open.

He stared at me. No smile.

"Don't look so terrified." He grumbled. "You'll be fine." He patted the gun. "My house is no place for babies."

I raised an eyebrow. Looking down at the twins.

"Well, except if you're a baby."

I couldn't argue with that. I took three quick, deep breaths, trying to calm my nerves. Blood pulsed so loudly in my ears that his voice seemed quiet in comparison when he spoke.

"C'mon, Wanda. Day's a-wastin'."

He turned and stomped out of the room.

I was frozen for a moment, and then I lurched after him, grabbing the diaper bag by the floor on my way out. He wasn't bluffing. He was already invisible around the first corner. I raced after him, horrified my even the thought that I might rum into someone else in this obviously inhabited wing. I caught up to him before he reached the big intersection of tunnels. He didn't even do much as look at me as I slowed beside him to match his pace.

"'Bout that northeast field was planted. We'll have to work the soil first. Hope you don't mind getting your hands dirty. After we're done, I'll see that you get a chance to clean yourself up. You need it." He sniffed pointedly, then laughed.

The back of my neck got hot, but I ignored the last part. "I don't mind getting my hands dirty." I murmured. "But I didn't bring the stroller." As I recalled, the empty northeast field was out of the way. Perhaps we would work alone.

"That's alright. You don't need it. You can hold them the good ole fashion way."

I blinked. What was the good old fashion way?

He glanced over and met my confused expression. He laughed. "Women in my day would work in fields when they were pregnant and after they had the child. They would strap them to their back with a sheet of cloth. That's what we'll do with you. At least for today, since you didn't bring the stroller."

Strap them to my back? Wouldn't they fall?

_Jeb wouldn't recommend it if it was dangerous. _Melanie assured me.

I decided to believe her. I didn't think he would either.

Once we got to the big plaza cave, we started passing humans. They all stared, infuriated, as usual. I was beginning to recognize most of them. The middle aged woman with the long salt and pepper braid I had seen with the irrigation team yesterday. The short man with the round belly, thinning sandy hair, and ruddy cheeks had been with her. The athletic woman with the caramel brown skin had been the one bent to tie her show the first time I'd come out here during the day. Another dark skinned woman with thick lips and sleepy eyes had been in the kitchen, near two black haired children, perhaps she was their mother?

Now we passed Maggie. She glowered at Jeb and turned her face away from me. We passed a pale, sick looking man with white hair whom I was sure I'd never seen before.

Then we passed Ian.

"Hey, Jeb." He said cheerfully. "Whatcha up to?"

"Turning the soil in the east field." Jeb grunted.

"Want some help?"

"Ought to make yourself useful." Jeb muttered.

Ian took this as an assent and fell into step behind me. I could feel his eyes on my back, it raised goose bumps from me. Not the good kind, like the ones I get when I see Jared.

We passed a young man who couldn't have been many years older than Jamie. His dark hair stood up from his olive skinned tone head like steel wool.

"Hey, Wes." Ian greeted him.

Wes watched in silence as we passed. Ian laughed at his expression.

We passed Doc.

"Hey, Doc." Ian said.

"Ian." Doc nodded. In his hands was a big wad of dough. His shirt was covered in dark, coarse flour. "Morning, Jeb. Morning, Wanda. Morning… uh… babies."

"Morning." Jeb answered.

I nodded uneasily.

"See you 'round." Doc said, hurrying off with his dough.

"Wanda, huh?" Ian asked.

"My idea." Jeb told him. "Suits her, I think."

"Interesting." Was all Ian said.

We finally made it to the northeastern field, where my hopes were squashed.

There were more people here than there had been in the passageways. Five woman and nine men. They all stopped what they were doing and scowled, naturally.

"Pay 'em no mind." Jeb murmured to me,

Jeb proceeded to follow his own advice. He went to a jumbled pile of tools against the closest wall, shoved the strap at his waist, and grabbed a pick and two shovels.

I felt so exposed, having him so far away. Ian was just behind me, I could hear him breathing. The others on the room continued to glower, their tools still in their hands. I didn't miss the fact that the picks and hoes that were breaking the earth could easily be used to break a body. It seemed to me, in reading a few of their expression, that I wasn't the only one with that idea.

Jeb came back, two white cloths in his hand. He took one, tied the ends together, yanked to make sure they were tight and slipped it over one shoulder and under my arm, the baggy part of the cloth at my back and the knot at my front. He did the same with the other one and slipped it over me again, this time the baggy part at my front and the knot at my back. He wordlessly took Aiden slipped him in the cloth at my back, and put Maecella in the front.

He took the diaper bag from me and handed me the shovel. I gripped the smooth, worn wooden handle, feeling its weight. After seeing the bloodlust in the humans' eyes, it was hard not to think of it as a weapon. I didn't like the idea. I doubted I could raise it as one, even to block a blow.

Jeb gave Ian the pick. The sharp, blackened metal looked deadly in his hands. It took all my will power not to skip out of range.

"Let's take the back corner."

At least Jeb took me to the least crowded spot in the long, sunny cave. He had Ian pulverize the hard baked dirt ahead of us, while I flipped the clods over and followed behind, crushing the chunks into usable soil with the edge of his shovel.

Watching the sweat run down Ian's fair skin, he'd removed his shirt after a few seconds in the dry scorch if the mirror light, and hearing Jeb's grunted breaths behind me, I could see that I had the easiest job. I wished I had something more difficult to do. Something that would keep me from being distracted by the movements of the other humans. Their every motion had me cringing and flinching.

Especially when I had to stop to feed and change the twins. Though I had my back to them, I could feel their eyes glaring at me. That was the hardest thing I had to do. I had taken their clothes off because it was getting warmer and I didn't want them to overheat. Everyone was staring when I had turned around.

I couldn't do Ian's job. I didn't have the thick arm and back muscles needed to really chew into the hard soil. But I decided to do what I could of Jeb's, pre-chopping the clods into smaller bits before I moved on. It helped a little bit, kept my eyes busy and tired me out so that I had to concentrate on making myself work.

Ian brought us water now and them. There was a woman, short and fair, I'd seen her in the kitchen yesterday, who seemed to have the job of bringing water to the others, but she ignored us.

Ian brought enough for three every time. I found his about face in regard to me very unsettling.

Was he really no longer insistent on my death?

Or just looking for an opportunity? The water always tasted funny here, sulfurous and stale, but now that taste seemed suspicious.

I tried to ignore the paranoia as much as I could.

I was working hard enough to keep my eyes busy and my mind numb. I didn't notice when we hit the end of the last row. I stopped only when Ian did. He stretched, pulling the pick overhead with two hands and popping his bones. I shied away from the raised pick, but he didn't see.

I realized that everyone else had stopped, too. I looked at the fresh turned dirt, even across the entire floor, and realized that the field was complete.

"Good work." Jeb announced in a loud voice to the group. "We'll seed and water tomorrow."

I opened the flap of the cloth in front of me and peered down at Macey. She was napping, her thumb in her mouth. I didn't have to check on Aiden to know he was asleep, I could hear his soft snores again.

The room was filled with soft chatter and clanks as the tools were piled against the wall once more. Some of the talk was casual. Some was still tense because of me. Ian held out his hand for my shovel, and I handed it to him, feeling my already low mood sink right to the floor. I had no doubt I would be included in Jeb's "we". Tomorrow would be just as hard to today.

I looked at Jeb mournfully, and he was smiling in my direction. There was a smugness to his grin that made me believe that he knew what I was thinking. And not only did he guess my discomfort, but he was enjoying it.

He winked at me, my crazy friend. I realized again that this was the best to be expected from human friendship.

"See you tomorrow, Wanda." Ian called from across the room. And laughed to himself.

Everyone stared.

**Author's Note: Hope you enjoy it. Sorry I'm posting late, I had it done yesterday but for some reason FanFiction wouldn't let me log into my account.**

**Thank you for the reviews. And please, REVIEW again.**

**See you soon!**

**-BethDee**


	19. Chapter 19

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Host. Just Aiden and Maecella.**

* * *

It was very true that I did not smell good.

I'd lost count of how many days I had spent here, was it more than a week now? More than two? And all of them were spent sweating into the same clothes I'd worn on my disastrous desert trek. So much salt hard dried into my cotton shirt that it was creased into rigid scrunchy wrinkles. It used to be a pale yellow; now it was a splotchy diseased looking print in the same dark purple color as the ground. My short hair was crunchy and gritty; I could feel it standing out in wild tangles all around my head. With a stiff crest of top, like a cockatoo's. I hadn't seen my face recently, but I'd I imagine it'd be to hideous colors of purple. The cave dirt purple and healing bruise purple.

So, I could understand Jeb's point. Yes, I needed a bath. And a change of clothes to not make the bath useless. Jeb offered me some of Jamie's clothes while mine was drying, but I didn't want to ruin the few things Jamie owned by stretching them out. Thankfully, he didn't try to offer me anything of Jared's clothes. I ended up with an old but clean flannel shirt of Jeb's that had the sleeves ripped off, and a pair of faded, holey cutoff sweatpants that had gone unclaimed for months. These were draped over my arm, since the twins were still strapped to my back and chest, and a bumpy mound of vile smelling, loosely molded chunks that Jeb claimed was homemade cactus soap was in my hand, as I followed Jeb to the room with the two rivers.

Again we were not alone, and again I was miserably disappointed that this was the case. Three men and one woman, the salt and pepper braid were filling buckets with water from the smaller stream. A loud splashing and laughing echoes from the bathing room.

"We'll just wait our turn." Jeb told me.

He leaned against the wall. I stood stiffly beside him, uncomfortably conscious of the four pairs of eyes on me, though I kept my own on Maecella, who was awake now and staring at me.

After a short wait, three woman exited the bathing room, their hair wet and dripping down the backs of their shirts, the athletic caramel skinned woman, a young blonde I didn't remember seeing before and Melanie's cousin, Sharon. Their laughter abruptly stopped as soon as they caught sight of us.

"Afternoon, ladies." Jeb said, touching his forehead as if it were the brim of a hat.

"Jeb." The caramel woman acknowledged dryly.

Sharon and the other girl ignored us.

"Okay, Wanda." He said once they had passed. "It's all yours."

I gave him a glum look, then carefully made my way into the black room.

I tried to remember how the floor went, I was sure I still had a few feet before I would reach the edge of the water. I toed off my shoes, so I could feel for the water with my toes.

It was just so dark. I remembered the inky appearance of the pool, ripe with suggestions of what might lurk beneath its surface, and shuddered. But the longer I waited, the longer I would have to be here, so put the diaper bag next the shoes, laid the clothes on the shoes and carefully unwrapped the twins from me and laid them down. I kept the smelly soap and shuffled forwards until I found the lip of the pool.

The water was cool compared to the steamy air of the outer cavern. It felt nice. That didn't keep me from being terrified, but I could still appreciate the sensation a little bit. It had been a long time since anything had been cool. Still fully dressed in my dirty clothes, I waded in waist deep. I could feel the stream's current swirl around my ankles, hugging the rock. I was glad the water was not stagnant. It would be upsetting to sully it, filthy as I was, if that were the case.

I crouched down into the ink until I was immersed to my shoulders. I ran the coarse soap over my clothes, thinking this would be the easiest way to make sure they were clean. Where the soap touched my skin, it burned mildly.

I was glad I had bought baby soap for Aiden and Macey. I wouldn't want to burn their perfect, sensitive skin with this soap. Or taint their baby smell. I just loved that.

I thought of using it for a moment, but then thought better of it. I wouldn't want to use it up when they truly need it. What did it matter with my skin? I still don't think I'm going to be here long anyways.

I took the soap clothes and scrubbed them under the water. Then I rinsed them again and again until there was no way any of my sweat or tears could have survived, wrung them out, and laid them on the floor beside where I thought my shoes were.

I felt in the general direction of the diaper bag, waving my hand around until I found it, search inside the bag until I found all of the twins clothes and their baby soap.

It didn't take as long of a time to wash their clothes. I never kept them in the same outfit for long. I put the clothes next to where I thought mine was.

The soap burned more strongly against my bare skin, and I was definitely glad I brought the twin their own soap, but the sting was bearable because it meant being clean again. When I was done lathering, my skin prickled everywhere and my scalp felt scalded. It seemed as if the places and bruises had formed where more sensitive than the rest of me, they must still have been there.

I was happy to put the acidic soap on the floor and rinse my body again and again, the way I had my clothes.

I reached for one of the twins, which one, I didn't know; it was too dark to tell, felt blindly for their diaper straps and pulled the diaper off. I wrapped it blindly, but I was so used to doing it all the time that I didn't even need to see. I pulled which ever twin into the water, I think it was Macey, hugging them to my chest as I washed them. The feel of their soap on my hands soothed a little bit of the sting, but not much. I laid one of the twins back down on the cloth Jeb had gave me early to tie them to my body and reach for the other twin.

I washed them quickly and laid them down on their piece of cloth.

It was with a strange mingling of relief and regret that I sloshed my way out of the pool. The water was very pleasant, as was the feeling of clean, if prickling skin. But I'd had quite enough of the blindness and the things I could imagine into the darkness, I felt around until I found the dry clothes, then I pulled them quickly on and shoved my water wrinkled feet into my shoes.

I carried the twins in one arm, I left them both mostly naked, except for a diaper I put on blindly, I could changed them later Jared and Jamie's room when I could see, carried the diaper bag over my shoulder and had the wet clothes over my arm. The soap was gingerly being carried between two fingers.

Jeb laughed when I emerged; his eyes were on the soap in my cautious grasp.

"Smarts a bit, don't it? We're trying to fix that." He chuckled again. "You need me to tie that thing again?" He said, nodded to the clothes gripped in my other hand that wasn't holding the soap.

"Yes, please." I whispered.

He tied them swiftly. Putting them over my head once again. He grabbed the twins, chuckling when he saw their lack of attire, and laid them in the pockets.

"I'll teach how to tie those things correctly."

I nodded.

He held his hand out, protected by the tail of his shirt, and I placed the soap in it.

I didn't answer his earlier question because we weren't alone; there was a line waiting silently behind him, five people, all from the field turning.

Ian was first in line.

"You look better." He told me, but I couldn't tell from his tone if he was surprised or annoyed that I did.

He raised one arm, extending his long, pale fingers toward my neck. I flinched away, hugging Aiden tight to my chest, he was in the front now, and he dropped his hand quickly.

"Sorry about that." He muttered.

Did he mean for scaring me now or for marking up my neck in the first place?

I couldn't imagine that he was apologizing for trying to kill me. Surely he still wanted me dead.

But I wasn't going to ask.

I started walking, and Jeb fell into step behind me.

"So, today wasn't that bad." Jeb said as we walked through the dark corridor.

"Not that bad." I murmured. After all, I hadn't been murdered. Nor the twins. That was always a plus.

"Tomorrow will be even better." He promised. "I always enjoy planting, seeing the miracle of the dead looking seeds having so much life in them. Makes me feel like a wither old guy might have some potential left in him. Even if it's only to be fertilizer." Jeb laughed at his joke.

When we got to the big garden, Jeb took my elbow and steered me east rather than west.

"Don't try to tell me you're not hungry after all that digging." He said. "It's not my job to provide room service. You're just going to have to eat where everyone else eats."

I grimaced at the floor but let him lead me to the kitchen.

It was a good thing the food was exactly the same as always, because if, miraculously, a filet mignon or a bog of Cheetos had materialized, I wouldn't have been able to taste a thing. It took all my concentration just to make myself swallow. I hated to make even the small sound in the dead silence that followed my appearance. The kitchen wasn't crowded, just ten people lounging against counters, eating the tough rolls and drinking their watery soup. But I killed all conversation again. Except the one sided one Aiden insisted on having every several minutes.

I wondered how long things would last like this.

The answer was exactly four days.

It also took me that long to understand what Jeb was up to. What the motivation was behind his switch from the courteous host to the curmudgeonly taskmaster.

The day after turning the soil I spent seeding and irrigating the same field. It was a different group of people than the day before; I imagine there was some kind of rotation of the chores here. Maggie was in this group, and the caramel skinned woman, but I didn't learn her name.

Mostly everyone worked in silence, even Aiden and Macey picked up on it. The silence felt unnatural, a protest against my presence.

Ian worked with us, when it was clearly not his turn, and this bothered me.

I had to eat in the kitchen again. Jamie was there, and he kept the room from total silence. I knew he was too sensitive not to notice the awkward hush, but he deliberately chose ignore it, seeming to pretend that he and Jeb and the twins and I were the only ones in the room. He chattered about his day in Sharon's class, bragging a little about some trouble he'd gotten into for speaking out of turn, and complaining about chores she'd given him as punishment. Jeb chastised him halfheartedly. They both did a very good job of acting normal. Even Aiden did. Jamie would hold him and would have arguments with him, one sided arguments while Aiden was babbling, but it really did look like Aiden knew what he was saying. I had no acting ability. When Jamie asked about my day, the best I could do was stare intently at my food and mumble one word answers. This seemed to make him sad, but he didn't push me.

At night his was a different story. He wouldn't let me stop talking until I begged to be allowed to sleep. Jamie had reclaimed his room, taking Jared's side and insisting I take his.

This was very much of how Melanie remembered things, and she approved wholeheartedly about the arrangement.

Jeb did, too. "Saves me the trouble of finding someone to play guard. Keep the gun close and don't forget it's there." He told Jamie.

I protested again, but both the man and boy refused to listen to me. So Jamie slept with the gun on the other side of his body from me and the twins, and I fretted and had nightmares about it.

The third day of chores, I worked in the kitchen. Jeb taught me how to knead the coarse bread dough, how to lay it out in round lumps and let it rise, and, later on, how to feed the fire in the bottom of the big stone oven when it was dark enough to let the smoke out.

In the middle of the afternoon, Jeb left.

"I'm gonna get some more flour." He muttered, playing with the strap that held the gun to his waist.

The three silent women kneaded alongside us didn't look up. I was up to my elbows in dough, but I started to scrape it off so I could follow him.

Jeb grinned, flashed a look at the unobserving women, and shook his head at me. Then he spun around and dashed out of the room before I could free myself.

I froze there. Not breathing. I stared at the three women, the young blonde from the bathing room, the salt and pepper braid, and the heavy lidded mother waiting for them to realize that they could kill us now.

No Jeb, no gun, my hands trapped in dough, the twins tied to my body. Nothing to stop them.

But the women kept working on kneading and shaping, not seeming to realize this glaring truth. After a long, breathless moment, I started kneading again, too. My stillness probably would alert them to the situation sooner than if I kept working.

And, thankfully, the twins were asleep, so they wouldn't be making noise.

Jeb was gone for an eternity. Perhaps he had meant that needed to grind more flour.

That seemed like the only explanation for his endless absence.

"Took you long enough." The salt and pepper braid woman said when he got back. So I knew it wasn't just my imagination.

Jeb dropped a heavy burlap sack to the floor with a deep thud. "That's lot of flour there. You try carrying it, Trudy."

Trudy snorted. "I imagine it took a lot of rest stops to get it this far."

Jeb grinned at her. "It sure did."

My heart, which had been thrumming like a bird's for the entire episode, settled into a less frantic rhythm.

The next day we were cleaning the mirrors in the room that housed the cornfield. Jeb told me this was something they had to do routinely, as the combination of humidity and dust caked the mirrors until the light was too dim to feed the plants. It was Ian, working with us again, who scaled the rickety wooden ladder while Jeb and I tried to keep the base steady. It was difficult task, given Ian's weight and the homemade ladder's poor balance.

By the end of the day, my arms were limp and aching, and I was thankful my torso was carrying the twins and not my arms.

I didn't even notice until we were done and heading for the kitchen that the improvised holster Jeb always wore was empty.

I gasped out loud, my knees locking like a startled colt. My body tottered to a halt.

"What's wrong, Wanda?" Jeb asked, too innocent.

I would have answered had not Ian been right beside him, watching my strange behavior with fascination in his vivid blue eyes.

So I just gave Jeb a wide eyed look of mingled disbelief and reproach, and then slowly began walking beside him again, shaking my head. Jeb chuckled.

"What's that about?" Ian muttered to Jeb, as if I were deaf.

"Beats me." Jeb said. He lied as only a human could. Smooth and guileless.

He was a good liar, and I began to wander if leaving the gun behind today, and leaving me alone yesterday, and all this effort forcing me into human company was his way of getting me killed without doing the job himself. Was the friendship all in my head?

Another lie?

This was my fourth day eating in the kitchen.

Jeb, Ian and I walking into the long, hot room. Into a crown of humans chatting in low voices about the day's events. And nothing happened.

Nothing happened.

There was no sudden silence. No one paused to glare at me. No one seemed to notice us at all.

Jeb steered me to an empty counter and then went to get enough bread for three. Ian lunged next to me, casually turning to the other girl on his side. It was the young blonde. He called her Paige.

"How are things going? How are you holding up with Andy gone?" He asked her.

"I'd be fine if I weren't so worried." She told him, biting her lip.

"He'll be home soon." Ian assured her. "Jared always brings everyone home. He's got a real talent. We've had no accidents, no problems since he showed up. Andy will be fine."

My interest sparked when he mentioned Jared, and Melanie, who was quiet these days, stirred. But Ian didn't say anything else. Just patted Paige's shoulder and turned to take his food from Jeb.

Jeb sat next to me and surveyed the room with a deep sense of satisfaction plain on his face. I looked around the room, too, trying to see what he saw. This must have been what it was usually like here, when I wasn't around. Only today I didn't seem to bother them. They must have been tired of letting me interrupt their lives.

"Things are settling down." Ian commented to Jeb.

"Knew they would. We're all reasonable folks here."

I frowned to myself.

"That's true, at the moment." Ian said, laughing. "My brother's not around."

"Exactly." Jeb agreed.

It was interesting to me that Ian counted himself among the reasonable folks. Had he noticed Jeb was unarmed? I was burning with curiosity, but I couldn't risk pointing it out in case he hadn't.

The meal continued as it begun. My novelty had apparently worn off.

When the meal was over, Jeb said I deserved a rest, He walked me to my door, playin gentleman again.

"Afternoon, Wanda." He tipped his imaginary hat.

I took a deep breath for bravery. "Jeb, wait."

"Yes?"

"Jeb…" I hesitated, trying to find a polite way to put it. "I… well, maybe it's stupid of me, but I sort of thought we were friends."

I scrutinized his face, looking for any change that night indicate that he was about to lie to me.

He only looked kind, but what did I know of liar's tells?

"Of course we are, Wanda."

"Then why are you trying to get me killed?"

His furry eye brows pulled together in surprise. "Now, why would you think that, hon?"

I listed my evidence. "You didn't take the gun today. And yesterday you left me alone."

Jeb grinned. "I thought you hated the gun."

I waited for an answer.

"Wanda, if I wanted you dead, you wouldn't have lasted the first day."

"I know." I muttered, starting to feel embarrassed without understanding why, "That's why it's all so confusing."

Jeb laughed cheerfully. "No, I don't want you dead! That's the whole point, hon. I've been getting them all used to seeing you around, getting them to accept the situation without realizing it. It's like a boiling a frog."

My forehead creased at the eccentric comparison.

Jeb explained. "If you throw a frog in a pot of boiling water, it will hop right out. But if you put the frog in neutral water and slowly warm it, the frog doesn't figure out what's going on until it's too late. Boiled frog. It's just a matter of working by slow degrees."

I thought about that for a second, remembered how the humans had ignored me completely today.

Jeb had gotten them used to me and the twins. The realization made me feel strangely hopeful. Hope was a silly thing in my situation, but it seeped in anyways, coloring my perceptions more brightly than before.

"Jeb?"

"Yeah?"

"Am I the frog or the water?"

He laughed. "I'll that one for you to puzzle over. Self examination is good for the soul."

He laughed again, louder this time, as he turned to leave. "No pun intended."

"Wait. Can I ask one more?"

"Sure. I'd say it's your turn anyways, hon. After all I've asked you."

"Why are you my friend Jeb?"

He pursed his lips for a second, considering his answer.

"You know I'm a curious man." He began, and I nodded. "Well, I get to watch your souls a lot, but I never get to talk to them. I've had so many questions just piling up on top of each other… Plus, I've always thought that if a person wants to, he can get along with just about anybody. I like putting my theories to the test. And see, here you are, one of the nicest gals and finest mothers I've ever met. It's real interesting to have a soul as a friend, and it makes me feel super special that I managed it."

He winked at me, bowed from the waist, and walked away.

Just because now I understood Jeb's friend, it didn't make things easier when he escalated it.

He never took the gun anywhere anymore. I didn't know what he did with it, but I was happy that Jamie wasn't sleeping with it anymore. It made me a little nervous to have Jamie with me unprotected, but I decided he was actually in less danger without the gun. No one would feel the need to hurt him when he wasn't a threat. Besides, no came looking for us anymore.

Jen started sending me on little errands.

Run back to the kitchen for another roll, he was still hungry. Go fetch a bucket of water, this corner of the field was still fry. Pull Jamie out of class, Jeb needed to speak with him. Were the spinach sprouts up yet? Go and check. Did I remember my way through the caves? Jeb had a message for Doc.

Every time I had to carry out these simple errands, I was in a sweaty haze. Clutching the twins to my body. I concentrated on being invisible and walked as quickly as I could without running through the big rooms and dark corridors. I tended to hug the walls and keep my eyes down.

Occasionally, I would stop conversation the way I used to, but I was usually ignored. The only time I felt in immediate danger of death was when I interrupted Sharon's clad to get Jamie. The look Sharon gave me seemed designed to be followed by hostile actions.

But she let Jamie go with a nod after I choked out my whispered request, and when we were alone, he held my shaking hand and told me Sharon looked the same way to everyone who interrupted her class.

The very worst was the time I had to find Doc, because Ian insisted on showing me the way.

I could have refused, I suppose, but Jeb didn't have a problem with the arrangement, and that meant Jeb trusted Ian not to kill me or the twins. I was far from comfortable testing that theory, especially since I wasn't alone, but the test seemed inevitable. If Jeb was wrong to trust Ian, then Ian would find his opportunity soon enough. So I went with Ian through the long black southern tunnel as if it were a trial by fire.

I lived through the first half. Doc got his message. He seemed unsurprised to see Ian tagging along beside me. Perhaps it was my imagination, but I thought they exchanged a significant glance.

I half expected them to strap me to one of Doc's gurneys at that point. These rooms continued to make me feel nauseated.

Bur Doc just thanked me and sent me on my way as if he were busy. I couldn't really tell what he was doing. He had several books open and stacks and stacks of papers that seemed to contain nothing but sketches.

On my way back, curiosity overcame my fear.

"Ian?" I asked. Having a bit of difficulty say the name for the first time.

"Yes." He sounded surprised that I addressed him.

"Why haven't you killed us yet?"

He snorted. "That's direct."

"You could, you know. Jeb might be annoyed, but I don't think he'd shoot you. Although he might if you killed the twins."

What was I saying? It sounded like I was trying to convince him. I bit my tongue.

"I know." He said. His tone complacent.

It was quiet for a moment, just the sounds of our footsteps echoing, low and muffled, from the tunnel walls.

"It doesn't seem fair." Ian finally said. "I've been thinking about it a lot, and I can't see how killing you would make anything right. It would be like executing a private for a general's war crimes. Now, I don't buy all of Jeb's crazy theories, it would be nice to believe, sure, but just because you want something to be true doesn't make it that way. Whether he's right or wrong, though, you don't appear to mean us any harm. I have to admit, you honestly seem fond of that boy and those kids. It's very strange to watch. Anyway, as long as you don't put us in danger, it seems… cruel to kill you. What's one more misfit to this place?"

I thought about the word misfit for moment. It might have been the truest description of me I'd ever heard. Where had I ever fit in?

How strange that Ian, of all humans, should have such a surprising gentle interior. I didn't realize that cruelty would seem a negative to him.

Huh.

He waited in silence while I considered all this.

"If you don't want to kill me, then why did you come with me today?" I asked.

He paused again before answering.

"I'm not sure that…" He hesitated. "Jeb thinks things have calmed down, but I'm not completely sure about that. There's still a few people… Anyway, Doc and I have been trying to keep an eye on you when we can. Just in case. Sending you down the south tunnel seemed like pushing your luck, to me. But that's what Jeb does best; he pushes luck as far as it will go."

"You… you and Doc are trying to protect me?"

"Strange world, isn't it?"

It was a few seconds before I could answer.

"The strangest." I finally agreed.

* * *

**Author's Note: Enjoy! And REVIEW!**

**And thank you for the last chapters reviews. **

**See you soon!**

**-BethDee**


	20. Chapter 20

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer own the Host. I own Aiden and Macey. **

* * *

Another week had passed, or maybe it was to, there seemed to be little point in keeping track of time here where it was so irrelevant, except for keeping track of the twins age, and things only got stranger for me.

I worked with the humans every day, but not always with Jeb. Some days with Ian was with me, some days Doc, and some day Jamie. I weeded the fields, kneaded bread, and scrubbed counters. I carried water, boiled onion soup, washed clothes in the far end of the black pool, and burned my hands making that acidic soap. Everyone did their part, and since I had no right to be here, I tried to work twice as hard as the others.

I could not earn a place, I knew that, but I tried to make my presence as light a burden as possible.

I got to know a little bit about the humans around me, mostly just by listening to them. I had learned their names at least. The caramel skinned woman was Lily, she was from Philadelphia. She had a dry sense of humor and got along well with everyone because she never got ruffled. The young man with the bristly black hair, Wes, stared at her a lot, but she never seemed to notice that. He was only nineteen, and he had escaped from Eureka, Montana. The sleepy eyed mother was named Lucina, and her two boys were Isaiah and Freedom. Freedom had been born right here in the caves, delivered by Doc. I didn't see much of these three; it seemed that the mother kept her children as separate from me as much as possible as she could in this limited space. The balding, red cheeked man was Trudy's husband; his name was Geoffrey. They were often with another older man, Heath, who had been Geoffrey's best friend since early childhood; the three had escaped the invasion together. The pallid man with the white hair was Walter. He was sick, but Doc didn't know what was wrong with him. There was no way to find out either, not without labs and test, and even if Doc could diagnose the problem, he had no medicine to treat it.

As the symptoms progressed, Doc was starting to think it was a form of cancer. This pained me. To watch someone actually dying from something so easily fixed.

Walter tired easily but was always cheerful. The white blonde woman, he eyes contrastingly dark, who'd brought water to the others that first day in the fields was Heidi. Travis, John, Stanley, Reid, Carol, Violetta, Ruth Ann… I knew all the names at least.

There were thirty-five humans in the colony, thirty-seven if you count the twins, with six of the gone on the raid, Jared included. Twenty-nine humans in the caves now, and one mostly unwelcome alien with her to human children.

I also learned more about my neighbors.

Ian and Kyle shared the cave on my hallway with the two real doors propped over the entrance.

Ian had begun bunking with Wes in another corridor in protest of my presence here, but he had moved back after just two nights.

The other nearby caves had also gone vacant for a while. Jeb told me the other occupants were afraid of me, which made me laugh. Were twenty-nine rattlesnakes afraid of a lone field mouse with her two little mouse children?

Now Paige was back, next door, in the cave she a=shared with her partner, Andy, whose absence she mourned. Lily was with Heidi in the first cave, with the flowered sheet; Heath was in the second, with the duct taped cardboard; and Trudy and Geoffrey were in the third, with a striped quilt. Reid and Violetta were one cave farther down the hall than mine, their privacy protected by a stained and threadbare oriental carpet.

The fourth cave in this corridor belonged to Doc and Sharon, and the fifth to Maggie, but none of these three had returned.

Doc and Sharon were partnered, and Maggie, in her rare bouts of sarcastic humor, teased Sharon that it had taken the end of humanity for Sharon to find the perfect man. Every mother wanted a doctor for her daughter.

Sharon was not the girl I'd seen in Melanie's memories. Was it the years of living alone with the dour Maggie that had changed her into a more brightly colored version of her mother? Though her relationship with Doc was newer to this world than I was, she showed none of the softening effects of new love.

I knew the duration of that relationship from Jamie. Sharon and Maggie rarely forgot when I was in a room with them, and their conversation was guarded. They were still the strongest opposition, the only people here whose ignoring me continued to feel aggressively hostile.

I'd asked Jamie how Sharon and Maggie had gotten here. Had they found Jeb on their own, beaten Jared and Jamie here? He seemed to understand the real question. Had Melanie's last effort to find them been entirely a waste?

Jamie told me no. When Jared had shown him Melanie's last note, explained that she was gone, it took him a moment to speak again after that word, and I could see in his face what this moment had done to them both, they gone to look for Sharon themselves. Maggie had held Jared at the pint of an antique sword while he tried to explain; it had been a close call.

It had not taken long with Maggie and Jared working together for them to decipher Jeb's riddle.

The four of them had gotten to the caves before I'd moved from Chicago to San Diego. I was about five months pregnant during that time.

When Jamie and I spoke of Melanie, it was not as difficult as it should have been. She was always a part of these conversations, soothing his pain, smoothing my awkwardness, though she had little to say. She rarely spoke to me anymore, and when she did it was muted; now and then I wasn't really sure if I had really heard her or just my own idea of what I thought she might think.

But she made an effort for Jamie. When I heard her, it was always with him. When she didn't speak, we both felt her there.

"Why is Melanie so quiet now?" Jamie asked me late one night. For once he wasn't frilling me about Spiders and Fire Tasters. We were both tired, it had been a long day pulling carrots. The small of my back was in knots and Jamie was laying with Aiden beside him.

"It's hard for her to talk. It takes so much more of an effort than it take for you and me. She doesn't have anything she wants badly to say."

"What does she do all the time?"

"She listens, I think. I guess I don't know."

"Can you hear her now?"

"No."

I yawned, and he was quiet. I thought he was asleep. I drifted in that direction, too.

"Do you think she'll go away? Really away?" Jamie suddenly whispered. His voice caught on the last word.

I was not a lair, and I don't think I could have lied to Jamie if I were. I tried not to think about the implications of my feelings for him. Because what did it mean if one of the greatest loves I'd ever felt in my nine lives, the true sense of family, was for an alien life form.

I shoved the thought away.

"I don't know." I told him. And then, because it was true, I added, "I hope not."

"Do you like her like you like me? Did you used to hate her, like she hated you?"

"It's different than how I like you. And I never really hated her, not even in the beginning. I was very afraid of her, and I was angry that because of her I couldn't be like everyone else, especially since I was pregnant and crazy with hormones. But I've always, always admired strength, and Melanie is the strongest person I have ever known."

Jamie laughed. "You were afraid of her?"

"You don't think you sister can be scary? Remember the time you went too far up the canyon, and when you came home late she 'threw a raging hissy fit', according to Jared?"

He chuckled at the memory. I was pleased, having distracted him from his painful question.

I was eager to keep peace with all my new companions in any way I could. I thought I was willing to do anything, no matter how backbreaking or smelly, but it turned out I was wrong.

"So, I was thinking." Jeb said to me one day, maybe two weeks after everyone had "calmed down".

And I was beginning to hate those words from Jeb. There never meant anything good when it came to me.

"Do you remember what I was saying about you maybe teaching a little here?"

My answer was curt. "Yes."

"Well, how 'bout it?"

I didn't have to think it through at all. "No."

My refusal sent an unexpected pang of guilt through me. I had never refused a Calling before.

It felt like a selfish thing to do. Obviously, though, this was not the same. The souls would have never asked me to do anything so suicidal.

He frowned at me, scrunching his caterpillar brows together. "Why not?"

"How do you think Sharon would like that?" I asked him in an even voice. It was one example, albeit the most forceful.

He nodded, still frowning, acknowledging me point.

"It's for the greater good." He grumbled.

I snorted. "The greater good? Wouldn't that be shooting me?"

"Wanda, that's shortsighted." He argued with me as if my answer had been a real serious attempt at persuasion. "What we have here is a very unusual opportunity for learning. It would be wasteful to squander that."

"I don't really think anyone wants to learn anything from me. I don't mind talking to you or Jamie-"

"It doesn't matter what they want." Jeb insisted. "It's what's good for them. Like chocolate versus broccoli. Ought to know more about the universe, not to mention the new tenants of our planet."

"How does it help them, Jeb? Do you think I know something that could destroy the souls? Turn the tide? Jeb, it's over."

"It's not over while we're still here." He told me, grinning so I knew he was teasing. "I don't expect you to turn traitor and give us some super weapon. I just think we should know more about the world we live in."

I didn't even flinch at the word traitor. I pretty much was the moment I decided I wasn't going to turn my babies into soul babies. "I couldn't give you a weapon if I wanted to, Jeb. We don't have some great weakness, an Achilles' heel. No archenemies out there in space who could come to you aid, no viruses that will wipe us out and leave you standing. Sorry."

"Don't sweat it." He made a fist and tapped it playfully against my arm. "You might be surprised, though. I told you it gets boring in here. People might want your stories more than you think."

I knew Jeb would not leave it alone. Was Jeb even capable of submitting to defeat?

I doubt it.

At mealtimes I usually sat with Jamie, if he was not in school or busy elsewhere. Ian always sat near, though not really with us. I could not fully accept the idea of his self-appointed role as my bodyguard. It seemed too good to be true and thus, by human philosophy, clearly false. Plus, he never mentioned the twins, so he must not mean it.

A few days after I'd refused Jeb's request to teach the humans "for their own good," Doc came to sit by me during the evening meal.

Sharon remained where she was in the corner farthest from my usual place. She was alone today, without her mother. She didn't turn to watch Doc walking toward me. Her vivid hair was wound in a tight high bun, so I could see that her neck was stiff, and her shoulders were hunched, tense and unhappy. It made me want to leave at once, before Doc could say whatever he meant to say to me, so I could not be considered in collusion with him.

I was thinking of making up an excuse to feed the twins. But Jamie was with me, and he took my hand with the one he wasn't using to hold Maecella, when he saw the familiar panicked look come into my eyes. He was developing an uncanny ability to sense when I was turning skittish.

I sighed and stayed where I was. It should probably have bothered me more that I was such a slave to this child's wishes. But I was used to it with the twins.

"How are things?" Doc asked in a casual voice, sliding onto the counter next to me.

Ian, a few feet down from us, turned his body so it looked like he was part of the group.

I shrugged.

"We boiled soup today." Jamie announced. "My eyes are still stinging."

Doc held up a pair of bright red hands. "Soap."

Jamie laughed. "You win."

Doc gave a mocking bow from the waist, then turned to me. "Wanda, I had a question for you…" He let the words trail off.

I raised my eyebrows.

"Well, I was wondering… Of all the different planets you're familiar with, which species is physically the closest to humankind?"

I blinked, and stopped bouncing Aiden in my arms. "Why?"

"Just some good old fashion biological curiosity. I guess I've been thinking about your Healers… Where do they get the knowledge to cure, rather than just treat symptoms, as you said?" Doc was speaking louder than necessary, his mild voice carrying farther than usual. Several people looked up. Trudy and Geoffrey, Lily, Walter…

I wrapped my arms tightly around Aiden, trying to take up less space. "Those are two different questions." I murmured.

Doc smiled and gestured with one hand for me to proceed.

Jamie squeezed my hand.

I sighed. "The bears on the Mists Planet, probably."

"With the claw beasts?" Jamie whispered.

I nodded.

"How are they similar?" Doc prodded.

I rolled my eyes, feeling Jeb's direction in this, but continues. "They're so close to mammals in many ways. For, warm blooded. Their blood isn't exactly the same as yours, but it does essentially the same job. They have similar emotions, the same need for societal interaction, and creative outlets-"

"Creative?" Doc leaned forward, fascinated. Or pretending to be fascinated. "How so?"

I looked at Jamie. "You know. Why don't you go and tell Doc?"

"I might get it wrong."

"You won't."

He looked to Doc, who nodded.

"Well, you see, they have these awesome hands." Jamie was enthusiastic almost immediately. "Sort of double jointed, they can curl both ways." He flexed his own finger. As if he were trying to bend them backwards. "One side is soft, like my palm, but the other side is like razors! The cut ice. Ice sculpting. They make cities that are all crystal castles that never melt. It's beautiful, isn't it, Wanda?" He turned to me for backup.

I nodded. "They see a different range of colors; the ice is full of rainbows. Their cities are a point of pride for them. They're always trying to make them more beautiful. I knew of one Bear who we called… well, something like Glitter Weaver, but it sounds better in that language, because of the way the ice seemed to know what he wanted and shaped itself into his dreams. I met him once and saw his creations. That's one of my most beautiful memories."

"They dream?" Ian asked quietly.

I smiled wryly. "Not as vividly as humans."

"How do your Healers get their knowledge about the physiology of new species? They came to this planet prepared. I watched it stared, watched the terminal patients walk out of the hospital whole…" A frown etched a V- shaped crease into Doc's narrow forehead. He hated the invaders, like everyone, but unlike the others he also envied them.

I didn't want to answer. Everyone was listening to us by this point, and this was no pretty fairytale about ice sculpting Bears. This story of their defeat.

Doc waited, frowning.

"They… they take samples." I muttered.

Ian grinned in understanding. "Alien abductions."

I ignored him.

Doc pursed his lips. "Makes sense."

The silence of the room reminded me of my first time here. Thankfully the twins were quiet like that time, too.

"Where did your kind begin?" Doc asked. "Do you remember? I mean, as a species, do you know how you evolved?"

"The Origin." I answered, nodding. "We still live there. It's where I was… born."

"That's kind of special." Jamie added. "It's rare to meet someone from the Origin, right? Most souls try to stay there, right, Wanda?" He didn't wait for my response. I was beginning to regret answering his questions so thoroughly each and every night. "So when someone moves on, it make them almost… like a celebrity? Or like a member of a royal family."

I could feel my cheeks get warm.

"It's a cool place. Jamie went on. "Lots of clouds, with a bunch of different colored layers. It's the only planet were the souls can live outside of a host for very long. The host on the Origin planet are really pretty, too, with sort of wings and lots of tentacles and big silver eyes."

Doc was leaning forward with his face in his hands. DO they remember how the host parasite relationship was formed? How did the colonization begin?"

Jamie shrugged, looking at me.

"We were always that way." I answered slowly, still unwilling. AS far back as we were intelligent enough to know ourselves, at least. We were discovered by another species. The Vultures, we call them here, though more for their personalities than for their looks. They were… not kind. Then we discovered that we could bond with them just as we had without original host. Once we controlled them, we made use of their technology. We took their planet first, and then followed them to the Dragon Planet and the Summer World, lovely places were the Vultures had also not been kind. We started colonizing; out hosts reproduced so much slower than we did, and their life spans were short. We began exploring farther into the universe…."

I trailed off, conscious of the many eyes on my face. Only Sharon continued to look away.

"You speak of it almost as if you were there." Ian noted quietly. "How long ago did this happen?"

"After the dinosaurs lived here but before you did. I was not there, but I remember some of what my mother's, mother's mother remembered of it."

"How old are you?" Ian asked, leaning towards me, his blues eyes penetrating.

"I don't know in Earth years."

"An estimate?" He pressed.

"A thousand years, maybe." I shrugged. "I lose track of the years spent in hibernation."

Ian leaned back, stunned.

"Wow. You're so old."

I held back a laugh. "But in a very real sense, I'm younger than you." I murmured. "Not even a year old. I feel like child all the time."

Jamie's lips pulled up slightly at the corners. He like the idea of being more mature than I was.

"What's the aging process for you kind?" Doc asked. "The natural life span?"

"We don't have one." I told him. "AS long as we have a healthy host, we can live forever."

A low murmur. Angry? Frightened? Disgusted? I couldn't tell. I saw that my answer was very unwise; I understood what these words meant to them.

"Beautiful." The low, furious word came from Sharon's direction, but she hadn't turned.

Jamie squeezed my hand, seeing the desire to bolt clearly written in my eyes. This time I gently pulled my hand free.

"It's time for the twins nap." I whispered, though the twins had just woken up from one not an hour ago. I hopped down, grabbed Macey from Jamie's arms, and hugging the wall, I made my escape.

Jamie followed right behind me. He caught up to me in the big garden plaza and handed me the remains of my bread.

"It was really interesting, honest." He told me. "I don't think anyone's too upset."

"Jeb put Doc up to this, didn't he?"

"You tell great stories. Once everyone knows that, they'll want to hear them. Just like me and Jeb."

"What if I don't want to tell them?"

Jamie frowned. "Well, I guess then… you shouldn't. But it seems like you don't mind telling me stories."

"That's different. You like me." I could have said. 'You don't want to kill me', but the implications would have upset him.

"Once people get to know you, they'll all like you. Ian and Doc do."

"Ian and Doc do not like me, Jamie. They're just morbidly curious."

"Do so."

"Ugh." I groaned. We were to our room by now. I shoved the screen aside and threw myself onto the mattress. Well, threw myself as best as I could with two babies tight in my grip. Smile at the motion Jamie sat down less forcefully beside me and looped his arms around his knees.

"Don't be mad." He pleaded. "Jeb means well."

I groaned again.

"It won't be so bad."

"Doc's going to do this every time I go in the kitchen, isn't he?"

Jamie nodded sheepishly. "Or Ian. Or Jeb."

"Or you."

"We all want to know."

I sighed and rolled onto my stomach. "Does Jeb have to get his every single time?"

Jamie thought for a moment, and then nodded. "Yeah, yeah, pretty much."

I took a big bite of bread. When I was done chewing, I said, "I think I'll eat it here from now on."

"Ian's going to ask you questions tomorrow when you're weeding the spinach. Jeb's not making him. He wants to."

"Well, that's wonderful."

"You're pretty good with sarcasm. I thought the parasites, I mean souls, didn't like negative humor. Just the happy stuff."

"They'd learn pretty quick in here, kid."

Jamie laughed and then took my hand. "You don't hate it here, do you? You're not miserable, are you?"

His big chocolate colored eyes were troubled.

I pressed his hand to my face. "I'm fine." I told him, and at that moment, it was entirely the truth.

* * *

**Author's Note: Enjoy. Thank you for the reviews and REVIEW again.**

**See you soon!**

**-BethDee**


	21. Chapter 21

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Host. Only Aiden and Macey.**

* * *

Somehow, without ever agreeing to do it, I had become the teacher Jeb wanted.

My "class" was informal. I answered question every night at dinner. I found that as long as I was willing to do this, Ian and Doc and Jeb would leave me alone during the day so I could concentrate on the twins and my chores. We always convened in the kitchen; I liked to help with baking as I spoke. It gave me an excuse to pause before I spoke, and look somewhere when I didn't want to meet anyone's eyes. It was a better excuse rather than just using the twins, since they'll usually fell asleep on me during those times. In my head, it seemed fitting; my words were sometimes upsetting, but my actions were always for their good.

I didn't want admit that Jamie was right. Obviously, people didn't like me or the twins.

They couldn't; I wasn't one of them. And Aiden and Macey were, but they didn't like them because I was their mother.

Jamie liked me, but that was just some strange chemical reaction that was far from rational. He likes Aiden and Macey, but he was their Uncle. Jeb liked us, but Jeb was just crazy.

The rest of them didn't have either excuse.

No, they didn't like us. But things changed when I started talking.

The first time noticed it was the morning after I answered Doc's questions at dinner; I was in the black bathing room, washing clothes with Trudy, Lily and Jamie. And, of course, the twins who were strapped to my person.

"Could you hand me the soap, please, Wanda?" Trudy asked from my left.

An electric current rant through my body at the sound of my name being spoke by a female's voice.

Numbly, I passed her the soap and then rinsed the sting from my hand.

"Thank you." She added.

"You're welcome." I murmured. My voice cracked on the last syllable.

I passed Lily in the hall a day later on my way to find Jamie before dinner.

"Wanda." She said, nodding.

"Lilly." I answered, my throat dry.

Soon it wasn't just Doc and Ian who asked questions at night. It surprised me who the most vocal were. Exhausted Walter, his face a worrisome shade of gray, was endlessly interested in the Bats of the Singing World and any topic of the twins; he was very fond of them. Heath, usually silent, letting Trudy and Geoffrey talk for him, was outspoken during these evenings. He had some fascination with the Fire World, and though it was one of my least favorite stories to tell, he peppered me with questions until he'd heard every detail I knew. Lily was concerned with the mechanics of things. She wanted to know about the ships that carried us from planet to planet, their pilots, their fuel. It was to Lily that I explained cryotanks. Something they all had seen but few understood the purpose of. Shy Wes, usually sitting close to Lily, asked about other planets but about this one. How did it work? No money, no recompense for work. Why did our souls' society not fall apart? I tried to explain that it was not so different from life in the caves. Did we not all work without money and share in the products of our labor equally?

"Yes." He interrupted me, shaking his head. "But it's different here. Jeb has a gun for the slackers."

Everyone looked at Jeb, who winked, and they all laughed.

Jeb was in attendance about every other night. He didn't participate; he just sat thoughtfully in the back of the room, occasionally grinning.

He was right about the entertainment factor; oddly, for we all had legs, the situation reminded me of the See Weeds. There had been a special title for entertainers there, like Comforter or Healer or Seeker.

I was one of the Storytellers, so the transition to a teacher here on Earth had not been such a change, profession wise, at least. Not like motherhood which was new and frightening.

It was much the same in the kitchen after dark, with the smell of smoke and baking bread filling the room. Everyone was stuck here, as good as planted. My stories were something new, something to think about besides the usual. Same endlessly repeated sweaty chores, the same thirty-five faces, the same memories of other faces that brought the same grief with them, the same fear and the same despair that had long been familiar companions. And so the kitchen was always full for my casual lessons.

Only Sharon and Maggie were conspicuously and consistently absent.

I was in about my fourth week as an informal teacher when life in the caves changed again.

The kitchen was crowded, as usual. Jeb and Doc were the only ones missing besides the normal two. On the counter next to me was a metal tray of dark, doughy rolls. Swollen twice the size they had started at. They were ready for the oven, as soon as the other tray was done.

Trudy checked every few minutes to make sure nothing was burning.

Often, I tried to get Jamie to tell the story for me if he knew it well. I liked to watch the enthusiasm light up in his face, and the way used his hands to draw pictures in the air, he usually was holding one of the twins when he was telling a story, but he often forgot about them in his lap and almost dropped them when he was getting animated about a story, so he held them when I was telling it. But tonight, Heidi wanted to know more about the Dolphins, so I asked Jamie to answer her questions as well as he could.

The humans always spoke with sadness when they asked about our newest acquisition. They saw the Dolphins as mirrors of themselves in the first years of the occupation. Heidi's dark eyes, disconcerting underneath her fringe of white blonde hair, were tight with sympathy as she asked her questions.

"They look more like huge dragonflies than fish, right, Wanda?" Jamie almost always asked for corroboration, though he never waited for me waited for my answer. "They're all leathery, though, with three, four, or five sets of wings, depending on how old they are, right? So they kind of fly through the water, it's lighter than water here, less dense. They have five, seven, or nine legs, depending on which gender they are, right, Wanda? They have three different genders. They have really long hands with tough, strong fingers that can build all kinds of things. They make citied under the water out of hard plants that grow there, kind of like trees but not really. They aren't as far as we are, right, Wanda? Because they've never made a spaceship or, like, telephones for communication. Humans were more advanced."

Trudy pulled out the tray of baked rolls, and I bent to shove the next tray of risen dough into the hot, smoking hot. It took a little jostling and balancing to get it in just right.

As I sweated in front of the fire, I heard some kind of commotion outside the kitchen, echoing down the hall from somewhere else in the caves. It was hard, with all the random sound reverberations and strange acoustics, to judge distances here.

"Hey!" Jamie shouted behind me, and I turned just in time to see the back of his head as he sprinted out the door.

I straightened out of my crouch and took a step towards him, my instinct to follow.

"Wait." Ian said. "He'll be back. Tell us some more about the Dolphins."

Ian was sitting on the counter beside the oven, a hot seat that I wouldn't have chosen, which made him close enough to reach out and touch my wrist. My arm flinched away from the unexpected contact, but I stayed where I was.

"What's going on out there?" I asked, holding Macey a little closer to my chest. I could still hear some kind of jabbering, I thought I could hear Jamie's excited voice in the mix.

Ian shrugged. "Who knows? Maybe Jeb…" He shrugged again, as if he wasn't interested enough to bother with figuring it out. Nonchalant, but there was a tension in his eyes I didn't understand.

I was sure I would find out soon enough, so I shrugged, too, and started explaining the incredibly complex familial relationship of the Dolphins while I helped Trudy stack the warm bread in plastic containers.

"Six of the nine… grandparents, so to speak, traditionally stay with the larvae through their first stage of development while the three parents work with their six grandparents on a new wing of the family dwelling for the young to inhabit when they are mobile." I was explaining, my eyes on rolls in my hands rather than my audience, as usual, when I heard the gasp from the back of the room. I continued with my next sentence automatically as I scanned the crowd to see who I'd upset. "The remaining three grandparents are customarily involved…"

No one was upset with me. Every head was turned in the same direction I was looking. My eyes skipped across the backs of their heads to the dark exit.

The first thing I saw was Jamie's slight figure, clinging to someone so dirty, from head to toe, that he almost blended right in with the cave wall. Someone too tall to be Jeb, and anyway, there was Jeb just behind Jamie's shoulder. Even from this distance, I could see that Jeb's eyes narrowed and his nose wrinkled, as if he were anxious. A rare emotion for Jeb.

Just as I could see that Jamie's face was bright with sheer joy.

"Here we go." Ian muttered beside me. His voice barely audible above the crackle of the flames.

The dirty man Jamie was still clinging to took a step forward. One of his hands rose slowly, like an involuntary reflex, and curled into a fist.

From the dirty figure came Jared's voice. Flat, perfectly devoid of any inflection. "What is the meaning of this, Jeb?"

My throat closed. I tried to swallow and found the way blocked. I tried to breath and was not successful.

All the while my heart was screaming. _Jared! Jared's home! _

"Wanda is teaching us all about the universe." Jamie babbled eagerly, somehow not catching on to Jared's fury. He was too excited to pay attention, maybe.

"Wanda?" Jared repeated in a low voice. Almost a snarl.

There were more dirty figures in the hall behind him. I only noticed them when they echoed his snarl with an outraged muttering.

A blond head rose from the frozen audience. Paige lurched to her feet. "Andy!" She cried, and stumbled through the figures seated around her. One of the dirty men stepped around Jared and caught her as she nearly fell over Wes.

"Oh, Andy!" She sobbed. The tone of her voice reminding me of what I would imagine my heart would be crying.

Paige's outburst changed the atmosphere momentarily. The silent crowd began to murmur, most of them rising to their feet. The sound was one of welcome now, as the majority went to greet the returned travelers. I tried to read the silent expression on their faces as they forced grins onto their faces and peeked furtively back at me. I realized after a long, slow second, time seemed to be congealing around me, freezing me into place, that the expression I wondered at was guilt.

"It's going to be okay, Wanda." Ian murmured under his breath.

I glanced at him wildly, searching for that same guilt on his face. I didn't find it. Only a defensive tightening around his vivid eyes as he stared at the newcomers.

"What the heck, people?" A new voice boomed.

Kyle, easily identifiable by his size despite the grime, was shoving his way around Jared and heading toward…me. I tightened my arms around Aiden.

"You're letting it tall you its lies? Have you all gone crazy? Or did it lead the Seekers here? Are you all parasites now?"

Many heads fell forward with shame. Only a few kept their chins stiffly in the air, their shoulders squared. Lily, Trudy, Heath, Wes… and frail Walter, of all people, pulled Aiden, whom he was holding, tighter to his chest. Proudly.

"Easy, Kyle." Walter said in his feeble voice.

Kyle ignored him. He walked with deliberate steps towards me, his eyes, the same vibrant cobalt as his brother's, glowing with rage. I couldn't keep my eyes on him, though. They kept returning to Jared's dark shape, trying to read his camouflaged face.

My love for him flowed through me like a lake bursting through a dam, distracting me even more from the enraged barbarian closing the distance quickly.

Ian slid into my view, moving to place himself in front of me.

I strained my neck to the side to keep my view of Jared clear.

"Things changed while you were gone, brother."

Kyle halted, face slack with disbelief. "Did the Seekers really come, then, Ian?"

"She's not a danger to us."

Kyle ground his teeth together, and from the corner of my eye, I saw him reach for something in his pocket.

This captured my attention at last. I cringed, expecting a weapon. The words stumbled off my tongue in a choked whisper. "Don't get in his way, Ian." I only hoped I could get Kyle to leave Macey alone.

Ian didn't respond to my plea. I was surprised at the amount of anxiety this caused me, at how much I didn't want him hurt. It wasn't the desperate need to protect. The kind I felt with Jared, and Jamie and Aiden and Macey. I just knew that Ian shouldn't be harmed trying to protect me.

Kyle's hand came back up, and a light shine out of it. He pointed it in Ian's face, held it there for a moment. Ian didn't flinch away from the light.

"So, what, then?" Kyle demanded, putting the flashlight back in his pocket. "You're not a parasite. How did it get to you?"

"Calm down and we'll tell you all about it."

"No."

The contradiction did not come from Kyle, but from behind him. I watched Jared walk slowly towards us through the silent spectators. As he got close, Jamie still clinging to his hand with a bewildered expression, I could read his face even better under the mask of dirt. Though I was surprised I didn't see the loathing I was expecting to see. Just a lot of frustration and anger.

But even then, Jeb had wasted his efforts on the wrong people. It didn't matter that Trudy or Lily was speaking to me, that Ian would put himself between his brother and me, that Sharon and Maggie made no hostile move towards me. The only one who had to be convinced had now, finally, decided.

"I don't think anyone needs to calm down." Jared said through his teeth. "Jeb." He continued, not looking to see if the old man had followed him forward. "Give me the gun."

The silence that followed his words was so tense I could feel the pressure inside my ears.

From the moment he walked in, I had known it was over. I knew what I had to do now. Melanie was not in agreement.

_Just wait, Wanda. Just wait. _

Ignored her. As quietly as I could, I took a step to the side and slightly back, so that I would be clear of Ian. I reached one hand behind me to untie the knot of the cloth that held Maecella to me. I gave her to Ian, who tried to decline her, but forced her into Ian's arms. Macey looked around confused, and then spotted Jared. Her face broke out into a beautiful smile. Then I closed my eyes.

"Don't happen to have it on me." Jeb drawled.

I peeked through narrow eyes to see Jared's reaction.

He was staring at Macey for a long moment, then blinked, and his eyes lost most of that anger, but still held deep frustration. He looked over to Aiden in Walter's arms. His face softened. When he looked back to me, his expression made my eyes open wide. He had changed his mind.

_Told ya. _Melanie said, smug.

But that wasn't noticeable to others apparently.

"That's fine." Kyle muttered. "It'll be slower this way. I'd be more humane if you were to find that gun fast. Though I'm all for being inhumane to parasites."

They ignored Kyle muttering. "Please, Jared, let's talk." Ian said, planting his feet firmly as he spoke. Thinking he already knew the answer.

"I think there's been too much talk." Kyle growled. "Jeb left this up to him and he's made his decision." Grumbling, he added, "A little late for my opinion."

Jeb cleared his voice noisily. Kyle spun half way around to look at him.

"What?" he demanded. "You made to stupid rule, Jeb."

"Well, now, that's true."

Kyle turned back to his brother. "Get out of his way, Ian."

"Well, well, hold on a sec." Jeb went on. "If you recall, the rule was that whoever the body belonged to got to make the decision."

A vein in Kyle's forehead pulsed visibly. "And?"

"Seems to me like there's someone here with a claim just as strong as his. Mebbe stronger."

Kyle stared at Jeb while he processed this, while Jared stared at me. Realization dawned on him a moment before it did on Kyle. They both looked down at the boy still hanging on Jared's arm.

All the joy had drained from Jamie's face. Leaving it pale with horror.

"You can't, Jared." He choked. "You wouldn't. Wanda's good. She's my friend! What about Aiden! And Macey! And Mel! What about Mel? You can't kill Mel! Please! You have to-" He broke off, his expression agonized. Still not realizing that, for some reason, Jared had changed his mind and was not going to kill me.

I closed my eyes again, trying to block the picture of the suffering boy from my mind. It was already almost impossible not to go to him. I locked my muscles in place, promising myself that it wasn't the right time for me to go to him right now.

"So." Jeb said, his tone far too conversational for the moment. "You can see that Jamie's not in agreement. I figure he's got as much say as Jared does."

There was no answer. It stayed silent for so long that I had to open my eyes.

Jared was staring at Jamie's anguished, fearful face. His own plainly shocked.

"There is a need for some talk." Jeb finally answered. "Why don't you take a breather first, though? Maybe you'll feel more up for conversation after a bath."

Kyle glared balefully at the man.

The unbearable tension lasted through another long minute. And then Jared gently, but firmly uncurled Jamie's fingers from his arms.

"Kyle." Jared said in a low voice, looking at Aiden and Macey, who were beaming at him, before turning and walking out of the room.

Kyle gave his brother a parting scowl and followed.

The other dirty members of the expedition went after them silently, Paige tucked securely under Andy's arm.

Most of the other humans, all those who had hung their heads in shame, shuffled out behind them. Only Jamie, Jeb, and Ian beside me, and Trudy, Geoffrey, Heath, Lily, Wes, and Walter stayed.

No one spoke until the echoes of their footsteps faded away into silence.

"Whew!" Ian breathed. "That was close. Nice thinking, Jeb."

"Inspiration in desperation. But we're not out of the woods yet." Jeb answered.

"Don't I know it! You didn't leave the gun anywhere obvious, did you?"

"Nope. I figured this might be comin' soon."

"That's something at least."

Jamie was trembling, alone in the space left by the exodus. Surrounded by those I had to count as friends, I felt able walk to his side. He threw his arms around my waist, and I patted his back. I wanted to tell Jeb and Ian to stop scaring the boy. That Jared wasn't going to hurt me. But I truthfully didn't know if that was true. Jared had changed his mind, but what would stop him from changing it again. Especially if Kyle, why hated me, was with him. Probably trying to convince him.

_Don't worry. Jared's not easily convincible. _Melanie promised.

_I know. _I answered. And I did know.

"It's okay." I whispered. "It's okay." Although I knew Jamie would not be convinced.

"He won't hurt you." Jamie said thickly, struggling against the tears I could see in his eyes. "I won't let him."

"Shh. I know." I murmured.

_Poor Jamie. _Melanie whispered.

I tightened my arms around the boy.

Ian thumped Jamie on the back. I could feel the motion reverberate through both our bodies.

"Don't agonize over it, kid." He said. "You're not in this alone."

"They're just shocked, that's all." I recognized Trudy's alto voice behind me. "Once we get a chance to explain, they'll see reason."

"See reason? Kyle?" Someone hissed almost unintelligibly.

"We knew this was coming." Jeb muttered. "Just got to weather it. Storms pass."

"Maybe you ought to find that gun." Lily suggested calmly. "Tonight might be a long one. Wanda and the kids can stay with Heidi and me-"

"I think it might be better to keep her somewhere else." Ian disagreed. "Maybe the southern tunnels? I'll keep an eye on them. Jeb, wanna lend me a hand?"

"They wouldn't look for them with me." Walter's offer was just a whisper.

Wes spoke over the last of Walter's words. "I'll tag along with you, Ian. There's six of them."

"No." I finally managed to get out. "No. That's not right. You shouldn't fight with each other. You all belong here. You belong together. Not fighting, not because of me."

I pulled Jamie's arms from my waist, holding his wrist when he tried to stop me.

"I need a minute to myself." I told him, ignoring the stares I could feel on my face. "I need to be alone." I turned my head to find the twins.

"Now, don't be like that." Jeb said.

"Let me have sometime, Jeb."

I stepped away from Jamie, dropping his hands. I walked to Ian and grabbed Maecella, then walked to Walter and grabbed Aiden out of his arms. A hand fell on my forearm.

"You should be out there wandering around alone, sweetheart." Walter said in his frail voice.

His hand slipped from my arm and I patted it softly. "I'll be okay." I whispered. Managing a small smile.

I quickly got out of there as fast as I could.

"Wanda!" Jamie called after me.

Someone quickly shushed him. There were no footsteps following behind me.

The hall was dark and deserted. If I was lucky, I'd be able to cut through the big garden plaza in the dark with no one the wiser.

In all my time here, the one thing I'd never found was the way out.

It seemed as if I'd been down every tunnel time and time again, but not once have I ever seen an opening I hadn't explored in search of one thing or another. I thought about it now as I crept through the deepest shadowed corners on the big plaza. Where could the exit be? And I thought about this. If I could figure out that puzzle, would I be able to leave?

I couldn't think of anything worth leaving for. Certainly not the desert waiting outside, but also not the Seeker, not the Healer, not my Comforter, not my life before, had left such a shallow impression on me. Everything that really mattered was here with me. Aiden. Macey. Jamie. Jared. I couldn't imagine walking away from any of them.

And Jeb. Ian. I had friends now. Doc, Trudy, Lily, Wes, Walter, Heath.

Strange humans who could overlook what I was and see something they didn't have to kill. May be it was just curiosity, but regardless of that, they were willing to side with me against the rest of their tight knit family of survivors.

I shook my head in wonder as I walked down the familiar hall. One I'd been down so many times during the past couple weeks.

I could hear others in the other hall and I hurried through the familiar entry way I was looking for.

After all, there really was only one place for me to go. Even if I could have somehow guessed the way to escape, I still would have gone this way. I crept into the room with the green screen as a door.

* * *

**Author's Note: Enjoy! Thank you the reviews and please REVIEW again!**

**See you soon!**

**In response to "Guest": Yes, it is going to be different from the book and movie. But right now, things are more similar in the book, but are certainly starting to change. But as it continues on, it is going to start getting a lot more different than the book and movie. I hope this answers your question.**

**-BethDee**


	22. Chapter 22

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns the Host. I own Aiden and Macey**

* * *

I made my back to the bed I'd been sleeping on.

I don't know how I ended up here. I really didn't. Maybe it was because I've been in here for so long. Since Jared had left and Jeb had set me free. I'd had been so used to coming here.

I walked over to the bed and laid the twins down on it. I sat down beside them.

What do I do now?

I wanted my silence and I wanted to be alone and I got it. So now that I have it, what do I do?

I'm going to have to figure out somewhere knew to stay. I doubt Jared would want me to continue staying here. Even if he did change his mind about killing me. Who knows? He might change it again.

_He won't. _Melanie promised.

_And how do you know?_

_I just do. _

Never the less, I'm sure Jared wouldn't want to share a room with me, nor will he give it up.

_You'd be surprised. _

I didn't answer. She must be going insane.

I could go back to my room from before. Back to the bench. But didn't Jeb say they used that space for storage? Would I even be able to get back in? Would there even be a small place for me to stay? I don't know. But I couldn't stay here. It would probably mean my death. Jared decided not to kill me, for a reason I'll most likely never know, but Kyle's desire to kill me hasn't deteriorated. I was giving him more of a chance to kill me since he lived just a few doors down.

So, what was keeping me from leaving then? Why couldn't I walk out of this room? I had nowhere to go, but that shouldn't stop me. I could always find a place to stay here. There's the fact that there were many humans that just came back and were willing to seriously hurt me if I ran into them, but I could easily avoid them. I knew this place well enough, and it was pitch almost everywhere. I would be easy to avoid them.

So, why wasn't I going? I was making myself more of a target for myself by staying here. Why can't I go?

_Because you don't want to. _Melanie chimed in.

_Of course I do. Don't you think I want to keep myself safe? Keep Aiden and Macey safe? Something is wrong with me, I can't move. I want to keep us safe. I want to leave._

_No. You want to want to leave. But really, the fact is, you don't._ Melanie answered. _You know they wouldn't kill Aiden or Macey or they'd be at risk of being killed themselves by Jared or Jeb. And you're not really in danger. You know that._

_No, I don't know that. And neither do you. Humans are very unpredictable. I need to move. I need to go. Why can't I?_

_Because, as I said. You don't want to go. You want Jared to say it's okay for you to stay here. Part of it is that you got comfortable being here, no matter how hard you tried not to, and part of it is that you love Jared. You want to be with him, around him. No matter how much you think there is risk. Even though there isn't._

I didn't answer. I couldn't. I didn't believe her. I didn't want to. Is that really how I felt? Wouldn't I know if I felt that way? How would she really even know?

_I've been in your head this long. Day in and day out. Minute after minute, second after second. Wanda. I know you._

I hate to admit, but she did. Just as I knew her. But she had to be wrong about this. I wouldn't risk Aiden and Macey.

A wave of guilt washed over me. I was risking them right now. By staying and trying to figure this out. How could I be so selfish? They were my world. Along with Jared and Jamie. I was really being selfish by not moving and finding a place to stay. Were they would be safe.

_You've been risking them since the moment they've been brought here._

She was right. What was wrong with me? Stupid, stupid. That's what's wrong with me.

_Wanda. Stop it. That is not what I meant. We had to come here. They wouldn't have been safe otherwise. The Seeker was going to get rid of us remember? What I meant was, they've been fine. They're at no greater risk than they've been in before. No one will hurt them._

I forced myself to calm down. We would get nowhere while I was freaking out.

Once I calmed down enough, I Melanie the question I first asked myself.

_What do we do now?_

I felt her mentally pause. _I actually have no idea._

I sighed out loud. The sound whispering back to me in the silent room. _We could try to escape. _I offered. The idea actually physically pained me. A sharp pain stabbed me in the chest.

I winced.

_After all the trouble it took to you guys here. Yeah, no. Besides what would we do? What would tell the Seekers?_

I imagined it, and another pain stabbed at me. I rubbed the area, but continued thinking about it. How would I explain my months of absence? I could lie, make up some alternative story, or say I didn't remember.

_They'd think I took over. _Melanie ruled that idea out. _Then they'd take you out and put the she devil of a Seeker in._

I shuddered and imagine what would happen. She'd tell them about this place, and the Seekers would come. And then they would put Souls in Aiden and Macey and everyone.

Horror washed through me.

_Right. So escape it out. _Melanie sighed. _Since you're not going to believe me about being safe here, I guess I could come up with something to appease you. _She thought for a moment. _Well, there's always fighting._

I tried to imagine that. Meeting violence with violence. Raising my hand to strike someone. I could form the words but not the mental.

_Yeah, I didn't think so. But you could do it. I'll help you. _

_No, thanks. There has to be some other way. _I answered. I felt a little guilty. I couldn't even hurt someone if my children's live were at stake. Wasn't that wrong?

_You are who you are, Wanda. You can't change that, though everything else may change. You hold on to yourself._

_But I-_

I would have continued to argue with her, but we were interrupted. A scuffling sound, a shoe against rock, echoed from somewhere right by the door.

I froze. Every function of my body arrest but my heart, and even that faltered jaggedly. I made myself move to put my body in front of the twins. I listened. I didn't have long to hope that I just imagined the sound. Within seconds, I could hear more quiet footsteps coming closer and closer to the door.

"Wanda?" Someone whispered quietly. "Wanda? Are you here? It's me."

His voice broke, and I knew him.

"Jamie!" I rasped. "What are you doing? I told I needed to be alone."

Relief was plain on his face when he stepped through the door, and in his voice, which he now raised from the whisper. "Everybody is looking for you. Well, you know. Trudy, Lily, and Wes. That everybody. Only we're not supposed to let anyone know that's what we're doing. No one is supposed to guess that you're missing. Jeb's got his gun again. Ian's with Doc. When Doc's free, he'll talk to Jared and Kyle. Everybody listens to Doc. So you don't have to hide. Everybody is busy, and you're probably tired…"

As Jamie explained, I had gotten up, finally finding my will, and started packing everything that was out back into the wagon.

"I'm not really hiding, Jamie. I needed to think."

"You could think with Jeb there, right?"

"What do you want me to do? Stay here? No, that room is where I'm supposed to be at."

"Not anymore." The familiar stubborn edge entered his voice.

"Why is everyone so busy?" I asked to distract him. "What's Doc doing?"

My attempt was unsuccessful; he didn't answer.

After a minute of silence, I walked over to him and touched his cheek. "Look, you should be with Jeb. Tell the others to stop looking for me. I'm just going to hang out in the room for now."

"You can't sleep there."

"I have before."

His head shook in my hand.

"I'll go get mats and pillows, at least."

"I don't need more than one."

"I'm not staying with Jared while he's being such a jerk."

I didn't like him calling Jared that. But I had to remember that Jamie didn't see his face, he didn't see Jared's change of his decision. "Then you stay with Jeb and his snores. You belong with them, not with me."

"I belong wherever I want to be."

He was hanging out with Jeb too much. The threat of Kyle finding me here or in the 'storage' room was heavy on my mind. But that argument would only make Jamie feel responsible for protecting me.

"Fine. But you have to get Jeb's permission."

"Later. I'm not going to bug Jeb tonight."

"What is Jeb doing?"

Jamie didn't answer. It was only at that point I realized he had deliberately not answered my question the first time. There was something he didn't want to tell me. Maybe the others were busy trying to find me, too. Maybe Jared's homecoming had returned them to their original state opinion about me. It had seemed that way in the kitchen, when they'd hung their heads and eyed me with furtive guilt.

"What's going on, Jamie?" I pressed.

"I'm not supposed to tell you." He muttered. "And I'm not going to." His arms wrapped tightly around my waist, and his face pressed against my shoulder. "Everything is going to be alright." He promised me, his voice thick.

I patted his back and ran my fingers through his tangled mane. "Okay." I said, agreeing to accept his silence. After all, I had my secrets, too, didn't I?

"Don't be upset, Jamie. Whatever it is, it will all work out for the best. You're going to be fine." As I said the words, I willed them to be true.

"I don't know what to hope for." He whispered.

As I looked around and finally settled on staring at the twins, awake on the bed, trying to understand what he wouldn't say, a movement caught my eye at the front of the door.

My head snapped over, my chin nearly catching Jamie in the head, I tightened my hands on Jamie's shoulders, ready to pushing behind me. I looked to see who the intruder was.

I saw the human and my heart started to pick up. As it always does whenever I'm around him.

Jared.

Jamie looked over and a scowl was etched onto his face.

"What are you doing here?" He glared.

Jared looked away from staring at me; a hint of that frustration was still in his eyes. He wiped his face clean of it when he looked at Jamie.

"It's my room." Jared said slowly. As if Jamie wouldn't understand.

"Oh, right." His eyebrows furrowed. Then he narrowed his eyes again. "That's fine, we were just leaving. C'mon, Wanda."

He bent over on the bed and picked up the twins laying them in the stroller, then grabbed the wagon, leaving me the stroller for me to push. He silently walked to the door, expecting me to follow. I did, but I didn't want to. I tried not to look at Jared as I walked. I wanted to stay so bad. It was stupid of me to want to, but I did.

I was almost past the entrance when a hand landed over my arm. I gasped and jumped back.

I didn't jump away because I thought Jared was going to hurt me, but because of the shock that ran through my body when his arm touched mine.

Jared stared down at his hand, brows furrowed, then he looked up at me, his eyes holding a hint of wonder and frustration again.

"Don't touch her!" Jamie scowled. Getting in between us.

"It's okay, Jamie." I whispered, lightly putting a hand on his shoulder. He shook it off.

"Leave her alone."

"I'm not going to hurt her, Jamie. I just want to talk to her." Jared said. His tone gentle.

"No." Jamie snarled.

"Jamie, I'm not-"

"I said, no."

"Jamie, it's fine. I'll be fine." I said, putting my hand on his shoulder once again. This time he didn't shake it off.

He turned around to look at me. Or more like study me. He stared at my eyes, my face, looking for any sign that I was lying or was really uncomfortable about this. When he found none, he nodded.

He looked back at Jared, his eyes narrowed. "You hurt her. You have to deal with me."

He looked at me one more time, and then walked out of the room.

Jared stared in the direction the boy left once he was out of sight for a moment. His eyes full of surprise. He shook his head slightly, and looked back at me. Staring.

Shaking his head again, he broke his gaze and looked around trying to find a place to settle on.

He finally chose the stroller that was in my hands. Or rather what who was in the cart.

A smile lit up on his face. That beautiful one that only Aiden and Macey will ever bring out of him.

He knelt down besides the stroller. Aiden and Macey reached for him, squealing.

He chuckled, picking them up out of the stroller.

He planted a kiss upon both of their heads. "I missed you." He whispered against the crown of their heads.

He got up from his crouch, letting of a feign groan as he went. "You've gotten heavier haven't you?" He said, playfully nipping at the slight chub on their cheeks. They squealed again.

He looked to me. "They're three months now, right?"

I nodded. "Four tomorrow."

He looked back to at the twins who were beaming up at him. "Four." He whispered.

He went to the bed and sat on the ground, leaning against the bed.

While he interacted with the twins. I took my chance to openly study him while he was distracted. He was clean again. I could actually see his skin tone instead of layers of dirt and grime. His hair was still wet from his bath, not fully wet, but enough to where you could see it glistening in the light the moon brought in through the cracks in the ceiling. He was wearing a faded red shirt I recognized. It had hung in this room for weeks so it was a familiar sight. His body was surprisingly relaxed. I couldn't see any muscles stiff and his jaw didn't seem locked.

I tested my theory out. I moved from where I was standing behind the stroller and walked over to where Jared was sitting. I sat down on the ground beside him. Not close, though. About six feet apart.

He looked up. His reaction didn't seem tense. It looked like it was a normal reaction. Like to see who was there. He looked back down.

As he continued on playing with the twins, I could feel the day finally catching up with me. My eyes wanted to droop. My brain wanted to shut off. But I couldn't do that now. I still had to find a place to sleep, and Jared was still catching up with the twins. As tired as I was, I didn't want to take them away from him. He had been gone a long time, he missed them and they missed him. I saw it every time I would put them to sleep next to Jared's pillow; his scent left of there must have calmed them. Jared loved them and I knew he wanted to spend more time with them rather than this short time.

So I fought with my mind telling me to sleep. I could stay awake a little longer.

I tried to keep myself occupied by the day's events

I woke up this morning, still alive; no one had killed me through the night. I spent a long time in the fields, doing what Jeb said needed to be done; my body was physically tired from that. Fed the twins a lot through the day; my body also tired from that. Then it was story telling time, and baking time. Then the bomb dropped. Jared came home, saw me in the kitchen, and decided to kill me. Then decided not to kill me when he looked at the twins. Then Kyle was trying to push Jared to kill me, all the while not knowing Jared decided not to. Then they stormed off. I ran to get peace and quiet, trying to avoid angry humans along the way. Somehow ended back up in Jared's room, had an argument with myself, and then had an argument with Melanie. Then Jamie interrupted my and Melanie's argument. Scaring while he did it. Found out Jamie is hiding something from me. Had Jared scare me. And now I'm sitting with Jared, trying not fall asleep. All in all, it has been a long and tiring day.

And apparently it showed on my face.

"They're asleep." Jared whispered, looking up at me. "And it looks like you almost are, too."

I nodded.

He got up gently, trying not to jostle the twins. "Where do they usually sleep?"

"On the bed. But I have to-"

"You can keep on staying in here. I'll find someplace else."

I shook my head.

"What?"

I just shook it again.

"What? I'm not a mind reader. You have to talk to me."

"It's not right." I whispered.

"What's not right?"

"Taking your room. I won't take it."

He sighed. "Fine. Then we'll both share it."

I hesitated.

He sighed again at my reaction. "What?"

"You… won't-won't you be-"

"Will I be uncomfortable?" I nodded. "No, I'll be fine. But you can have the room to yourself tonight." He held a hand up when I started to protest. "I need to talk to some people any ways."

I nodded, still a little hesitant.

He laid the twins down on the bed. Kissing them, he whispered, "Goodnight."

He was almost out the door when he turned back and looked at me. "Goodnight… Wanda."

"Good night, Jared." I whispered, shocked.

As soon as he was gone, I made my way to the bed. I knew my dreams would be featuring Jared tonight, as they always did.

I was asleep before my head even hit the pillow.

* * *

**Author's Note: Enjoy. Thank you for the reviews and please do REVIEW again.**

**See you soon!**

**-BethDee**


	23. Chapter 23

**Disclaimer: I own nothing of the Host. Just the mini Howes. **

* * *

As I always did, I woke up to the sun shining bright in my eye. Although I been living here for a while and had gotten used to it, the sun still blinded me every time.

Beside me I could hear the sound of quiet, even breathing; it did not frighten me, because it was one of the most familiar sounds here. Along with the two other sounds of breath. One a light, soft snore and the other an almost quiet breathing. I was not surprised that Jamie had crept back and slept beside me last night.

Maybe it was my change in breathing that woke him; maybe it was just that our schedules had become synchronized. But seconds after I was conscious again, he gave a little gasp.

"Wanda? He whispered.

"I'm awake."

He sighed in relief.

"Do you think it's breakfast time yet?"

"I don't know."

"I'm hungry. Let's go see."

I didn't answer him.

He interpreted my silence correctly, well, almost correctly, as the balk it was. "You don't have to hide here, Wanda." He said earnestly, after waiting a moment for me to speak. "I talked to Jared last night. He said he won't hurt you. He promised."

I, of course, already knew that. I knew that before he did. It wasn't Jared I was worried about.

"Will you come with me?" Jamie pressed. His hand found mine.

"Is that really what you want me to do?" I asked in a low voice.

"Yes. Everything will be the same as it was before."

_Mel? Is this best?_

_I think so. Everything will be fine._

I hoped she was right. I was torn. But I wanted to see Jared.

"Fine, Jamie." I agreed. "But don't get upset when it's not the same as before, okay? If things get ugly… Well, just don't be surprised."

"It'll be okay. You'll see."

I let him lead the way out after I had changed and fed both of the twins, towing me by the hand he gripped once I had finished tying the twins to my body. I braced myself as we entered the big garden cavern; I could be sure of anyone's, besides Jared's, reaction to me today. Who knew what had been said while I slept?

But the garden was empty, though the sun was bright in the morning sky. It reflected off the hundreds of mirrors, momentarily blinding me.

Jamie was not interested in the vacant cave. His were fixed straight ahead of him.

"Where is everybody?" I asked.

Jamie shrugged, his eyes still fixed ahead. "Busy, I guess." He didn't lower his voice.

This reminded me of last night, of the secret he wouldn't tell me. My eyebrows pulled together.

_What do you think he's not telling us?_

_You know what I know, Wanda._

_You're human. Aren't you supposed to have intuition or something like that?_

_Intuition? My intuition tells me that we don't know this place as well as we thought we did. _Melanie said.

I pondered the ominous sound of that.

It was almost a relief to hear the normal noises of mealtime coming from the kitchen corridor. I didn't particularly want to see anyone, besides the deep yearning to see Jared, of course, but the unpopulated tunnels, combined with the knowledge that something was being kept from me, made me edgy.

The kitchen was not even half full. An oddity for this time of the morning. But I barely noticed that, because the smell coming from the banked stone overruled every other thought.

"Oooh," Jamie moaned. "Eggs!"

Jamie pulled me faster now. I had no reluctance to keep pace with him. We hurried, stomachs growling, to the counter by the oven where Lucina, the mother, stood with a plastic ladle in here hand. Breakfast was usually serve yourself, but when breakfast was also usually tough bread rolls.

She looked only at the boy as she spoke. "They tasted better an hour ago."

"They'll taste just fine now." Jamie countered enthusiastically. "Has everyone eaten?"

"Pretty much. I think they took a tray down to Doc and the rest…" Lucina trailed off, and her eyes flickered to me for the first time; Jamie's eyes did the same. I didn't understand the expression that crossed Lucina's features. It disappeared too quickly for me to realize what it was.

"How much is left?" Jamie asked. His eagerness sounded a trifle forced now.

Lucina turned and bent, tugging a metal pan off the stones in the bottom of the oven with the bowl of the ladle. "How much do you wand, Jamie? There's plenty." She told him without turning.

"Pretend I'm Kyle." He said with a laugh.

"A Kyle sized portion it is." Lucina said, but when she smiled, her eyes were unhappy.

She filled one of the soup bowls to overflowing with slightly rubbery scrambled eggs, stood up, and handed it to Jamie.

She eyes me again, and I understood what this look was for.

"Let's sit over there, Jamie." I said, nudging him away from the counter.

He stared in amazement. "Don't you want any?"

"No, I'm-" I was about to say 'fine' again, when my stomach gurgled disobediently.

"Wanda?" He looked at me, then back at Lucina, who had her arms folded across her chest.

"I'll just have the bread." I muttered, trying to shove him away.

"No. Lucina, what's the problem?" He looked at her expectantly. She didn't move. "If you're done here, I'll take over." He suggested, his eyes narrowing and his mouth settling in a stubborn line.

Lucina shrugged and set the ladle on the stone counter. She walked away slowly, not looking at me again.

"Jamie," I muttered urgently under my breath. "This food isn't meant for me. Jared and the other weren't risking their lives so that I could have eggs for breakfast. Bread is fine."

_Forget that! _Melanie grumbled.

"Don't be stupid, Wanda." Jamie said. You live here now Just like the rest of us. Nobody minds it when you wash their clothes or bake their bread. Besides, these eggs aren't going to last much longer. If you don't eat them, they'll get thrown out."

I felt all the eyes in the room boring into my back.

"That might be preferable to some." I said even more quietly. No one but Jamie could possibly hear.

"Forget that." Jamie growled. He hopped over the counter and filled another bowl with eggs, which he then shoved at me. "You're going to eat every bite." He told me resolutely.

I looked at the bowl. My mouth watered. I pushed the eggs a few inches away from me and then folded my arms.

Jamie frowned. "Fine." He said, and shoved his own bowl away across the counter. "You don't eat, I don't eat." His stomach grumbled audibly. He folded his arms across his chest.

We stared at each other for two long minutes, both our stomachs rumbling as we inhaled the smell of the eggs.

_Eat the eggs, Wanda. You know you want to. _Melanie sang.

Every now and them, he would peek down at the food out of the corner of his eye. That's what beat me. The longing look in his eyes.

"Fine." I huffed. I slid his bowl back to him and then retrieved my own. He waited until I took the first bite to touch his. I stifled a moan as the taste registered on my tongue. I knew the cooled, rubbery eggs weren't the best thing I'd ever tasted, but that's how it felt. This body lived for the present.

Jamie had a similar reaction. And then he started shoveling the food into his mouth so fast it seemed he didn't have time to breathe. I watched him to make sure he didn't choke.

I ate more slowly, hoping that I'd be able to convince him to eat some of mine when he was done.

That was when, with our minor standoff over and my stomach satisfied, I finally noticed the atmosphere in the kitchen.

I would have expected, with all the excitement of eggs for breakfast after months of monotony, more of a feeling celebration. But the air was somber, the conversations all whispered. Was this a reaction to the scene last night? I scanned the room, trying to understand.

People were looking at me, a few here and there, but they weren't the only ones talking in serious whispers, and the others paid me no mind at all. Besides, none of them seemed angry or guilty or tense or any of the other emotions I was expecting.

No. They were sad.

Despair was etched on every face in the room.

Sharon was the last person I noticed, eating in a distant corner, keeping to herself as usual. She was so composed as she mechanically ate her breakfast that at first I didn't notice the tears dripping in streaks down her face. They fell into her food, but she ate as if she were beyond noticing.

"Is something wrong with Doc?" I whispered to Jamie, suddenly afraid. I wondered if I was being paranoid. Maybe this had nothing to do with me. The sadness in the room seemed to be part of some other human drama from which I'd been excluded. Was this what was keeping everyone busy? Had there been an accident?

Jamie looked at Sharon and sighed before he answered me. "No, Doc's fine."

"Aunt Maggie? Is she hurt?"

He shook his head.

"Where's Walter?" I demanded, still whispering. I felt a gnawing anxiety as I thought of harm befalling one of my companions here, even those who hated me.

"I don't know. He's fine, I'm sure."

I realized now that Jamie was just as sad as everyone else here.

"What's wrong, Jamie? Why are you upset?"

Jamie looked down at his eggs, eating the slowly and deliberately now, and did not answer me.

He finished in silence. I tried to pass him what was left in my bowl, but he glowered so fiercely that I took it back and ate the rest without any more resistance. It would be good for the twins late anyways.

We added our bowls to the big plastic bin of dirty dished. I was full, so I took it from the counter. I wasn't sure what was going on in the caves today, but dishes ought to be a safe occupation.

Jamie came along beside me, his eyes alert. I didn't like that. I wouldn't allow him to act as my bodyguard, if the necessity arose. But then, as we made our way around the edge of the big field, my regular bodyguard found me, so it became moot point.

Ian was filthy; light brown dust covered him from head to toe, darker where it was wet with his sweat. The brown streaks smeared across his face did not disguise the exhaustion there. I was not surprised to see that he was just a down as everyone else. But the dust did make me curious. It was not the purple black dust inside the caves. Ian had been outside this morning.

"There you are." He murmured when he saw us. He was walking swiftly, his long legs cutting the distance with anxious strides. When he reached us, he did not slow, but rather caught me under the elbow and hurried me forward. "Let's duck in here for a minute."

He pulled me into the narrow tunnel mouth that led towards the eastern field, where the corn was almost ripe. He did not lead me far, just into the darkness where we were invisible in the big room. I felt Jamie's hand rest lightly on my other arm.

After a half a minute, deep voices echoes through the big cavern. They were not boisterous. They were somber, as depressed as any of the faces I'd read this morning. The voices passed us, close by the crack where we hid, and Ian's hand tensed on my elbow, his fingers pressing into the soft spot above the bone. I recognized Jared's voice, and Kyle's.

It was hard to control my urge to go see Jared. It was a good thing Ian held me back. I wanted to see Jared and I probably would have walked out from where we were hiding if it not Kyle that was with him. I knew Jared wouldn't hurt me. But Kyle would. Brutally.

"…don't know why we let him keep trying. When it's over, it's over." Jared was saying.

"He really thought he had it this time. He was so sure… Oh, well. It will be worth all this if he figured it out someday." Kyle disagreed.

"If." Jared snorted. "I guess it's a good thing we found that brandy. Doc's going to blow through the whole crate by nightfall at the rate he's going."

"He'll pass out soon enough." Kyle said, his voice beginning to fade in the distance. "I wish Sharon would…" And then I couldn't make out anymore.

Ian waited until the voices faded completely, and them a few minutes more, before he finally released my arm.

"Jared promised." Jamie muttered to him.

"Yeah, but Kyle didn't." Ian answered.

They walked back out into the light. I followed slowly behind them.

Ian noticed for the first time what I carried. "No dishes now." He told me. "Let's give them a chance to clean up and move on."

I thought about asking him why he was dirty, but probably, like Jamie, he would refuse to answer. I turned to stare at the tunnel that led towards the rivers, speculating.

"You probably ought to get to get to school. It's better that we get everything back to normal as soon as possible." Ian said to Jamie.

Jamie groaned. "Sharon will be a nightmare today."

Ian grinned. "Take one for the team, kid. I don't envy you."

Jamie sighed and kicked the dirt. "Keep an eye on Wanda."

"Will do."

Jamie shuffled away, casting glances back at us every few minutes until he disappeared into another tunnel.

"Here give me those." Ian said, pulling the bin of dishes from me before I could respond.

"They weren't too heavy for me." I told him.

He grinned again. "I feel silly standing here with my arms empty while you lug these around. Chalk it up to gallantry. C'mon. Let's go relax somewhere out of the way until the cost is clear."

His words troubled me, and I followed him in silence. Why should gallantry apply to me?

He walked all the way to the cornfield, and the into the cornfield, stepping in the low part of the furrow, between the stalks, I trailed behind him until he stopped, somewhere in the middle of the field, set the dishes aside, and sprawled out on the dirt.

"Well, this is out of the way." I said as I settled to the ground beside him, crossing my legs. I pulled from Aiden and Macey from their slings and laid them across my legs. "But shouldn't we be working?"

"You work too hard, Wanda. You're the only one who never takes a day off."

"It gives me something to do." I mumbled.

"Everyone is taking a break today, so you might as well."

I looked at him curiously. The light from the mirrors threw double shadows through the cornstalks that crisscrossed over him like zebra stripes. Under the lines and dirt, his pale face was weary.

"You look like you've been working.

His eyes tightened. "But I'm resting now."

"Jamie won't tell me what going on." I murmured.

"And neither will I." He sighed. "It's nothing you need to know anyways."

I stared at Aiden and Macey, as they both looked at each other, making soft babbling noises, as my stomach rolled. I could think of nothing worse than not knowing, but maybe I was just lacking imagination.

"It's not really fair," Ian said after a silent moment. "Seeing as I won't answer your question, but do you mind if I ask you one?"

I welcome the distraction. "Go ahead."

He didn't speak at once, so I looked up to find the reason for his hesitation. He was staring down now, looking at the dirt streaked across the backs of his hands.

"I know you're not a lair. I know that now." He said quietly. "I'll believe you, whatever your answer is."

I waited again while he continued to stare at the dirt on his skin.

"I didn't buy Jeb's story before, but he and Doc are pretty convinced… Wanda?" He asked, looking up at me. "Is she still in there with you? The girl whose body you wear?"

This was not just my secret anymore. Both Jamie and Jeb knew the truth. Neither was it the secret that really mattered. At any rate, I trusted Ian not to o babbling at anyone who would kill me over it. "Yes." I told him. "Melanie is still here."

He nodded slowly. "What's it like? For both of you?"

"It's frustrating, for both of us. At first I would have given anything to have her disappear the way she should have. But now I… I've gotten used to her." I smiled wryly. "Sometimes it's nice to have the company. It's harder for her. She's like a prisoner in many ways. Locked away in my head."

"I didn't know there was choice between staying or… going away."

"There wasn't in the beginning. It wasn't until your kind discovered what was happening that any resistance started. That seems to be the key. Knowing what's going to happen. The humans who were taken by surprise didn't fight back."

"So if I were caught?"

I appraised his fierce expression. The fire in his eyes.

"I doubt you would disappear. Things have changed, though. When they catch full grown humans now, they don't offer them as host. Too many problems." I half smiled again. "Problems like me. Going soft, getting sympathetic to my host, keeping my children human, losing my way…"

He thought about that for a long time, sometimes looking at my face, sometimes at the cornstalks, sometimes nothing at all.

"What would they do with me, then, if they caught me now?" He finally asked.

"They'd still do an insertion, I think. Trying to get information. Probably they'd just put a Seeker in you."

He shuddered.

"But they wouldn't keep you as a host. Whether they found the information or not, you would be… discarded." The word was hard to say. The idea sickened me.

Odd. It was usually the human things that made me sick. But I'd never looked at the situation from the body's perspective before; no other planet had forced me to. A body that didn't function right was quickly and painlessly disposed of because it was as useless as a car that could not run. What was the point of keeping it around? There were conditions of the mind, too, that made a body unusable. Dangerous mental addiction, malevolent yearnings, things that could not be healed and made the body unsafe to others. Or, of course, a mind with a will too strong to be erased.

An anomaly localized on this planet.

I had never seen the ugliness of treating an unconquerable spirit as defect as clearly as I did now, having two beautiful children, a brother I thought of as my child and a man who I was in love with.

"And if they caught you?" He asked.

"If they realized who I was… if anyone is still looking for me…" I thought of my Seeker and shuddered as he had. "They would take me out and put me in another host. Someone young, tractable. They would hope that I would be able to be myself again. Maybe they would ship me off planet. Get me away from the bad influences."

"Would you be yourself again?"

I met his gaze. "I am myself. I haven't lost myself to Melanie. I would feel the same way as I do now, even as a Bear or a Flower."

"They wouldn't discard you?"

"Not a soul. We have no capital punishment for our kind. Or any kind of punishment, really. Whatever they did, it would be to save me. I used to think there was no need for any other way, but now I have myself as proof against that theory. It would probably be right to discard me. I'm a traitor."

Ian pursed his lips. "More of an expatriate, I'd say. You haven't turned on them; you've just left their society."

We were quiet again. I tried to think of myself as what he said. I considered the word expatriate. But really, I was a traitor. I was the moment I decided to keep my twins human and not make them souls.

Ian exhaled loudly enough to make me jump, the twins bounced on my legs. They enjoyed it judging by the smile on their face.

Ian stretched. "I supposed we've hidden long enough that Kyle's clean and unconscious. Want some help with the dishes?"

Ian wouldn't let me wash the dishes in the stream the way I usually did. He insisted that we go into the black bathing room, where I would be invisible. I scrubbed dishes in the shallow end of the dark pool, while he cleaned off the filth left behind by his mystery labors. Then he helped me with the last of the dirty bowls.

When we were done, he escorted me back to the kitchen, which was starting to fill up with the lunch crowd. More perishables were on the menu. Soft white bread slices, slabs of sharp cheddar cheese, circles of lush pink bologna. People were scarfing down the delicacies with abandon, though the despair was still perceptible in the slump of their shoulders, in the absence of smiles or laughter.

Jamie was waiting for me at our usual counter. Two double stacks of sandwiches sat in front of him, but he wasn't eating. His arms were folded as he waited for me.

Ian eyed his expression curiously but left to get his own food without asking.

I rolled my eyes at Jamie's stubbornness and took a bite. Jamie dug in as soon as I was chewing.

Ian was back quickly, and we all ate in silence. The food tasted so good it was hard to imagine a reason for conversation. Or anything else that would empty our mouths.

I stopped at two, but Jamie and Ian ate until they were groaning in pain. Ian looked as though he were about to collapse. His eyes struggled to stay open.

"Get back to school, kid." He said to Jamie.

Jamie appraised him. "Maybe I should take over…"

"Go to school." I told him quickly. I wanted Jamie a safe distance from me today.

"I'll see you later, okay? Don't worry about… about anything."

"Sure." A one word lie wasn't so obvious. Or maybe I was just being sarcastic again.

Once Jamie was gone, I turned on the somnolent Ian. "Go get some rest. I'll be fine."

"Where did you sleep last night?" He asked, his eyes surprisingly shard under his half closed lids.

"Why?"

"I can sleep there now, and you can be inconspicuous beside me."

We were murmuring, barely over a whisper now. No one paid us any attention.

"You can't watch me every second."

"Wanna bet?"

I shrugged, giving up. "I'm still staying in Jared's room."

Ian's eyes widened fractionally, he was surprised. But he didn't ask anything. He got up and led the way back to Jared's room. The main plaza was busy again now, full of people moving around the garden, all of them grave, their eyes on their feet.

When we were alone in the black tunnel, I tried to reason with him again.

"Ian, just go sleep in your room. I'll be fine in mine. It's only a few doors down from yours anyways. If I need help, I'll yell."

Ian didn't answer. But I knew he wasn't going to back down from his decision.

_None of the men do here. They are all equally stubborn and prideful. There must be something in the water. _Melanie piped in.

_Ya think? _I grumbled.

"Wait here." Ian breathed.

He pressed my shoulder down gently, trying to stick me where I stood. Then he strode forward making no attempt to hide the sound of his footsteps.

I wanted to tell him that he didn't have to be so paranoid. If Jared was in there, I knew I could walk in there and not be harmed, that he wouldn't hurt me. He would keep his promise that he gave. I knew before they did. But then I remembered that Kyle still want to kill me so I stayed quiet as he disappeared around the green screen.

"Oops, sorry Jared." I heard him say, feigning the innocence in his tone.

I heard Jared sigh. "I know she's with you."

He raised his voice fractionally. "You know you can come in, Wanda."

* * *

**Author's Note: I hope you enjoy it! Thank you for your reviews and please REVIEW again.**

**In response to LadyUmba: No, I'm not following exactly everything from the book, some things, but not all. But, if I chose one to be Aiden and Macey's mother, ultimately, it would be Wanda. She raised them and carried them and she loves them as if they were completely hers. And Melanie loves them, really loves them, but not the way Wanda loves them or the motherly way she loves Jamie. So, Wanda would be their mother if Wanda got her own body. And I post every Saturday. I don't have a specific time frame, but I usually always have it up on Saturdays. Thanks for your review, and I hope I answered your question well enough.**

**I'll see you soon!**

**-BethDee**


	24. Chapter 24

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns The Host. I own Aiden and Maecella.**

* * *

Maybe I should have run the other way. But Jared had made it perfectly clear that he wasn't a danger to me. And he didn't sound angry, just tired. And he was calling to me. Jared was calling for me. I was more eager than I should have been as I stepped through the cave doorway into the room that was brighter than the hallway. I stopped when I was past the doorway.

Ian stood just a few feet ahead of me, poised on the balls of his feet, ready for whatever hostile movement he thought Jared might make towards me. Which was none.

Jared sat on the ground, his head leaning back against the mattress. He looked as weary as Ian, though his eyes, too, were more alert than the rest of his exhausted posture.

"At ease." Jared said to Ian. "She knows I won't hurt her. I promised the kid, and I'll stand by that promise."

"Where's Kyle?" Ian demanded.

Jared jerked his thumb in the direction of the hall. "Snoring. Your cave might shake apart from the vibrations."

I listened, and sure enough, you could hear a faint snoring from here. I'm sure if you walked closer it would get much, much louder.

Ian didn't move.

"I'm not lying, Ian. I won't kill her. I told her and Jamie that she could stay with me without getting harmed. The kid has been completely suckered, so I doubt he'll be giving me the go ahead anytime soon."

"No one's been suckered." Ian growled.

Jared rolled his eyes. I knew he meant nothing by the comment, that he was joking, but obviously Ian didn't. "She's not in any danger from me, is my point." He looked at for the first time since I walked in the room. "I won't hurt you." He said to me.

I took a step forward. I already knew that.

"You don't have to talk to him if you don't want to, Wanda." Ian said quickly. "This isn't a duty or a chore to be done. It's not mandatory. You have a choice."

Jared's eyebrows scrunched together. And some emotion I had never seen on him passed over his face.

"No. It's okay." I said. "I want to talk to him." I continued to walk forward without a pause. I wanted to show both of them that I was not afraid. I knew nothing would happen. But I still stopped a few feet away from him. Ian was shadowing my steps, keeping close behind.

"I'd like to talk to her alone, if you don't mind." Jared said to him.

Ian planted himself. "I do mind."

"Ian, I'm okay. Go get some sleep. I'll be fine." I nudged his arm lightly.

Ian scrutinized my face, his expression dubious. "This isn't some death? Sparing the kid?" He demanded.

"No. Jared wouldn't lie to Jamie about this." I said full of confidence.

Jared nodded his agreement, looking Ian with slight annoyance. It was mixed in with the other emotion for before that was still lingering around, not as much, but a hint of it was still there.

"Please, Ian." I pleaded. "I want to talk to him."

Ian looked at me for a long minute, then turned to scowl at Jared. He barked out each sentence like it was an order.

"Her name is Wanda, not it. You will not touch her. Any mark you leave on her, I will double on your worthless hide."

I winced at the threat. There was no way Ian would be hitting Jared. I won't allow it. No matter if he does leave mark on me, however doubtful.

"Isn't that what I've been doing?" Jared mumbled.

Been doing what? I didn't understand.

Ian did, he scowled one last time.

Ian turned abruptly and stalked back down the hall.

It was silent for a moment as we both watched the empty space where he had disappeared. I looked at Jared's face first, while he still stared after Ian. When he turned to meet my gaze, surprisingly, I didn't drop it.

"Wow. He's not kidding, is he?" Jared said.

I arched a brow in response.

"Why don't you take a seat?" He asked me, patting the floor beside him.

I deliberated for a moment, then went to sit next to him, leaning up against the bed. I probably liked this a little too much. I could smell his wonderful scent. I could feel the warmth of his body next to me.

He watched me, his head tilted to the side; I could only meet his gaze for a few moments before I looked away, blushing.

I untied the twins from my back and laid them on their stomachs beside me on the floor. Their legs immediately started kick.

He continued to watch me for several minutes, like he was studying me. And every minute that passed by I thought my neck couldn't get any hotter, but it did.

I absently patted Aiden and Macey's, but I wasn't really playing attention to them, I kept looking at Jared out of my peripheral vision.

His face wasn't as guarded like it usually was. I saw the frustration come back, marring his beautiful face for a moment before disappearing again. But I wasn't seeing the emotions I was expecting to see. Anger didn't even cross his face once. Just because he doesn't hate me now doesn't exactly mean he's still doesn't have anger towards me, I knew that. Or so I at least that's what I thought. Who knows, maybe I'm wrong again. It seems I'm always wrong when it comes to humans.

Another one I saw was confusion. Why in the world he would be confused. I don't know. He was confusing me with all his reactions towards me. It's very frustrating. I thought I at least had a little bit of knowledge of what to expect from humans, but right I think I know what they're going to do, they confuse me yet again by their actions.

There were several more emotions that went through him, but none of which were ones he had ever shown with me. I tried to scan through Melanie's memories for the name to these emotions but she wouldn't let me see them.

_You're not being very helpful. _I grumbled.

_Yeah. I know._

I finally couldn't take his gaze anymore. "I thought you said you wanted to talk to me?"

He blinked and smiled slightly. "Sorry." He apologized. "I do."

He didn't continue.

I waited. The way he was staring at me made the heat on my neck increase tenfold. I looked away.

I continued to wait until, finally, he spoke.

"I just have one question." He sighed.

I met his gaze once again, then looked away again. I wasn't going to be able to focus if I kept looking at him.

"You can probably guess what it is. Jeb and Jamie spent all night jabbering at me…" He grumbled.

I waited for the question, staring at my hands in my lap. In my peripheral vision, I saw his hand come up.

"I'm not going to hurt you." He said, warning me. Though I already knew that. He cupped my chin in his rough hand, pulling my face around to look at him.

My heart stuttered when touched me, and there was suddenly a rush of moisture in my eyes.

I blinked, trying to clear them.

"Wanda." He said slowly. "Is Melanie still alive, still part of you? Tell me the truth."

The wanting, the desire to answer him attacked me from within. It was physically painful, like a stab of a migraine headache. Because I was also feeling Melanie's want. It was so hard to fight it off.

_Why don't you tell him? _Melanie asked.

_Don't you see? _It was obvious. The set of his lips, the look in his eyes. It didn't matter what I said. _He's not going to believe me. Things like us just don't happen all the time. He thinks it doesn't happen at all. He's not going to believe it if I tell him the truth. No matter how much he wants to._

Melanie didn't believe me, but she tried to rein in her want while I battled with mine. It was a struggle to keep silent.

Jared watched the sweat bead on my forehead, the strange shiver that shook down my spine, and his brows furrowed. He held on to my chin, refusing to let me hide my face.

My lips didn't quiver, but I was surprised he couldn't read the words I wanted to say spelled out plainly in my eyes.

Time passed slowly while he waited silently for my answer. It was agonizing, having to stare into his eyes, having to see painful hope, and a twinge of guilt?, that was carefully hidden in his eyes. As if that weren't enough, my want was continuing to tear at me from the inside.

Mare time passed, and the tears welled up until they couldn't be contained in my eyes anymore.

They spilled over onto my cheeks and rolled silently into Jared's palm. I didn't even know why I was crying. His expression softened slightly, and that twinge of guilt I thought I saw grew a little more.

Finally, I'd had enough. I closed my eyes and turned my head down. Jared dropped his hand without resistance.

He sighed.

I thought he would leave. Why would he stay? I'm not being very cooperative. I stared at my hands, waiting for him to leave. Preparing for the pain in my chest to come when he did. My heartbeat marked the passing minutes. He never left.

I watched him from the corner of my eye. His legs were slightly drawn up. His elbows were propped up on his knees while the top of his head was cradled in his hands, his fingers raking through his hair.

I pondered this Jared right now compared to the one I met when I first arrived in the caves. When he was cold and hard, like he was made of stone.

Now, though he seems confused at this precise moment, he seems different now, softer.

Melanie showed me an unremarkable on the run.

"_**Argh!" Jared and Jamie groaned together.**_

_**Jared lounges on the leather sofa and Jamie sprawls on the carpet in front of him. They're watching a basketball game on the big screen TV. The parasites who live in this house are at work, and we've already filled the Jeep with all it can hold. We have hours to rest before we need to disappear again.**_

_**On the TV, two players are disagreeing politely on the sideline. The cameraman is close; we can hear what they're saying.**_

"_**I believe I was the last one to touch it. It's your ball."**_

"_**I'm not sure about that. I wouldn't want to take any unfair advantage. We'd better have the refs review the tape."**_

_**The players shake hands, pat each other's shoulders.**_

"_**This is ridiculous." Jared grumbles.**_

"_**I can't stand it." Jamie agrees, mirroring Jared's tone perfectly; he sounds more like Jared every day. One of the many forms his hero worship has taken. "Is there anything else on?"**_

_**Jared flips through a few channels until he finds a track and field meet. The parasites are holding the Olympics in Haiti right now. From what we can see, the aliens are all hugely excited about it. Lots of them have Olympic flags outside their houses. It's not the same, though.**_

_**Everyone who participates gets a medal now. Pathetic.**_

_**But they really can't screw up the hundred meter dash. Individual parasite sports are much entertaining than when they try to compete against each other directly. They perform better in separate lanes.**_

"_**Mel, come relax." Jared calls.**_

_**I stand by the back door out of habit, not because I'm tensed to run. Not because I'm frightened. Empty habit, nothing more.**_

_**I go to Jared. He pulls me onto his lap and tucks my head under his chin.**_

"_**Comfortable?" He asks.**_

"_**Yes." I say, because I really, truly am entirely comfortable. Here, in an alien's house.**_

_**Dad used to say lots of funny things. Like he was speaking his own language sometimes.**_

_**Twenty-three skidoo, salad days, nosy parker, bandbox fresh, the catbird seat, chocolate teapot, and something about Grandma sucking eggs.**_

_**One of his favorites was 'safe as houses'.**_

_**Teaching me to ride a bike, my mother worrying in the doorway. "Calm down, Linda, this street is as safe as houses." Convincing Jamie to sleep without his nightlight. "It's safe as house in here, son, not a monster for miles."**_

_**Then overnight the world turned into a hideous nightmare, and the phrase became a black joke to Jamie and me. Houses were the most dangerous places we knew.**_

_**Hiding in a patch of scrubby pines, watching a car pull out from the garage of a secluded home, deciding whether to make a food run, whether it was too dicey. "Do you think the parasites'll be gone for long?" "No way. That place is as safe as houses. Let's get out of here."**_

_**And now I can sit here and watch TV like it is five years ago and Mom and Dad are in the other room and I've never spent a night hiding in a drainpipe with Jamie and a bunch of rats while body snatchers with spotlights search for the thieves who made off with a bogs of dried beans and a bowl of cold spaghetti.**_

_**I know that if Jamie and I survived alone for twenty years we would never find this feeling on our own. The feeling of safety. More than safety, even. Happiness. Safe and happy, two things I thought I'd never feel again.**_

_**Jared makes us feel that way without trying, just by being Jared.**_

_**I breathe in the scent of his skin and feel the warmth of his body under mine.**_

_**Jared makes everything safe, everything happy. Even houses.**_

_He makes you feel safe. _Melanie pointed out. Noting how my heart was reacting to the feel of the warmth of his arm just a half an inch away from mine. _Though you know there's always a chance you could be killed._

I did feel safe. Loving Jared made me feel safer than anything else I could think of.

I wonder if I would have loved Jared if he'd always been like he was in the beginning rather than who he is now. Rather than the slightly smiling Jared, or Jared the loving father. Would I have loved him if he'd always been so cynical and hard?

If the loss of his laughing father and wild big brothers and Melanie had iced him over completely?

Yes. Yes, of course I would. I would love Jared in any form.

I was interrupted. Without any cue that I perceived, suddenly Jared was talking, speaking as if we were in the middle of a conversation.

"And so, because of you, Jeb and Jamie are convinced that it's possible to continue some kind of awareness after… being caught. They're both sure Mel's still kicking in there." He lightly rapped his fist against my head.

"Jamie thinks she's talking to him." He sighed, and I wrapped my arms around myself.

"Jeb does have a point, though. That's what's killing me! Why are you here? The Seekers' search wasn't well directed or even... suspicious. They only seemed to be looking for you. Not us. So they didn't know what you were planning. Maybe…"

Unexpectedly, his fingers brushed lightly across the goose bumps that rose on my arm. His voice was softer when he spoke again. "Nobody's going to hurt you now. I won't let them. You aren't causing any trouble, so…" He shrugged. "They'll have no reason to. It would be wrong. There's no justifiable reason to."

He went silent again for a moment, then sighed.

"It scares me how attached he's getting. Jamie." He muttered. "I wish I hadn't have left him behind. But I never imagined… And I don't know what to do now. He thinks Mel is still alive in there. What will it do to him if…?"

I noticed how he said if, not when. I knew it was probably stupid, but it made happy that he really was planning on me staying alive. HE was expecting me to last long term.

"I was surprised that Jeb believes it, too." He said, changing the subject. "He's a canny old guy. He doesn't usual believe on thinks that aren't likely going to happen. Till now."

He thought about that for a minute.

"Not up for conversation, are you?"

Another long silence came.

His words came in a sudden gush. "The part that keeps bugging me id what if they're right? How would I know? Their logic makes sense. But there's got to be another explanation."

Jared moved, shifting away from the mattress so that his body was turned toward me. I watched the movement from the corner of my eye.

"Why are you here?" He whispered.

I peeked up at his face. It was gentle, kind, the way I had seen some many times. I felt my control slipping, my lips trembled. Keeping my hands where they were in my lap was taking all my strength. I wanted to touch his face. Feel the warmth of his cheek in my palm.

It hurt that I couldn't.

Jared watched me curiously, softening a sliver more when he saw my eyes fill again.

"Why?" He asked softly. "You know, Jeb has this idea that you're here for me and Jamie. Isn't that nuts?"

My mouth half opened; I quickly bit down on my lips.

Jared leaned forward slowly and took my face between both his hands. My eyes closed.

"Won't you tell me?"

My head shook once fast. I can't.

His hands tightened under my jaw. I opened my eyes, and his face was inches away from mine.

My heart fluttered, and my stomach felt like it had butterflies. I tried to breath, but my lungs won't work.

I recognized the intention in his eyes; I knew how he would move, exactly how his lips would feel. And yet it was so new to me, a first shocking than any other, as his mouth pressed against mine.

I think he meant just to touch his lips to mine, to be soft, but things changed when our skin met. His mouth was abruptly hard and rough, his hands trapped my face to his, pulling me closer, while his lips moved in urgent unfamiliar patterns.

It was so much more different from remembering. So much more stronger. My head swam incoherently.

My body responded. My hands fisted his shirt in my hands, pulling him closer. Wanting to be closer. We didn't seem close enough. Our breathing echoes loudly. Both wild and gasping.

My hands uncurled from Jared shirt. My left hand reached for his face, his hair, to wind my fingers in it.

My right hand was faster. It was not mine.

Melanie's fist punched his jaw, knocked his face away from mine with a blunt, low sound. Flesh against flesh, hard and angry.

The force of it was not enough to move him far, but he scrambled away from me the instant our lips were no longer connected. Gaping with horrorstruck eyes filled with guilt.

I stared down at the still clenched fist, as repulsed as if I'd found a scorpion growing on the end of my arm. A gasp of revulsion choked its way out of my throat. I grabbed the right wrist with my left hand, desperate to keep Melanie from using my body to harm Jared again.

I glanced up at Jared. He was staring at the fist I restrained, too, the horror fading, surprise taking its place. In that second, his expression was entirely defenseless. I could easily read his thoughts as they moved across his unlocked face.

This was not what he had expected. And he'd had expectations; that was plain to see.

This had been a test. A test he's thought he was prepared to evaluate.

A test with results he'd anticipated with confidence. But he'd been surprised.

Did that mean pass or fail?

The pain in my chest was not a surprise. I already knew that a breaking heart was more than an exaggeration. But this seemed so much worse than when he left.

In a fight or flight situation, I never had a choice; it would always be flight for me. I threw myself up and raced for the exit.

His hand closed around my elbow and my other one flew back and hit a hard object. He grunted, and despair wrapped choking hands around my throat. I hadn't meant to hurt him again; I hadn't meant to strike. I was only trying to escape. But his hold never let loose from me.

I didn't hear my own sobbing, loud as it was, until Jared pulled me over to the mattress and sat me in his lap, hugging me tight. When I did hear myself, heard the ragged, tearing gasps of agony, I was mortified.

So mortified, so humiliated. I was horrified at myself, at the violence I'd allowed to flow through my body, whether consciously or not, but that was not the reason I was sobbing. I was sobbing because it had been a test, and, stupid, stupid, stupid, emotional creature that I was, I wanted it to be real.

It felt as though I was dying because I wanted it to be real. So badly, I wanted it to be real.

Melanie was ranting in my head. Anger at him flowing through me.

_You idiot! What it wrong with you? How could you do that? You stupid moron! _She ranted.

I wanted her to stop. It was hard, dealing with her anger and my agony at the same time. It hurt.

I sobbed beyond control.

Two words snapped me back from edge of hysteria and her from anger.

From above me, Jared's low, rough, beautiful voice, full of guilt, said,

"I'm sorry."

I held my breath of a moment.

"I'm sorry." He said again, slightly rocking me in his lap, his arms rubbing up and down my back. "I'm sorry, Wanda."

My breath caught in another sob, an aftershock.

"I'm sorry." He whispered in my hair.

He held me and rocked me until my sniffles and sobs and stopped. Only small occasional hiccups left from me.

"I'm so sorry, Wanda. I-I just… I had to know. But I shouldn't have done it that way. I'm so sorry, please, forgive me." He mumbled into my hair.

I didn't think I could answer. Part of me didn't want to, but I knew that I couldn't ever not forgive him.

But I didn't think I could muster up anything to say, so I managed a small nod, my face still buried in his chest.

I thought he would move once he got his apology, but he made no move to. His hands were still fastened tight around. I allowed myself to enjoy it while I had the chance.

He was quiet for a long couple of minutes. I could feel him thinking, his brain sorting through everything.

After several moments, he whispered, "So it was her who punched me. Melanie? She did that?"

"Yes." I sniffled.

"She's really alive?"

"Yes."

He went quiet again.

I knew it was hard for him to process this. For so long he though she was dead. That it was just a parasite in this body, that it wasn't her anymore. And now he found out she was still in here.

He never spoke for a long time. He never moved. But I could feel his mind working.

Finally, he looked up at the cracked ceiling. Seeing the brightly light start to fade and a bluish tone starting to takes its place.

"It's getting late." He said.

I nodded.

"You're probably tired. I'll let you get some sleep."

I never really felt tired until he mentioned it. But now my body felt like it weighed a hundred pounds. And I was grateful to be going to sleep again. But I knew that he wasn't planning on staying and I felt guilty for him leaving his own room again. Especially since it was obvious he didn't get much sleep when Ian woke him up.

He seemed to know the direction of my thoughts, and smiled slightly.

"Don't worry about it, Wanda. I'll be fine, you get some sleep."

He got up to leave, uncurling my hand from where in was latched onto his shirt, I hadn't realized I had done that, and stood, picking up Aiden and Macey from the floor, who had fallen asleep.

He handed them to me. His hand lingered on my arm.

"I really am sorry, Wanda."

"I know." I whispered.

He gave the twins a light kiss when I laid them on the bed, and slowly walked towards the door.

A thought ran through my drowsy mind and I remembered a question that had been bugging me. That I needed to know the answer to.

"Jared?" I asked.

He paused in the doorway.

"When we were in the kitchen. Why didn't you kill me?"

He was silent. I received no answer.

A moment passed, and he turned his head towards me.

"I don't know." He whispered, and he walked out.

* * *

**Author's Note: I hope you enjoy this chapter. I thank you for the reviews and please, pretty please, REVIEW again.**

**In response to Kally: Thank you. And you kind of are reading the book again. I didn't really want to do too much change to an already great book. I wasn't doing to much change in the beginning of the story but as we get farther into the book there will be more change. I'm not following the book completely.**

**In response to Rez: Thank you. I'm trying to catch all the mess ups I do, but I still miss some. I don't want to make Wanda too innocent, because she has children and it would be horrible if she had no idea what she was doing, but I am still trying to keep her innocent nature there. We'll get there soon with Kyle trying to kill her, and the soccer fun. And be patient! :) We'll get there with Jared and Wanda, but it takes time to build a relationship, especially one of them is trying to deny it. I want to get there too, but if I just rush it into it, it won't seem realistic.**

**I'll see you soon!**

**-BethDee**


	25. Chapter 25

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Host. Just Aiden and Macey.**

* * *

I couldn't fall asleep. At least not right now.

It was silent. Silent outside in the hall and silent inside the room. It was so quiet that I was afraid to make a sound. I held my breath to stop the hitches of my breath, biting my lip until I felt it bled.

I twisted my body from where I was still sitting awkwardly on the bed where Jared left me after lifted me from his lap.

I'm so confused. My mind is completely jumbled. Whether that is from Jared kissing me or from everything that has happened in a short span of time, I don't know. Probably both. All the events that were swirling around in my head, completely mussed together, was starting to give me a headache. I forced myself to relax for a moment to get my head straight. Then I started to sift through everything.

Jared now believed that Melanie was still in here with me. He recognized her existence. He accepted that a whole lot easier than I thought he would. Maybe he was already convinced, maybe Jeb and Jamie had really convinced him of the truth of Melanie's existence, and he just came to me for confirmation.

But he kissed me. Surely if he had know, or at least speculated, that Melanie was here, wouldn't he have come prepared with a way to get his confirmation? Rather than kissing me. If he had thought that Melanie was here, he would have come up with another way, he was smart, he would have thought of another way to find out the truth rather than having to kiss me.

No, he was not convinced that Melanie was alive when we were talking.

So, then why? I couldn't figure it out. I wish I could ask me. But I don't think she's very happy with me at the moment.

Melanie hasn't said anything to me since Jared had left. She was quietly working through her own reactions and fury. She was very angry. I could understand why. The lover of her life, and mine, had just kissed me. And I had enjoyed it far too much. Far, far too much.

I practically just made out with her boyfriend in front of her. And was rubbing it her face by enjoying it. I fell in love with her boyfriend, although at first it was through the memories she forced on me, but then it was by myself when I met him. And then every time I see him, she has to deal with the love that I feel for him. I was sorry that she was angry. I was sorry that this was probably hurting her.

Tears, much weaker than the ones before, flowed down my cheeks in silence. And she became aware of me.

_Calm down, Wanda. I'm not mad at you._

_Yes. Of course you are._

_No, I'm not. I'm mad at Jared._

_Jared? Why would you be mad at him?_

_Because of his stupidity, he hurt you. _She sighed. _Didn't think about how much that would hurt you? How much you love him?_

_Don't blame him. He doesn't know._

_Yeah, sure. _She sighed again. _I didn't plan that happening._

_Neither did he, I'd bet._

She suddenly went quiet again.

And I realized I was alone. It was lonely for a moment, but then I realized it was better to be alone. Much less humiliating.

I curled up on the bed, pressing my face against the fabric of the mattress. I wasn't sleepy, but I was tired. The crushing weight of the pain that came after figure out that Jared's kiss was a test was so heavy it exhausted me. I closed my eyes and tried to think about things that wouldn't make my stinging eyes tear up again. Anything but the warmth of Jared's lips on mine, his hands…

What was Jamie doing now? Did he know I was here, or was he looking for me? Ian would be asleep for a long time, he looked exhausted. Would Kyle be awake soon? Would he come look for me? Where was Jeb? I hadn't seen him all day. What jar of baby food was I going to give Aiden and Macey tomorrow? Was Doc really drinking himself unconscious? That seemed so unlike him...

* * *

I woke slowly, roused by my growling stomach, and by Aiden's squealing. I turned to look at him, and my eyes bugged out of my head as I lunged for him. He was rolling on the bed and had almost rolled himself off the edge of the bed. I hugged him tight top my chest. He almost gave me a heart attack!

I was going to have to be a lot more care now. They were going to keep me on my toes. I'm going to have to start boxing them in around the bed. We don't have any extra pillows in the room, and I didn't really want to ask for more, but the blankets I brought should work.

I decided to feed the twins while I was alone, I could feed the jar of baby food when I ate, which would have to be soon since my stomach is determined to make its presence known.

How long had I been sleeping? It must have been a long time with the way my stomach was grumbling.

Thankfully, the twins decided not to take long with their feeding. Although, Macey decided to have one of her playful moments while I was changing her. Making it a game of trying to grab my hand when I was putting on her clothes. I would have disciplined her if she was doing because she was being disobedient, like Aiden does often, but I knew she was just having fun.

When I finally got everything done I wondered what I would be doing for eating. I didn't really want to go eat in the kitchen with everyone around, but I didn't see any other choice, so I decided to scavenge some rolls from the kitchen and hoped it wasn't packed.

I was feeling a little hurt, on top of the big hurt, that I've been here so long without anyone coming to look for me. What a vain attitude, why should anyone care about what happens to me? So, I was relieved and appeased to find Jamie sitting beside the doorway of the room, leaning back again the rock wall, unmistakably waiting for me.

My eyes brightened, and so did his. He scrambled to his feet, relief washing over his features.

"You're okay." He said; I wished he were right. He began to ramble. "I mean I didn't think Jared was lying. But he said he thought you wanted to be alone, and Jeb said that I couldn't go check on you and that I had to stay right here where he could see that I wasn't sneaking away over here, but even though I didn't think you were hurt or anything, it was hard not to know for sure, you know?"

"I'm fine." I told him. But he held his arms out anyways, seeking reassurance. He threw his arms around my waist, and I was shocked to find out that he could rest his head on my shoulder while we stood.

"You're eyes are red." He whispered. "Was he mean to you?"

"No." After all, I knew he wasn't being intentionally cruel. He himself didn't even know he was going to kiss me, let alone know that it was give me great pain afterwards.

"Whatever you said to him, I think he believes us now. About Mel, I mean. How does she feel?"

"She's glad about that." I said, but I didn't really know for sure if she really was, we never talked about it. But I would imagine she would be.

He nodded, pleased. "How about you?"

I hesitated, looking for a response he would believe. "Telling the truth is easier for me than trying to hide it."

My evasion seemed to answer the question enough to satisfy him.

Behind him, the light peeking through the holes in the hallway was getting red and fading. The sun had already set on the desert.

"I'm hungry." I told him, and I pulled away from our hug.

"I knew you would be. I saved you something good."

I sighed. "Bread's fine."

"Let it go, Wanda. You're too self sacrificing for your own good."

I made a face.

"I've got a point." Jamie muttered. "Even if we all want you here, you don't belong here until you decide you do."

"I can't ever belong. And nobody really wants me here, Jamie."

"I do."

I didn't fight with him, but he was wrong. Not lying, because he believed what he was saying.

But what he really wanted was Melanie. He didn't separate us the way he should.

On our way to the kitchen, the twins kept on moving in their wraps, trying to get Jamie to pay attention to them. And when that didn't work, they settled for squealing at him.

"Oops! Sorry, guys." He said and he reached for Macey.

I teasingly handed him Aiden.

Jamie withdrew his hands with cautious eyes.

I laughed softly. The last time Jamie held Aiden, Aiden had peed on him and all over his shirt. I told him to carry Aiden to the bathing room because I didn't want to get what little clothes I have dirty since his already were. He carried Aiden the whole way, holding him away from his body, gagging. So, now Jamie is weary on holding him.

I decided to take pity on him and gave him Macey.

He sighed in relief. "Hey, May-Jay." He cooed to her.

My brow lifted in response. May-Jay?

He looked at me sheepishly. "What you don't like it?"

"No, I just wasn't expecting it."

He smiled with pride. "Well, I came up with it since her name is Maecella Jane. So… May-Jay."

I smiled. May-Jay. I like it.

Trudy and Heidi were baking rolls in the kitchen and were sharing a bright green, juicy apple. They took turns taking bites.

"It's good to see you, Wanda." Trudy said sincerely, covering her mouth while she spoke because she was still chewing her last bite. Heidi nodded in greeting, her teeth sunk in the apple. Jamie nudged me, trying to inconspicuous about it. Pointing out that people wanted me. He wasn't making allowances for common courtesy.

"Did you save her dinner?" He asked eagerly.

"Yep." Trudy said. She bent down beside the over and came back with a metal tray in her hand. "Kept it warm. It's probably nasty and tough now, but it's better than the usual."

On the tray was a rather large piece of red meat. My mouth started to water, even as I rejected the portion I'd be allotted.

"It's too much." "We have to eat all the perishables the first day." Jamie encouraged me. "Everyone eats themselves sick. It's a tradition."

"You need the protein." Trudy added. "We were on cave rations too long. I'm surprised no one's in worse shape. And you need it f\to keep those babies nice and strong there."

I ate my protein while Jamie watched with hawk like attention as each bite traveled from the tray to my mouth. Even jokingly dramatizing my bites and my sounds to show how good it tasted. He laughed. I ate it all to please him, though it made my stomach ache to eat so much.

The kitchen started to fill up again as I was finishing. A few had apples in their hands. All sharing with someone else.

"Why is everyone coming here now?" I muttered to Jamie.

It was black outside the dinner hour was long over.

Jamie looked at me blankly for second. "To hear you teach." His tone added the words of course.

"Are you kidding me?"

"I told you, nothing has changed."

I stared around the narrowed room. It wasn't a full house. No Doc tonight, and none of the raiders which meant no Paige either. No Jeb, no Ian, no Walter. A few others were missing. Travis, Carol, Ruth Ann, but more than I would have thought if I'd thought anyone would consider following the normal routine after such an abnormal day.

"Can we go back to the Dolphins, where we left off?" Wes asked, interrupting my evaluation of the room. I could see that he'd taken it upon himself to get the ball rolling rather that he was vitally interested in the kinship circles or an alien planet.

Everyone looked at me expectantly. Apparently, life was not changing as much as I thought.

I took a tray of rolls from Heidi's hands and turned to shove it in the stove oven. I started talking with my back still turned.

"So… um… hmm… the, uh, third set of grandparents… They traditionally serve the community as they see it. On Earth, they would be the breadwinners. The ones who leave the home and bring back sustenance. They are farmers, for the most part. The cultivate a plant like growth that they milk for its sap…"

And life went on.

* * *

When it came time to go back to sleep, I was nervous about facing Jared again, but I didn't see him that night or the following day.

It was awkward again, going about my usual chores, with the six raiders home. Just like when Jeb had first forced me to join the community. Hostile stares, angry silences. It was harder for them than it was for me, though. I was used to it. They, on the other hand, were entirely unaccustomed to the way everyone else treated me. When I was helping with the corn harvest, for example, and Lily thanked me for a fresh bucket with a smile, and a pat on the twins head, Andy's eyes bulged in their sockets at the exchange. Or when I was waiting for the bathing pool with Trudy and Heidi, and Heidi began playing with my hair. It was growing, always swinging in my eyes these days, and I was planning to shear it off again. Heidi was trying to find a style for me, flipping the strands this way and that. Brandt and Aaron, Aaron was the oldest man who'd gone on the long raid, someone I couldn't remember having seen before at all, came out and found us there. Trudy laughing at some silly atrocity Heidi was attempting to create a top my head, and both men turned a little green and stalked silently past us.

Of course, little things like that were nothing. Kyle roamed the caves now, and though he was obviously under orders to leave us in peace, his expression made it clear that this restriction was repugnant to him.

I was always with others when I crossed his path, and I wondered if that was the only reason he did nothing more than glower at me and unconsciously curl his thick fingers into claws and stalk past the door to my room late at night. This brought back all the panic from my first weeks here, especially since Jamie insisted on staying with me in my room and Jared was nowhere to be seen, and I might have succumbed to it, begun hiding again, avoiding the common areas, but something more important than Kyle's murderous glares came to my attention that second night.

The kitchen filled up again. I'm not sure how much was actual interest in my stories and how much was interest in the chocolate bars Jeb handed out.

I declined mine, explaining to a disgruntled Jamie that I couldn't talk and chew at the same time; I suspected that he would save one for me, obstinate as ever, so I quickly added that it was bad for me to be eating chocolate while I was still breastfeeding the twins. It was a complete lie, of course, but Jamie was too disgusted with the thought of me breastfeeding to catch it.

Ian was back in his usual hot seat by the fire, and Andy was there, eyes wary, beside Paige. None of the other raiders, including Jared, was in attendance. I wondered where he was at. Was he avoiding me because of… what happened? Yes, of course. He probably was.

Doc was not here, and I wondered if he was still drunk or perhaps hung over. And again, Walter was absent.

Geoffrey, Trudy's husband, questioned me for the first time tonight. I was pleased, though I tried not to show it, that he seemed to have joined the ranks of the humans who tolerated me.

But I couldn't answer his questions well, which was too bad. His questions were like Doc's.

"I don't really know anything about Healing." I admitted. "I never went to a Healer after… after I had Aiden and Maecella. I haven't been sick and neither have they. All I know is that we wouldn't choose a planet unless we were able to maintain the host bodies perfectly. There's nothing that can't be healed, from a simple cut, a broken bone, to a disease. Old age is the only cause of death now. Even healthy human bodies were only designed to last for so long. And there are accidents, too, I guess, though those don't happen as often with the souls. We're cautious."

"Armed humans aren't just an accident." Someone muttered. I was moving hot rolls; I didn't see who spoke, and I didn't recognize the voice.

"Yes, that's true." I agreed evenly.

"So you don't know what they use to cure diseases, then?" Geoffrey pressed. "What's in their medications?"

I shook my head. "I'm sorry, I don't. It wasn't something I was interested in, back when I had access to the information. I'm afraid I took it for granted. Good health is simply a given on every planet I've lived on."

Geoffrey's red cheeks flushed brighter than usual. He looked down, and angry set to his mouth.

What had I said that offended him?

Heath, sitting beside Geoffrey, patted his arm. There was a pregnant silence in the room.

"Uh. About the Vultures…" Ian said. The words were forced, a deliberate subject change. "I don't know if I missed this part sometime, but I don't remember you ever explaining about them being 'unkind'…?"

It wasn't something I had explained, but I was pretty sure he wasn't really that interested. This was just the first question he'd probably been able to think of.

My informal class ended earlier than usual. The questions were slow, and most of them were supplied by Jamie and Ian. Geoffrey's question had left everyone else preoccupied.

"We've got an early one tomorrow, tearing down the stalks…" Jeb mused after yet another awkward silence, making the words a dismissal. People rose to their feet and stretched, talking in low voices that weren't casual enough.

"What did I say?" I whispered to Ian.

"Nothing. They've got mortality on their minds." He sighed.

My human brain made one of those leaps in understanding that they called intuition.

"Where's Walter?" I demanded, still whispering.

Ian sighed again. "He's in the south wing. He's... not doing well."

"Why didn't anyone tell me?"

"Things have been... difficult for you lately, so…"

I shook my head impatiently at that consideration. "What's wrong with him?"

Jamie was there beside me now; he took my hand.

"Some of Walter's bone snapped, they're so brittle." He said in a hushed voice. "Doc's sure it's cancer. Final stages, he says."

"Walt must have been keeping quiet about the pain for a long while now." Ian added somberly.

I winced. "And there's nothing to be done? Nothing at all?"

Ian shook his head, keeping his eyes on mine. "Not for us. Even if we weren't stuck here, there would be no help for him now. We never cured that one."

I bit my lip against the suggestion I wanted to make. Of course there was nothing to do for Walter. Any of these humans would rather die slowly and in pain than trade their mind for their body's cure. I could understand that. Not during those first few months I couldn't, but now I could.

"He's been asking for you and the kids." Ian continued. "Well, he says your guys names sometimes; it's hard to tell what he means. Doc's keeping him drunk to help with the pain."

"Doc feels real bad about using so much of the alcohol himself." Jamie added. "Bad timing, all around."

"Can I see him?" I asked. "Or will that make the others unhappy?"

Ian frowned and snorted. "Wouldn't that be just like some people, to get worked up over this?" He shook his head. "Who cares, though, right? If it's Walt's final wish…"

"Right." I agreed. The word 'final' had my eyes burning. "If seeing us is what Walter wants, then I guess it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, or if they get mad."

"Don't worry about that. I'm not going to let anyone harass you." Ian's white lips pressed into a thin line.

I felt anxious, like I wanted to look at a clock. Time had ceased to mean much to me, but suddenly I felt the weight of a deadline. "Is it too late to go tonight? Will we disturb him?"

"He's not sleeping regular hours. We can go see."

I started walking at once, dragging Jamie because he still gripped my hand. The sense of passing time, of endings and finality, propelled me forward. Ian caught up quickly, though, with his long stride.

In the moonlit garden, we passed others who for the most part paid us no mind. I was too often in the company of Jamie and Ian to cause any curiosity. Though we weren't headed for the usual tunnels.

The one exception was Kyle. He froze midstride when he saw his brother beside me. His eyes flashed down to see Jamie's hand in mine, and then his lips twisted into a snarl.

Ian squared his shoulders as he absorbed his brother's reaction, his mouth curled into a mirror of Kyle's, and he deliberately reached for my other hand. Kyle made a noise like he was about to be sick and turned his back on us.

When we were in the blackness of the long tunnel, I tried to free that hand, feeling slightly uncomfortable. Ian gripped in tighter.

"I wish you wouldn't make him angrier." I muttered.

"Kyle is wrong. Being wrong is sort of a habit with him. He'll take longer than anyone else to get over it, but that doesn't mean we should make allowances for him."

"He frightens me." I admitted in whisper. "I don't want him to have any more reasons to hate me."

Ian and Jamie squeezed my hands at the same time. They spoke simultaneously.

"Don't be afraid." Jamie said.

"Jeb's made his opinion very clear." Ian said.

"So had Jared." Jamie added.

"What do you mean?" I asked Ian.

"If Kyle can't accept Jeb's rules, then he's no longer welcome here."

"But that's wrong. Kyle belongs here."

Ian grunted. "He's staying… so he'll just have to learn to deal."

We didn't talk again through the ling walk. I was feeling guilty. It seemed to be a permanent emotional state here. Guilt and fear and heartbreak. Why had I come?

_Because you belong here. _Melanie whispered. She was very aware of the warmth of Jamie's and Ian's hand around mine, the twins heat against my chest. _Where ever else have you had this?_

_Nowhere. _I confess. Feeling more depressed. _But it doesn't make me belong. Not the way you do._

_You're wrong._

No, I wasn't. She's human, I'm not.

_I'm sorry about Walter. _She added. Walter didn't mean as much to her as he did to me. She was sad that he was dying, but she had accepted that outcome in the beginning. I couldn't. Not even now.

Walter was my friend, not hers. I was the one he defended.

One of the dim blue lights greeted us as we approached the hospital wing. (I knew now that the lanterns were solar powered, left in sunny corners during the day to charge.) We all moved quietly, slowly at the same time without having to discuss it.

I hated this room. In the darkness, with the odd shadows thrown by the weak glow, it seemed only more forbidding. There was a new smell. The room reeked of slow decay and sting alcohol and bile.

Two of the cots were occupied. Doc's feet hung over the edge of one; I recognized his light snore. On the other, looking hideously withered and misshapen, Walter watched us approach.

"Are you up for visitors, Walt?" Ian whispered when Walter's eyes drifted in his direction.

"Ungh." Walter moaned. His lips drooped from his slack face, and his skin gleamed wetly in the low light.

"Is there anything you need?" I murmured. I pulled my hands free. They fluttered helplessly in the air between me and Walter.

His loosely rolling eyes searched the darkness. I took a step closer.

"Is there anything we can do for you? Anything at all?"

His eyes roamed till they found my face. Abruptly, they focused through the drunken stupor and the pain.

"Finally." He gasped. He breath wheezed and whistled. "I knew you would come if I waited long enough. Oh, Gladys, I have so much to tell you."

* * *

**Author's Note. I hope you enjoy the chapter! Thanks for the reviews and please REVIEW again.**

**In response to Rez: Thank you!**

**In response to Kim: Thank you. It's good to know that I'm keeping to the characters and their personalities as they are in the book.**

**In response to Sarah: I'm sorry, but I don't understand what you mean. What about Melanie are you talking about?**

**See you later!**

**-BethDee**


	26. Chapter 26

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Host. Only Stephenie Meyer does. I just own Aiden and Macey**

* * *

I froze and then looked quickly over my shoulder to see if someone was behind me.

"Gladys was his wife." Jamie whispered almost silently. "She didn't escape."

"Gladys." Walter said to me, oblivious to my reaction. "Would you believe I went and got cancer? What are the odds, eh? Never took a sick day in my life…" His voice faded out until I couldn't hear it, but his lips continued to move. He was too weak to lift his hand; his fingers dragged themselves toward the edge of the cot, towards me.

Ian nudged me forward.

"What should I do?" I breathed. The sweat beading on my forehead had nothing to do with the humid heat.

"…grandfather lived to be a hundred and one." Walter wheezed, audible again. "Nobody ever had cancer in my family, not even the cousins. Didn't your aunt Regan have skin cancer, though?"

He looked at me trustingly, waiting for an answer. Ian poked me in the back.

"Um…" I mumbled.

"Maybe that was Bill's aunt." Walter allowed.

I shot a panicked glance at Ian, who shrugged. "Help." I mouthed at him.

He motioned me to take Walter's searching fingers.

Walter's skin was chalk white and translucent. I could see the faint pulse of blood in the blue veins on the back of his hand, I lifted his hand gingerly, worried about the slender bones that Jamie had said were so brittle. It left too light, as if it were hollow.

"Ah, Gladdie, it's been hard without you. It's a place here; you'll like it even when I'm gone. Plenty of people to talk to. I know you need to have you conversation…" The volume of his voice sank until I couldn't make out the words anymore, but his lips still shaped the words he wanted to share with his wife. His mouth kept moving, even when his eyes closed and his head lolled to the side.

Ian found a wet cloth and began wiping Walter's shining face.

"I'm not good at… at deception," I whispered, watching Walter's mumbling lips to make sure he wasn't listening to me. "I don't want to upset him."

"You don't have to say anything." Ian reassured me. "He's not lucid enough to care."

"Do I look like her?"

"Not a bit. I've seen her picture. Stocky redhead."

"Here, let me do that."

Ian gave me the rag, and I cleaned the sweat off Walter's neck. Busy hands always made me feel more comfortable. Walter continued to mumble. I thought I heard him say, "Thanks, Gladdie, that's nice."

I didn't notice that Doc's snores had stopped. His familiar voice was suddenly there behind me, too gentle to startle.

"How is he?"

"Delusional." Ian whispered. "Is that the brandy or the pain?"

"More of the pain, I would think. I'd trade my right arm for some morphine."

"Maybe Jared will produce another miracle." Ian suggested.

"Maybe." Doc sighed.

I wiped absently at Walter's pallid face, listening more intently now, but they didn't speak of Jared again.

_Not here. _I whispered.

_Looking for help for Walter. _Melanie agreed.

_Alone. _I added.

I thought of the last time I had seen him. The kiss, the hug, the belief… _He probably wanted sometime to himself._

_That's possible, of course. _

Ian and Doc murmured in quiet voices about inconsequently things, mostly Ian catching Doc up on what was going on in the cave.

Ian told him a bit about tonight's awkward class, about Geoffrey's questions.

"It would have been convenient if Melanie had been possessed by a Healer." Doc mused.

I flinched, but they were behind me and probably didn't notice.

"We're lucky it was Wanda." Ian murmured in my defense. "No one else-"

"I know." Doc interrupted, good natured as always. "I guess I should say, it's too bad Wanda didn't have more of an interest in medicine."

"I'm sorry." I murmured. I was careless to reap the benefits of perfect health without ever being curious about the cause.

A hand touched my shoulder. "You have nothing to apologize for." Ian said.

Jamie was being very quiet. I looked around and saw that he was curled up on the cot where Doc had been napping.

"It's late." Doc noted. "Walter's not going anywhere tonight. You should get some sleep."

"We'll be back," Ian promised. "Let us know what we can bring, for wither of you."

I laid Walter's hand down, patting it cautiously. His eyes snapped open, focusing with more awareness than before.

"Are you leaving?" He wheezed. "Do you have to go so soon?"

I took his hand again quickly. "No, I don't have to leave."

He smile and closed his eyes again. His fingers locked around mine with brittle strength.

Ian sighed.

"You can go." I told him. "I don't mind. Take Jamie back to his bed."

Ian glanced around the room. "Hold on a sec." He said, and then he grabbed the cot closest to him. It wasn't heavy. He lifted it easily and slid it into place next to Walter's I stretched my arm to the limit, trying not to jostle Walter or lose the twins from their sling, so that Ian could arranged the cot under it. Then he grabbed me up just as easily and set me on the cot beside Walter. Walter's eyes never fluttered. I gasped quietly, caught off guard by the casual way Ian was able to put his hands on me. As though I was human.

Ian jerked his chin towards Walter's hand clasped around mine. "Do you think you can sing like that?"

"Yes, I'm sure I can."

"What about with them?" He nodded towards the twins.

"It'll be fine." They're already asleep in the position they're in. They don't need to be moved now.

"Sleep well, then." He smile at me, then turned and lifted Jamie from the other cot. "Let's go kid." He muttered, carrying the boy with no more effort than if her were an infant. Ian's quiet footstep's faded into the distance until I couldn't hear them anymore.

Doc yawned and went to sit behind the desk he'd constructed out of wood crated and an aluminum door, taking the dim lamp with him. Walter's face was too dark to see, and that made me nervous. It was like he was already gone. I took comfort in his fingers, still curled stiffly around mine.

Doc began to shuffle through dome papers, humming almost inaudibly to himself. I drifted off to the sound of the gentle rustling.

* * *

Walter recognized me in the morning.

He didn't wake until Ian showed up to escort me back; the cornfield was due to be cleared of the old stalks. It promised Doc I would bring him breakfast before I got to work. The very last thing I did was to carefully loosen my numb fingers, freeing them from Walter's grasp.

His eyes opened. "Wanda." He whispered.

"Walter?" I wasn't sure how long he would know me, or if he would remember last night. His hand clutched at the empty air, so I gave him, my left, the one that wasn't dead.

"You came to see me. Aiden and Macey, too. That was nice. I know… with the others back… and the twins… must be hard… for you…"

He seemed to be having a difficult time making his lips form the words, and his eyes went in and out of focus. How like him, that his first words to me would be full of concern.

"Everything's fine, Walter. How are you feeling?"

"Ah-" He groaned quietly. "Not so… Doc?"

"Right here." Doc murmured, close behind me.

"Got anymore liquor?" He gasped.

"Of course."

Doc was already prepared. He held the mouth of a thick glass bottle to Walter's slack lips and carefully poured the dark brown liquid in slow drips into his mouth. Walter winced as each sip burned down his throat. Some of it trickled out the side of his mouth and onto his pillow. The smell stung my nose. I pressed the twins tighter to my chest, trying to block the smell from them.

"Better?" Doc asked after a long moment of slow pouring/

Walter grunted. It didn't sound like ascent. His eyes closed.

"More?" Doc asked.

Walter grimaced and then moaned.

Doc cursed under his breath. "Where's Jared?" He muttered.

My heart jolted at the name.

Walter's face sagged. His head rolled back on his neck.

"Walter?" I whispered.

"The pain's too much for him to stay conscious. Let him be." Doc said.

My throat felt swollen. "What can I do?"

Doc's voice was desolate. "About as much as I can. Which is nothing. I'm useless."

"Don't be like that, Doc." I heard Ian murmur. "This isn't your fault. The world doesn't work the way it used to. No one expects more of you."

My shoulders hunched inward. No, their world didn't work the same way anymore.

A finger tapped my arm. "Let's go. " Ian whispered.

I nodded and started to pull my hand free again.

Walter's eyes rolled open, unseeing. "Gladdie? Are you here?" He implored.

"Um… I'm here." I said uncertainly, letting his fingers lock around mine.

Ian shrugged. "I'll get you both some food." He whispered, and then he left.

I waited anxiously for him to return, unnerved by Walter's misconception. Walter murmured Gladys's name over and over, but he didn't seem to need anything from me, for which I was grateful. After a while, half an hour maybe, I began listening for Ian's footsteps in the tunnel, wondering what could be taking him so long.

Doc stood by his desk the while time, staring into nothing with his shoulders slumped. It was easy to see how useless he felt.

And then I did hear something, but it wasn't footsteps.

"What is that?" I asked, I asked Doc in a whisper; Walter was quiet again, maybe unconscious. I didn't want to disturb him.

Doc turned to look at me, cocking his head to the side at the same time to listen.

The noise was a funny thrumming, a fast, soft beat. I thought I heard it get a little louder, but then it seemed quieter again.

"That's weird." Doc said. "It almost sounds like…" He paused, his forehead furrowing in concentration as the unfamiliar sound faded.

We were listening intently, so we heard the footsteps when they were still far away. They did not match the expected, even pace of Ian's return. He was running. No, sprinting.

Doc reacted immediately to the sound of trouble. He jogged quickly out to meet Ian. I wished I could see what was wrong, too, but I didn't want to upset Walter by trying to free my hand again. I listened hard instead.

"Brandt?" I heard Doc say in surprise.

"Where is it? _Where is it?_" The other man demanded breathlessly. The running footsteps only paused for a second, then started up again, not quite as fast.

"What are you talking about?" Doc asked, calling back this way.

"The parasites!" Brandt hissed impatiently, viciously, as he burst through the arched entry.

Brandt was not a big man like Kyle or Ian, he was only a few inches taller than me, but he was thick and is built as solid as rhinoceros. His eyes swept the room; his piercing gaze focused on my face for half a second, then took in Walter's oblivious form, and the raced around the room only to end up on me again.

Doc caught up with Brandt then, his long fingers gripping Brandt's shoulder just as the broader man took the first step in my direction.

"What are you doing?" Doc asked, his voice the closest to a growl I'd ever heard it.

Before Brandt answered, the odd sound returned, going from soft to screaming loud to soft again with a suddenness that had us all frozen. The beats thudded right on the top of one another, shaking the air when they went at their loudest.

"Is that-is that a helicopter?" Doc asked whispering.

"Yes." Brandt whispered back. "It's the Seeker, the one from before, the one who was looking for it." He jerked his chin at me.

My throat was too small. The breaths moving through it were thin and shallow, not enough. I felt dizzy.

_No. Not now. Please. Not now._

_Hat is her problem? _Mel snarled in my head. _Why can't she leave you alone?_

_We can't let her hurt them!_

_But how do we stop her?_

_I don't know! This is all my fault!_

_No. Mine._

"Are you sure?" Doc asked.

"Kyle got a clear view through the binoculars while it was hovering. Same one he saw before."

"Is it looking here?" Doc's voice was suddenly terrified. He half spun, eyes flashing toward the exit. "Where's Sharon?"

Brandt shook his head. "It's just running sweeps. Starts at Picacho, then fans out in spokes. Doesn't look like it's focusing on anything close. Circled around a few times where we dumped the car."

"Sharon?" Doc asked again.

"She's with the kids and Lucina. They're fine. The boys are getting things packed in case we have to roll tonight, but Jeb says it's not likely."

Doc exhaled, then paced over to his desk. He slouched against it, looking as if he's just run a long race. "So it's nothing new, really. " He murmured.

"Naw. Just have to lay low for a few days." Brandt reassured him. His eyes were flickering around the room again, settling on me every other second. Sometimes the twins. I shifted them closer to my chest, trying to hide them in there slings. "Do you have any rope handy?" He asked. He pulled up the edge of the sheet on an empty cot, examining it.

"Rope?" Doc asked blankly.

"For the parasite. Kyle sent me out here to secure it and its offspring."

My muscles contracted involuntarily; my hand gripped Walter's fingers too tightly, and whimpered. I tried to force it to relax while I kept my eyes on Brandt's hard face. He was waiting for Doc, expectant. I wrapped my free arm around the bundles against my chest.

"You're here to secure Wanda? And the babies?" Doc said, his voice hard again. "And what makes you think that's necessary?"

"Come on, Doc. Don't be stupid. You've got some big vents in here, and a lot of reflective metal." Brandt gestured to a file cabinet against the far wall. "You let your attention wander for a half minute, and it'll be flashing signals to that Seeker."

I sucked in a shocked breath; it was loud in the still room.

"See!" Brandt said. "Guessed its plan in one."

I wanted to bury myself under a boulder to hide from the bulging, relentless eyes of my Seeker, yet he imagined I wanted to guide her in. Bring here to kill Aiden, Macey, Jamie, Jared, Jeb… I felt like gagging.

"You can go, Brandt." Doc said in an icy tone. "I will keep an eyes on them."

Brandt raised one eyebrow. "What happened to you guys? To you and Ian and Trudy and the rest? It's like you're all hypnotized. If your eyes weren't right, I'd have to wonder…"

"Go ahead and wonder all you want, Brandt. But get out while you're doing it."

Brandt shook his head. "I've got a job to do."

Doc walked toward Brandt, stopping when he was between Brandt and us. He folded his arms across his chest.

"You're not going to touch them."

The throbbing helicopter blades sounded in the distance. We were all very still, not breathing, until they faded. It seemed like the twins knew not to make a sound.

Brandt shook his head when it was quiet again. He didn't speak, he just want to the desk and picked up Doc's chair. He carried it to the wall by the file cabinet, slammed it to the ground, and then sat down hard, making the metal legs squeal against the stone. He leaned forward, his hands on his knees, and stared at me. A vulture waiting for a dying hare to stop moving.

Doc's jaw tightened, making a little popping noise.

"Gladys." Walter muttered, surfacing from his dazed sleep. "You're here."

Too nervous to speak with Brandt watching, I just patted his hand. His clouded eyes searched my face, seeing the features that weren't there.

"It hurts, Gladdie. It hurts a lot."

"I know." I whispered. "Doc?"

He was already there, the brandy in hand. "Open up, Walter."

The sound of the helicopter thumped quietly, far away but still much too close. Doc flinched, and a few drops of brandy splattered on my arm.

* * *

It was horrible day. The worst of my life this planet, even including my first day in the caves and the last hot, dry day in the desert, hours from death.

The helicopter circled and circled. Sometimes more than an hour would pass, and I would think it was finally over. Then the sound would come back, and I would see the seeker's obstinate face in my head, he protruding eyes scouring the blank desert for some sign of humans. I tried to will her away, concentrating hard on my memories of the desert's featureless, colorless plain, as if I could somehow make sure she saw nothing else, as if I could bore her into leaving.

Brandt never took his suspicious stare off of me. I could always feel it, though I rarely looked at him. It got a little better when Ian came back with both breakfast and lunch. He was all dirty from packing in case of an evacuation. Whatever that meant. Did they have anywhere to go?

Ian scowled so hard he looked like Kyle when Brandt explained in clipped phrases why he was there. Then Ian dragged another empty cot beside mine, so that he could sit in Brandt's line of sight and block his view.

The helicopter, Brandt's distrustful watch, these were not so bad. On an ordinary day, if there was really such a thing anymore, either one of these might have seemed agonizing, today they were nothing.

By noon, Doc had given Walter the last of the brandy. It seemed like only minutes later that Walter was writhing, moaning, and gasping for breath. His fingers bruised and chafed mine, but I never pulled away, his moans turned into shrill screams. I ducked out once to use the latrine; Brandt followed me, which made Ian feel like he had to come, too. By the time we got back, after nearly running the whole way, Walter's screams no longer sounded human. Doc's face was hollow with echoed agony. Walter quieted after I spoke to him for a moment, letting him think his wife was near. It was an easy lie, a kind one. Brandt made little noises of irritation. But I knew that he was wrong to be upset. Nothing mattered besides Walter's pain.

The whimpers and the writhing continued, though, and Brandt paced back and forth at the other end of the room, trying to be as far from the sound as possible.

Jamie came looking for me, bringing food enough for four, when the light was growing orangey overhead. I wouldn't let him stay; I made Ian take him back to the kitchen to eat, made Jamie take the twins with him and take care of them, made Ian promise to watch him all night so he wouldn't sneak back here, or accidentally kill one of the twins. Walter couldn't help shrieking when his twisting moved his broken leg, and the sound of it was nearly unbearable. Jamie shouldn't have this night burned into his memory the way it would surely be burned into Doc's and mine, nor could I keep comforting the twins they cried from Walter's cries of agony. Brandt's must have the night burned into his memory as well, though he did what he could to ignore Walter, plugging his ears and humming a dissonant tune.

Doc did not try to distance himself from Walter's hideous suffering; instead, he suffered with him. Water's cries carved deep lines in Doc's face, like claws raking his skin.

It was strange to see such depths of compassion in a human, particularly Doc. I couldn't look at him the same way after watching him live Walter's pain. So great was his compassion, he seemed to bleed internally with it. As I watched, it became impossible to believe that Doc was a cruel person; the man simply could not be a torturer. I tried to remember what had been said to found my conjectures. Had anyone made the accusation outright? I didn't think so. I must have jumped to false conclusions in my terror.

I doubted I could ever mistrust Doc again after this nightmarish day. However, I would always find his hospital a horrible place.

When the last of the daylight disappeared, so did the helicopter. We sat in the darkness, not daring to turn on even the dim blue light. It took a few hours before any of us would believe the hunt was over. Brandt was the first to accept it; he'd had enough of the hospital, too.

"Make sense for it to give up." He muttered, edging out the exit. "Nothing to see at night. I'll just take you light with me, Doc, so that Jeb's pet parasite can't get up to anything, and be on my way."

Doc didn't respond, didn't even look at the sullen man as he left.

"Make it stop, Gladdie, make it stop!" Walter begged me. I wiped the sweat from his face while he crushed my hand.

Time seemed to slow down and stop; the black night felt unending. Walter's screams got more and more frequent, more and more excruciating.

Melanie was far away, knowing she could do nothing useful. I would have hidden, too, if Walter hadn't needed me. I was all alone in my head. Exactly what I once wanted. It made me feel lost.

Eventually, a dim light started to creep in through the high vents overhead. I was hovering on the edge of sleep, Walter's moans and screams keeping me from sinking under. I could hear Doc snoring behind me. I was glad he'd been able to escape for a little while.

I didn't hear Jared come in. I was mumbling weak assurances, barely coherent, trying to calm Walter.

"I'm here, I'm here." I murmured as he cried out his wife's name. "Shh, it's okay." The words were meaningless. It was something to say, though, and it did seem that my voice calmed the worst of his cries.

I don't know how long Jared watched me with Walter before I realized he was there. It must have been a while. I honestly didn't know what to expect from him, what reaction he was going to have when I saw him again. But I was sure there was going to be some reaction. But when I heard him speak, his voice was calm.

"Doc." He said, and I heard the cot behind me shake. "Doc, wake up."

I jerked me hand free, whirling, disoriented, to see the face that went with the unmistakable voice.

His eyes were on me as he shook the sleeping man's shoulder. They were impossible to read in the dim light.

But still I pored over his features, trying to see a flicker of anything.

"Gladdie! Don't leave! Don't!" Walter's screech had Doc bolting upright, nearly capsizing his cot.

I spun back to Walter, shoving my sore hand into his searching fingers.

"Shh, shh! Walter, I'm here. I won't leave. I won't, I promise."

He quieted down, whimpering like a small child. I wiped the damp cloth over his forehead; his sob hitched and turned into a sigh.

"What's going on?" Jared murmured behind me.

"She's the best pain killer I've been able to find."Doc said wearily.

"Well, I've found you something better."

"You found something!"

"Morphine. There's not much. I would have gotten here sooner if the Seeker hadn't pinned me down out there."

Doc was instantly in action. I heard him rustling through something papery, and he crowed in delight. "Jared, you're the miracle man!"

"Doc, just a sec…"

But Doc was at my side already, his haggard face alight with anticipation. His hands were busy with a small syringe. He stuck the tiny needle into the crease at Walter's elbow, on the arm that was attached to me. I turned my face away. It seemed so horribly invasive to stab something through his skin.

I couldn't argue with the results, though. Within a half a minute, Walter's entire body was relaxed, melting into a pile of loose flesh against the thin mattress. His breathing went from harsh and urgent to whispery and even. His hand relaxed, freeing mine.

I massaged my left hand with my right, trying to bring back the blood back to my fingertips. Little prickles followed the flow of blood under my skin.

"Uh, Doc, there really isn't enough for that." Jared murmured.

I looked up from Walter's face, peaceful at least. Jared had his back to me, but I could see the surprise in Doc's expression.

"Enough for what? I'm not going to save this for a rainy day, Jared. I'm sure we'll wish we had it again, and too soon, but I'm not going to let Walter scream in agony while I have a way to help him!"

"That's not what I meant." Jared said. He spoke the way he did when he'd already thought about something long and hard. Slow and even, like Walter's breath.

Doc frowned confused.

"There's enough to stop the pain for maybe three or four days, that's all." Jared said. "If you give it to him doses."

I didn't understand what Jared was saying, but Doc did.

"Ah." He sighed. He turned to look at Walter again, and I saw a rim of fresh tears start to pool above his lower lids. He opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out.

I wanted to know what they were talking about, but Jared's presence made me silent, still unsure of his reaction.

"You can't save him. You can only save him from pain, Doc."

"I know." Doc said. His voice broke, like he was holding back a sob. "You're right."

_What's going on? _I asked. Not knowing if Melanie felt like answering.

_They're going to kill Walter. _She told me matter-of-factly. _There's enough morphine to give him an overdose._

My gasp sounded loud in the quiet room, but it was really a breath. I didn't look up to see how the two healthy men would react. My own tears pooled as I leaned over Walter's pillow.

_No. _I thought. _No. Not yet. No._

_Would you rather he died screaming?_

_I just… I can't stand the… finality. It's so absolute. I'll never see my friend again._

_How many of your other friends have you gone back to visit, Wanda?_

_I've never had friends like this before._

My friends on other planets were all blurred together in my head; the souls were so similar, almost interchangeable in some ways. Walter was distinctly himself. When he was gone, there would be no one who could fill his place.

I cradled Walter's head in my arms and let my tears fall onto his skin. I tried to stifle my crying, but it made its way out regardless, a keening rather than sobs.

_I know. Another first. _Melanie whispered. There was compassion in her tone.

"Wanda?" Doc asked.

I just shook my head, not able to answer.

"I think you've been here too long." He said. I felt his hand, light and warm, on my shoulder.

"You should take a break."

I shook my head. Still keening softly.

"You're worn out." He said. "Go clean up, stretch your legs. Eat something. Go visit the kids."

I glared up at him. "Will Walter be here when I get back?" I mumbled through my tears.

His eyes tighten anxiously. "Do you want that?"

"I'd like a chance to say goodbye. He's my friend."

He patted my arm. "I know, Wanda, I know. Me, too. I'm in no hurry. You get some air and then come back. Walter will be sleeping for a while."

I read his worn face, and I believe the sincerity there.

I nodded and carefully put Walter's head back on the pillow. Maybe if I got away from this place for a little bit, I'd find a way to handle this. I wasn't sure how. I had no experience with real goodbyes.

Because I'm in love with him, I had to look at Jared before I left.

He was staring at me. I had felt his eyes had been on me for a long time. He didn't bother keeping face composed, it was filled with wonder.

I held his gaze and he gave me a soft, small smile. I returned it with a tired one, then turned to hurry down the pitch black corridor.

* * *

**Author's Note: Enjoy. Thanks for the reviews and REVIEW again.**

**See you soon.**

**-BethDee**


	27. Chapter 27

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Host. Just Aiden and Macey.**

* * *

The caves were quiet; the sun had not risen yet. In the big plaza, the mirrors were a pale gray with the coming dawn.

My clothes were all in Jared's room since that's where I have been staying.

Jamie was sound asleep, curled into a tight ball in the top corner of the mattress. Sharing the tight space with the twins. Who were still wearing the same clothes I put them in when I told Jamie to watch them days ago.

He didn't usually sleep so compactly, but he had good reason to at the moment. Ian was sprawled across the rest of the space, his feet and hands hanging off the edges, one appendage to each of the four sides.

For some reason, this was hysterical to me. I had to out my fist in my mouth to choke back the laughter as I quickly snatched up my old dirt dyed T-shirt and shorts. I hurried into the hall, still stifling the giggles.

_Oh, boy. You're slaphappy. _Melanie told me. _You need sleep._

_I'll sleep later. When…_ I couldn't finish the thought. It sobered me instantaneously, and everything was quiet again.

I was still rushing as I headed for the bathing room. I trusted Doc, but… Maybe he would change his mind. Maybe Jared would argue that it would hurt me too much to see him die. I couldn't be all day.

I thought I heard something behind me when I reached the octopus like juncture where all the sleeping halls met. I looked back, but I couldn't see anyone in the dim cave. People were beginning to stir. Soon it would be time for breakfast and another day of work. If they'd finished with the stalks, the ground in the east fields would need to be turned. Maybe I would have time to help… later…

I followed the familiar path to the underground rivers, my mind in a million other places. I couldn't seem to focus on anything in particular. Every time I tried to focus on a subject, Walter, Jared, Macey, Aiden, breakfast, chores, baths, some other thought would pull my head away in seconds. Melanie was right. I needed sleep. Lots of it. This was worse than the first few weeks of getting the twins on a sleeping schedule.

I'd gotten used to the bathing room. The utter blackness of it didn't bother me anymore. So many places were black here. Half of my daylight hours were lived in darkness. And I'd been here too many times. There was never anything lurking under the water's surface, waiting to pull me or the twins under.

I knew I didn't have time to soak, though. Others would be up soon, and some people liked to start their day clean. I got to work, washing myself first, then moving onto my clothes. I scrubbed at my shirt fiercely, wishing I could scrub out my memory of the past two nights.

My hands were stinging when I was done, the dry cracks on my knuckles burning worst of all. I rinsed them in the water, but it made no noticeable difference. I sighed and climbed out to get dressed.

I'd left my dry clothes on the loose rocks in the back corner. I kicked a stone by accident, hard enough to hurt my bare foot, and it clattered loudly across the room, bouncing off the wall and landing with a plunk and a gurgle in the pool. The sound made me jump, tough it wasn't all that loud next to the roar of the river in the outer room.

I was just shoving my feet into my scruffy tennis shoes when my turn was up.

"Knock, knock." A familiar voice called from the dark entry.

"Good morning, Ian." I said. "I'm just done. Did you sleep well?"

"Ian's still sleeping." Ian's voice answered. "I'm sure that won't last forever, though, so we'd best get on with this."

Splinters of ice pinned my joints in place. I couldn't move. I couldn't breathe.

I'd noticed it before, and then forgotten it in the long weeks of Kyle's absence: not only did Ian and his brother look very much alike, but, when Kyle spoke at a normal volume, which so rarely happened, they also had exactly the same voice.

There was no air. I was trapped in this black hole with Kyle at the door. There was no way out.

_Keep quiet! _Melanie shrieked in my head.

I could do that. There was no air to scream with.

_Listen!_

I did as I was told, trying to focus in spite of the fear that stabbed through my head like a million slender spears of ice.

I couldn't hear anything. Ws Kyle waiting for a response? Was he sneaking around the room in silence? I listened harder, but the rush of the river covered any sounds.

_Quick, grab a rock! _Melanie ordered.

_Why?_

I saw myself crashing a rough stone against Kyle's head.

_I can't do it!_

_Then you're going to die! _She screamed back at me. _I can do it! Let me!_

_There has to be another way. _I moaned, but I forced my ice locked knees to bend. My hands searched the darkness and came up with a large, jagged rock and a handful of pebbles.

Fight or flight.

In desperation, I tried to unlocked Melanie, to let her out. I couldn't find the door. My hands were still my own, clutched uselessly around the objects I could never make into weapons.

A noise. A tiny splash as something entered the stream that drained the pool into the latrine room. Only a few yards away.

_Let me control your hands!_

_I don't know how! Take them!_

I started to creep away, close to the wall, towards the exit. Melanie struggled to find her was out of my head, but she couldn't find the door from her side, either.

Another sound. Not by the far stream. A breath, by the exit. I froze where I was.

_Where is he?_

_I don't know!_

Again, I could hear nothing but the river. Was Kyle alone? Was something waiting by the door to catch me when he herded me around the pool? How close was Kyle now?

I felt the hairs on my arms and legs standing on end. There was some kind of pressure in the air, as though I could feel his silent movements. The door. I half turned, easing back in the direction I'd come, away from where I'd heard the breath.

He couldn't wait forever. The little he'd said told me he was in a hurry. Someone could come at any time. Odds were on his side, though. There were fewer who would be inclined to stop him than there were who might think this was for the best. And of those inclined to stop him, even fewer who'd have much of a chance of doing that. Only Jeb and his gun would make difference. Jared was at least as strong as Kyle, but would have enough motivation to fight Kyle.

Another noise. Was that footstep by the door? Or just my imagination? How long had this silent standoff lasted? I couldn't guess how many seconds or minutes had passed.

_Get ready. _Melanie knew that the stalling would soon be at an end. She wanted me to clench the rock tighter.

But I would give flight a chance first. I would not be an effective fighter, even if I could bring myself to try. Kyle was probably twice my weight, and he had much longer reach.

I raised the hand with the pebbles and aimed them toward the back passage to the latrine.

Maybe I could make him think that I was going to hide and hope for rescue. I threw the handful of small stones and shied away from the noise when they clattered against the rock wall.

The breath at the door again, the sound of a light footfall headed toward my decoy. I edged as quietly along the wall as I could.

_What if there are two?_

_I don't know._

I was almost to the exit. If I could just make the tunnel, I thought I could outrun him. I was lighter and fast…

I heard a footstep, very clearly this time, disrupting the stream in the back of the room. I crept faster.

A gigantic splash shattered the tense standoff. Water pelted my skin, making me gasp. It spattered against the wall in a wave of wet sound.

_He's coming through the pool! Run!_

I hesitated just a second too long.

Big fingers clutched at my calf, my ankle. I yanked against the pull, lurching forward. I stumbled, and the momentum that threw me down to the floor made his fingers slip. He caught my sneaker, I kicked it off, leaning it in his hand.

I was down, but he was down, too. It gave me enough time to scramble forward, ripping my knees against the rough stone.

Kyle grunted, and his hand clutched at my naked heel. There was nothing to catch hold of; I slid free again. I wretched myself forward, pulling to my feet with my head still down, every second in danger of falling again because my body was moving almost parallel to the floor. I kept my balance through sheer force of will.

There was no one else. No one to catch at the exit to the outer room. I sprinted forward, hope and adrenaline surging in my veins. I burst into the river room at full speed, my only thought to reach the tunnel. I could hear Kyle's heavy breath close behind but not close enough.

With each step, I pushed harder against the ground, throwing myself ahead of him.

Pain lanced through my leg, crumpling it.

Over the babbled of the river, I heard two heavy stones hit the ground and roll. The one I'd been clutching and the one he'd thrown to cripple me. My leg twisted under me, spinning me backward to the ground, and in the same second he was on top of me.

His weight knocked my head against the rock in a ringing blow and pinned me flat against the floor. No leverage.

_Scream!_

The air blew out of me in a siren of sound that surprised us all. My wordless shriek was more than I'd hoped for. Surely someone would hear it. Please let that someone be Jeb. Please let him have the gun.

"Uhng!" Kyle protested. His hand was big enough to cover most of my face. His palm mashed against my mouth, cutting off my scream.

He rolled then, and the motion took me by surprise that I had no time to try to find an advantage in it. He pulled me swiftly over and under and over his body.

I was dizzy and confused, my head still spinning, but I understood as soon as my face hit the water.

His hand locked on the back of my neck, forcing my face into the shallow stream of cooler water that wound its way into the bathing pool. It was too late to hold my breath. I'd already inhaled a mouth full of water.

My body panicked when the water hit my lungs. Its flailing was stronger than he'd expected.

My limbs all jerked and thrashed in different direction, and his grip on my neck slipped. He tried to get a better hold, and some instinct made me pull myself into him rather than away, as he was expecting. I only pulled half a foot closer to him, but that got my chin out of the stream, and enough of my mouth to choke some of the water back out and drag in a breath.

He fought to push me back into the stream, but I wriggled and wedged myself under him so that his own weight was working against his goal. I was still reaction to the water in my lungs, coughing and spasming out of control.

"Enough!" Kyle growled.

He pulled himself off me, and I tried to drag myself away.

"Oh, no, you don't!" He spit through his teeth.

It was over, and I knew it.

There was something wrong with my injured leg. It felt numb, and I couldn't make it do what I wanted, I could only push myself along the floor with my arms and my good leg. I was coughing too hard to do even that well. Too hard to scream again.

Kyle grabbed my wrist and yanked me up from the floor. The weight of my body made my leg buckle, and I slumped into him.

He got both my wrist in one hand and wrapped the other arm around my waist. He pulled me off the floor and into his side, like an awkward bag of flour. I twisted, and my good leg kicked against empty air.

"Let's get this over with."

He jumped over the smaller stream with a bound and carried me over to the closest sinkhole.

The steam from the hot spring washed my face.

He was going to throw me into the dark, hot hole and let the boiling water pull me into the ground as it burned me.

"No, no!" I shouted, my voice too hoarse, and low to carry.

I writhed frantically. My knee knocked against one of the ropy rock columns, and I hooked my foot around it, trying to yank myself out of his grip. He jerked me free with an impatient grunt.

At least that loosened his hold enough that I could make one more move. It had worked before, so I tried it again. Instead of trying to free myself, I twisted in and wrapped my legs around his waist, locking the good ankle around the bad, trying to ignore the pain so that I could get a good hold there.

"Get off me, you-" He fought to knock me loose, and I jerked one of my wrists free. I wrapped that arm around his neck and grabbed his thick hair. If I was going into the black river, so was he.

Kyle hissed and stopped prying at my leg long enough to punch my side.

I gasped in pain but got my other hand into his hair.

He wrapped both arms around me, as if we were embracing each other rather than locked in a killing struggle. Then he grabbed my waist from both sides and heaved with all his strength against my hold.

His hair started to come out in my hands, but he just grunted and pulled harder.

I could hear the steaming water rushing close by, right below me, it seemed. The steam billowed up in a thick cloud, and for a minute I couldn't see anything but Kyle's face, twisted with rage into something beastlike and merciless.

I felt my bad leg giving. I tried to pull myself closer to him, but his brute strength was winning against my desperation. He would have me free in a moment, and I would fall into the hissing steam and disappear.

_Aiden! Macey! Jared! Jamie! _The thought, the agony. They would never know what happened to me. Jeb. Doc. Walter. Ian. No goodbyes.

Kyle abruptly jumped into the air and came down with a thud. The jarring impact had the effect he wanted. My legs came loose.

But before he could take advantage, there was another result.

The cracking sound was deafening. I thought the whole cave was coming down. The floor shuddered beneath us.

Kyle gasped and jumped back, taking me, hands still locked in his hair, with him. The rock under his feet, with more cracking and groaning, began to crumble away.

Our combined weight had broken the brittle lip of the hole. As Kyle stumbled away, the crumbling followed his heavy steps. It was faster than he was.

A piece of the floor disappeared from under his heel, and he went down with a thud. My weight pushed back hard, and his head smacked sharply against a stone pillar. His arm fell away from me, limp.

The cracking of the floor settled into a sustained groan. I could feel it shiver beneath Kyle's body.

I was on Kyle's chest. Our legs dangled above empty space, the steam condensing into a million drops on our skin.

"Kyle?"

There was no answer.

I was afraid to move.

_You've got to get off him. You're too heavy together. Carefully. Use the pillar. Pull away from the hole._

Whimpering in fear, too terrified to think for myself, I did as Melanie ordered. I freed my hands from Kyle's hair and climbed gingerly over his unconscious form, using the pillar as an anchor to pull myself forward. It felt steady enough, but the floor still moaned under us.

I pulled myself past the pillar and onto the ground beyond it. This ground stayed firm under my hands and knees, but I scrambled farther away, towards the safety of the exit tunnel.

There was another crack, and I glanced back. One of Kyle's legs drooped farther down as a rock fell from beneath it. I heard the splash this time as the chunk of stone met the river below. The ground shuddered under his weight.

_He's going to fall. _I realized.

_Good. _Melanie snarled.

_But…!_

_If he falls, he can't kill you, Wanda. If he doesn't fall, he will._

_I can't just…_

_Yes, you can. Walk away. Don't you want to live?_

I did. I wanted to live. I had reason to live.

Kyle could disappear. And if he did, there was a chance that no one would ever hurt me again.

At least not among the people here. There was still the Seeker to consider, but maybe she would give up someday, and then I could stay here indefinitely with the humans I loved…

My leg throbbed, pain replacing some of the numbness. Warm fluid trickled down my lips. I tasted the moisture without thinking and realized it was my blood.

_Walk away, Wanderer. Walk away now._

I could feel the tremors from where I stood. Another piece of floor splashed into the river.

Kyle's weight shifted, and he slid an inch toward the hole.

_Let him go._

Melanie knew better than I what she was talking about. This was her world. Her rules.

I stared at the face of the man who was about to die. The man who wanted me dead. With him unconscious, Kyle's face as no longer that of an angry animal. It was relaxed, almost peaceful.

_No! _Melanie protested.

I crawled back to him on my hands and knees. Slowly, feeling the ground with care before each inch I moved. I was too afraid to go beyond the pillar, so I hooked my good leg around it, an anchor again, and leaned around to wedge my hands under Kyle's arms and over his chest.

I heaved so hard I nearly pulled my arms from their sockets, but he didn't move. I heard a sound like the trickle of sand through an hourglass as the floor continued to dissolve into tiny pieces.

I yanked again, but the only result was that the trickle sped up. Shifting his weight was breaking the floor faster.

Just as I thought that, a large chunk of rock plummeted into the river, and Kyle's precarious balance was overthrown. He began to fall.

"No!" I screamed, the siren bursting from my throat again. I flattened myself against the column and managed to pin him to the other side, locking my hands around his wide chest. My arms ached.

"Help me!" I shrieked. "Somebody! Help!"

* * *

**Author's Note: Morning to all. Enjoy. Thanks for the Reviews. REVIEW again.**

**See you soon!**

**-BethDee**


	28. Chapter 28

**Disclaimer. Stephenie Meyer owns the Host. I own Aiden and Maecella**

* * *

Another splash. Kyle's weight tortured my arms.

"Wanda? Wanda!"

"Help me! Kyle! The floor! Help!"

I had my face pressed against the stone, my eyes toward the cave entrance. The light was bright overhead as the day dawned. I held my breath. My arms screamed.

"Wanda! Where are you?"

Ian leaped through the door, the rifle in his hands, held low and ready. His face was the angry mask his brother had worn.

"Watch out!" I screamed at him. "The floor is breaking up! I can't hold him much longer!"

It took him two long seconds to process the scene that was so different from the one he'd been expecting. Kyle, trying to kill me.

The scene that had been, just seconds ago.

Then he threw the gun to the cave floor and started toward me with a long stride.

"Get down. Disperse your weight!"

He dropped to all fours and scuttled to me.

"Don't let go," He cautioned.

I groaned in pain.

He assessed for another second, and then slid his body behind mine, pushing me closer to the rock. His arms were longer than mine. Even with me in the way, he was able to get his hands around his brother.

"One, two, three." He grunted.

He pulled Kyle up against the rock, much more securely than I'd had him. The movement smashed my face to the floor.

"I'm going to pull him to this side. Can you squeeze out?"

"I'll try."

I loosened my hold on Kyle, feeling my shoulders ache in relief, making sure Ian had him. Then I wriggled out from between Ian and the rock, careful not to out myself on a dangerous section of the floor. I crawled backward a few feet toward the door, ready to make grab for Ian if he started slipping.

Ian hauled his inert brother around one side of the pillar dragging him in jerks, a foot at a time.

More of the floor crumbled, but the foundation of the pillar remained intact. A new shelf formed about two feet out from the column of rick.

Ian crawled backward the way I had, dragging his brother along in short surges of muscle and will. Within a minute, we were all three in the mouth of the corridor, Ian and I breathing in gasps.

"What… happened?"

"Our weight… was too… much. Floor caved in."

"What were you doing… by the edge? With Kyle?

I put my head down and concentrated on breathing.

_Well, tell him._

_What will happen then?_

_You know what will happen. Kyle broke the rules. Jeb will shoot him, or they'll kick him out. Maybe Ian will beat the snot out of him first. That would be fun to watch._

Melanie didn't really mean it. I didn't think she did, at least. She was just mad at me for risking my life to save the man who was trying to kill and almost succeeded.

_Exactly. _I told her. _They'll kick Kyle out for me… or kill him… _I shuddered. _Well, can't you see how little sense that would make? He's one of you._

_You've got a life here, Wanda. You're jeopardizing that. _

_It's my life. And I'm… I'm me._

Melanie groaned in frustration.

"Wanda?" Ian demanded.

"Nothing." I muttered.

"You're a rotten lair. You know that, right?

_Everyone knows that. _Melanie scoffed.

I kept my head down and breathed.

"What did he do?"

"Nothing." I lied. Poorly.

Ian put his hand under my chin, pulled my face up. "Your nose is bleeding." He twisted my head to the side. "And there's more blood in your hair."

"I-hit my head when the floor fell."

"On both sides?"

I shrugged. And pulled my face away. It felt odd having his hands on my face.

Ian glared at me for a long moment.

"We should get Kyle to Doc. He really cracked his head when he went down."

"Why are you protecting him? He tried to kill you." It was a statement of fact, not a question.

His expression slowly melted from anger to horror. He must have been imagining what we had been doing on that unstable shelf. When I did not answer, he spoke in a whisper. "He was going to throw you in the river…" A strange tremor shook his body.

Ian had one arm around Kyle. He'd collapsed that way and seemed too tired to move. Now he shoved his unconscious brother away roughly, sliding farther from him in disgust.

He slid into me and wrapped his arms around my shoulder. He pulled me close against his chest. I could feel his breath go in and out, still more ragged than normal.

I felt very strange. Very… off.

"I should roll him back in there and kick him over the edge myself."

I shook my head frantically, making it throb in pain. "No."

"Saves time. Jeb made the rules clear. You try to hurt someone here, there are penalties. There'll be a tribunal."

I tried to pull away from him again, but he tightened his grip. It wasn't frightening, not like the way Kyle had grabbed me. But it was upsetting. "No. You can't do that, because no one broke the rules. The floor collapsed, that's all."

"Wanda-"

"He's your brother."

"He knew what he was doing. He's my brother, yes, but he did what he did, and you are… you are… my friend."

"He did nothing. He is human." I whispered. "This is his place, not mine."

"We're not having this discussion again. Your definition of human in not the same as mine. To you, it means something… negative. To me, it's a compliment. And by my definition, you are and he isn't. Not after this."

"Human isn't really a negative. I know Jared, Jeb, you, Jamie… all of you now. Not to mention my children. But Ian he's your brother."

"A fact that shames me."

I pushed away from him again. This time, he let me go. It might have had something to do with the moan of pain that escaped my lips when I moved my leg. But whatever the reason, I was grateful.

"Are you okay?"

"I think so. We need to find Doc, but I don't know if I can walk. I-I hit my leg, when I fell."

A growl strangled his throat. "Which leg? Let me see."

I tried to straighten out my hurt leg, it was the right one, and groaned again. His hands started at my ankle, testing the bones, the joints. He rotated my ankle carefully.

"Higher. Here." I pulled his hand to the back of my thigh, just above the knee. I moaned again when he pressed the sore place. "It's not broken or anything, I don't think. Just really sore."

"Deep muscle bruise, at least." He muttered.

"And how did this happen?"

"Must have… landed on a rock when I fell."

He sighed. "Okay, let's get you to Doc."

"Kyle needs him more than I do."

"I have to go find Doc anyway. Or some help. I can't carry Kyle that far, but I can certainly carry you. Oops. Hold on."

He turned abruptly and ducked back into the river room. I decided I wouldn't argue with him. I wanted to see Walter before… Doc promised to wait for me. Would that first dose of painkiller wear off soon? My head swam. There was so much to worry about, and I was so tired.

The adrenaline drained me, leaving me empty.

Ian came back with the gun. I frowned because it reminded me that I wished for it in the first place. I didn't like that.

"Let's go."

Without thinking, he handed the gun to me.

I let in fall into my open palms, but I couldn't curl my hands around it. I decided it was a suitable punishment, to have to carry the thing.

Ian chuckled. How anyone could be afraid of you…" He mumbled to himself.

He picked me up easily and was moving before I was settled. I tried to keep the tenderest parts, the back of my head, the back of my leg, from resting on his too hard.

"How'd your clothes get so wet?" He asked. We were passing under one of the fist sized skylight, and I could see the hint of a grim smile.

"I don't know." I muttered. "Steam?"

We passed into darkness again.

"You're missing a shoe."

"Oh?"

We passed through another beam of light. His eyes were serious now, locked on my face.

"I'm… very glad you weren't hurt, Wanda. Hurt worse I should say."

I didn't answer. I was afraid of giving him something to use against Kyle.

Jeb found us just before we hit the big cave. There was enough light for me to see the sharp glint of curiosity when he saw me, face bleeding, the gun resting gingerly on my open hands.

"You were right, then." Jeb guessed. The curiosity was strong, but the steel in his tone was stringer. His jaw was tight beneath the fan of his beard. "I didn't hear a shot. Kyle?"

"He's unconscious." I said in a rush. "You need to warn everyone. Part of the floor collapsed in the river room. I don't know how stable it is now. Kyle hit his head really hard trying to get out of the way. He needs Doc."

Jeb raised one eyebrow so high it almost touched the faded bandanna at his hairline.

"That's the story." Ian said, making no effort to conceal his doubt. "And she's apparently sticking to it."

Jeb laughed. "Let me take that off your hands." He said to me.

I let him have the gun willingly. He laughed again at my expression.

"I'll get Andy and Brandt to help me with Kyle. We'll follow behind you."

"Keep a close eye on him when he wakes up." Ian said in a hard tone.

"Can do."

Jeb slouched off, looking for more hands. Ian hurried me toward the hospital cave.

"Kyle could be really hurt… Jeb should hurry."

"Kyle's head is harder than any rock in this place."

The long tunnel felt longer than usual. Was Kyle dying, despite my efforts? Was he conscious again and looking for me? What about Walter? Was he sleeping… or gone? Had the Seeker given up her hunt, or would she be back now that it was light again? Was Aiden and Macey doing okay with Jamie? Was Jared still with Doc?

When we reached the sunlit southern cave. Jared and Doc didn't look like they'd moved much. They leaned, side by side, against Doc's makeshift desk. It was quiet as we approached. They weren't talking, just watching Walter sleep.

They started up with wide eyes as Ian carried me into the light and laid me on the cot next to Walter's. He straightened my right leg carefully.

Walter was snoring. That sound eased some of my tension.

"What now?" Doc demanded angrily, the same time as Jared asked, "What happened?"

Doc was bending over me as soon as the words came out, wiping at the blood on my cheek.

Jared was surprised, it was evident, though anger was quickly overruling it.

"Kyle." Ian answered at the same time that I said, "The floor-"

Doc looked back and forth between us, confused.

Ian sighed and rolled his eyes. Absently, he laid one hand lightly on my forehead. Jared glared at the hand. "The floor crumbled by the first river hole. Kyle fell back and cracked his head on a rock. Wanda saved his worthless life. She says she fell, too, when the floor gave." Ian gave Doc a meaningful look. "Something." He said the word sarcastically. "Bashed the back of her head pretty good." He started listing. "Her nose is bleeding, but not broken, I don't think. She's got some damage to the muscle here." He touched my sore thigh. "Knees sliced up pretty good, got her face, but I think I did that, trying to pull Kyle out. Shouldn't have bothered." Ian muttered the last part.

"Anything else?" Doc asked. At that moment, his fingers, probing along my side, reached the place where Kyle had punched me. I gasped.

Doc tugged up my shirt, and I heard both Jared and Ian hiss at what they saw.

"Let me guess." Ian said in a voice like ice. "You fell on a rock."

"Good guess." I agreed, breathless. Doc was still touching my side, and I was trying to hold back whimpers.

"Might have broken a rib, not sure." Doc murmured. "I wish I could give you something for pain-"

"Don't worry about that, Doc." I panted. "I have twins, remember? I'm okay. How's Walter? Did he wake up at all?"

"No, it will take some time to sleep that dose off." Doc said. He took my hand and started bending my wrist, my elbow.

"I'm okay."

His kind eyes were soft as he met my gaze. "You will be. You'll just have to rest for a while. I'll keep an eye on you. Here, turn your head."

I did as he asked, and then winced while he examined my wound.

I could see Jared watching Doc examine me with angry upset eyes. They were burning. They roamed over my face stopping at every injury and each one making him angrier. He finally met my eyes and I tried to tell him I was fine through them. He smiled back softly at me, his eyes softening, but the fire still burning beneath them.

"Not here." Ian muttered.

I couldn't see Doc, but Jared threw Ian a sharp look.

"They're bringing Kyle. I'm not having them in the same room."

Doc nodded. "Probably wise."

"I'll get a place ready for her. I'll need you to keep Kyle here until… until we decide what to do with him."

I started to speak, but Ian out his finger to my lips. I backed away.

"All right." Doc agreed. "I'll tie him down, if you want."

"If we have to. Is it okay to move her?" Ian glanced toward the tunnel, his face anxious.

"She can stay right where she's been staying. In my room." Jared said.

Ian's head snapped back around. His eyes landing on Jared's.

Doc hesitated.

"No." I whispered. "Walter. I want to be here for Walter."

"You've already saved all the lives you can today, Wanda." Jared spoke. His voice gentle and sad.

"I want to say… to say good-goodbye."

Jared smiled sadly.

Ian nodded. Then he looked at Jared. "Can I trust you?"

Jared's face flushed with anger. Ian held up his hand.

"I don't want to leave here unprotected while I find her a safe place." Ian said. "I don't know if Kyle will be conscious when he arrives. If Jeb shoots him, it will upset her. But you and Doc should be able to handle him. I don't want Doc to be on his own, and force Jeb's hand."

Jared spoke through clenched teeth. "Doc won't be on his own. She's safe with me. And I told you, she can stay right where she is."

Ian ignored the last part. "She's been through a lot the past couple of days. Remember that.

Jared nodded once, teeth still clenched together. Eyes still glaring.

"I'll be here." Doc reminded Ian.

Ian met his gaze. "Okay." He leaned over me. "I'll be back soon. Don't be afraid."

"I'm not." And I wasn't. I felt safest with Jared.

He ducked in and touched his lips to my forehead.

No one was more shocked than I was. I felt my eyebrows furrow tightly. That felt so… wrong. I heard Jared hiss and turned to see him glaring at Ian as Ian wheeled and nearly sprinted from the room. The phrase "If looks could kill" came to mind. I knew even if Ian found a place for me, I wouldn't be staying in it.

_Ya, think. Please, I doubt Jared will let you within fifty feet of the place._

It was stupid of me, but that secretly pleased me.

I heard Doc pull a breath through his teeth, like a backward whistle. "Well." He said.

They both turned and stared at me for a long moment. The look on Jared's face instantly made me want to go to him and… hug him… comfort him… reassure him… do something, anything, I could to remove that look from his beautiful face. To get rid of whatever was upsetting him so much.

"Wanda-" Jared started to say something in an urgent tone, but a clamor from the tunnel interrupted him.

Five men struggled through the opening. Jeb, in front, had Kyle's left leg in his arms. Wes had the right leg, and behind them, Andy and Aaron worked to support his torso. Kyle's head lolled back over Andy's shoulder.

"Stars, but he's heavy." Jeb grunted.

Jared and Doc sprang forward to help. After a few minutes of cursing and groaning, and Jared being unnecessarily rough on Kyle, Kyle was lying on a cot a few feet away from mine.

"How long has he been out, Wanda?" Doc asked me. He pulled Kyle's eyelids back. Letting the sunlight shine into his pupils.

"Um…" I thought quickly. "As long as I've been here, the ten minutes or so it took Ian to carry me here, and then maybe five more minutes before that?"

"At least twenty minutes, would you say?"

"Yes. Close to that."

While we were consulting, Jeb had made his own diagnosis. No one paid attention as he came to stand at the head of Kyle's cot. No one paid attention. Until he turned an open bottle of water over Kyle's face.

"Jeb." Doc complained, knocking his hand away.

But Kyle sputtered and blinked, and then moaned. "What happened? Where did it go?" He started to shift his weight, trying to look around. "The floor… is moving…"

Kyle's voice had my fingers clenching the sides of my cot and panic washing through me. My leg ached. Could I limp away. Slowly, perhaps…

"'S okay." Jared murmured.

Jared moved to stand between my cot and Kyle's, his back to me, his eyes on the big man. Kyle rolled his head back and forth, groaning.

"You're safe." Jared said in a low voice. His eyes leaving Kyle's form for a moment to meet mine, softening for a moment, before returning back to watching Kyle. "Don't be afraid." His reached behind him and blindly searched for something.

_He's looking for your hand._

_What? No. He can't be. _That's not possible.

He kept on searching until his hand came in contact with mine and his fingers entwined themselves around mine.

I took a deep breath.

_I told you._

I barely heard Melanie. I was too much in awe of the feeling that ran through me when our fingers touched. That wonderful feeling, it was so good, so amazingly… right. I've never felt anything like it. His touch calmed me so much. Not even the twins calmed me that quickly. It took away every fear, it took away everything that was bothering and left me wondering why in the world I was so afraid and worried in the first place when I had this wonderful man beside me. I never wanted to let go.

I wasn't sure if he felt the same way. But he must have felt a portion of them. His whole body relaxed, his shoulders released the tension in them and they visibly went down an inch. But yet I could tell that he was still on guard and prepared to be ready in a moment's notice. He leaned back towards me fractionally, and squeezed my hand.

I sighed softly. Content.

"Aw, no!" Kyle grumbled, cursing. My gaze flickered toward him at the sound of his voice. I could see his bright eyes around Jared's elbow, focused on me. "It didn't fall!" He complained.

* * *

**Author's Note: Good mornin'. Hope you enjoy the chapter. A lot going on. Thank you for the reviews, and getting me to 100, and please REVIEW again!**

**In response to Rez: Thanks! **

**Have a good weekend. See you soon!**

**-BethDee**


	29. Chapter 29

**Disclaimer: I don't own The Host. Just Aiden and Maecella.**

* * *

Jared lunged forward, his hand tearing away from mine. With a loud smacking sound, his fist hit Kyle's face.

Kyle's eyes rolled back in his head, and his mouth fell slack.

The room was very quiet for a few seconds.

"Um." Doc said in a mild voice. "Medically speaking, I'm not sure that was the most helpful thing for his condition."

"But I feel better." Jared answered, sullen, grabbing my hand again.

I squeezed his hand, he smiled down at me.

Doc smiled the tiniest smile. "Well, maybe a few more minutes of unconsciousness won't kill him."

Doc began looking under Kyle's lids again, taking his pulse…

"What happened?" Wes was by my head, speaking in a murmur.

"Kyle tried to kill her." Jared growled, answering before I could. "Shouldn't really be surprised."

"Did not." I muttered.

"It speaks." Someone mumbled lowly. Aaron, I think.

Wes looked at Jared.

Jared rolled his eyes. "Altruism seems to come more naturally to her than lies." He noted.

"It's suicidal, wish I knew that earlier." Aaron mumbled again.

"Are you trying to be annoying?" I demanded.

How long had it been since I slept? The only thing that ached worse than my leg was my head.

Every breath hurt my side. I realized, with some surprise, that I was in a truly bad mood.

"Because if you are, then be assured, you have succeeded."

Jared and Wes looked at me with shocked eyes. I was sure that if I could see the others, their expression would match. Maybe not Jeb's. He was the master if the poker face.

"I am female." I complained. "That 'it' business is really getting on my nerves."

Jared blinked in surprise. Then amusement lit in his eyes.

"Because of the body you wear?" I heard Aaron ask, his voice hard.

I saw Wes glare at him.

"Because of me." I hissed.

"By whose definition?"

"How about yours? In my species, I am the one who bears young. Is that not female enough for you?"

That stopped him short. I felt almost smug.

_As you should. _Melanie approved. _He's wrong, and he's being a pig about it._

_Thank you._

_We girls have to stick together._

Jared wasn't even bothering to hide his amusement now. He had a big, beautiful smile on now. His eyes crinkling at the corners the way loved.

"That's a story you never told us." Wes murmured. Aaron was silent; I think he was struggling for a rebuttal.

"How does it work?"

Wes's olive toned face darkened, as if he'd just realized he had spoken the words out loud. "I mean, I guess you don't have to answer that, if I'm being rude."

I laughed. My mood was swinging around wildly, out of control. Slaphappy, like Mel had said.

"No, you're not asking anything… inappropriate. We don't have such a complicated… elaborated setup as your species." I laughed again, and then felt warmth in my face. I remember only too clearly how elaborate it could be.

I looked up at Jared, and was surprised to find him staring down at me, something unexplainable in his eyes.

I don't know why, but it made me blush deeper, and I looked away.

"Then…?" Wes asked.

I sighed. "There are only a few of us who are… Mothers. Not Mothers. That's what they call us, but it's just the potential to be one…" I was sober again, thinking of it. There were no Mothers, no surviving Mothers, only the memories of them.

"You have that potential?" Aaron asked stiffly.

I knew the others were listening. Even Doc had paused in the act of putting his ear to Kyle's chest.

I didn't answer his question. "We're… a little like your hives of bees, or your ants. Many, many sexless members of the family, and then the queen…"

"Queen?" Wes repeated, looking at me with a strange expression.

Melanie scoffed. _All hail Queen Wanda… Hmm, that does sound a little catchy._

I ignored her. "Not like that. But there is only on Mother for every five, ten thousand of my kind. Sometimes less. There's no hard and fast rule."

"How many drones?" Wes wondered.

"Oh, no. There aren't drones. No, I told you, it's simpler than that."

They waited for me to explain. I swallowed. I shouldn't have brought this up. I didn't want to talk about it anymore. Was it really such a big thing to have Aaron call me "it"?

They still waited. I frowned, but then I spoke. I'd started this. "The Mothers… divide. Every… cell, I guess you could call it, through our structure isn't the same as yours, becomes a new soul. Each new soul has a little of the Mother's memory, a piece of her that remains."

"How many cells?" Doc asked, curious. "How many young?"

I shrugged. "A million or so."

The eyes that I could see widened, looked a little wilder. I tried not to feel hurt when Wes cringed away from me. Though I was surprised that Jared didn't, I would have thought for sure his hands would have been ripped from mine.

Doc whistled under his breath. He, besides Jared, was the only one who was still interested in continuing.

Aaron and Andy had wary, disturbed expressions on their faces. They'd never heard me teach before. Never heard me speak so much.

"When does that happen? Is there a catalyst?" Doc asked.

"It's a choice. A voluntary choice." I told him. "It's the only way we ever willingly choose to die. A trade, for a new generation."

"You could choose now, to divide all your cells, just like that?"

"Not quite just like that, but yes."

"Is it complicated?"

"The decision is. The process is… painful."

"Painful?"

Why should that have surprised him so? I know from experience that it was the same for his kind.

_Men. _Melanie snorted. _They're all idiots._

"Excruciating." I told him. "We all remember how it was for our Mothers. It's very much like the labor I went through with Aiden and Macey."

I fought a laugh as I remembered how much more painful Aiden made it for me since he decided to be stubborn and wouldn't make his way down. Oh, that hurt. But it was well worth it in the end.

Doc was stroking his chin, entranced. "I wonder what the evolutionary track would be… to produce a hive society with suiciding queens…" He was lost on another plane of thought.

"Altruism." Jared murmured, stroking my knuckles.

"Hmm," Doc said. "Yes, that."

I closed my eyes, wishing my mouth had stayed closed. I was dizzy. The motions Jared was making were slightly soothing. Was I just tired or was it my head wound?

"Oh." Doc muttered. "You've slept even less than I have, haven't you, Wanda? We should let you get some rest."

"'M fine." I mumbled, but I didn't open my eyes.

"That's just great." Someone said under his breath. "We've got a bloody queen mother alien living with us. She could blow into a million new buggers at any moment."

"Shut up." Jared hissed quietly.

"They couldn't hurt you." I told whoever it was, it could have been Aaron again for all I knew, not opening my eyes. "Without host bodies, they would die quickly." I winced, imagining the unimaginable grief. A million tiny, helpless souls, tiny silver babies, withering…

No one answered me, but I could feel their relief in the air.

I was so tired. I didn't care that Kyle was three feet from me. I didn't care that two of the men in the room would side with Kyle if he came around. I didn't care about anything but sleep. Jared's steady strokes wear almost putting me under.

But, of course, that was the time Walter woke up.

"Uuuh." He groaned, just a whisper. "Gladdie?"

With a groan of my open, I rolled toward him. The pain in my leg made me wince, but I couldn't twist my torso. I reached out to him with the hand that wasn't in Jared's, found his hand.

"Here." I whispered.

"Ahh." Walter sighed in relief.

Doc hushed the men who began to protest. "Wanda's given up sleep and peace and time with her children to help him through the pain. Her hands are bruised from holding his. What have you done for him?"

Walter groaned again. The sound began low and guttural but turned quickly to a high-pitched whimper.

Doc winced. "Aaron, Andy, Wes… would you, ah, go get Sharon for me, please?"

"All of us?"

"Get out," Jeb translated.

The only answer was a shuffling of feet as they left.

"Wanda," Doc whispered, close beside my ear. "He's in pain. I can't let him come all the way around."

I tried to breathe evenly. "It's better if he doesn't know me. It's better if he thinks Gladdie is here."

I pulled my eyes open. Jeb was beside Walter, whose face still looked as if he slept.

"Bye, Walt," Jeb said. "See you on the other side."

He stepped back.

"You're a good man. You'll be missed," Jared murmured, squeezing my hand once.

Doc was fumbling in the package of morphine again. The paper crackled.

"Gladdie?" Walt sobbed. "It hurts."

"Shh. It won't hurt much longer. Doc will make it stop."

"Gladdie?"

"Yes?"

"I love you, Gladdie. I've loved you my whole life long."

"I know, Walter. I–I love you, too. You know how I love you."

Walter sighed.

I closed my eyes when Doc leaned over Walter with the syringe.

"Sleep well, friend," Doc murmured.

Walter's fingers relaxed, loosened. I held on to them–I was the one clinging now.

The minutes passed, and all was quiet except my breathing. It was hitching and breaking, tending toward quiet sobs.

Someone sat up on the cot with me. "He gone, Wanda." Jared said, his voice sorrowful. "He's out of pain."

He pulled my hand free and rolled me carefully out of my awkward position into one that was less agonizing against his body. But only slightly so. Now that I knew Walter wouldn't be disturbed, the sobs were not so quiet. I clutched at my side, where it throbbed. Jared wrapped his arms around me.

"Doc…" He murmured.

I tried to open my eyes, but I couldn't do it.

Something stung my arm. I didn't remember having hurt my arm. And in such a strange place, just inside my elbow…

_Morphine_, Melanie whispered.

We were already drifting now. I tried to be alarmed, but I couldn't be. I was too far gone.

_But, no one said goodbye. _I thought dully. Jared, Aiden, Macey, Jeb, Jamie…

_No one is dying. _She promised me. _ Just sleep._

_Ok... _

* * *

When I woke, the ceiling above me was dim, starlit. Nighttime. There were so many stars. And Jared's arms weren't wrapped around me.

I wondered where I was. There were no black obstructions, no pieces of ceiling in my view. Just stars and stars and stars…

Wind fanned my face. It smelled like… dust and… something I couldn't put my finger on. An absence. The musty smell was gone. No sulfur, and it was so dry.

"Wanda?" someone whispered, touching my good cheek.

It wasn't Jared. I was positive of that. The touch felt all wrong.

My eyes found Ian's face, white in the starlight, leaning over me. His hand on my skin was cooler than the breeze, but the air was so dry it wasn't uncomfortable. Where was I?

"Wanda? Are you awake? They won't wait any longer."

I whispered because he did. "What?"

"They're starting already. I knew you would want to be here."

"She comin' around?" Jeb's voice asked.

"What's starting?" I asked.

"Walter's funeral."

I tried to sit up, but my body was all rubbery. Ian's hand moved to my forehead, holding me down.

I twisted my head under his hand, trying to see…

I was outside.

Outside.

On my left, a rough, tumbled pile of boulders formed a miniature mountain, complete with scrubby brush. On my right, the desert plain stretched away from me, disappearing in the darkness. I looked down past my feet, and I could see the huddle of humans, ill at ease in the open air. I knew just how they felt. Exposed.

I tried to get up again. I wanted to be closer, to see. Ian's hand restrained me.

"Easy there," he said. "Don't try to stand."

"Help me," I pleaded.

"Wanda?"

I heard Jamie's voice, and then I saw him, his hair bobbing as he ran to where I was lying. My two children fast asleep in his arms.

My fingertips traced the edges of the mat beneath me. How did I get here, sleeping under the stars? Did Jared carry me here?

"They didn't wait," Jamie said to Ian. "It will be over soon." Then turned to me. "Jared said he was sorry he couldn't be here when you woke, he wanted to be, but they need help… with, uh… carrying Walt…"

"Help me up," I said.

Jamie reached for my hand, but realized he couldn't, Ian shook his head. "I got her."

Ian slid his arms under me, very careful to avoid the worst of the sore spots. He pulled me up off the ground, and my head spun like a ship about to capsize. I groaned.

"What did Doc do to me?"

"He gave you a little of the leftover morphine, so that he could check you out without hurting you. You needed sleep anyway."

I frowned, disapproving. "Won't someone else need the medicine more?"

"Shh," he said, and I could hear a low voice in the distance. I turned my head.

I could see the group of humans again. They stood at the mouth of a low, dark, open space carved out by the wind under the unstable-looking pile of boulders. They stood in a ragged line, facing the shadowed grotto.

I recognized Trudy's voice.

"Walter always saw the bright side of things. He could see the bright side of a black hole. I'll miss that."

I saw a figure step forward, saw the gray-and-black braid swing as she moved, and watched Trudy toss a handful of something into the darkness. Sand scattered from her fingers, falling to the ground with a faint hiss.

She went back to stand beside her husband. Geoffrey moved away from her, stepped forward toward the black space.

"He'll find his Gladys now. He's happier where he is." Geoffrey threw his handful of dirt.

Ian carried me to the right side of the line of people, close enough to see into the murky grotto.

There was a darker space on the ground in front of us, a big oblong around which the entire human population stood in a loose half circle.

Everyone was there – everyone.

Kyle stepped forward.

I trembled, and Ian squeezed me gently. But it did nothing to comfort me, not like Jared's had.

Kyle did not look in our direction. I saw his face in profile; his right eye was nearly swollen shut.

"Walter died human," Kyle said. "None of us can ask for more than that." He threw a fistful of dirt into the dark shape on the ground.

Kyle rejoined the group.

Jared stood beside him, but not next to him. He was standing about three bodies worth away from him. He took the short walk and stopped at the edge of Walter's grave.

"Walter was good through and through. Not one of us is his equal." He threw his sand.

Jamie walked forward, and Jared patted his shoulder once as they passed each other. His eyes landed on mine and he gave me a small, sad smile.

"Walter was brave," Jamie said. "He wasn't afraid to die, he wasn't afraid to live, and… he wasn't afraid to believe. He made his own decisions, and he made good ones."

Jamie threw his handful. He turned and walked back, his eyes locked on mine the whole way.

"Your turn," He whispered when he was at my side.

Andy was already moving forward, a shovel in his hands.

"Wait," Jamie said in a low voice that carried in the silence. "Wanda and Ian haven't said anything."

There was an unhappy mutter around me. My brain felt like it was pitching and heaving inside my skull.

"Let's have some respect," Jeb said, louder than Jamie. It felt too loud to me.

Jared was glaring at each individual.

My first instinct was to wave Andy ahead and make Ian carry me away. This was human mourning, not mine.

But I did mourn. And I did have something to say.

"Ian, help me get some sand."

Ian crouched down so I could scoop up a handful of the loose rocks at our feet. He rested my weight on his knee to get his own share of dirt. Then he straightened and carried me to the edge of the grave.

I couldn't see into the hole. It was dark under the overhang of rock, and the grave seemed to be very deep.

Ian began speaking before I could.

"Walter was the best and brightest of what is human," He said, and scattered his sand into the hole. It fell for a long time before I heard it hiss against the bottom.

Ian looked down at me.

It was absolutely silent in the starlit night. Even the wind was calm. I whispered, but I knew my voice carried to everyone.

"There was no hatred in your heart," I whispered. "That you existed is proof that we were wrong. We had no right to take your world from you, Walter. I hope your fairytales are true. I hope you find your Gladdie."

I let the rocks trickle through my fingers and waited until I heard them fall with a soft patter onto Walter's body, obscured in the deep, dark grave.

Andy started to work as soon as Ian took the first step back, shoveling from a mound of pale, dusty earth that was piled a few feet farther into the grotto. The shovel load hit with a thump rather than a whisper. The sound made me cringe.

Aaron stepped past us with another shovel. Ian turned slowly and carried me away to make room for them. The heavy thuds of falling dirt echoed behind us. Low voices began to murmur.

I heard familiar footsteps following behind us. I looked and saw Doc and Jared was following behind us.

Though, really, my focus was really on Jared.

His brows were scrunched together, making a little indention between his eyes, his mouth a frown. He was upset again. Though not as much as before. He was staring at me, but it didn't seem like he was actually seeing me.

I wondered what it was that was bothering him. Walter's death? Kyle's attempt at murder? The fact that he almost succeeded? I had no clue. But whatever it was, I wanted to make it go away. It was upsetting me to see him upset.

He finally came back from wherever he was. He noticed I was staring at him, worried. He gave a small tug of his lips.

I wanted to hold his hand again. And I tried to give him my hand, but my hand was stuck between my and Ian's body. I tried to free it, but Ian held me closer to his body. I was slightly annoyed.

Jared realized what I was trying to do. And his smile grew.

All three men knelt down in the dust beside me.

"How are you feeling?" Jared asked, taking my hand once more.

"Isn't that supposed to be my question?" Doc asked, already prodding my side.

Jared rolled his eyes, but looked at me expectantly.

I wanted to sit up, but Ian pressed my shoulder down when I tried. Jared glanced sharply at him.

"I'm fine. I think maybe I could walk…"

"No need to push it. Let's give that leg a few days, okay?" Doc pulled my left eyelid up, absentminded, and shone a tiny beam of light into it. My right eye saw the bright reflection that danced across his face. He squinted away from the light, recoiling a few inches.

Jared's hand in mine didn't flinch. That surprised me.

"Hmm. That doesn't help a diagnosis, does it? How does your head feel?" Doc asked.

"A little dizzy. I think it's the drugs you gave me, though, not the wound. I don't like them – I'd rather feel the pain, I think."

Doc grimaced. So did Jared.

"What?" I demanded.

"He's gotta to put you under again, Wanda." Jared said ruefully.

Doc nodded, his kind eyes sad. "I'm sorry."

"But… why?" I whispered. "I'm really not that hurt. I don't want –"

"We have to take you back inside," Jared said, cutting me off.

"They made me promise that you wouldn't be conscious."

"Blindfold me again."

Doc pulled the little syringe from his pocket. It was already depressed, only a quarter left. I shied away from it, toward Jared. His hand in mine became a soft restraint. He squeezed it.

"You know the caves too well," Doc murmured. "They don't want you having the chance to guess…"

"But where would I go?" I whispered, my voice frantic. "If I knew the way out? Why would I leave now?"

"If it eases their minds…" Ian said.

"Who gives a crap if it eases their minds." Jared muttered lowly, glaring in the direction of the others. "They can just go get over their selves, they don't like it they can just go away…" He trailed off.

Doc took my wrist, and I didn't fight him. I looked away as the needle bit into my skin, looked at Jared. His eyes were a dark honey in the dark. They tightened at the look of betrayal in mine, and cast another burning glare at the others.

"Sorry." He muttered, and kissed my hand. It was the last thing I heard.

* * *

**Author's Note: Hey, hope you enjoy. Thanks for all the reviews and please do REVIEW again.**

**In response to the following:**

**Ann: I'm so sorry I didn't answer your review in the last chapter. I forgot to check my e-mail and saw your review after I posted the chapter. I'm sorry also, but Ian and Wanda won't be getting together in this story, I don't ship them. The reason Wanda thought that Aiden and Maecella would be made into Hosts were because, even though the Healers respected and honored her wish to keep her children human, she thought that the Seeker would convince the Healers that since Melanie is still alive and since Aiden and Maecella come from her and Jared, that what would happen if they are just as strong and rebellious as Melanie is. That if they waited until they were older to put a Soul in them, what was the chance of them be just as strong as Melanie and sticking around and ultimately taking back their body. And that it would be better to get them while they were young and wouldn't have the will to resist, to fight back. That is pretty much is what was going through her mind and what she thought would happen. I hope that answers your question. Let me know if it doesn't. And I'm still thinking about if I want to do flashbacks and different points of views. It would certainly help point out some things, but if I did decide to do them and didn't decide to incorporate them into the actual story, I probably wouldn't do them until I finished with the story. Thank you for reading and reviewing!**

**Catnip851: Thank you for reviewing, as always.**

**M17: Well, thank you! I try to make the twins as cute as possible, while still having be remain like the behavior of actual babies. And you remain awesome as well!**

**Wanda O'shea: Thank you. And please do continue reading. Thank you for giving interest to a Jared and Wanda story. They are going somewhere. It will be great.**

**Alright, I'll see ya'll later!**

**-BethDee**


	30. Chapter 30

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns everything except Aiden and Macey.**

* * *

I groaned. My head felt all swirly and disconnected. My stomach rolled nauseatingly. It almost felt like I had morning sickness all over again.

"Finally." A voice I loved murmured in relief. Jared. He lightly brushed back my hair. "Hungry?"

I thought about that and made an involuntary gagging sound.

"Oh, never mind. I forgot what drugs do to you. I'm sorry. Again. We had to do it. People got all paranoid when I carried you outside. Not that I gave a crap about them. But Doc and Ian where right, it would be easier for you later."

"It's okay." I sighed.

"You want some water?"

"No."

I opened my eyes, trying to focus in the darkness. I could the moon light sneaking in through the familiar cracks in the room.

I guess Jared really did get his way on where I was staying. I knew he would. I happy he did. I appreciated Ian for willing to search for a room for me to be safe. But really, there was no safer place for me than with Jared.

I could feel Jared watching me. "I hope you don't mind staying here again. Ian got a room, but I told him you wouldn't be going there. You can if you want to. I won't stop you. I probably should have asked first before I assumed." He said sheepishly.

I searched for his face in the darkness, but my eyes were still adjusting and could only make out a black shape that was his head. With my fingers, I examined the examined the bed I laid on. There was a pillow under my head, and from the smell I could tell it was Jared's. My searching hands found his and I latched onto his fingers. I found what I was looking for.

"I want to be here." I assured him.

His hand tightened around mine. "Good."

A silence washed over us. A comfortable silence. Nothing needed to be said in that moment. Well, at least nothing of importance that couldn't wait for a minute.

"There's going to be a tribunal, isn't there?" I asked, already knowing the answer.

"Yep."

"When?"

"Why do you want to know?"

"Because if you're going through with that, then I have to be there. To explain."

"You me to lie."

"When?" I asked again.

"First light. I won't take you."

"Then I'll take myself. I know I'll be able to walk as soon as my head stops spinning."

"You would, wouldn't you?"

"Yes, you know I would."

"Yeah, I know. And I can't really stop you." Jared groaned. "But I still won't be able to take you. I asked Ian to take you. I gotta be there a little bit early."

"You can go now if you want, you don't have to stay with me." I offered, hoping he would say no.

"No, I'm fine for now." He sighed.

Then another sigh whispered in the room, followed by another one, a little higher than the one before. Then a high pitched yawn.

"Is someone else in here?" I whispered.

"What? Oh, no. I brought you some company."

Company?

He got up, his bones popping as he slowly stood, and dropped my hand. How long had he been sitting here, in the dark, waiting for me to wake up?

He came back, and sat on the edge on the bed, with two bundles in his arms. Two squirming bundles. "Here's your company. They've been waiting. Impatiently, I might add."

The bundles squealed, and my heart gave a lurch. Aiden. Macey. I hadn't realized just how much I missed them.

"Oh, come here." I said, reaching out for them.

Jared lean down and placed Macey on my chest. I immediately brought her close to me and placed kisses all around her face. She giggled uncontrollably, squirming in my arms.

"I missed you so much." I whispered into her hair, where she buried her face in my neck.

Aiden was squirming in Jared's arms, whining softly, reaching out for me.

I held my arm out silently for him.

Jared placed him in my arm, then laid down beside me. So close, his arm was touching my mine. The area was immediately set ablaze.

Aiden slapped his hands to my cheeks and I nipped at them playfully. He giggled. He buried his hands in my hair and gave a firm yank.

Ouch! My head was still severely sore.

"God easy on Mommy." Jared murmured beside me. Gently rubbing Aiden's arm.

"Mommy doesn't mind."

And I didn't. It felt wonderful having them in my arms again. Just laying quietly with them. Having Jared beside me was an extra bonus. I never felt like I had a family more than I did at this moment. It was so perfect, I wanted to stay in it forever. But then my body brought me back to reality and was severely protesting the use of my muscles and my arms felt like they would drop at any moment.

"Can you take him?" I asked, turning to Jared.

He wordlessly reached for Aiden, the moment his hands grabbed Aiden's waist, the fingers tightened on my hair.

"Come on, don't you want to go to Daddy?" Jared asked, animating his face.

Aiden's response. His really got tight on my hair and he buried his face in it.

"What am I? Chopped liver?" Jared grumbled mockingly.

"No. He's just a Momma's boy." I said, kissing said boy's hair.

"What about you? Are you a Momma's girl or a Daddy's little girl?" He asked, holding his hands out for Maecella.

She immediately thrust her arms out at him, squirming excitedly.

"Good answer." He took her in his arms and held her to his form. "Who needs your big 'ol brother when I've got you."

I laughed and rolled my eyes at him.

He turned and smiled at me. The eye crinkling smile.

Her heart sped up and I took in a sharp breath. I immediately regretted it. My ribs contracted painfully.

Oh, that was not a good idea.

Thankfully, Macey demanded for his attention. He turned his attention back to her and gave her a kiss on the nose.

"Did you have time with them yet?" I asked.

"Yeah, the time while you were asleep, until the time they conked out."

"What state were they in when you got them?"

"The clothes they were wearing looked like they'd been in for a while. Their diapers were full and their hair was a mess. They're going to need a bath pronto."

"I'm going to have to train Jamie before I let him watch them again." I groaned.

Jared laughed.

We went quiet again. Only random giggles from the twins bounced around the room.

"You feeling any better?" He asked after a while.

"I think so. I'm doing fine now."

"Are you hungry yet?"

"Yes. I think my stomach is past the worst."

"Great."

He reached out beside him, grabbed something, and reached for my hand. He pulled my fingers open and placed a familiar round shape in it.

"Help me up?"

He lifted himself off the bed, carefully wrapped an arm around my shoulders and folded me up in one stiff piece, minimizing the ache in my side. I could feel something foreign on the skin there, tight and rigid.

"Thanks." I said, a little breathless. My head spun slowly. I shifted Aiden in my arms and touched the side with my free hand.

Something adhered to my skin, under my shirt. "Are my ribs broken, then?"

"Doc's not sure. He's doing as much as he can."

"He tries so hard."

"He does."

"I feel bad… that I used to not like him," I admitted.

Jared chuckled. "Of course you didn't. The first time you met him, he was planning on doing studies on you and the twins. I'm surprised you like any of us."

"You've got that turned around." I mumbled, and dug my teeth into the hard roll. I chewed mechanically and then swallowed, setting the bread down as I waited to see how it hit my stomach.

"Sorry, I know it's not that appetizing." Jared said.

I shrugged. "Just testing. To see if the nausea's really passed."

"Maybe something a bit more appealing…"

I looked at him, curious, he gave a grin before reaching over beside him again. I listened to a sharp crackle and a ripping sound… and then I could smell, and I understood.

"Cheetos!" I cried. "Really? For me?"

He brought one to my lip, and I crunched into the delicacy he offered.

"I've been dreaming about this." I sighed as I chewed. Moaning slightly around the chip.

That made him laugh, though the sound was a bit tight. He put the bag in my hand.

Melanie snickered him my head.

_What?_

_Oh, nothing. Nothing. _She said snickering again.

I shrugged mentally. And focused back on the delicious treat.

I downed the contents of the small bag quickly, and then finished my roll, seasoned by the cheese flavor still in my mouth. He handed me a bottle of water before I could ask.

"Thank you. For more than the Cheetos, you know. For so much."

"You're more than welcome, Wanda. You deserve so much more." He said, grabbing my hand and kissing the back of it.

I stared into his honey eyes and found myself trapped in them. I wondered what he meant by that. There seemed to be more behind it than just courtesy. My heart gave an uneven thump at what I wanted them word to mean. I then realized I could actually see his eyes.

I glanced quickly up at the cracks above. The stars were gone, and the sky was turning pale gray. Dawn was coming. First light.

Jared sighed when he realized it, too.

"I gotta get going. Are you sure you have to do this?" He asked tightening his grip on my hand.

I nodded. "Ian doesn't have to help me. I can go alone. My leg feels better."

"I'd rather not have you alone." He sighed again. "You going to be okay until Ian comes?"

"I'll be fine."

He got up. "I'm going to take the twins with. So you don't have to worry about them."

"Okay."

He grabbed Aiden from me, then hesitated.

I looked up at him. He seemed to be having a battle in his mind.

Then he slowly leaned down and pressed his lips to my cheek for a long moment.

My heart stopped, then started racing. My cheek burned under his lips.

He pulled back an inch. "I'll see you soon." He whispered, then walked out of the room.

"See you soon." I whispered back a long moment later.

My mind was blank. I didn't know what to think.

_You breathing there, Wanda? _Melanie asked.

I realized I wasn't and let out my breath I didn't know I was holding.

_Yep, yep. I'm fine_

Just then Ian walked through the door.

"You sure you want to do this?"

I nodded. Still not able to form a sentence.

"Alright." He sighed.

He helped me to my feet, leaving his arm around my waist and pulling my arm around his neck.

"Careful, now. How's that?"

I hobbled forward a step. It hurt, but I could do it. "Great. Let's go."

It took us a long time. I was surprised by how far we had to go. I'd been thinking we were going to the big plaza or the kitchen – the usual places for congregating. But we went through the eastern field and kept going until we finally reached the big, deep black cave that Jeb had called the game room. I hadn't been here since my first tour. The biting scent of the sulfurous spring greeted me.

Unlike most of the caverns here, the game room was much wider than it was tall. I could see that now because the dim blue lights hung from the ceiling rather than resting on the floor. The ceiling was only a few feet over my head, the height of a normal ceiling in a house. But I couldn't even see the walls, they were so distant from the lights. I couldn't see the smelly spring, tucked away in some far corner, but I could hear it dribble and gush.

Kyle sat in the brightest spot of light. He had his long arms wrapped around his legs. His face was set in a stiff mask. He didn't look up when Ian helped me limp in.

On either side of him were Jared and Doc, on their feet, both with their arms hanging loose and ready at their sides.

As though they were… guards.

So that's what Jared meant.

Jeb stood beside Jared, his gun slung over one shoulder. He appeared relaxed, but I knew how quickly that could change. Jamie had the twins in his arms, standing close to Jeb… no, Jeb had his hand wrapped around Jamie's shirt. And Jamie didn't seem very happy about it. When he saw me come in, though, he smiled.

He took a deep breath and looked pointedly at Jeb. Jeb dropped Jamie's wrist.

Sharon stood beside Doc, with Aunt Maggie at her other side.

Ian pulled me toward the edge of the darkness surrounding the tableau. We weren't alone there.

I could see the shapes of many others, but not their faces.

It was strange; through the caves, Ian had supported most of my weight with ease. Now, though, he seemed to have tired. His arm around my waist was slack. I lurched and hopped forward as best I could until he picked the spot he wanted. He settled me to the floor, and then sat beside me.

"Ouch," I heard someone whisper.

I turned and could just make out Trudy. She scooted closer to us, Geoffrey and then Heath copying her.

"You look rotten," she told me. "How bad are you hurt?"

I shrugged. "I'm fine." I started to wonder if Ian had let me struggle just to make a show of my injuries – to make me testify against Kyle without words. I frowned at his innocent expression.

Wes and Lily arrived then and came to sit with my little group of allies. Brandt entered a few seconds later, and then Heidi, and then Andy and Paige. Aaron was last.

"That's everybody," he said. "Lucina's staying with her kids. She doesn't want them here – she said to go on without her."

Aaron sat beside Andy, and there was a short moment of silence.

"Okay, then," Jeb said in a loud voice meant to be heard by all. "Here's how it's gonna work. Straight-up majority vote. As usual, I'll make my own decision if I have a problem with the majority, 'cause this –"

"Is my house," several voices interjected in chorus. Someone chuckled but stopped quickly.

This wasn't funny. A human was on trial for trying to kill an alien. This had to be a horrible day for all of them.

"Who's speaking against Kyle?" Jeb asked.

Jared and Ian locked eyes for a moment, then Jared nodded at him.

"No!" I whispered, tugging on his elbow.

He shrugged me off and rose to his feet.

"This is simple enough," Ian said. I wanted to jump up and clap my hand over his mouth, but I didn't think I could get to my feet without help. "My brother was warned. He was not in any doubt about Jeb's ruling on this. Wanda is one of our community – the same rules and protections apply to her as to any of us. Jeb told Kyle point-blank that if he couldn't live with her here, he should move on. Kyle decided to stay. He knew then and he knows now the penalty for murder in this place."

"It's still alive," Kyle grunted.

"Which is why I'm not asking for your death," Ian snapped back. "But you can't live here anymore. Not if you're a murderer at heart."

Ian stared at his brother for a moment, then sat on the ground beside me again.

"But he could get caught, and we'd have no idea," Brandt protested, rising to his feet. "He'll lead them back here, and we'd have no warning."

There was a murmur through the room.

Kyle glared at Brandt. "They'll never get me alive."

"Then it's a death sentence after all," someone muttered at the same time that Andy said, "You can't guarantee that."

"One at a time," Jeb warned.

"I've survived on the outside before," Kyle said angrily.

Another voice came from the darkness. "It's a risk." I couldn't make out the owners of the voices – they were just hissing whispers.

And another. "What did Kyle do wrong? Nothing."

Jared glared in the voice's direction.

Jeb took a step toward the voice, glowering. "My rules."

"She's not one of us," someone else protested.

Ian started to rise again.

"Hey!" Jared exploded. His voice was so loud that everyone jumped. "Wanda's not on trial here! Does someone have a concrete complaint against her – against Wanda herself? Then ask for another tribunal. But we all know she hasn't harmed anyone here. In fact, she saved his worthless life." He stabbed one finger toward Kyle's back. Kyle's shoulders hunched, like he'd felt the jab. "Just seconds after he tried to throw her into the river, she risked her life to keep him from the same painful death. She had to know that if she let him fall she would be safer here. That our children would be safer. She saved him anyway. Would any of you have done the same – rescue your enemy? He tried to kill her, and yet will she even speak against him?"

I felt all the eyes in the dark room on my face as Jared now held his hand out, palm up, toward me.

"Will you speak against him, Wanda?"

I stared up at him wide eyed. I never realized how truly upset he was about this. How much he really wanted me to speak out. I'm sure if he had it his way, he'd be the one killing Kyle. And it wouldn't be quick either.

It was a few seconds before I could find my voice.

"This is all a misunderstanding," I whispered. "We both fell when the floor caved in. Nothing else happened." I hoped the whisper would make it harder to hear the lie in my voice, but as soon as I was done, Ian chuckled. I nudged him with my elbow, but that didn't stop him.

Jared smiled at me. "You see. She even tries to lie in his defense."

"Tries being the operative word," Ian added.

"Who says it's lying? Who can prove that?" Maggie asked harshly, stepping forward into the empty space beside Kyle. "Who can prove that it's not the truth that sounds so false on its lips?"

"Mag–" Jeb started.

"Shut up, Jebediah. I'm speaking. There is no reason for us to be here. No human was attacked. The insidious trespasser offers no complaint. This is a waste of all our time."

"I second that," Sharon added in a clear, loud voice.

Doc shot her a pained look.

Trudy jumped to her feet. "We can't house a murderer – and just wait around for him to be successful!"

"Murder is a subjective term," Maggie hissed. "I only consider it murder when something human is killed."

I felt Jared's hand settle on my shoulder, squeezing softly. I hadn't realized I was trembling until my body stopped when he touched me.

"Human is a subjective term as well, Magnolia," Jared said, glowering at her. "I thought the definition embraced some compassion, some little bit of mercy."

"Let's vote," Sharon said before her mother could answer him. "Raise your hand if you think Kyle should be allowed to stay here, with no penalty for the… misunderstanding." She shot a glance not at me, but at Jared behind me when she used the word I'd used.

Hands began to rise. I watched Jared's face as his features settled into a scowl.

I tried to raise my hand, but Jared caught it in his and gave it a little pat. His eyes glaring at the members with raised hands. I tried the other one, but grabbed it, too.

Jeb counted out loud. "Ten… fifteen… twenty… twenty-three. Okay, that's a clear majority."

I didn't look around to see who had voted how. It was enough that in my little corner all arms were crossed tightly over chests and all eyes stared at Jeb with expectant expressions.

Jamie walked away from Jeb to come squeeze in between Trudy and me. He leaned his arm against mine.

"Maybe your souls were right about us," he said, loud enough for most to hear his high, hard voice. "The majority are no better than –"

"Hush!" I hissed at him.

"Okay," Jeb said. Everyone went silent. Jeb looked down at Kyle, then at me, and then at Jared.

"Okay, I'm inclined to go with the majority on this."

"Jeb –" Jared and Ian said simultaneously.

"My house, my rules," Jeb reminded them. "Never forget that. So you listen to me, Kyle. And you'd better listen, too, I think, Magnolia. Anyone who tries to hurt Wanda again will not get a tribunal, they will get a burial. And I'll allow Jared to deliver it personally." He slapped the butt of his gun for emphasis.

I flinched.

Magnolia glared hatefully at her brother.

Kyle nodded, as if accepting the terms.

Jeb looked around the unevenly spaced audience, locking eyes with each member except the little group beside me.

"Tribunal's over," Jeb announced. "Who's up for a game?"

* * *

**Author's Note: Hope you enjoy. Thank you for all the reviews and please REVIEW again.**

**Out of curiosity. How many of you, if you like Twilight, are Blackwater fans? If you know who Blackwater is (Jacob and Leah). Just wondering if I'm the only one.**

**In response to the following reviews:**

**Guest: Thank you. I know, I'm impatient, too. But we're getting into the later chapters so, I'm pretty sure we'll be seeing more deeper Wanda and Jared moments going around. I'm glad you enjoyed the previous chapter.**

**Guest: I did, and I will.**

**Okay, I'll see you soon!**

**-BethDee**


	31. Chapter 31

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all thing the Host. I own all thing Aiden and Maecella.**

The congregation relaxed, and a more enthusiastic murmur ran around the half circle.

I looked at Jamie. He pursed his lips and shrugged. "Jeb's just trying to get things back to normal. It's been a bad couple of days. Burying Walter…"

I winced.

I saw that Jeb was grinning at Jared. After a moment of resistance, Jared sighed and rolled his eyes at the strange old man. After releasing my hand, he turned and strode quickly from the cave.

"Jared got a new ball?" Someone asked.

"Cool," Wes said beside me.

"Playing games," Trudy muttered, and shook her head.

"If it eases the tension," Lily responded quietly, shrugging.

Their voices were low, close beside me, but I could also hear other, louder voices.

"Easy on the ball this time," Aaron said to Kyle.

He stood over him, offering his hand.

Kyle took the offered hand and got slowly to his feet. When he was standing, his head almost hit the hanging lanterns.

"The last ball was weak," Kyle said, grinning at the older man. "Structurally deficient."

"I nominate Andy for captain," Someone shouted.

"I nominate Lily," Wes called out, getting to his feet and stretching.

"Andy and Lily."

"Yeah, Andy and Lily."

"I want Kyle," Andy said quickly.

"Then I get Ian," Lily countered.

"Jared."

"Brandt."

Jamie got to his feet and stood on his toes, trying to look tall.

"Paige."

"Heidi."

"Aaron."

"Wes."

The roll call continued. Jamie glowed when Lily chose him before half the adults were taken.

Even Maggie and Jeb were picked for teams. The numbers were even until Lucina came back with Jared, her two small boys bouncing in excitement. Jared had a shiny new soccer ball in his hand; he held it out, and Isaiah, the older child, jumped up and down trying to knock it from his hand.

A picture suddenly came into my mind. Of Jared holding a ball straight out, a big smile on his face. Aiden, much older, about five, jumping up in the air trying to grab it from his father's hands. All the while Maecella is on Jared's shoulders, gripping his hair tightly, laughing at her brother. I have never imagined something so much more wonderful than that.

"Wanda?" Lily asked. Knocking me from my dream.

I shook my head and pointed to my leg, then at Aiden and Macey.

"Right. Sorry."

_I used to be good a soccer. _Melanie grumbled.

_Sorry, but even if I didn't have the twins, this leg would hardly be of any use._

"I think I'll sit this one out." Ian said.

"No," Wes complained. "They've got Kyle and Jared. We're dead without you."

"Go play," I told him. "I'll keep score."

He looked at me, his lips pressed into a thin, rigid line. "I'm not really in the mood for playing a game."

"They need you."

He snorted.

"C'mon, Ian," Jamie urged.

"I want to watch," I said. "But it will be… boring if one team has too much advantage."

"Wanda." Ian sighed. "You really are a terrible liar."

But he got up and started stretching with Wes.

Paige set up goalposts, four lanterns.

I tried to get to my feet – I was right in the middle of the field. Nobody noticed me in the dim light. All around, the atmosphere was upbeat now, charged with anticipation. Jeb had been right. This was something they needed, odd as it seemed to me.

I was able to get onto all fours, and then I pulled my good leg forward so I was kneeling on the bad. It hurt.

I tried to hop up onto my good leg from there. My balance was all off, thanks to the awkward weight of my sore leg.

Familiar strong hands caught me before I could fall on my face. My waist immediately began to burn where the arms were around me. I looked up.

"You could have just asked for help." Jared said.

"I know. I should have. I didn't want to…" I shrugged. "I didn't want to… make anyone do anything, out of courtesy, that they didn't want to do." That didn't explain it exactly right, but he seemed to understand my meaning.

"You know you can ask me. And I don't think Jamie or Ian would begrudge you a helping hand, either."

I glanced back at them over my shoulder. In the low light, neither had noticed I was gone yet.

They were bouncing the ball off their heads, and laughing when Wes caught it in the face.

"But they're having fun. I wouldn't want to interrupt that."

The ball bounced off Jamie's head. He laughed, and started walking backwards for the next one. He misjudged his step and lost his balance. He started toppling over sideways, the twins still in his arms.

My heart plummeted to my stomach and picked up like a hummingbirds wings. I forgot all about my bad leg and was ready to take off.

Jamie regained his footing last second, and bounced back up straight. The ball bouncing off his head at the perfect moment. His laugh bounced off the walls.

"Sometimes I think he enjoys giving me a heart attack." I sighed, my heart beat slowing. I looked back to Jared.

Jared examined my face. I realized I was smiling in affection.

"You really love the kid." He said.

"As if he were one of my own." I agreed. "So do you."

He smiled softly. "I'd die for that kid."

I nodded my agreement.

He looked away from me for a moment, the smile fading from his lips. His eyes were more cautious when they came back. "And the man?"

"Ian is… he's my friend. He was one of the first to believe me. He watched over me and the twins. He's very kind."

"And that's all?"

Where was he going with this? "Of course. What else would there be?"

"Nothing." He assured, his smile back.

He lowered me to the lip of the entrance. It made a shallow bench that was more comfortable than the flat floor.

"Thank you," I told him. "Jeb did the right thing, you know."

"I don't agree with that." Jared's tone was milder than his words.

"Thank you for defending me, too."

"Every word was the truth."

I bit my lip. "It's true that I would never do anything to hurt anyone here. Not on purpose. I'm sorry that I hurt you when I came here. And Jamie. So sorry."

He sat down right beside me, his face thoughtful. "Honestly…" He hesitated. "The kid is better since you came. I'd sort of forgotten what his laugh sounded like."

We both listened to it now, echoing above the lower pitch of adult laughter.

"Thank you for telling me that. It's been my… biggest worry. I hoped I hadn't damaged anything permanently."

"Why?"

I looked up at him, confused.

"Why do you love him?" he asked, his voice still curious but not intense.

I looked at my feet as I answered. "Partly because Melanie does. Remembering him the way she does… that's a powerful thing. And then, when I met him in person…" I shrugged. "I loved him. Not because of Melanie's love for him. I loved him in a different way. _My _own love for him. Completely different, yet almost the same as Melanie's. I myself love him in my own way now, but in the beginning it was influenced by Melanie."

"She talks to you?" He kept his voice even, but I could hear a twinge of strain.

"Yes."

"How often?"

"Whenever she wants to. When she feels like it."

"How about today?"

"Not much. She's… kind of mad at me."

He barked out a surprised laugh. "She's mad at you? Why would she be?"

"Because she, uh, she wanted Kyle to…um…"

He cocked his head in confusion. Then made the connection.

"Oh. She wanted Kyle to fry." He laughed again. "She would."

"She can be very… violent." I agreed, smiling.

"Really? How?"

"She wants me to fight back. But I… I can't do that. I'm not a fighter."

"I know." He smiled softly, regret lacing through it. He touched the side of my face where he hit me the first time with his fingertips. "Sorry."

"No. Anyone would do the same. I know what you must have felt."

"I shouldn't have. You wouldn't-"

"If I were human, I would. Besides, I wasn't thinking of that.… I was remembering the Seeker."

He stiffened.

I smiled again, and he relaxed. "Mel wanted me to throttle her. She really hates that Seeker. And I can't… find it in myself to blame her."

"She's still searching for you. Looks like she had to return the helicopter, at least."

I closed my eyes, clenched my fists, and concentrated on breathing for several seconds.

"I didn't used to be afraid of her," I whispered. "She scares me so much now. Where is she?"

"Don't worry. She was just up and down the highway yesterday. She won't find you. Or Aiden and Mace. I won't let her." He uncurled one of my clenched fist and wrapped his hand around it.

I nodded. I believed him.

"Can you… can you hear Mel now?" He murmured.

I kept my eyes closed. "I'm… aware of her. She's listening very hard."

"What's she thinking?" His voice was just a whisper.

_Here's your chance. _I told her. _What do you want to say to tell him?_

She thought hard. Her thoughts cautious. _Ask him why he decided not to have you killed that one time._

_I already asked that. He said he didn't know._

_Just ask._

I opened my eyes and found him staring at my face.

"She wants to know why you didn't have me killed that time when you came home."

His brows furrowed. "I don't… Because of the kids?... I don't know."

Melanie sighed. _Yes, you do._

"She says you do."

"Mel?"

When he looked at me for answers, I shrugged. I had no idea what she meant.

"C'mon, Jared! Let's go!"

We looked up. Kyle was calling to Jared. He seemed utterly at ease, as if he had not been on trial for his life today. Maybe he'd known it would go his way. Maybe he was quick to get over anything. He didn't seem to notice me there beside Jared.

I realized, for the first time, that others had.

Jamie was watching us with a satisfied smile. This probably looked like a good thing to him.

Was it?

_What do you mean? What does he see when he looks at us? His family, put back together?_

_Well, it is._

_Plus three, with one unwelcome addition._

_Wanda, you are welcome. You belong here._

_I guess…_

_I know. Trust me._

Jamie wasn't the only one watching.

Jeb was curious, that little smile gathering up the corners of his beard.

Sharon and Maggie watched with fire in their eyes. Their expressions were so much the same that the youthful skin and bright hair did nothing to make Sharon look younger than her grizzled mother.

Ian was worried. His eyes were tight, and he seemed on the verge of coming to protect me again. To make sure Jared wasn't upsetting me. I smiled, to reassure him. Though I didn't understand why he was worried in the first place. I've told him many times I trusted Jared. Not once have I said I felt uncomfortable with him. Quite the opposite. He didn't smile back, but he took a deep breath.

_I don't think that's why he's worried_, Mel said, a little annoyed.

"Are you listening to her now?" Jared was on his feet but still watching my face. Holding my hand.

His question distracted me before I could ask her what she meant. "Yes."

"What's she saying?"

"We're noticing what the others think of your treatment and acknowledgement towards me." I nodded toward Melanie's aunt and cousin. They turned their backs on me in synchronization.

"Tough nuts," he acknowledged.

"Fine, then," Kyle boomed, turning his body toward the ball that sat under the brightest spot of light. "We'll win it without you."

"I'm coming. Hey, Jamie. You planning to try to hurt my kids today?"

Jamie turned to him confused, then realized he still had the twins in his arms. He ran over to us and deposited them in my arms, smiling sheepishly. "Sorry." He raced back over to the field.

Jared bent down and gave the twins a kiss on the head. Then gave me one on my cheek, threw a smile at me and ran to get in on the game.

My cheek burned. I kept my head down with hopes to hide the blush making it's way to my face. I didn't even want to know what looks I would get for that.

I wasn't the best scorekeeper. It was too dark to see the ball from where I sat. It was too dark even to see the players well when they weren't right under the lights. I began counting from Jamie's reactions.

His shout of victory when his team scored, his groan when the other team did.

Aiden and Maecella enjoyed it. When they heard Jamie cheer, they let out one of their own.

The groans outnumbered the shouts.

Everyone played. Maggie was the goalie for Andy's team, and Jeb was the goalie for Lily's.

They were both surprisingly good. I could see their silhouettes in the light from the goalpost lamps, moving as lithely as if they were decades younger. Jeb was not afraid to hit the floor to stop a goal, but Maggie was more effective without resorting to such extremes. She was like a magnet for the invisible ball. Every time Ian or Wes got off a shot…thunk! It landed in her hands.

Trudy and Paige quit after a half hour or so and passed me on their way out, chattering with excitement. It seemed impossible that we'd started the morning with a trial, but I was relieved that things had changed so drastically.

The women weren't gone long. They came back with arms full of boxes. Granola bars–the kind with fruit filling. The game came to a halt. Jeb called halftime, and everyone hurried over to eat breakfast.

The goods were divvied up at the center line. It was a mob scene at first.

"Here you go, Wanda," Jamie said, ducking out of the group. He had his hands full of the bars, and water bottles tucked under his arms. He set them on the side for me when he realized my own hands were full. "You want me to take one of them?"

"No, thanks. I'm sure Jared will help. Having fun?"

"Yeah! Wish you could play."

"Next time," I said.

"Here you go…" Jared was there, his hands full of granola bars.

"Beat ya." Jamie told him.

"Oh." Ian said, appearing on Jamie's other side. He also had too many bars for one.

Jared and Ian exchanged a long glance.

"Where's all the food?" Kyle demanded. He stood over an empty box, his head swiveling around the room, looking for the culprit.

"Catch," Jared said, tossing granola bars one by one, hard, like knives. Then plopped down next to me, taking Aiden from my arms, and settling him in his.

Kyle plucked them out of the air with ease, then jogged over to see if Jared was holding out on him.

"Here," Ian said, shoving half of his haul toward his brother without looking at him. "Now go."

Kyle ignored him. For the first time today, he looked at me, staring down at me where I sat. His irises were black with the light behind him. I couldn't read his expression.

I recoiled, and caught my breath when my ribs protested. I settled for hugging Macey to me.

Jared and Ian closed ranks in front of me like stage curtains.

"You heard him," Jared said.

"Can I say something first?" Kyle asked. He peered down through the space between them.

They didn't respond.

"I'm not sorry," Kyle told me. "I still think it was the right thing to do."

Ian shoved his brother. Kyle reeled back but then stepped forward again.

"Hold on, I'm not done."

"Yeah, you are," Jared said. His hands were clenched, the skin over his knuckles white.

Everyone had noticed now. The room was hushed, all the fun of the game lost.

"No, I'm not." Kyle held his hands up, a gesture of surrender, and spoke to me again. "I don't think I was wrong, but you did save my life. I don't know why, but you did. So I figure, a life for a life. I won't kill you. I'll pay the debt that way."

"You stupid jackass." Jared said the same moment Ian said, "Did you get hit in the head too many times?"

"Who are the ones that have crushes on a worm? You're gonna call me stupid?"

Ian lifted his fist, leaning forward. Jared looked like he would do the same had not he have Aiden in his arms.

"I'll tell you why," I said, making my voice louder than I wanted to. But it had the effect I was after. Ian and Jared and Kyle turned to stare at me, fight forgotten for the moment.

It made me nervous. I cleared my throat. "I didn't let you fall because… because I'm not like you. I'm not saying that I'm not… like humans. Because there are others here who would do the same. There are kind and good people here. People like Jared, and your brother, and Jeb, and Doc… I'm saying that I'm not like you personally. "

Kyle stared at me for a minute and then chuckled. "Ouch," he said, still laughing. He turned away from us then, his message given, and walked back to get some water. "Life for a life," he called over his shoulder.

I wasn't sure I believed him. Not sure at all. Humans were good liars.

**Author's Note: I hope you enjoy. Thank you for your reviews and please REVIEW again.**

**In response to those who guest reviewed:**

**Miracle.2001: Update, you mean? If so, than I did!**

**guest: Thank you so much! I'm glad you're enjoying it. I always do.**

**See you soon.**

**-BethDee**


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